


Coming Home

by awarrington



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Bonding, Destiny, F/F, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, In-Laws, M/M, Matchmaking, Romance, Telepathy, smart!Kirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-08
Updated: 2012-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:18:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 124,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awarrington/pseuds/awarrington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set a few months into their first mission, the Enterprise is ordered to pick up a Vulcan Healer and transport him to the new colony.  Once there they are scheduled to remain and assist with the early stages of setting up the colony.  Kirk's liaison is his 'old friend' Ambassador Spock, now known as Elder Sepak, who takes the opportunity to help Kirk and Spock become better acquainted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Powrót do Domu](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2001360) by [erraticmuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erraticmuse/pseuds/erraticmuse)



> I wrote this story between May and July 2009 following the release of STXI. I couldn't have finished it without the amazing and selfless help of my three beta readers, dogpoet, ragdoll and Simone Allen who each gave up at least one weekend of free time to go over this leviathan with a fine tooth-comb, making it far better than it would have been without their input. To merely say 'thank you' doesn't do justice to the debt of gratitude I feel, but I know they understand the sentiment behind my simple words. A big thank you also to Seperis who kindly allowed me to use some ideas from her amazing meta [Star Trek reboot: intial thoughts and randomness](http://seperis.livejournal.com/737263.html).

“Fuck!” 

Kirk’s fist impacted his desk although he would rather it had been Admiral Fitzpatrick’s smug face. Staring at the now blank screen, he flexed his hand and winced in pain.

It was a relief to be able to vent his frustration here in the privacy of his quarters. He’d been working hard during the few short months of his command not to have those kind of emotional displays on the bridge and to generally behave professionally. It was hard, though. He didn’t have the benefit of having worked his way up the ranks where he might have picked up useful tips and techniques from his superiors, learning by trial and error and gaining a well-rounded experience. Instead, he’d gone straight from cadet to captain, thrown in at the deep end in the glare of the spotlight. Whatever he did, sink or swim, everyone would know about it.

So, he did the only thing he could do and fell back on his basic command training. They had taught him about shadow of the leader – your crew will follow your example. Be the person you want to see in them. 

His mouth twisted into a smile – he had no doubt that the shadow cast across the science department by its boss would ensure it ran like clockwork, all staff at peak efficiency. With Number One deciding to leave with Pike, it had fallen to Spock to take over the role of first officer in addition to his science officer duties and as such, he was going to have his work cut out for him. At least StarFleet had recognized this challenge and had had the decency to promote him to full commander.

Absent-mindedly Kirk rubbed his sore hand and sighed, his mind back on his new orders. In a way, he could understand Fitzpatrick taking them off their patrol duty on the Klingon border – there hadn’t been any sign of their long-term enemies since the Narada had decimated their fleet. Not that he was complaining. Realizing there was little likelihood of any incursions into Federation space, he and Spock had turned their patrol into a shake-down cruise, devising scenarios to practice drills and procedures in order to get the crew shipshape, and it was already paying off. It had helped that they picked up some seasoned crew before leaving Earth, so they weren’t all wet-behind-the-ears cadets.

Because they were making such progress, it was even more galling that were sending them to pick up some Vulcan healer and transport him to the new Vulcan colony – he didn’t want milk-runs. He’d signed up for the excitement of exploring space and he’d been preparing his crew for that eventuality. When he’d asked the admiral, ‘may I know the reason for these orders?’ he’d gotten a curt, ‘no you may not’. Kirk had never been big on authority, and the irony of not just his expectation, but the necessity that his crew obey him, was not lost on him. Even so, Fitzpatrick’s rebuff had seriously pissed him off.

Reviewing his next step to fulfill his new orders, a thought struck him. He, Spock and McCoy had devised a drill scenario involving serious injury to an away team in a remote location, which was scheduled for the following day and would now have to be postponed. It was one thing running it when they were doing nothing more than drifting up and down some arbitrary line in space which formed the demarcation point between Federation territory and the Klingon empire. It was quite another to do it while on a mission. He was sure, being a straight-forward ferry, they’d have time to run it before getting to the colony, he just needed to figure out when would be a good time.

Meanwhile, he thought with a sigh, no doubt he would bear the brunt of the doctor’s irritation. They’d probably end up arguing over it until he was forced to assert his captainly authority – not that Bones took much notice of him even then. 

For as long as he’d known the doctor, they’d bickered like siblings – often getting on each other’s nerves, but underneath there existed an unquestioned, brotherly love. In an odd way, Bones was far closer to him any of his family had ever been. Really, his own ‘flesh and blood’ had never really seemed like a family. Fate may have taken his father away, but in a way, it had taken his mom, too. Even when she wasn’t absent, she had never really been _there_.  
Jim and his brother had quickly learnt to be independent, to rely on themselves. Sam had taken off as soon as he could and it wasn’t long before Jim did the same.

That day he’d met Bones in the shuttle and he’d shared his flask, the doctor set a precedent which he’d followed throughout their Academy days, looking out for Kirk and taking care of him when he needed it. In turn, he learned over time to channel his excess energy away from bar-room brawls which had always led to Bones cussing him out, but always fixing him up, switching instead to frequent sexual encounters.

His attitude to sex was ‘if it feels good, do it’, but he’d never crossed that line with Bones, not that the doctor had ever shown any interest in that direction, even at his most inebriated. He knew Bones considered him to be too promiscuous and didn’t think it was healthy. But it suited him. Not everyone was destined to find their One True Love as his mom had done – and that hadn’t lasted. 

For all his faults, Bones was a loyal friend and he wouldn’t change him for the world. For that reason, he was quite prepared to patiently listen to the doctor’s inevitable griping when he let him know about his drill being postponed until further notice. 

Kirk switched his focus from his fond musing back to the present and leaning forward, flicked a switch. “Captain Kirk to bridge.” He didn’t need to give his full title, but he did, just because he liked the sound of it. Eventually the novelty would wear off.

“Bridge, Uhura here, sir.” Now here was a model of efficiency, he thought, though he doubted very much it was anything to do with any example _he_ had set. That accolade rested with the person currently occupying the captain’s chair. He pictured Spock in it right at that moment, not sprawled in the seat the way he tended to, but upright and professional. Aware that Uhura was taking a message from the captain, his body would be suddenly stilled and a little stiffer, his head slightly turned towards her, alert. He’d seen Spock do it countless times in the few months since they’d left Earth, when messages came in from StarFleet or when he himself came onto the bridge, waiting to hear what would be required of him. Kirk smiled, bemusedly, wondering when he’d become such a Spock-watcher.

Well, it was hard _not_ to watch Spock. The Vulcan was someone he found both fascinating and frustrating, depending on the situation and whether he was getting his own way or not. When he moved he exhibited an almost feline gracefulness, and when coupled with his awesome strength and good looks, it was quite a heady combination. When Spock walked into a room, everyone noticed. Yet in the time he’d worked with his First, he’d come to realize that Spock seemed to be completely unaware of his own natural charisma. In that the two of them were poles apart – Kirk knew _exactly_ what effect he had when walking into a room. That difference between them amused him. 

“Patch me through to Spock, Lieutenant,” he said, his voice holding the smile he was still wearing, knowing her sensitive ears would pick it up. She would know, then, not to worry about the new orders she had earlier relayed to his quarters.

“Captain,” the deep voice came through.

“New orders, Mr. Spock. Urgent and high priority. Alter course to Gamma Castor III, warp 5. We’re picking up one of your compatriots and transporting him to the new colony.”

“Indeed, Captain. Acknowledged and understood.” 

Kirk could picture the eyebrow lift in his mind’s eye. Having met both Spock the older and younger at almost the same time, one of the things he’d noticed was that although the ambassador’s face was so much more expressive than his younger counterpart’s, his first officer’s depth of emotional reaction could be measured by the degree of elevation of one or both of his eyebrows.

“Might I…have a word with you in my quarters, Mr. Spock?” He wanted to know more about whoever this Vulcan was who had been responsible for diverting an entire starship and her four hundred crew from patrol duties.

“Affirmative, sir. I shall be there after I have supervised the course change.”

“Very good, Spock. Kirk out.” He flicked the switch to ‘off’ and leaned back in his chair. He would have preferred a little less formality, but he knew that all intraship communications were automatically logged. At least he’d gotten rid of the protocol of crew members saluting him everywhere he went. It made walking down corridors and entering various departmental areas much more pleasant, to be greeted by ‘Good morning/afternoon/evening, Captain,’ rather than everyone stopping and snapping to attention. There were only so many times he could say ‘as you were’ in a day, before it got to be annoying.

He stared, unseeing at his desk and considered Spock. And Uhura. His sixth sense told him something was going on there. Something not good. He was unsure when he’d begun to notice a subtle tension between them, but he’d bet money on it, dating back at least to when they’d departed from Earth.

But…how to broach it with Spock? It wasn’t that he was prying, but as senior bridge officers, he wanted an assurance that any issues between them wouldn’t affect their performance. If he’d noticed something was wrong, he was damn certain others would have too. He shook his head. While he and Spock had spent a good deal of time the past few weeks working closely together on the drills and had spent at least every other evening in the rec room playing chess, when it came to learning anything of a personal nature, he knew he stood more chance getting a charitable donation from a Ferengi. 

As for Uhura, there was no use approaching her. He knew she still didn’t trust him, and he couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t just having to try to erase three years of conditioning. She still hadn’t forgiven him for sleeping with her roommate, Gaila, and persuading her to give him the code that he used to hack into the Academy computer system; the code that had allowed him to change the parameters of the Kobayashi Maru scenario and win the battle. 

While surrounded by bemused cadets in the simulator as he munched on his apple with a smirk, he knew by the look Uhura had given him in his moment of victory that she’d guessed what had happened. 

She’d gone ballistic when she’d next seen him right before the hearing, telling him that Gaila had confessed everything to her under duress, no doubt confirming him in Uhura’s mind as the low-life she’d always believed him to be. But to protect her naïve friend, Uhura had held back the information from Spock so that Gaila would not have to go through a disciplinary hearing along with him, and possibly get kicked out of the ‘Fleet in disgrace. 

He was certain Uhura would have gotten over it if compromising her relationship with Spock in that way had been all there was to it. But Kirk knew Uhura’s secret. Far worse for her was the burden of guilt she carried. Had she spoken up, Gaila would have been grounded along with him, and she would still be alive.

The Inquiry had resumed after they’d returned and he’d done a backroom deal with Pike to tell them how he’d hacked into the system if they would drop all charges. The Admiral had quickly agreed – too quickly, he’d realized almost at once. He hadn’t known then, they’d already decided to give him the Enterprise. 

A side-note to the hearing which continued to cause him amusement, had come after they’d dropped charges against Bones for smuggling him on board. The big surprise – and up to then he’d have sworn that Spock was a stickler for the rules – was when they’d questioned his First’s last-minute decision to switch Uhura from the Farragut to the Enterprise. On hearing this news, he’d been unable to hold back a smirk which Spock had caught. This had elicited a slight furrowing of the brows, which was about as big an emotional reaction as the Vulcan normally allowed himself when he wasn’t losing it and strangling the shit out of him, and it had pleased him immensely. Naturally the explanation that had followed had been entirely _logical,_ and Spock had studiously avoided looking at him and his ever widening grin.

Kirk was still smiling at the memory when his door chimed.

“Come.”

Spock stepped in and paused just inside the door as it closed.

“Take a seat,” he said and indicated the one on the other side of his desk.

The Vulcan gracefully sat and made eye contact. There was something he enjoyed about Spock’s company. The past few weeks of working closely together had been productive and enjoyable. There were no games, no bullshit. He could be himself and as long as he wasn’t being unprofessional, Spock didn’t judge him. They were still feeling their way around each other and on occasion they still butted heads, but they were getting there. But there were quite clearly delineated boundaries too, and Kirk knew that he was about to cross a line and was more than likely to be rebuffed. Still, it was in his nature to push.

As soon Spock sat, Kirk jumped up and began pacing, thinking how best to open this conversation. He stopped and looked at his first officer, the wariness he could sense immediately putting him on the alert.

“Do you know why StarFleet has made picking up this Vulcan healer such a priority?” Kirk knew that Spock had been receiving regular updates from Sarek, so if anyone knew, his First would.

There was an infinitesimal pause, and Kirk spotted it right away. In that moment, he knew Spock was going to be evasive and sighed inwardly, anticipating another one of their confrontations.

“I believe, Captain, that surviving Vulcans will have need of many healers in the months to come.”

“Yes but…” Kirk stopped himself, not wanting to say anything that could cause offense by implying he was unconcerned about the fate of Spock’s people. He ran through several responses in his head, discarding each as condescending, incendiary or just plain insensitive. “Can you explain it to me? I don’t understand the urgency – the majority of the survivors weren’t anywhere near Vulcan when…I mean…they weren’t injured.”

“Not physically, Captain.”

He sighed. Pulling teeth must surely be easier. “Then…?” Kirk watched as Spock tensed almost imperceptibly. The subtle body language wasn’t something the average crew member would pick up, but he’d gotten quite good at reading it lately. “Help me out here, Spock,” he pleaded.

Spock looked at his hands clasped in his lap. “I…cannot.”

Standing beside him, Kirk looked helplessly down at him. There was something in the Vulcan’s tone of voice that left him feeling he could hit him and hug him: hit him out of sheer frustration, and hug him because he’d lost so much. Every now and again, he glimpsed a vulnerability behind the composed façade that brought something out in him that he’d spent most of his miserable life burying beneath his carefully cultivated devil-may-care image – that he cared.

“Cannot, or will not?” Kirk asked. Spock had a way of keeping his head level and looking up with just his eyes in a way that somehow gave the impression of both insolence and menace. When his First remained stubbornly silent, Kirk felt his anger rise. What the hell was such a big secret? 

Since his persuasive technique was failing miserably, he decided to play his trump card. “What if I order you to?”

When Spock remained silent, Kirk snapped. “Starfleet,” he began through clenched teeth, “has ordered an entire ship of four hundred crew off patrol to pick up one goddamn healer and all I would like to know is _why_.”

Spock stood up abruptly, invading Kirk’s space and he recognized the intimidating tactic for what it was. It was Spock’s way of telling him to back off when words failed. “Only one in every six hundred thousand of my people survived Nero’s genocide and you begrudge them the assistance needed to rebuild their lives.”

Spock’s inference really pissed off Kirk, because he knew the Vulcan was aware of his own feelings on the matter and was disregarding them just to be deliberately obstructive.

“You know damn well that’s not what’s motivating my question—”

“Then desist with your prying.” The voice held a quiet intensity.

Spock’s face was no more than twenty centimeters from his; close enough that he could feel the Vulcan’s hot breath gushing across his face, and got a feeling of déjà vu, to that time during the Narada crisis. He knew how to get under his First’s defenses in a way no-one else could, including McCoy, whose relationship with Spock was so stormy.

Just from Spock’s behavior, Kirk was certain his First knew more than he was letting on and it galled him. Refusing to be intimidated, he tried his own form of controlled aggression. “I just want to know what so special about this one fucking Vulcan!

Spock remained outwardly calm, his voice quiet, but at some subliminal level, Kirk knew he was breaking through the armor. “You will cease to speak of Soveran in such a manner.”

 _Bingo_. He’d not mentioned the healer’s name. It was hard for Kirk not to show triumph, and with Spock’s face so close to his, the Vulcan’s realization of his slip showed in the slight widening of his eyes.

“So it’s ‘will not’, then,” Kirk said quietly. Now he had confirmation of what he’d guessed all along.

He had one of those insane thoughts that sometimes pinged into his head, that he only needed lean forward a few centimeters and he could kiss Spock. Now _that_ would get a reaction.

As if sensing what Kirk was thinking, Spock moved back a step and Kirk was momentarily captivated as he watched the Vulcan regain his deadpan expression and then turn his attention to some unfocused point in the distance. “Captain…Jim,” he said, quietly, “do not ask this of me. There are some things which transcend the discipline of the service.”

Now, what was _that_ supposed to mean? Kirk knew he had no real right to push Spock, that he was under no obligation to explain, especially after the Admiral had also refused his request for more information. 

He waited, giving Spock a chance to add to his statement, but finally gave up when he was certain nothing more would be forthcoming. While he may not have gotten his answer, he basked in his minor victory of having made Spock slip up, and decided to let the matter drop. His First might not be willing to spill the beans, but he had one more source he could tap.

He sat back down at his desk and decided to give the other thing on his mind a shot.

“What’s with you and Uhura?” No point in beating about the bush. Vulcans, he’d learned, preferred directness.

“Captain?”

Kirk could see the carefully composed quizzical look for the evasion it was. He pressed on. “Things have been tense between you two since we left Earth.”

“Are you implying that either I, or the lieutenant are not functioning efficiently?”

‘The lieutenant’. Interesting that he didn’t use her name, Kirk noticed. And Spock was trying to deflect the questioning again. God he could be hard work, sometimes. Actually, a lot of the time. He sighed inwardly.

“Not at all. I’m inquiring purely on a personal basis–”

Spock opened his mouth to interrupt, but Kirk put his hand up to stall him. “I hope by now,” Kirk continued, leaning forward, “we’ve at least set the foundations of a friendship, Spock. Friends confide in each other when they’re in trouble. You know you can trust that anything you tell me will remain confidential.”

Spock’s lips thinned. “Confiding is not the Vulcan way, Captain,” he said, tightly.

Kirk sat back and crossing his arms, regarded the stubborn Vulcan silently for a minute, wondering what, in that moment, was going on in that super-intelligent brain of his. He was making an effort at friendship with Spock, he really was. He’d actually come to like the Vulcan and to enjoy his company, more than just because he stimulated his intellect. Spock had a dry sense of humor that popped out at the oddest times, delivered with that deadpan expression of his which always made him laugh that much harder.

What bothered him, though, was that most of the time it felt so damn one-sided; like he was doing all the running. It was the lure of what Ambassador Spock had told him – a life-time friendship that would define him – and he had seen as much in the meld, that had stopped him from giving it up as a waste of time. Of course, he’d die before he’d admit he wanted that kind of closeness with anyone; not fiercely independent Jim T.

He sighed audibly. No point in trying to hide his frustration. He suspected Spock could read him like a book anyway. Right now, he honestly didn’t have the energy for another head to head which he was certain he’d lose, so what was the point? He’d let it go as long as it didn’t affect the smooth running of his ship. But if he saw anything, _anything_ , he’d nail his ass to a bulkhead, just to prove a point.

“All right,” he said finally. “Dismissed.”

He knew he shouldn’t be angry, but as the door slid shut cutting off his view of Spock, it reminded him metaphorically of the barrier the Vulcan seemed to have erected between himself and most of the rest of the galaxy. His own frustration at the intractable Vulcan made him want to throw something. Preferably Spock himself. Out an airlock. The anger stemmed because Spock wasn’t playing the game. Wasn’t meeting him halfway. Not that Spock knew he was supposed to – he hadn’t had access to his older counterpart to know what they could have. He wondered how Uhura had managed to do it. And if she could, then he damn well could.

Kirk felt frustrated at himself, too. For maybe expecting too much of Spock, and maybe of himself in this. For even wanting this as much as he did and not really knowing why, when he’d been a free spirit pretty much all his life, never needing anyone, never trusting anyone but himself. His friendship with Bones had crept up on him, and he grudgingly accepted the place the doctor had in his life. He’d kind of put that down to maybe growing up a bit and having a steadier, more structured life than he’d ever had.

But Spock. Maybe he pursued it so relentlessly because getting under that skin of his was such a challenge. Since leaving Earth he’d spent more time in Spock’s company than anyone else on the ship, including Bones. Even after that, he still couldn’t figure out the implacable Vulcan most of the time and his First seemed to have an unerring ability to bring out the worst in him. And also the best. And that was the crux. He could so clearly see the potential they had to balance each other.

He wasn’t usually given to deep analysis, as it generally messed with his head. Easier to take things at face value and each day as it comes. It’s just that Spock was making him ignore all his own rules. And that really pissed him off. He thought about moths and flames but decided that particular metaphor was way too self-destructive. He didn’t think it was that bad.

Taking a deep breath, he opened his awareness to the almost imperceptible vibration of his ship through his feet, and counted to ten. 

His ship. The beautiful vessel that had given his life meaning. The one he had watched being built at the Riverside Shipyard, a manufacturing plant which itself had been moved from San Francisco over 20 years earlier in honor of his father. Full circle.

It was time to turn to the one other person who might be able to furnish him with information that would solve the mystery of this healer.

=_=_=_=

Ambassador Spock was asleep when his comm. unit chimed to alert him of an incoming call. After all his years in Starfleet, the sound brought him awake instantly. Switching the lights on, he rose and picked up a thick, dark robe, wrapping it around himself in case the call was on visual – it wouldn’t do to answer it naked. Smoothing his hair as he crossed the room he gracefully folded himself into his chair at the desk.

When he saw the call sign on the console, he noted an involuntary increase in his heart-rate in pleasant anticipation. In Humans, such a physiological reaction was a reflex, but all Vulcans mastered their bodies, and despite his hybrid physiology, he was no exception. Yet, when it came to James Tiberius Kirk – seemingly in any universe – his desire to quell this autonomic response vanished. To speak to Jim was to experience the bittersweet feeling of joy and pain combined, a feeling that, despite having kept in touch since their meeting on the planet known as Delta Vega in Standard, T’Khut in Vulcan, had not lessened. He reached to touch the display on the screen to answer.

“Spock!” Kirk said with a wide smile and Spock’s heart thrummed even more wildly. Would he ever get over seeing his bondmate’s younger self, so alive and so vibrant? he wondered. Unlikely, he acknowledged as his temple throbbed in reminder of his severed bond. He would likely require a period of meditation for the remainder of the night following this call. He lightly clasped his hands in his lap.

“Captain Kirk,” he responded, quirking his lips, allowing his delight at hearing from his ‘old friend’ to be evident. 

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” Kirk began.

There was no need for Kirk to know it was the early hours of the morning. “No, Jim. What may I do for you?”

He saw Kirk’s eyes narrow in the same way his own Jim’s used to when he’d just reached a correct conclusion. “What time is it there?”

He was not surprised at the captain’s perceptiveness. “No matter, Jim. I require little sleep. To what do I owe this pleasure?” 

After so many years with a Human bondmate, he had no difficulty using emotional terms, having long ago reconciled both Jim’s and his own need to express himself in this Human way, despite his Vulcan heritage and training. His experience with V’Ger had taught him, in the most graphic way possible, that to live without emotion was to be a barren and empty vessel. The insight had opened him up to new possibilities and had paved the way to the most satisfying relationship of his life.

“I’m after information,” Kirk began, “and my first officer is being more tight-lipped than an Aldeberan shell-mouth. We’ve been taken off patrol of the Neutral Zone and we’re now en route to Gamma Castor III to pick up a healer. I’m guessing you know why it’s been made high priority.”

Spock caught his breath. He was aware a request had been made to StarFleet to have Healer Soveran transported to the colony urgently, but they had yet to be informed which ship was bringing him. The thought of seeing young Jim ‘in the flesh’ again was a gift beyond price.

Returning his thoughts to the captain’s statement, he schooled his face to a more serious expression as he nodded. “Indeed, however—”

“Don’t tell me, you can’t say,” Kirk interrupted, frustration evident in his tone.

He regarded the young man calmly. Jim in any universe was so easy to read and his many years with his own lover had provided him with insights on the best way to deal with him in most moods. “However,” he continued as if there had been no interruption, “for personal reasons, this is not something I am prepared to discuss over subspace, Jim. I would prefer to speak with you face to face. Will you have time to pay me a visit while you are here?”

He could see Kirk was intrigued. “I can do more than that, Spock. I haven’t been given any further orders, so I’ll request we’re given time to help out on some of the projects you’ve got going, if you want it. You may as well make use of us while we’re there.”

His reaction was automatic as he allowed himself to smile. “Your offer of assistance is greatly appreciated, Captain. I will encourage StarFleet to comply with your request by making a similar one myself direct to Admiral Nogura. Only he and Admirals Pike and Komack in StarFleet Command are aware of my true identity, for security reasons. You know that of your crew, Mr. Scott is cognizant of my status as time traveler, although I withheld my name from him. However since you will be visiting, I should inform you that I also had the opportunity to meet your First Officer, Spock—”

Kirk’s eyes widened. “Spock?” I thought—”

“I apologize, Jim,” he interrupted. He had not wanted to deceive Kirk, but he believed the end justified the means. “It was necessary I imply that my counterpart and I could not meet in order for you to work together. You would not have achieved the result you did, had I been there.”

He waited patiently while Kirk digested that information. “So when did he find out about you?” he asked finally.

“I encountered him briefly after you returned to Earth. I am prepared,” Spock continued, “to discuss this further when you are here, should you wish to.”

Kirk nodded, and the ambassador was under no illusion that the matter was closed. Jim in any universe was a tenacious individual. “I’ve briefed Scotty to keep quiet about what he knows,” Kirk assured him. “When I told him that you’d not only be hounded by everyone in the Federation, but could potentially be targeted by our enemies, he got my drift.”

“Thank you, Jim. Your discretion is appreciated. Here on the colony, I am known as Sepak.”

“Do they know about you there?” Kirk asked.

“Negative, with the exception of the Council of Elders, of which there are eleven including me and my...father.”

Kirk smiled at that. “That must be pretty weird for Sarek.”

“Indeed.” Spock allowed his lips to curve up into a small smile. “It is ‘pretty weird’ for me, too.”

Kirk grinned as Spock knew he would. His own Jim had been no different, delighting in the times when, in private, he had occasionally spoken more colloquially. 

“My own father died many years ago and for much of my early life, we were estranged. I have appreciated having the opportunity to learn more about him. However, he does not readily seek to spend time with me, despite my being one of the few surviving members of our clan. Perhaps this will change in time, as he adjusts to all that has taken place.”

“Yeah, it must be a lot to take in,” Kirk said thoughtfully. “Hell, it must have been even more strange for you to talk to a younger version of yourself.”

Kirk’s curiosity was clear. No doubt, now he knew they’d met, he’d be wondering how his own first officer had found the encounter. “It was a fascinating experience. I was at an advantage in that I have previously been his age and recall what I was like at that point in my life, while Spock was looking at me and seeing his own future before him for the first time.”

Kirk smiled. “Maybe when I think I might get a straight answer from him, I’ll ask Spock about it.” The expression on Kirk’s face, as the ambassador had witnessed on his bondmate’s on many occasions in the past, transformed from friendly to business-like captain in a moment. “I won’t take up any more of your time, Ambassador. We’ll see you in seven days and,” he smiled warmly, “I hope we’ll get our request granted.”

Spock unselfconsciously returned the smile. “Indeed. Goodnight, Jim.”

The screen went blank and the ambassador sat back in his seat, taking a long, deep breath. To see the man who had been such an important part of his life, alive, young and vibrant was both cruel and pleasurable. His body might be old and ravaged, but inside he – his consciousness – had not changed and felt no different now to when he was Jim’s age. And that was the issue. His severed bond called for re-completion because his katra, unaware of the difference between universes, simply recognized his bondmate’s unique signature and sought to reconnect to it.

He would have to find a way to master his control before Jim arrived. It would not do for him to inadvertently come between the friendship he wished to assist in building between captain and first officer, no matter what. He would need to spend the rest of the night in meditation. But for a while, he remained in his seat and allowed himself to recall another time and another universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Important note:** There are major spoilers for this story in the readers' comments at the end of Chapter 1 (where people have read the whole story and gone back to Chapter 1 to comment). If you don't want to be spoilered, please don't read the comments below.


	2. Chapter 2

Kirk sat back and stared at the blank screen, unaware he was mirroring the posture of the Vulcan he had just spoken to so many light years away as he contemplated their conversation. 

He was feeling pulled between being intrigued that the matter was sufficiently personal in some way that the ambassador was unwilling to discuss it until he got there, and being frustrated at Vulcans in general and their obsessive need for privacy. Considering they were a founding member of the Federation, there was precious little known about them beyond the broadest of brush-strokes.

He’d tried to do some research into the race – its history, culture and traditions – in the time since they’d departed Earth, in a genuine attempt to understand his First better. But half the files he’d pulled off the system were marked ‘classified’, not even accessible at his level. There had been a few that his CMO could have gotten into, but he didn’t bother asking him as Bones, for all his antiauthoritarianism could be so by-the-book at times. Besides, the files in question largely concerned Vulcan biology, and if he did have a prurient interest in some aspects of it, he wasn’t about to alert McCoy to that fact.

He thought about Spock and how surreal it must have been to meet an older version of yourself. He honestly couldn’t imagine how he’d feel were he put in a similar position. He’d have to ask the older Vulcan what they spoke about.

That thought led him back to Ambassador Spock. It was odd how the moment his face had appeared on the comm-screen, a feeling a warmth had suffused him. He wondered at how someone he’d met so briefly could have such a profound effect on him. Perhaps it was a combination of the dire circumstances they had found themselves in and as a consequence of the meld they had shared – he’d researched that Vulcan phenomenon as soon as he’d had a chance.

In some ways, the ambassador was so different from ‘his’ Spock. He was a man completely comfortable in his own skin, at peace with who he was. Of all the surviving Vulcans, the older Spock had surely lost the most, not only the life he had once led and everyone he had ever known, but his own planet and people whose destruction had resulted from his inability to get to Romulus in time. What a terrible burden to have to live with. Looking at him and his calm exterior, Kirk would never have known he carried it had he not felt the ambassador’s horror and anguish just for the briefest time, when they had joined minds. It had taken an effort to recover from the emotional transference, to pull himself back together into some semblance of control. He couldn’t imagine walking around with all that churning inside him.

They say to really know someone, you have to walk a mile in their shoes. Maybe that was the reason he felt so comfortable with his First’s counterpart – because he’d walked that agonizing mile with him, had felt what he felt, had _known_ him and his life, in just a scant few seconds. Presumably the reverse was also true.

The meld had allowed him to see the fact that, despite their adherence to logic, composed Vulcan exteriors often hid a multitude of deeply felt and complex emotions. It was this information that had allowed him to provoke the extreme reaction from Spock that had led to him relinquishing command and it had alerted the Vulcan to the fact that Kirk was onto him and his ‘emotionless’ facade. He was unsure whether it was as a result of this new-found knowledge, or if it was from that intense sharing of minds, but he found he was able to read Spock far more easily than anyone else on the ship with the possible exception of Uhura, because now he knew exactly what to look for.

The thought suddenly struck him that since first contact with them, Vulcans had been amazingly adept at giving lie to the notion they were emotionless beings, a belief that was universally held throughout the Federation. His schooling, his classes at the Academy, all had emphasized this ‘fact’. After the spectacle of Spock attempting to throttle him at the height of the Narada crisis, his bridge crew at least had been disabused of that misconception.

It had been his meld with the ambassador that had led to that incident and, in other, less catastrophic circumstances, he might have actively enjoyed it. He considered what a meld with his first officer would be like; whether it would reveal more of who he was; if the conflicts that he knew were going on inside the Vulcan would be evident; whether that knowledge would help them mesh more as a team. Would it _feel_ the same – they were, after all, just different versions of one being, yet in temperament they seemed quite different. Would he be able to sense that differing aspect to their personalities, in some form, were he to touch minds with his First? Maybe one day he might ask him for it. He found himself looking forward to that time..

=_=_=_=

“And next time, wear a goddamn condom!”

Kirk came to a halt just inside sickbay and, not wanting to interrupt, waited to catch McCoy’s eye. Sitting on a biobed clearly getting the riot act read was an ensign with a face the same shade of red as his shirt. He recognized him as being part of the facilities team and was amused as the young man studiously avoided looking in his captain’s direction. When the doctor finally stopped glaring at the hapless man and looked up, Kirk jerked his head towards the doctor’s office.

McCoy nodded. “Be with you in a couple of minutes Jim.”

Kirk took a chair and, using a toe to clear a bit of space, put his feet up on the table. A smile crossed his face as he reminisced about how he’d had the same lecture from Bones on a number of occasions during their Academy days and felt for the ensign, who looked utterly intimidated. But that was the point – his friend worked on the basis that if they didn’t have enough intelligence to work out they needed to protect themselves from the ever present STDs doing the rounds, they might remember to wear one just to ensure they avoided Dr. McCoy’s _Talk of Shame_.

“Get your feet off my desk,” McCoy growled as he stalked in and dropped himself into his seat. “Is this a duty call or informal?”

“Both. I have some good news and some bad news.”

McCoy frowned. “Let’s have the bad news first.”

Kirk suppressed a smile at his pessimistic friend’s predictability. “We’re going to have to postpone that drill you devised.”

“Damn it Jim, I spent a lot of time working on it. All we’re doing is flying from A to fucking B – how hard can that be?”

Really, all he needed to do, Kirk thought, was say this was his command decision and the doctor should accept it. But this was his friend and it made ordering him about harder. Oh, he knew he could do it if push came to shove, but this wasn’t a critical situation here.

“Bones, we’re off from doing nothing, to doing something, even if we’re just en-route to that something. I don’t want to hold any specialized training for the time being.”

“I don’t get why. What’s the difference between patrolling the border and heading some place? It’s not like there’s a big assignment at the end of this. We’re picking up a passenger – we’ve become a fucking glorified taxi service.”

Kirk inwardly winced in complete agreement. “I know, but I’d rather practice the _standard_ drills and procedures – there are still improvements to be made there – I want to get to a point where everyone can do them in their sleep.”

“But Jim, dealing with safety issues on planetary missions _should_ be a standard procedure.”

“There already are procedures to cover that,” Kirk pointed out.

“Which are no where near as comprehensive as the one we devised,” McCoy pushed. “That’s why we put it together, remember?”

Kirk took his feet off the desk and sat up and glared at his friend. He’d had enough now. “Bones, if I think we’ll get time to run it, we’ll do it. But for the time-being it’s off. I’ve made my decision.”

He watched as Bones subsided in his chair, and recognized capitulation.

“So what’s the good news?”

“I’m buying you dinner. Come on, my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut.”

=_=_=_=

Two days later, after trying for weeks, Kirk finally convinced Spock to work out with him, practicing hand to hand combat. The grudging acceptance had come only after he agreed to set the gravity to 0.85 Earth norm, to provide him with an agility that would help counteract the advantage of Vulcan strength. Advanced hand-to-hand combat be damned, his training had counted for little, failing completely in preventing him from being utterly thrashed the one and only time he’d gone a round with Spock – and in front of his entire bridge crew, too. He briefly wondered if he might harbor some previously unrealized masochistic streak, as he was hugely looking forward to their bout.

Kirk selected one of the smaller work-out rooms and set it to ‘occupied’. On the touch display, he altered the gravity settings and waited as a cushioned mat rolled out across the entire floor. Glancing at his first officer, who was in a black tight-fitting wife-beater and long sweats, he noticed the shirt revealed a dusting of black hair on his upper chest and the work-out gear generally showed off his superbly fit physique.

After warming up, Kirk crouched ready. Spock charged him and before he knew it, he was lying on his back, slightly winded, gazing at the pale gray tiles of the gym ceiling as black dots floated across his eyes. It took him a moment to recover and then he grinned and rolled up onto his feet. Right, if he’s going to play like that, he thought…

Since the meeting in his quarters, they’d gone back to needling each other again and so it turned out to be a very effective method for Kirk to relieve his frustration at his First’s continued silence. He suspected Spock was finding the workout equally therapeutic.

Although Vulcan strength was three times that of a Human, the lighter-than-normal gravity seemed to give him a slightly uncoordinated, but endearing clumsiness Kirk had never seen before. The planet Vulcan had had a gravity 1.18 of Earth’s, so on the ship, Spock felt lighter than normal, which added to his gracefulness. However, when the shift to lighter gravity was greater than fifteen percent, the disadvantages began to outweigh the advantages as it became harder to control jerky or rapid movements and overcompensation generally occurred which added to the challenge. It was a bit like the difference between driving on a very windy road that was wet, compared to one that was covered in a thin film of oil. The net effect was that they were, as Spock had predicted, almost evenly matched.

After twenty minutes, both men were sweating heavily. Kirk was grinning, enjoying himself immensely and feeling pleased at having thrown Spock quite a few times, even if some of the moves had been a teeny bit illegal. It had been worth being slightly underhanded, just to see the surprised expression on Spock’s face the first time, an expression he’d held in check each time after.

Kirk was aware that Vulcan body temperature was higher than that of a Human, but this was the first time he’d experienced it up close and personal. He’d got Spock into a half nelson and couldn’t believe the heat radiating off him – it was like wrestling with someone who had serious sunburn. While holding him there, the thought occurred to him it would be useful if they ever had to share a tent on a cold planet during an away mission and then immediately wondered where the hell that idea had come from. His lack of attention found him swiftly flipped onto his stomach, one arm twisted behind his back with Spock lying on top of him.

Spock only held him there for perhaps two seconds, before jumping off him, but Kirk had felt it – an erection pressed against his ass. Spock was making a strategic retreat and was halfway to the door when Kirk shouted, “Stop where you are.” When the Vulcan paid him no heed, he added, “That’s an order.”

Spock stopped and remained facing the door, his back rigid. Kirk got up, unconsciously rubbing the shoulder where his arm had been twisted nearly out of its socket. What to say next? He knew he had to say something.

“Spock, it’s okay. It’s normal for that kind of thing to happen during a workout. It doesn’t bother me,” he reassured. Actually, deep down, he quite liked the idea that proximity to him could cause Spock to lose some of his much-vaunted control.

“It is not ‘normal’ for a Vulcan,” Spock responded, his voice an almost harsh whisper.

Now what’s _that_ supposed to mean? And the way he’d said it was such a contrast to the calm intonation Kirk was not only used to, but to which he actively enjoyed listening. He walked forward and put his hand on the Vulcan’s shoulder.

Spock pulled away as if burned, causing Kirk to flinch. “Do not touch me! I…”

He lapsed into silence, the only noise their heavy breathing as they fought to control it after their exertions. At his sides, Kirk noticed, Spock’s fists were balled. He’d have to take it easy if he didn’t want to get decked. When it came to provoking Vulcans he’d learned a lesson he had no desire to repeat.

He honestly had no idea what to make of this atypical behavior. Was Spock worried his captain might be thinking he was coming onto him? “Look, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about; I’m not going to take it the wrong way. Hey you know I like girls, and it happens to me, sometimes,” he reassured. Spock didn’t need to know about his occasional forays into same sex encounters. “I know you and Uhura are an item and –”

Spock swung around almost violently, his face contorted. “You know _nothing,_ Captain.” With that, he turned and strode out the room, leaving him alone and completely dumbfounded.

=_=_=_=

The following morning on the bridge, Kirk was all too aware the atmosphere could be cut with a knife. It had started with him saying he wanted the food servos in the officers’ quarters to be upgraded to include a wider variety of offerings. He liked his coffee – could barely get the day started without one – but he wanted more of a selection to choose from without having to go all the way to the mess to get it. Spock claimed it was a waste of resources having one of his computer sciences team tied up working on a non-essential project just so the captain could request a cappuccino without having to go to the mess like everyone else. When put like that, Kirk could see Spock had a point, but he chose to ignore it, as he didn’t appreciate his insolent attitude, overruling him by making it an order.

An hour later, they were at it again, this time over whether to take the opportunity while they were at Gamma Castor III to pick up some supplies. Both Scotty and Bones had put in requisition requests as Spock was aware since it was his job to review them before passing them to the captain for approval. But Spock attempted to veto the idea on the basis they needed to get the healer to the colony without delay – yet still refused to say why, much to his irritation, although he was careful not to show it. He refused to give in on that one too, something he lorded over Spock with a smug smile. It was rare he pulled rank over this First, but Spock was seriously pissing him off and he was damn well going to enjoy being able to play the trump card.

As Spock swung back to face his station, Kirk noticed just a teeny bit faster than he otherwise would, he had reason to thank the fact he was now Spock’s superior officer, as he felt certain the Vulcan would have liked nothing better than to maroon him again on some godforsaken planet.

Spock was ruining all the work he’d put in trying to turn them into an effective command team, and reflected that it was like the two of them were back to day fucking one – a thought which left him seething quietly in his captain’s chair. Getting a hard-on really wasn’t that big of a deal. Hell, he’d found it hot enough to have used the memory of it for a good jerk-off the previous night. The thought of fucking Spock and making him lose control had brought him to a swift climax.

He considered what was going on – or not – between Spock and Uhura. They were professionally polite but certainly no more. If this was more than a tiff and they’d actually split, wouldn’t that put a new twist on the Vulcan’s little transgression in the gym? But that didn’t add up because surely Spock would at the very least be friendly, if not flirty around him, rather than completely pissed off. So that train of thought led him back to square one and, whatever the reason, Spock was way overreacting. And that bothered him.

He was brought out of his musings by the helmsman. “ETA Gamma Castor III in twelve minutes, Captain.”

“Drop us out of warp, Mr. Sulu. Uhura, hail Healer Soveran.”

“Aye Captain,” she responded, turning to her console. “Hailing now.”

“Out of warp, Captain,” confirmed Sulu.

“Ahead one third impulse and put us in a geostationary orbit above Soveran’s location, at a perigee of 500 kilometers. Uhura, feed Chekov the exact co-ordinates.”

Kirk watched as the young Russian fed the navigation data to Sulu. They were a good team. He’d been worried about Chekov’s age, but the kid was a genius. He’d read Chekov’s personnel records and discovered that at fourteen, he’d been the youngest Human to ever pass StarFleet’s stringent entrance exams. And what he didn’t know about astrogation, wasn’t worth knowing.

“Sir, I have Healer Soveran for you,” Uhura said from behind him.

He swiveled his chair around. “Put him on screen, Lieutenant.”

“One moment, sir.”

Next to her, Kirk saw out of the corner of his eye that almost imperceptible straightening up of Spock – even more than usual, that alertness as he sat at his station.

He turned his full attention to the Vulcan. “Mr. Spock,” he said and jerked his head in an invitation for the Vulcan to come over. He watched as Spock gracefully stood and came to stand beside him, his earlier rigid posture now more relaxed.

“Is this right?” Kirk quietly asked, trying to get the fingers of his right hand, which lay on his lap, into some semblance of the Vulcan salute. He couldn’t get the digits to comply and wasn’t sure what position his thumb should be in.

“No, like this, Sir,” Spock said and gently taking Kirk’s hand in one of his own, pulled his fingers into the correct configuration with the other.

More than the fact that it was an unexpected and incongruous action after Spock had been sitting broodily at his station for his shift so far, it was the spark Kirk felt arc between them as their fingers touched, which completely floored him. As a result, it took the healer saying his name from the screen to bring him back to focus on the matter at hand. Behind him, McCoy entered the bridge as he pretty much always did whenever he felt the ship drop out of warp.

“Captain Kirk and, I presume, Spock.” Healer Soveran spoke solemnly with a strong accent, one eyebrow raised presumably, Kirk thought, at the fact that Spock was having to show him how to properly greet a Vulcan.

Kirk looked at the wizened man on the screen, standing in a long white robe that gently billowed in the breeze, the image reminding him of a wizard from some fantasy novel. “Greetings, Healer Soveran,” he said, executing his now perfect salute. He tried not to notice his fingers still tingled where warmer than Human hands had touched.

“We come to serve, Soveran,” Spock said beside him.

The Vulcan held up his hand. “Your service honors us.”

“Are you ready to beam aboard, Healer?” Kirk asked when the two Vulcans lapsed into silence.

“Indeed, Captain. It would be illogical to be unprepared, given that the time of your arrival had been agreed by prior arrangement.”

Kirk suppressed the bubble of annoyance and chose to ignore what he thought was a wise-ass comment in the interests of diplomacy. “Very good, Healer. Mr. Spock will meet you in the transporter room and take you to your quarters, sir. Kirk out.” He cut the transmission from the control on the arm of his chair.

“Well now,” McCoy said, emphasizing his Georgia accent, which Kirk knew from experience meant the doctor was about to make a sarcastic or acerbic remark, “I can see this one’s going to be a barrel of laughs.”

“Laughing is a sign of emotion, Doctor,” Spock said stonily, rising to the bait as he so often did with McCoy. “Healer Soveran is a Kolinahr Adept.”

“A kolin-what?” McCoy asked.

“Not now, Bones,” Kirk said using his command voice as he pressed a pad to connect him with the transporter room. “Mr. Scott, standby to beam our guest aboard. Spock’ll be there shortly.”

“Aye, Cap’n. Ready when you are.”

The sound of the turbo lift door opening was the point when he realized Spock had left and he glanced around to see the door slide shut. As he was about to swing his seat back to face Bones, he caught Uhura looking at him oddly. Bones was already talking, so he ignored her, but found it hard to focus on what his friend was saying since he found himself preoccupied by the fact that the fingers on his right hand still tingled.

=_=_=_=

As it happened, the uplifting of requisitions that had been such an issue with Spock delayed their departure by less than three hours, which they could easily make up.

Later on that shift Admiral Pike contacted Kirk personally to acknowledge his and the ambassador’s request, scheduling the Enterprise for a week-long stay in order to assist in the setting up of the colony. Taking the call in his own quarters, Kirk couldn’t have been happier, especially if it meant he wouldn’t have to deal with the pompous Admiral Fitzgerald any more. In shifting responsibility in this way, there was method to Chief of Staff Admiral Nogura’s madness. The colony had informed StarFleet that _Elder Sepak_ would act as a liaison between the Enterprise crew and the Vulcan Elders and Clan Leaders. Since Ambassador’s Spock’s true identity was known only to a few, this narrowed down who could oversee the assignment.

“The ambassador is the perfect person for this job, Jim, with his background knowledge of StarFleet,” Pike acknowledged. “I gather you two get on quite well.”

Obviously since they’d both put in the same request to assist, it was clear he and the ambassador were maintaining some level of communication. “Yeah, we’ve kept in touch,” he said, non-committedly.

Pike smiled. “Did he tell you what you wanted to know about the healer you picked up?”

Jim felt himself color a bit. He supposed it didn’t take a rocket scientist to notice the timing of their two requests to assist at the colony coming right on the heels of his orders to pick up the healer, and put two and two together. “No, he was as tight-lipped as Spock.”

Pike laughed. “And I’ll bet that’s killing you.”

“Fuck off, Chris…Sir,” he grinned back.

Pike laughed harder. “I can read you like a goddamn book, Jim.”

It was probably true. They had become friends during his three years at the Academy, keeping in touch when Pike was away and meeting up on his rare trips to Earth. Pike had shown him early on that he saw beyond him being George Kirk’s son, encouraging, cajoling and challenging him throughout those three years. He had the admiral to thank for giving him a new degree of self-respect and when Nero had kidnapped Pike, there was no question in his mind that he wasn’t going to go get him back, even if it had meant forfeiting his own life.

“I guess I’m going to have to work harder to be more subtle,” Kirk acknowledged with a wan smile.

Pike’s face became serious. “Jim, this assignment will make or break you as captain of the Enterprise.”

Kirk recognized the unspoken words, _don’t fuck it up_. A part of him felt proud that this man had such faith in him. “I’ll do my best, Sir.”

“You see that you do. I took the Republic off the assignment, because you need to prove to everyone you’re not a one-trick pony, and patrolling the Neutral Zone wasn’t giving you that chance. Don’t let me down, Captain.”

“I won’t, Sir.”

After the screen cleared, Kirk sat back in his seat at his desk with a satisfied smile. Now _this_ was something he and his crew could get their teeth into, something they could get excited about.

Retrieving the secure packet containing his orders from his inbox, the Enterprise was to rendezvous with the Republic a day out from the colony, where a ship-to-ship transfer of necessary supplies would be made. This delay for the transfer would no doubt irritate Spock further, but he was beyond caring at that point. If the Healer’s arrival time had been _that_ critical, Pike would have included the fact in his orders.

-=-=-

Kirk held a meeting of department heads to inform them of the assignment. Spock, as always, sat to his right and seemed to be a little less stiff than he had been earlier, for which he was thankful. Bones sat on his other side, tapping a stylus on the tabletop as they waited for the rest of the team to arrive.

“Doctor, your stylus is not designed to be a percussive implement.”

Kirk didn’t need to turn to know Bones was rolling his eyes as he huffily threw the stylus down on the table. When his friend began to tap a fingernail on the surface instead, he threw him a glare which clearly said, ‘don’t turn my fucking meeting into another one of your battlefields’, and the doctor quickly got the message and slouched in his chair.

Kirk was all too aware that ever since the Narada crisis, McCoy had held an intense distrust of the Vulcan that tended to come out, whenever he had the opportunity, in barbed comments, which were frequently returned in the form of put-downs. He found it either amusing or annoying, depending on his mood.

Once everyone arrived, Kirk relayed their orders, including the well-received news that Admiral Pike was heading up the project. A lively debate ensued, in which it was agreed that Scotty would supply equipment and engineers, the science department would provide scientists, especially anyone with experience of botany, horticulture and agriculture. McCoy reported that his team would study everything they could get their hands on regarding Vulcan biology. Beyond those crew members whose specialties meant they were assigned to the project, Kirk expressed his hope that others would volunteer to assist by taking leave time to do it. Uhura’s task was to communicate a request for volunteers and to create a workable staff rotation.

Now he knew they were acquainted, he decided to delegate the job of liaising with the ambassador – Elder Sepak – to his first officer, to allow them to spend some time together, something his intuition told him would be a good thing to do. Predictably, Spock approached him after the meeting and waited until the room had emptied.

“Would I be correct in assuming you have recently spoken to my counterpart, Captain?”

Although it would be invisible to most, Kirk could see some tension in his First. “Yes, we spoke right after we got the orders to pick up Healer Soveran.”

He watched as Spock’s eyes narrowed at that information. He didn’t need to know the ambassador hadn’t told him anything – yet. He wanted to leave the Vulcan guessing as he got a strange kick out of trying to knock him off-balance and then keeping him there.

“I see,” Spock responded.

Kirk didn’t think he did, and that was just fine with him. “Do you have any objections to working with him?”

“Negative, Captain. I am certain I will find it a most…enlightening experience.”


	3. Chapter 3

Since their workout the day before, Kirk hadn’t seen Spock outside of their duty hours. This evening was no exception and he felt disappointed when he walked into the mess at the usual time and he wasn’t there. McCoy was already seated at a table and, after waving him over, proceeded to spend the entire meal trying to persuade him to go through with the drill he’d postponed. He should have realized the doctor’s capitulation a few days earlier had been too easy.   
“Jim, efficiency ratings are up by over seventy percent since we left Earth,” he said, pointing a fork-full of sausage at Kirk to emphasize his point. “That’s all down to the work you and Spock have been doing – but if you tell him that, I’ll deny I said it,” he added with a smirk. “The success has everyone buzzing and motivated. Another one is going to add to that good feeling and this is one we might have to deal with at any time.”

Kirk grinned, rarely seeing Bones looking so enthusiastic. “Are you going to eat that, or just wave it in my face?”

“Stop trying to change the subject,” McCoy scowled and popped the cold piece of sausage in his mouth. “I’m trying…” he paused to chew and swallow. “…to be serious here.”

“I’ll consider it…” Kirk paused when he heard the door to the mess open and turned in time to see Uhura enter and walk over to the food dispensers -- not his First, then, he thought, disappointed. “…and discuss it with Spock tomorrow.”

“Speaking of which, where is that green-blooded overgrown elf? He’s normally joined to you at the hip.”

“What?” Not the most elegant of comebacks, but the only thing he could think of in reply to McCoy’s surprising comment.

“Just lately, you’ve barely been out of each others’ sights,” he said as he skewered another piece of sausage and scooped up some mashed potato on top.

Kirk was about to launch into ‘of course we’ve spent a lot of time together, we’ve been working hard to get those efficiency ratings you’ve just been crowing about’, when he stopped himself, realizing it would sound like he was ‘protesting too much’. Instead he sat back and sipped his coffee. This stuff was definitely better than what he got in his quarters and he wondered if the job had been done yet.

“I guess he’s taken the evening off, Bones,” he said, finally. “Even Vulcans need a break sometimes.”

Kirk watched McCoy’s eyes following Uhura as she approached an empty table where she set down her tray. Uh-oh, he thought and stood up, knowing how perceptive the doctor was and not in the mood to conjecture what was going on with two of his senior officers. He knew it was bothering him a bit more than it should and he didn’t want McCoy noticing. He wasn’t fast enough.

“You know, Jim,” McCoy said conversationally, continuing to look at Uhura where she sat with her back to them, “Spock’s promotion to first officer and commander means that if they continue their relationship, he would be in contravention of StarFleet Regulation 19, Sections 1-5 of the non-fraternization rule regarding officers in the same chain of command.”

Kirk was taken aback as McCoy’s had never given him the impression he was a stickler for regs. In fact far from seeing their use, he’d grouched plenty when he’d had to learn them for Academy exams saying what a waste of time it was because if he needed to know them, he could find the information on a computer.

“And you know this particular regulation off by heart because…?”

“I looked it up,” McCoy finished.

Kirk frowned. As Spock was a Vulcan citizen, he’d not given it a second thought. “Right, so then you’ll know that sections 9 thru 11 cover Vulcan partnerships, Bones.”

McCoy turned to look at where Kirk was standing still holding his tray. “That’s only between bonded couples.”

Kirk put his tray on the table and sat back down, his curiosity immediately piqued.

“Bonded?” He’d assumed the term was the equivalent of a marriage, but he just knew, because that sixth sense of his was itching, that Bones was about to contradict that. This sounded like it was something the doctor had access to in those classified medical files. Since Bones had brought the subject up, he may as well pump him with questions. Apparently his curiosity regarding Vulcans knew no bounds.

“You know Vulcans are ordinarily telepathic through touch.”

“Right,” Kirk agreed, trying not to remember how Spock had lain on top of him, an erection pressing into his ass, and now belatedly wondering what the Vulcan might have picked up from him from _that_ much bodily contact. He himself had certainly got off on it and wondered now whether Spock had sensed that. Shit.

Then again, he remembered Spock on the bridge the following day, showing him how to get his fingers into the Vulcan salute. He wouldn’t have done that if he were avoiding him, he reasoned. The memory surfaced of the jolt that had passed between them at the contact. He was certain Spock had felt it too. His First was blowing hot one minute, cold the next. These mood swings were worrying him and it was one of the things he intended to speak to the ambassador about.

“A bond is what takes place when a Vulcan marries. They create a permanent telepathic link with their mate, that both sides are constantly aware of. They can’t be split up. That’s why StarFleet allows bonded couples to serve together even when they’re in the same chain of command – it was part of the agreement the Vulcan High Council insisted on when the United Federation of Planets and StarFleet was founded.”

Kirk shrugged. “Given how few Vulcans there are serving in StarFleet, that can’t be much of an issue.”

“Right,” McCoy agreed.

He looked over at Uhura, suddenly aware of a space around her – like a no-go zone – even though the mess was busy. Given how sociable she normally was, he frowned at her apparently self-imposed isolation. “Why do I get the feeling you don’t think they’re bonded?”

“Because it’s a commitment for life, Jim, and there’s a formal ceremony involved. If you ask me, Uhura’s way too young and ambitious to tie herself to one man. It would stunt her career if she could only be posted wherever Spock was. Think about it. What if he decided after this mission’s ended to take a scientific research post on a planet or on one of the Deep Space stations. No, I’m guessing it’s over.”

“I guessed something wasn’t quite right between them a while ago,” Jim admitted, “and I tackled Spock about it. He was evasive – you know how private he is, so I figured maybe they were just working through some problems.”

_‘I know you two are an item…’ ‘You know nothing.’_

__Spock had _asked_ for the first officer position, which has the comms officer reporting to it. If he’d remained just as science officer, it wouldn’t have been an issue. The question was, did Spock adhere to regs that closely, that he would end the relationship due to some outdated rule? He was reminded that ejecting a crew-member into space, even for attempted mutiny, wasn’t exactly the standard operating procedure, so presumably he wasn’t above doing things his own way. But who knows?

Maybe Uhura had chosen to end it. He looked at her sitting there and knew heartbreak when he saw it. Maybe not.

“So, back to my earlier question,” McCoy said, interrupting his thoughts. “Where is that green-blooded overgrown elf?”

“Maybe he’s with Soveran,” suggested Kirk.

“Yeah, figures. Misery loves company.”

=_=_=_=

Kirk sat at his desk in his quarters and stared unseeing at the unruly pile of datapadds and disks that represented at least an evening’s worth of work. He hadn’t had the patience to put McCoy right on his inference that the healer felt emotions. Because contrary to his own first hand experience that Vulcans not only felt emotions and felt them very deeply, apparently there were some who genuinely didn’t feel them _at all_. Just as he’d been taught.

Before going to dinner, he’d done a bit of research and had uncovered what being a Kolinahr Adept meant. Soveran had spent years training at a monastery to purge himself of _all_ emotion. Gone, _never_ to feel again. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what that would be like. The thought made him shudder.

He wondered where Spock was, whether he really was with the healer. “Computer locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is in his quarters.”

Involuntarily, he glanced at the bulkhead that separated their adjacent cabins. Not with the healer then. So why hadn’t he come to dinner? He shook his head. Trying to second guess the most enigmatic member of his crew was a bit of a lost cause.

Instead he turned his mind to the clutter on his desk. If he was going to get cracking on this mountain of work, he needed something to perk him up. Walking over to his servo he punched in the code for a double espresso. What he got was a regular coffee. He tried again with the same result. Then, cappuccino, same result. How about a mocha? He called computer sciences.

If the ensign who showed up to his quarters wondered why there were five cups in a line on his desk all filled with undrunk coffee, she didn’t show it. She was no more than five feet tall, with dark hair cut into a bob and large brown eyes. She looked to be Chekov’s age but was undoubtedly older. He knew for a fact, the young Russian was the only teenager on the Enterprise.

“Ensign…?” he gave her his warm, captainly smile.

“Charalam, sir.”

“My servo isn’t working.”

The ensign’s eyes flicked momentarily down at the evidence of five coffees which would seem to disprove her captain’s statement, and then back to Kirk.

“I mean,” Kirk said, as if speaking to a child, “It’s working, it’s but not giving me what I’m programming it to give me.”

“Ah.”

Ah? he thought. He stopped just short of glaring at her.

“What are you programming it to give you, sir?” she asked after several seconds of silence, presumably when it became clear he wasn’t going to say anything.

“Espresso coffee.”

“I see your problem now, Captain. The food and beverage replicators in crew quarters aren’t programmed with different varieties of coffee.”

Kirk was sure he could feel one, possibly two blood vessels burst as he attempted to keep his cool. “I _know_ that, Ensign Charalam. But Commander Spock agreed to have all senior officers’ servos reprogrammed, to include the same variety of coffee as is offered in the mess.”

“Yes, sir. He did. It’s on the project list.”

It was at this point, Kirk got a sinking feeling. Spock _had_ capitulated very easily that morning. “And just _when_ is the projected date for this work to be carried out?”

“May I, Sir?” she asked, pointing at his console.

Kirk waved for her to help herself. She rotated it to face her and tapped the screen a few times before straightening up. “At the present time, nine months, ten days, Sir, if no other higher priority projects interfere.”

How many fucking computer projects was the bastard planning? Despite his deep irritation, he kept a lid on it.

“Thank you, Ensign. You’re dismissed.”

He was in the middle of having some extremely uncharitable thoughts about his first officer, when his comm unit chimed, making him jump. Having just discarded his uniform shirt, he put it on audio only. “Kirk here.”

“Spock here, Captain. Are you busy?”

“No Spock, just sitting here, wool-gathering.” Thinking he’d like to incur at least a small amount of bodily damage upon your person.

“Wool-gathering, Sir?”

Kirk grinned despite himself at the image the idiom provided when spoken in his First’s tone of voice. “Never mind. What can I do for you, Spock?”

“If you are available, would you care to join me in my quarters for a game of chess?”

It was still quite early and he really didn’t feel up to tackling the mess of work in front of him. “Yeah sure, Spock. I’ll be there in a minute.” 

He cut the channel and sat back, stroking his lips thoughtfully with a finger. Spock could easily have walked the five or so meters from his own door to his captain’s. He guessed the Vulcan would view a comm. call as less of an invasion in his off-duty time than an actual visit.

He shook his head; the invitation was about the last thing Kirk expected, after two evenings of Spock making himself scarce. Maybe he was feeling bad about the servo, though he doubted it. Well, whatever prompted the invitation didn’t matter. He was eager to get back the rapport they’d had before their workout.

Glancing at the door behind him, he considered taking the ‘back route’ in via their shared bathroom. When he’d first learned at the Academy that the larger officers’ quarters were no different to those of the junior crew in that they shared facilities, he had only imagined the inconvenience that would likely cause. Now, though, he envisaged that as his friendship with Spock grew, it could prove quite useful being able to move between their quarters when off-duty without the necessity of dressing up to go into the corridor.

He wouldn’t pull that one on Spock yet, though, as he didn’t feel they had reached that level of informality. With that thought and a sigh, he put his shirt and boots back on and took the normal route.

=_=_=_=

Spock seemed a lot calmer and more relaxed than he had at the start of their shift, and for that much, Kirk was grateful. It felt as if they had regained their recent level of affinity with comfortable silences, and because of this, he decided not to bring up Charalam’s visit and revelation. Instead, he played an aggressive game which left the Vulcan on the defensive, checkmate in four if he was lucky.

“Your move, Captain.”

Kirk studied the board. Ah, bishop to queen’s level three. Hmm. He considered the possible counter-moves Spock would make. What would throw him most, he wondered. Ah yes.

A raised eyebrow showed he’d been right. Kirk grinned. As Spock pondered his next move, Kirk pondered Spock, who was idly playing with a pawn he’d captured earlier. As he watched the Vulcan’s fingers delicately trace the contours of the small chess piece, it brought to mind the memory of that spark as their hands had touched the other morning, and how warm Spock’s hand had felt as he’d held his own for those scant seconds; which led him to remembering how warm Spock’s body had felt on top of his. Hmm. Best not to go there though he couldn’t deny that his First’s erection – the possible reason for it – intrigued him.

Instead of focusing on what, he turned to the thought of why. Could Spock feel an attraction to him? Even as he thought it, he counted the idea as absurd. He was Vulcan, for god’s sake. What could be more _illogical_ than a homosexual relationship? He’d never heard of any Vulcans being gay and when he thought about every image he’d ever seen of Vulcans, he’d only seen heterosexual pairings. Spock himself is – or was – in a relationship with a woman. Maybe the reaction had been something as simple as an autonomic response to touch.

Right, he really should think of something else as this probably wasn’t a great thing to be considering while in the presence of said _telepathic_ Vulcan. Not that they were close to touching, but anyway. Plus there was a very real danger that he himself would start to get warm in places he shouldn’t. Not a Good Thing to do outside the privacy of his own quarters.

“Bones still wants to practice the landing party emergency drill we devised,” he said, breaking the comfortable silence. “I canceled it when we were taken off patrol because I didn’t know how busy we might get and I wanted to focus on more routine matters. Do you think we could do it while we’re en route to the colony?”

He had mixed feelings about it. They’d been given the go-ahead to spend a week there and the crew were buzzing with all the planning and preparation needed. On the other hand, emergencies affecting landing parties came, by their very nature, when the crew were busy with all the work any planetfall caused.

Spock glanced up. “Doubtless the doctor will have one of his emotional outbursts should you continue to deny him this.”

Kirk grinned. “You mean he’d be pissed off and ranting.”

“Quite,” Spock agreed, his lips quirking.

“I just don’t want to overburden the crew. But…I think they could handle it. We’ll need time to set it up, so we should probably do it the day after tomorrow, while we’re still a ways off from our arrival.”

“Indeed,” said Spock and turned his concentration back to the board.

Kirk smiled inwardly. He’d asked Spock his opinion and noticed he hadn’t really given one. Probably, he was beginning to realize, he’d often already made up his mind on something and would just look to Spock for confirmation. The first time he noticed Spock just accepting his decision was when they’d both gone to the Narada to rescue Captain Pike.

 _I would cite regulation, but I know you would simply ignore it._ He suppressed a smile.

So, decision made, he knew McCoy would be pleased. And the doctor had put a lot into creating the scenario so he was glad the time wouldn’t be wasted.

His thoughts turned to the conversation he and the doctor had had earlier in the mess. _Joined at the hip_ , he’d said. Well, they had had their work cut out for them. With the ship’s complement being eighty-five percent raw graduate cadets – himself included – they’d had to rewrite so many of the emergency drills and procedures to create greater redundancy in terms an increased number of contingency plans, than would normally be required of a seasoned crew. Every back up of a back up, he and Spock had decided, required an _extra_ back up just in case. 

They’d then had to teach every single staff member the new systems and have them all practice them several times over, until they were satisfied that response times were within the optimum range as mandated by the StarFleet emergency procedures manual.

He hadn’t given it much thought until now, but between the chess games and the work they’d done on the new procedures and drills, he and Spock had spent most evenings since departure from Earth, together. It can’t have left much time for Uhura, which had him wondering, if Bones was right about it, when exactly the relationship had ended.

He’d been too busy to notice that his communications officer wasn’t as normally self-contained as usual, until right after their new orders had come in. He’d noticed her snapping at one of the yeomen who was collecting data-padds of Heads of Department daily reports and she’d not yet completed hers. That was a first. And now he really thought about it, he couldn’t remember the last time she and Spock had left the bridge together, something they’d certainly done regularly during that interminable week it had taken them to limp back to Earth after they’d defeated Nero.

Relationships and break-ups were part of life and he’d seen plenty – even experienced a few himself while at the Academy. Not that he’d stuck with anyone more than a few weeks, and certainly never long enough to become emotionally involved. On a ship with only 430 crew, it was far harder to be discreet and so break-ups tended not to go unnoticed. He was genuinely sorry about Spock and Uhura, though. Once he’d gotten used to the idea, he’d thought them well-matched.

Would it be okay, he wondered, to broach the subject again, and ask Spock if they’d broken it off because of the non-fraternization rule? No. He’d already said Vulcans don’t confide and his reaction in the gym told him, if nothing else had, that that subject was definitely off-limits. Things seemed better between them again. He didn’t want to mess that up.

On the transporter platform, he recalled how Spock had been surprisingly demonstrative with Uhura. Not just her kissing him, but him kissing her back. While he’d always thought Spock attractive, it was the first time he’d even considered the Vulcan might have similar needs to a Human – he’d imagined Spock was above all that. Though since Vulcan had had a population of six billion, clearly at some point even members of that uptight race had to succumb to their baser instincts and primal urges to procreate. 

If he’d thought about it at all, he’d have probably imagined them having intercourse logically and impassively, like it was almost an inconvenience in their normally more cerebral lives. What he’d glimpsed for just a moment in Spock, had been something entirely more passionate. And what he’d felt in the gym… Shit! Back to that. Christ, he was fucking obsessing. Change the subject to something – anything else. 

He turned his thoughts to the transporter room and how it seemed to have become the focal point for so many dramas. His and Sulu’s arrival there after the skydive had hurt, though not as much as if they’d slammed into the planet’s surface, he conceded. Spock’s arrival there with what remained of the Vulcan Elders, his arm outstretched. God, that image still brought a lump to his throat, knowing what had just happened; the look on his face, his arm outstretched, reaching… Then there’d been his and Spock’s triumphant return with Pike right before they’d blown the Narada to smithereens.

That particular memory caused something to nag at the back of his brain. Something else he should remember. Something he’d been too busy to process at the time because they needed to get to the bridge to ensure they weren’t going to get sucked into a black hole, and he’d not thought of it since. Then it hit him as he recalled Scotty’s words.

_I've never beamed three people from two locations onto one platform before._

Why had the engineer even had to do that? Knowing the impact of the Jellyfish took place immediately after they’d beamed across, why hadn’t Spock ordered beam-out as soon as he’d locked his ship onto a collision course…? He stared at the man sitting opposite him, his head slightly bowed as, oblivious to his captain’s train of thought, he considered the tri-d board.

Spock hadn’t meant to come back. A completely irrational, emotional act.

Spock had been prepared to do what George Kirk had done, but this time, with the red matter on board, do it far more devastatingly. Only his father hadn’t had a choice. Spock had. He’d apparently been willing to needlessly die in a fiery explosion, to scatter his atoms among the stars.

He felt a tightening of his throat, of his chest, his eyes prickling and he swallowed loudly. In that moment, Spock glanced up, as if aware of his thoughts, his eyes riveted on the aghast look he had no doubt his face wore.

“You, on the Jellyfish, you didn’t intend…” Kirk’s voice was cracked and in the next instant, he saw a look of shocked recognition that he’d figured out what Spock’s plan had been.

Kirk fought to breathe evenly, remembering that feeling he himself had once had, that exhilaration of knowing that soon all his pain would cease forever. But in the end, he hadn’t taken that final step. At a fundamental level he was a born optimist, always believing in hope, in other possibilities, in alternative options, and as certainly as he had wanted to die, he had become certain he wanted to live. In the moment before his action had become irrevocable, he had leaped from the car and had cheated death.

As Kirk watched, that first startled look transformed into one of wretchedness, of utter misery such as he’d never seen on the normally impassive visage, not even as they’d watched Vulcan implode. It was as if everything that had been inside him at the time, that had driven him to such an extreme, was there, right now. Here Spock sat before him, trying valiantly to hold all his unbearable pain inside, his decision to end his life arbitrarily taken away from him by an eccentric genius.

As Kirk watched the façade crumble, he likened Spock to a dam, a wall of seeming implacability behind which he’d confined all his pain, keeping himself together for these past few months. But the structure was no longer strong enough to withstand the unrelenting pressure of holding everything that churned away inside, and finally cracks were appearing, allowing what was behind it to seep out. And Kirk had no idea what to do, how to give a Vulcan comfort – nor any idea if this one would even accept it.

Spock looked down at the chess piece he still held and Kirk noticed a faint tremor in his hands. Fearing he’d say the wrong thing, that his words might inadvertently act like a bomb that breached the dam completely, he held himself still, remaining silent. Ignoring the churning in his gut, he tried to breathe deeply and focus on the quiet hiss of the air-conditioning and the feeling of the gentle, almost imperceptible thrum of the engines.

“Just prior to our expedition to the Narada,” Spock finally said and, even though the words were quiet, it made Kirk jump, “my father told me that ‘emotions run deep in Vulcans’. Indeed, I have found his statement to be accurate.”

Kirk couldn’t imagine what that disclosure to him had just cost Spock; was amazed he’d made it at all. This proud, self-contained man was admitting to coming apart at the seams. He wondered when that observation would have been made. More than likely, right after Sarek had prevented Spock from squeezing the life out of him. He’d left the bridge not long after his son and he, too, must have been feeling great pain having just lost his wife and god-knows how much else.

He spent a few moments staring at the top of Spock’s bowed head. They’d all been offered counseling when they’d returned, though he very much doubted Spock had made use of it. 

“Have you—” Kirk’s voice was raspy with emotion and he coughed, clearing his throat before trying again. “Have you spoken to Healer Soveran about this?” This time his voice came out sounding calm – calmer than he’d expected.

“He is unavailable, Captain. You will have noticed he has not left his cabin. He is spending the journey in deep meditation in preparation for what is to come.”

“Right.” Kirk didn’t know what else to say to that, as he had no idea what the healer was preparing himself for. He’d find out in three days when he met up with the ambassador. “Then make sure,” he said, in a voice that made it sound like a semi-order, “that you see one at the colony, Spock.” _You need help_ , he wanted to say.

Kirk noticed that Spock remained silent, not promising anything. Well if need be, he’d keep on at him about it until he saw one. 

Spock took a deep breath, than another and Kirk watched in thrall as the Vulcan rebuilt his wall, shoring up the dam until no outward sign of what he held inside showed, his face once more taking on that placid, calm expression with which he was so familiar.

Kirk felt a strong urge to retreat to his own quarters, the intensity of what had just taken place too much.

“Spock, do you mind if we carry this game over to another time?”

Spock looked up and again his face showed emotion – this time, relief. “Indeed not, I was about to make the same suggestion.”

Kirk stood. “Mind if I use the back door?” indicating the entrance to the bathroom.

Spock nodded his head slightly as he stood.

“Are you going to be all right?” He had to ask, had to know that his friend wasn’t going to come apart again.

“I will spend the night in meditation.”

Kirk leaned forward and silently squeezed Spock’s shoulder in a gesture of comfort and understanding. Then at the door to the bathroom he paused as it opened. “‘Night Spock.”

The door had almost closed when he heard a response. “Goodnight Jim.”

 _Jim._ Despite all the mixed feelings that were churning inside him, deep down, a small ember glowed.

=_=_=_=

Kirk had barely stepped out of the turbolift onto the bridge when Spock took him to one side. “Captain, if you have a moment?”

Kirk smiled uncertainly. He wanted to say _‘how are you’_ , but this wasn’t the time or the place. Instead he said, “Sure Spock. What’s up?”

“Sir, until we reach the colony, I request permission to have the science station manned by a rotation of my subordinates – I will ensure all of them have bridge experience from alternate shifts. There is much to do in preparation and—”

Kirk held up his hand to stem the flow of words. “Spock, you don’t need to explain. That’s fine.”

Spock looked as though he was going to say more, so Kirk briefly squeezed his arm. “It’s fine,” he repeated with quiet emphasis. That was as close as he was prepared to go in acknowledging what had taken place the night before.

There was a moment when he was looking direct into Spock’s eyes and found his gaze held. There was gratitude in the look, and warmth. They held it longer than the social norm and he suddenly felt a spike of something, his heart beating faster, making him look away to break the intensity.

When he forced himself to look back, Spock was studying the deck. “So.” At the word, Spock glanced up and Kirk ignored the physiological reaction that erupted in him again, trying for some semblance of normality. “As we discussed last night, I’m going ahead and scheduling Dr. McCoy’s drill – will you have time to participate in it?” The intensity between them was almost tangible.

“I will make the time, Captain.” Then Spock’s face seemed to change, but it didn’t. Maybe he’d just relaxed a bit, Kirk decided.

Kirk smiled. “Well I’ll leave you to it.” He headed for his chair as Spock left the bridge.

He had no real idea what that was about and neither did he intend to dwell on it. Instead, he swung his chair around to Uhura, falling back on reassuring routines. “Ship’s status, Lieutenant?”

-=-=-

The following day, Kirk dropped into the dispensary after shift and finding McCoy in his office, wasn’t entirely surprised when the doctor brought up the subject of Spock’s absence from the bridge. He seemed to miss very little.

“Hey Jim, take a seat.”

Kirk glanced at the desk top and felt inordinately pleased that it looked even more of a shambles than his own. How the doctor found anything amidst the jumble of disks, data-padds, instruments, jars, papers and god knows what else, was beyond him. 

“We’re all set for the drill tomorrow, Bones. Did you get the schedule from Uhura?”

“Yep, been over it,” McCoy confirmed, leaning back in his chair and tapping a stylus to his lips. “Haven’t seen much of our resident Vulcan,” he commented. “Is he going to grace us with his presence?”

“Yeah, he will.”

“What’s he been up to?” It was an innocent enough question, but Kirk knew McCoy well and nothing was asked at random. It wasn’t even a subtle approach given he’d never shown the remotest interest in Spock’s activities up to now.

“He’s been busy doing stuff.” Kirk really didn’t want to have this discussion.

“Doing stuff?” McCoy repeated. “We’re all ‘doing stuff’, but most of us manage not to hide when we’re doing it.”

Kirk felt his irritation rise. “He’s not hiding.”

“Ah, so you know what he _is_ doing then.”

“Why so much interest? He’s busy with the preparations before we get to the colony. What’s the big deal?” He was aware he was sounding slightly defensive, but after seeing Spock almost breakdown two nights earlier, he was feeling more than a little protective.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Jim. He could do a lot of it from the bridge. It’s not like he’s doing it all himself – that’s what his subordinates are there for. What’s up with him?”

Kirk knew he was on a hiding to nothing and his annoyance at the doctor’s insistent probing came out in his overly controlled voice. “Can’t the guy be allowed to do what he needs to do in private without people prying?”

The doctor looked taken aback both by what he said and the way in which he said it. “When any crew member, but particularly a senior one, starts behaving atypically, it’s my job check them out and ensure they’re fit for duty, _Sir_.”

Kirk winced at the tone, but remained silent. He realized how tense he was and uncurling his fists, forced himself to relax.

“I don’t know what’s up with you, Jim, but you’ve changed; you’ve distanced yourself from me. I guess that’s your prerogative as captain now, but I don’t have to like it.”

So, this wasn’t about Spock, or maybe it was. Maybe, though the idea seemed crazy even as he thought it – maybe this was about jealousy. Bones had made that comment a few days earlier about him and Spock being joined at the hip, which he’d forced himself not to defend. If it was that, he really didn’t have the patience right now to deal with McCoy’s insecurities.

Kirk ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. “Do you have any idea what it’s like carrying the responsibility I have when half the time I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing? Or whether what I’m doing is right? Having 430 crew depending on me for their very lives? I feel confident enough taking the Enterprise into battle, but when it comes to the day to day stuff, the running of the ship, the meetings, the reports, the logs… I’ve got a lot to pick up because I didn’t get to captain by working my way up through the ranks. So my learning curve is like that,” he held his hand upright. “Spock can be a pain in the ass and we still knock heads, but having an Exec like him has made this job a hell of a lot easier for me and part of it’s because of all the extra work he’s taken on so I don’t feel overwhelmed. He’s not just doing the science and first officer roles, but he’s having to carry me too. And you know what, Bones? With everything he’s been through in the last few months, I’m not going to begrudge him some time to himself, whatever that means.”

Kirk ground to a halt, feeling utterly drained by his unexpected outburst.

McCoy leaned forward earnestly. “Jim, I’m your friend. You can come and talk to me any time you feel things are building up and you need an outlet. Hell, you can come and talk to me just for the fun of it.”

So Bones had noticed he wasn’t going to him as much to confide his problems. It was true, as he’d been turning more and more to Spock for that. When he did, the Vulcan would sit there quietly, sometimes his head slightly slanted to one side as if listening intently, and then offer his rational observations. Never once did he feel judged for what he said and it was something he truly appreciated. Not that McCoy judged him, but somehow it was _different._ How to explain why he’d switched his confidante.

“Yes you’re my friend, but you’re also my CMO, Bones. You have the authority to take my command away from me. That gives you a lot of power over me.”

There, he’d finally said something that had been bothering him since they’d left Earth. Their relationship had been so much simpler when they’d been at the Academy, when they were cadets and equals with no greater responsibilities than getting to class on time and passing exams. Now there was this weird dynamic where he was his friend’s superior officer, yet at the same time, his friend as a medical officer, could also pull rank over him.

McCoy looked hurt. “Do you really think I’d do anything to jeopardize your command unless I honestly believed you were crossing the line and acting in a way that could compromise the safety of this ship or her crew? Damn it, Jim, I risked my fucking commission to sneak you on – that’s called loyalty, man!”

Kirk took a deep breath. He’d drunkenly thanked Bones for that when they’d got back to Earth and all charges against them had been dropped. He wasn’t going to let Bones use that as ammunition every time they had a fucking spat. “I don’t know what ‘crossing the line’ looks like to you. Shit! The mission against the Narada looked like suicide, and I may pull other stunts like that. You know I don’t do things by the book. There isn’t a book written for the way I’m likely to do things – maybe it’s time I wrote one. How can I command confidently when I can never be certain you’re not going to pull the rug out from under me?”

In some part of his mind, Kirk wondered where all this had come from. Hadn’t this started out about Spock? But his fears were real and he was aware it was causing him to distance himself from his friend. He’d never been one for talking through his issues until he’d met McCoy, who’d spent three years getting him drunk and encouraging him to spill his guts until there wasn’t much about him the doctor didn’t know. Even so, he still found it hard to express what was going on inside him.

McCoy sat back and folded his arms. “Jim, do you trust me?”

“Yes,” he responded, knowing the answer was unequivocal.

“Do you think I’m capable of judging when you’re inspired and when you’re insane?”

Kirk looked at him for a moment. “Yeah, probably,” he said grudgingly. He was starting to feel stupid now, realizing that maybe some…or maybe a lot of his fear was irrational.

“Right. I can only override you in cases of dire medical emergency or psychological impairment, and even then, I’d have to be able to prove my findings scientifically. And I wouldn’t do anything without consulting Spock first.”

Kirk managed a small smile. “That doesn’t fill me with confidence. He thinks I’m insane most of the time.”

McCoy grinned. “I could mention pots and black kettles, but I won’t. Jim, we’ve all been thrown together, untried and untested, with only our training and our good sense to fall back on. We’re all trying to figure out how to do our jobs the best we can and what we need to do is to support each other through this, not work against one another. I’ve even been studying stuff on Vulcans so I can get a handle on that uptight first officer of yours.”

When Bones showed this kind of maturity, it served to remind him of their age difference. His friend probably had a lot to teach him. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m still trying to get a handle on all this and it’s going to take a while for me to really settle into the role. It really doesn’t help when you and Spock are sniping at each other.”

“Jim you know how I feel about him. After what he did to you, I don’t know how you can work with him, much less forgive him.”

Kirk had no intention of trying to defend either himself or Spock. Not only did he think Bones wasn’t ready to hear that defense, but he wasn’t sure he could adequately unravel his feelings enough to give it.

It seemed McCoy wasn’t expecting an answer, as he suddenly stood up and slapped him on his back. “Eat?”

They went to the main mess hall and after their meal, McCoy persuaded Kirk to commandeer one of the briefing rooms for a game of Beirut which involved 40 cups, half-filled with beer and two pingpong balls. Where the doctor got the Romulan ale from, Kirk had no idea but it was potent. They hadn’t had a session together like that in a long while. 

It was only by virtue of one of the doctor’s magic detox shots – which he was too drunk to feel being rammed into his neck by a less-than-coordinated CMO, that he was able to make his way back to his quarters under his own steam, and not nurse the mother of all hangovers the following day.


	4. Chapter 4

The detox shot only worked up to a point, and Kirk woke with his stomach doing uneasy flipflops for a while and feeling like he’d cleaned the bottom of a tribble’s cage with his tongue – the latter not much helping the former. A coffee (he was still mildly pissed at Spock for only having one choice of flavor), seemed to settle both issues.

This was not an auspicious start as they were due to carry out McCoy’s drill that day. It brought home to him that if they’d had any kind of emergency in the previous eight hours, he would have been far from peak efficiency. From now on, he resolved, he would confine heavy drinking sessions to shore-leave.

Because the drill involved being planet-side – a place they clearly couldn’t be while traveling at warp speed – Kirk had seconded the ship’s largest briefing room for a computerized simulation. He wished they had something like the state-of-the-art holosimulators they had recently started to use, with great effect, at the Academy. While he had cursed the realism in some of the more frightening scenarios in which cadets had been known to literally pee themselves in fright, it not only provided the level of realism to elicit authentic reactions, the drills tended to separate the wheat from the chaff. And he had gotten pretty good at predicting which, of his fellow classmates, was which.

The crew directly involved in the simulation comprised mainly security and medics. The latter made up from more than just McCoy’s medical team, as it included those who had completed advanced first aid training. In the event the Enterprise was called upon to deal with any significant medical alerts, these trained personnel would be drafted from their normal duties to assist with triage and the treatment of minor injuries at the incident site.

But outside of that – and this was one of the big changes they’d made to the drill – the entire complement of crew currently on shift was on alert, as those participating would be expected to elicit the help of relevant departments in whatever scenario they were dealing with. So if rocks on the planet surface needed blasting, those involved in the scenario would be expected to contact engineering and work with them to direct ship’s phasers accordingly; or if some of the team were abducted unexpectedly by little green men, then they were expected to involve communications, xeno-sociology, and the first contact teams. Everyone on board knew that despite this only being a drill, it was to be taken seriously. Every single one of the crew had been through the holosimulators. They knew the score.

The exercise was designed not just to test the efficacy of the drill, nor the competency of the crew to follow procedures, but to reinforce in them the need for teamwork, good communication and an accountable attitude. And where there was no procedure to deal with an unforeseen situation, they were expected to think outside the box to ensure a positive outcome.

Computer Sciences had programmed the incident into a standard three-dimensional interactive table-top simulator. The drill itself would be run three times so that all relevant staff could have an opportunity to take part. Each crew member was assigned an avatar representing a member of the rescue team compatible with their own areas of expertise. They wore headgear that would only allow them to see and hear what they would in a real situation from wherever they were located, so that those not at the scene would not get advanced warning of what was taking place, nor any information ahead of time, beyond that which others specifically made to them via communicator.

The only people who would see the entirety of the simulation were the assessing panel which consisted of Kirk, Spock, McCoy. Uhura and Sulu were also assessing, but they were also doubling as communications and helm, should either role be needed. With everyone except Chekov watching the drill, the fort was being held by Scotty and a skeleton of bridge crew from beta and gamma shifts. The only junior officer was Ensign Charalam, who was there as an observer. Having been responsible for programming the incident into the simulation, she had asked Spock if she could watch how well it ran.

Before things got going, Kirk stopped by the mess and picked up a small stack of pancakes drizzled in maple syrup with an assortment of berries on the side. He’d only just taken his seat when McCoy came in looking far more the worse for wear and, after grabbing a coffee, joined him.

Kirk grinned at his friend whose eyes were little more than slits. “You look rough.”

“Thanks Jim.” McCoy glanced at his breakfast plate. “Very healthy.”

“Yeah well I figured if I had fruit, it would negate the syrup and make it a balanced meal.”

“Even if that were true, pancakes are just stodge fried in oil,” the doctor pointed out and took a small sip of his coffee.

When Kirk shoveled a forkful of pancake into his mouth, he noticed McCoy wince. “What?”

“Just not feeling that great. Don’t ask, you don’t want to know.”

“Didn’t the detox shot work?”

“Yeah, but it didn’t stop that stuff we were drinking turning the contents of my lower gastrointestinal tract to water.”

Kirk eyed the forkful of pancake he’d been about to eat and put it back onto his plate. “You’re right, I didn’t want to know that. Come on.” He stood up. “Let’s get the party going.”

“I’ll see you there, I’m dropping by sickbay to give myself a shot of loperamide hydrochloride, or I won’t be much good for anything.”

Kirk recognized the drug as one that cured what was universally referred to ‘gut rot’ – an all too common occurrence for the crew of ships on exploratory missions, visiting new planets. “Okay, I’ll see you there.”

When he got to the briefing room, Spock was alone and was running a check on the simulator computer.

“Hey stranger,” he said with a smile.

Spock’s eyebrow rose. “I am hardly—”

Kirk put his hand up to forestall him. “Hey, this is me. How are you?” _How are you feeling?_ was what he was really asking.

Spock stopped what he was doing and walked over to where he stood beside the door. “I am functional, Captain.”

“Functional.” Kirk said it in the flat tone of a statement rather than a question. He cocked his head to one side. “Did the meditation help?”

Kirk noticed Spock’s shoulders drop almost imperceptibly before he folded his arms across his chest, not in a defensive manner, Kirk noticed, but a relaxed one. “It was most efficacious. However, your observation was a valid one. I intend to seek the services of a healer while at the colony.”

“Good, I’m—” Kirk halted his words as Ensign Charalam appeared, almost flying through the door which he was still standing beside, narrowly missing him. Spock immediately straightened up, his hands moving to behind his back. For the first time, Kirk became aware of the difference in bearing between Spock his friend and Spock the first officer and it warmed him to know that the Vulcan was willing to let his guard down a little when they were alone together.

“Sorry, Sirs,” Charalam mumbled and, heading to the computer Spock had been working on, inserted a disk she’d brought with her.

Within minutes, the room was full of people, those taking part chatting excitedly and noisily with each other.

The first time the simulation was run, had it been a real situation, the crew in difficulty would have been unlikely to survive. The only person on the rescue team Kirk recognized was Yeoman Rand who, he realized, must be one of those trained in first aid, as she was part of the support staff that fell under the first officer’s domain. During the debrief, Kirk had the team assess what had gone well and what hadn’t, and then decide what they would do differently if they went through it again. They then sat as silent observers as the second team went through the drill. They fared slightly better, but not by much. Again, Kirk only recognized one of them – who he’d once dubbed ‘cupcake’, but who his brief had listed as Dom Giotto. He seemed to know Ensign Charalam as they chatted for several minutes before the simulation began. The final team performed the best of the three and, following their debrief, the teams asked to go over each of the simulations to see what could be improved.

A lively discussion ensued which resulted in some of the procedures being modified. Raw recruits they may have been, but Kirk found himself feeling inordinately pleased and proud at the enthusiasm and level of professionalism of his crew.

=_=_=_=

“Tell me more about the Millennium Seed Bank Project.” It had come up in their briefing earlier that morning, but to keep it short for all who attended, Kirk had deferred asking about it until they had more time. They were now only one day from the colony and there was much to be done in preparation.

Standing on a mezzanine floor above the cargo hold, Kirk and Spock had been watching as crew from engineering and sciences checked in the various shipments that were being beamed across from the USS Republic, after successfully rendezvousing with her two hours earlier. The new cargo transporters – Enterprise was the first Constitution class ship to have them fitted – was cutting down the transfer time to a fraction of what it might have been, with Scotty controlling the transporting from the Enterprise’s end, pulling directly out of the Republic’s hold.

“In the late 20th century on Earth,” Spock began, “a group of scientists at the Kew Royal Botanical Gardens in what is now the United States of Europe, began to create a ‘seed bank’ of every plant species known to man. By 2020 they had accumulated and stored eighty percent of the whole, including some of the rarest, and most useful plants. They were stored deep in underground vaults, hence their survival of both the third world and eugenics wars. In 2161 at the formation of the United Federation of Planets, the seed bank was extended to include species from all member planets. Although the complete destruction of a planet could not have been foreseen, at the time it was believed prudent that the seeds should be dispersed across several planets, to provide for any catastrophic event that may have caused them harm. These specimens have been gathered from the seed banks on Earth, Centaurus, Andor and Tellar, among others.”

Kirk smiled, and imagined Spock as an Academy instructor giving solemn lectures on duotronic computer systems and the like. “So those containers down there,” Kirk indicated the large pallets some crew were moving around on anti-grav devices, “contain plant specimens from Vulcan.”

“Indeed, Captain, scientists have collaborated closely to ascertain which species are likely to survive on the new colony, as the climates are similar but the soil components are vastly different. With genetic engineering that issue will be resolved, but for now, food will be grown using hydroponics.”

Kirk shook his head. Vulcans were vegetarian – they’d need to start growing a hell of a lot to feed everyone. This effort to establish a new colony involved a far larger population attempting the move than had ever been done before, and the scale of it all, if not the logistics, was daunting.

“Are they only going to cultivate plants indigenous to Vulcan?”

“Initially. However the scope will be widened once the analysis of native soils is complete.”

“Excuse me for interrupting, Sir.” Kirk turned to see a young lab tech looking solemnly at Spock. “We’ve transported across some items not on our database,” she said and held out a padd.

As Kirk watched them discuss the issue, he was pleased to notice that Spock seemed to have gotten back to something like his normal self. Perhaps a combination of meditation and doing something useful for his people had taken his mind off his more personal issues.

The lab tech walked away and Spock turned back. “Apologies, Captain, my services are required.”

“Right, Spock. I’ll leave you to it.” Kirk had just started to turn when Spock reached out and gently touched his arm, stilling him. He couldn’t quite figure it out, but something happened to Spock’s face – as if the features had somehow softened, and he found himself looking deeply into those dark eyes.

“Jim, are you available for dinner?” Spock asked quietly.

Kirk smiled warmly. “Yes. 20:00 in the officers’ mess?” Far less busy than the main mess, he rarely used it.

“Affirmative.” Spock lingered, holding his gaze for a moment before turning and striding briskly away. Kirk watched him go, left with a feeling of warmth where a hotter than Human hand had touched. What _had_ happened to Spock’s face? It was his eyes, he thought. Or maybe it was his mouth. Bemusedly, he shook his head and with a warm feeling inside too, he made his way back to the bridge. _Jim._

=_=_=_=

The quiet dinner with just the two of them turned into a working meal as by silent agreement, all the senior crew showed up and began to discuss logistics. While Kirk was disappointed not to have some time with Spock, the impromptu meeting turned out to be quite useful, leaving them less to discuss at the pre-mission briefing scheduled for 08:00 the following morning. He also confirmed there would be a project briefing at the colony at 14:00 local time.

“What’s the time difference?” Sulu asked.

“Local time is offset by approximately three hours, twenty two minutes to the positive,” Spock explained, “with a daily differentiation decreasing by one hour and two minutes, due to the slower rotation of the planet as compared to Earth.

“Dammit, Spock,” McCoy said, sounding obviously exasperated, “could you please speak in some language us mere mortals can understand. What time will it be on the ship at 14:00 planet time?”

Uhura rolled her eyes and Scotty hid a grin by taking a sip of… what _was_ Scott drinking? Kirk wondered, looking suspiciously at the amber liquid.

“14:00 hours local time will be 10:38, ship time, Doctor.” 

“Right. Well why the hell didn’t you say so?”

“I believe I did, doctor. However, if your math is of a similar standard to your grasp of logic, then I comprehend your inability to make the simple calculation.” With that, Spock sat back and crossed his arms over his chest and Kirk noticed an almost smug expression on his face. Meanwhile, McCoy was gearing up for a fight, standing up and puffing out his chest.

“Who the hell do you think you are, hurling insults you green-blooded, no good—“

“Will you two quit!” Kirk said a little louder than he’d intended. He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a dull ache behind his eyes and then added more quietly, “I really don’t want a headache on top of everything else.”

There was a strained silence as everyone focused on their food, which Kirk wanted to break. Glancing over to Uhura, he watched her cut into something he thought looked suspiciously familiar. “Is that meatloaf? You’re eating meatloaf!” he accused.

She smiled sheepishly. “Blame Leonard, he put me onto it and nagged me ‘til I tried it.”

“Me? I did _not_ nag. I don’t nag.” McCoy tried to look affronted.

“Oh you so do,” she countered. “But I won’t hold it against you as you’re right – it’s one of the best dishes the replicators can manage.”

Kirk grinned enjoying the by-play between them as he cut into his Spanish omelet.

Uhura turned to him. “I have some news you’ll be pleased to hear, Captain.”

“Go on,” he encouraged.

“I’ve put that rotation together for staff helping at the colony. Aside from the sixty five who have been seconded to colony projects due to their specialist area being required, you wanted volunteers to give up some leave time and help out on additional projects. I’ve now finalized the numbers.”

“And—?”

She smiled. “They’re giving up a week’s personal leave to do it, but you’ll be pleased to know, every single person on this ship has volunteered.

Kirk laughed happily – if he’d been standing he would have punched the air. “That’s…that’s… _awesome_!” As he looked around the table at his senior team, with the exception of Spock, they were all grinning and even his First’s eyes showed…something, like they had earlier.

God he felt proud. _Really_ proud. What an amazing team he had on his ship.

“‘Tis a shame we didn’t have time to take up Captain Laga’ath’s invitation to join her for lunch,” said Scott. 

Captain Laga’ath had extended her lunch invitation to all his senior staff. Kirk was aware he was considered StarFleet’s wunderkind with his almost completely novice crew, so he suspected it was as much to get a chance to evaluate them for herself, as anything. Never in the history of StarFleet Academy had one single intake resulted in so many distinguished graduates, and Pike had cherry picked each and every one of them for his new ship -- high-achievers who Kirk inherited with his command. And while Scotty hadn’t been part of that, Kirk had looked up his personnel file and discovered that since his own graduation five years earlier, his final marks in engineering had yet to be bested. The knowledge he was surrounded by so many brilliant minds he found both awesome and scary. Dealing with the latter would be addressed as he improved his command skills.

“Hoping for some free sandwiches?” Sulu asked with a grin.

“You may mock me Hikaru,” Scott jabbed a fork towards the helmsman, “but they have one of the best chefs in the fleet on that ship. Her name is Susan Stewart and I had the pleasure of her cuisine when we both served aboard the USS Aldrin. And she’s a bonnie lass too.”

“How well do you know her?” McCoy asked. “I mean, if she’s that good, could you persuade her to transfer to the Enterprise?”

“Aye, well, I might at that,” Scott said smiling. “She and I walked out together for a wee while, ‘til Admiral Archer transferred me onto special projects.”

“Walked out?” McCoy said rolling his eyes.

Kirk chuckled, imagining Scotty would go after someone who did good things with food. “Is that why you lost his dog? To get back at him for taking you away from your chef?”

“You can believe that if you want,” Scott said haughtily. “Anyway, his dog’s not lost, just misplaced.”

“Misplaced?” Spock asked.

“Freak accident with a transporter before he perfected transwarp beaming,” Kirk explained.

Spock didn’t comment, just raised an eyebrow and Kirk grinned.

He turned back to Scott. “We’re going to need help at the colony feeding crew on the projects – they won’t all be able to beam up for lunch. Do you think if I put in a word with Pike…?”

“Aye, leave it with me Cap’n. I’ll get in touch and will let you know.”

There was a lull in the conversation as everyone continued to eat, broken after a while by Scott. “I would have liked a visit to the Republic’s engineering section.”

“So you could gloat, Scotty?” McCoy asked with a smirk.

“Ach, I wouldna say that, Leonard.”

Everyone looked at the chief engineer in disbelief.

“What?” he said, all innocence, eyes wide as he glanced around, taking in the skeptical faces of his colleagues. “What?”

“Don’t play the innocent, Scotty,” Uhura chided with a smile.

Kirk smiled, too. “We do have an unfair advantage, Scotty. Enterprise was commissioned five years after the Republic, so she has more bells and whistles.”

“Bells and whistles, Captain?” Spock asked, his head tilted to one side.

Now Kirk absolutely knew Spock was teasing him. The amused glint clearly shone in his eyes and he grinned back. He then noticed Uhura was also quietly smiling and realized she got his humor too.

McCoy rolled his eyes. “For god’s sake, Spock, where were you when English was being taught?”

“It’s an idiom,” cut in Sulu. “It means more features…better technology.”

Kirk watched as Spock opened his mouth, no doubt to ask in what way bells and whistles constituted improved technological features, and shook his head infinitesimally. It was likely McCoy would rise to Spock’s bait and he didn’t want to have to deal with that again when he was enjoying everyone’s company.

What he did get from the interaction, though, was his first clear indication that neither McCoy, nor the others around the table with the notable exception of Uhura, could apparently read Spock the way he was quickly learning to.

He felt a quiet sense of relief that Uhura appeared to be getting past her personal problems and the subtle tension between her and Spock had lessened.

Right now, Kirk felt concern that someone might figure out the true identity of the Vulcan Elder, now known as Sepak, due to his resemblance to his First. His biggest worry was Uhura as she knew Spock so intimately. Or had. Perhaps they could claim he was a member of Spock’s family. He’d discuss it with the ambassador at their private meeting.

Kirk glanced at the engineer as a thought struck him. “Scotty, Healer Soveran will beam down as soon as we arrive. Spock and I are going half an hour ahead of the scheduled briefing to discuss a few things with Elder Sepak. You’ll be in charge while we’re gone.”

“Right, Cap’n,” the engineer acknowledged.

Kirk noticed Spock tense slightly. He hadn’t had time to tell his first officer of the brief conversation he’d had with the ambassador earlier that afternoon.

“I had not been made aware, Captain—”

“Sorry,” Kirk interrupted. ”I meant to drop you a message. Elder Sepak and I agreed it would be time usefully spent on working to diminish last minute glitches.”

Without changing anything in his face, Kirk managed to convey the underlying meaning to Spock and knew, without knowing how he knew, that the Vulcan had comprehended his meaning.

“Understood, Sir. I believe a pre-brief meeting will prove most useful.”

Now what did he mean by that? Spock was wearing his inscrutable face, so Kirk let it drop. Truth be told, he was, to borrow a word he’d noticed Spock like to use, ‘fascinated’ at the prospect of seeing them together. What Spock didn’t know – and he had no intention of telling him – was that he and the older Vulcan had agreed they would make time later that day for the promised talk.

“What’s that you’re drinking, Scotty?” Kirk said out of the blue, as another lull had fallen in the conversation. He’d timed his comment to exactly coincide with Scotty taking a swig and swallowing. The poor man went a deep shade of red as he almost inhaled the mouthful.

Eyes watering and McCoy pounding him on the back, between coughs and wheezes, the Scotsman managed to gasp out a reply. “Ach, just a little wee something I concocted on ma own, Cap’n. It’s nae something you’d be interested in.”

So, Scotty had a still going, eh? Well, what the captain didn’t know about, the captain couldn’t ban.

He was all too aware he still had a mountain of paperwork in his office from all the departments, regarding their mission. Standing up, he blamed them good-naturedly for all the work he still had left to do, and bid his senior team goodnight.

“I, too, have much to prepare, Captain. If I may, I will accompany you towards your quarters.”

Kirk felt two pairs of eyes watch them leave. One was McCoy’s. _Joined at the hip._ The other was Uhura’s, and while there was nothing on her face to indicate any particular emotion, it still made him feel unaccountably uncomfortable.

=_=_=_=

They had walked in silence. Now outside the door to his quarters, Kirk was pre-empted from saying goodnight by Spock. “Captain, do you require assistance with your paperwork?”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say no. After all, there wasn’t anything on his desk that Spock hadn’t already checked over and approved. That’s what Execs did and Kirk was willing to bet Spock was more thorough and efficient than most. The thing was, after he was done with his approvals and amendments, the paperwork went back to Spock, so the Vulcan knew exactly how far behind his captain was.

What tipped the balance was Kirk’s realization that he’d barely seen Spock the past few days and wasn’t ready to give up his company if it was being offered. “If you think you might be of help,” he shrugged with a smile.

Inside, Kirk’s normally neat cabin was marred by a desk covered in even more padds and data disks than it had been the night of their chess game. He threw a sheepish expression at Spock. “Paperwork’s never been my forte,” he explained. “I’ve got a low boredom threshold.”

“Many hands make light work, as my…” Spock stopped and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them again, looking down at the deck and breathing deeply, before continuing, “…as you Humans say.”

Kirk’s heart went out to the Vulcan. He knew what it was like to lose a parent, and while it had affected him profoundly, he’d never known his father, as Spock had known his mother. Although he had no evidential basis for believing it, his intuition told him that Spock had loved his mother. To have loved and lost… He put his hand on the Vulcan’s shoulder and squeezed. “Spock.”

Only when the Vulcan finally met his eyes did he remove his hand. “Spock, I’m so _sorry_.”

Spock swallowed and nodded and in that moment Kirk knew he had been right.

 _Emotions run deep in Vulcans.  
_  
Spock was on the edge – of what, he didn’t know. He’d lost his mother, lost everything, almost his entire race. And god knows he had had the briefest of glimpses of that kind of pain with the ambassador and had been utterly overwhelmed to the point of near incapacitation. As if that, on its own, wouldn’t be an almost unendurable burden, he was certain there was more, and whatever it was went way deeper than the recent relationship break-up he’d refused to discuss. _Emotionally compromised._

Intuition told him it was in some way connected with the reason Healer Soveran was here on his ship. Whatever was affecting his First, his ability to deal with it appeared to be sporadic.

“Make sure you take time out to spend with your father while we’re at the colony,” Kirk said.

“Sarek is currently off-planet.” There was the slightest waiver to his voice.

“Doing what?”

“He remains Vulcan’s ambassador to the Federation and with his team, is now visiting Federation planets, lobbying for further aid for the colony. He is in a strong bargaining position, as both the Vulcan Council and most of the clan houses have invested heavily in industries on many planets and a number of pan-galactic conglomerates are wholly Vulcan-owned. Should those investments be removed or the corporations shut down, it would cause dire consequences to economic stability across the entire Federation sector. He is not begging for donations, merely requesting loans against the investments.”

Kirk smiled, in no doubt that Sarek would do a good job with such powerful leverage. “Can I get you a tea?” He was already learning Spock’s tastes in beverages.

“Green tea would be most welcome.”

Setting their drinks on a small empty area of the desk, Kirk turned his mind to the task. In the event, Spock was a huge help, sorting through the StarFleet updates, orders and reports and separating out the dailies from mission-related. He then cataloged them as urgent, important and non-essential, before meticulously going through each to ensure everything had been covered and making notes of all action points to raise at the briefing.

Spock was mentoring him, Kirk suddenly realized, and he was doing it so subtly, he hadn’t noticed. Obviously he realized Spock was helping him learn the ropes, but this went beyond that. And he’d been doing it in such a way that he’d felt supported rather than undermined, helping to increase his confidence in all areas of his command responsibilities. He knew Spock to be complex, and each time a new facet became apparent, it added greater depth and color to an already rich tapestry.

By the time they worked through everything, Kirk felt not only relieved to have completed it in probably a third of the time he had expected it would take, but he was also fully prepared on all aspects of the job they were here to do. 

As they’d gone over it, he found himself taken with the work Uhura had done. She’d been tasked to come up with a rotation, and instead had produced a very thorough and complex project plan, with input from her colleagues. He was impressed and said so to Spock.

“Indeed, Captain. Lieutenant Uhura’s plan is most elegant and will create greater efficiencies with fewer resources. She is to be commended.”

Kirk could see the comment for what it was: a detached assessment of a subordinate’s performance. There was no trace of subjectivity there, but then again, there never had been between these two people. Spock clearly had no difficulty compartmentalizing his professional from his personal life and that was as it should be. He would demand no less of others and, had he found himself in similar circumstances, he would demand no less of himself. As StarFleet officers, their first responsibility, their first loyalty, was always to the ship, to duty. It was something that must never be compromised.

“I’ll bring up her good work in the briefing tomorrow,” Kirk agreed. “She deserves that recognition from me in front of her peers. And speaking of recognition, thanks for your input this evening Spock. I’d have been up half the night if you hadn’t helped.” He didn’t feel he was exaggerating.

“Thanks are illogical, Captain,” he responded as he stood to leave. “It is my duty as your first officer to support you.”

Kirk regarded him for a moment, his head cocked slightly to one side. Funny how he was beginning to see through some of the things Spock said. “Duty, huh?”

Something happened to Spock’s face again, like it did that last time – a change, but yet not. The eyes – it was definitely the eyes, Kirk decided. It was like…he was _smiling_. “Indeed, Captain. And also, because…I wished to.”

At this admission, Kirk grinned. “You can use the other door if you want,” he said, indicating the entrance to their shared bathroom. “Use it any time you want.”

“Thank you, I will,” Spock responded solemnly and Kirk could see the challenge in his eyes daring him to tell his first officer off for illogically thanking him. Kirk’s grin just widened as he stood. “Goodnight, Spock.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”

 _Jim._ As the door closed behind him, Kirk stood reflecting on how no-one else said his name quite the way Spock did. There was something about the quality of his voice when he uttered that single syllable. The way his lips almost pouted as he said the ‘m’ and the sound when he pronounced that consonant kind of vibrated in the air like a struck chime. It was something he definitely liked, and the little ember inside glowed a little brighter.

He was undeniably attracted to Spock, but now he was beginning to wonder whether there was the possibility it was reciprocated. With all the cues he’d been given, he’d be certain if Spock were Human, but there was no way of being sure with such an inscrutable and logical race.

He’d already checked all the files he could lay his hands on to see if there was anything on Vulcan sexuality. Probably Bones could tell him but he wasn’t going to be having _that_ conversation with him any time soon. If anything would cause the doctor to certify him insane, contemplating a relationship with his Vulcan first officer would certainly be it.

=_=_=_=

They assumed orbit early that morning and Spock had already seen to Healer Soveran’s departure by the time Kirk began his final pre-mission briefing. The work the two of them had done the previous evening paid off and the action points were duly addressed.

Maybe it was because the meeting had gone so smoothly, that he was clearly prepared and knowledgeable on all aspects of their mission, but the huge responsibility of his job hit him once again and left him feeling momentarily breathless, as it had been doing periodically since he took command. While they’d been patrolling, it hadn’t seemed somehow _real_. Of course he was taking his job seriously, but he suddenly became aware just how much all these people – his crew – were relying on him to make the right decisions. Every time.

Three years at the Academy had certainly instilled in him a degree of discipline he’d never had before. Yet the experience hadn’t managed to obliterate his youthful, cocky attitude. It was still there, but more often than not, he kept it suppressed as he consciously tried to exude a more professional demeanor.

Now, as he sat at the table with his senior team discussing how they were going to be helping Spock’s people, the reason they were there, the level of dependency this once-proud race now had on them, really hit home.

Kirk took a final look over his communication officer’s project plan. “Nicely done, Uhura,” he said with a smile. “You were tasked to do something a lot less than this, and with very little notice and constantly changing timetables and rotations, you’ve done a really thorough job.”

“Aye lassie,” Scotty concurred. “You’ve made order from chaos, right enough. If you ever feel like switching to engineering…”

Uhura smiled looking genuinely pleased. “Thank you, Captain,” she responded.

He could see she genuinely appreciated his gesture. Although it was getting easier, it still felt slightly odd giving out positive feedback to people who had suddenly gone from peers to subordinates, but it was worth it to see the smile on her face. It was one more step for both of them towards building the respect and rapport necessary to make a great team.

Uhura turned to the engineer and added, “Thanks for the offer Scotty, but don’t hold your breath!”

Inside, Kirk felt a sense of relief. Overall, the last week or so had been a bit of a weird time, but he finally felt that things were coming together.

=_=_=_=

Kirk entered the transporter room feeling a sense of heightened anticipation at the thought of seeing the ambassador again.

He’d just left the bridge from where he’d spoken shipwide. “This is Captain Kirk. We recently witnessed the greatest tragedy the Federation has ever known. The crew of the Enterprise, despite having lost many friends and colleagues in the Battle of Vulcan, through courage and dedication to duty, was instrumental in ensuring that tragedy did not extend further.

“In the months since leaving Earth, you have all worked exceptionally hard to reach peak efficiency. Your efforts will stand us all in good stead in the days to come. In a few hours, we’re all going to be participating in helping create history. I want each of you, as you work with your colleagues, with volunteers from other organizations and with the people of this colony, to view it as a great team-building opportunity. Everyone will not only be working together to achieve a common purpose, but each of us will be contributing to something immensely worthwhile, one which in years to come we will all feel proud to have been a part of. Every single member of the Enterprise crew has volunteered to give up personal leave to offer their services and for that, I’m proud of you. Thank you.”

“That was a bonnie speech, Cap’n,” said Scott as he stood beside the transporter console.

“Indeed Captain, though colorfully put, I must concur with Mr. Scott,” Spock added.

Kirk nodded his thanks. He’d never been very good at receiving praise, probably because it had happened so rarely in his life. He knew it was part of his growth into the captain’s role to make inspiring and motivating speeches at appropriate times and, just as he had done with his first speech before the final the battle with the Narada, he’d not dwelt on it too much beforehand so that he spoke from the heart.

“Shall we?” he indicated the transporter pad, lightly pushing at the base of Spock’s back to steer him onto it.

They materialized in a room not much larger than his quarters, sparsely furnished with a narrow cot pushed against one wall, a closet, a small desk housing an integrated computer and comms system, and some chairs. Kirk immediately noticed how hot the room was, although it wasn’t as warm as he’d read the average temperature was at Vulcan’s former capital, so he could only imagine their host had lowered the temperature for his comfort. In the middle stood the ambassador, wearing a thick, dark gray tunic that reached just above his knees over black pants.

“Jim, Spock. I am gratified to be spending this time with you. I ask you to excuse the location but here we may be assured of privacy.”

Kirk smiled widely as his eyes met the older Vulcan’s, eliciting a smile in return. He became aware of Spock standing just to his left, silently watching the exchange. “No problem, Sp—” He stopped, and looking from one to the other, shook his head. “This is going to get confusing. I may as well start practicing calling you Sepak, to avoid slipping up later.”

“Indeed, a wise decision, Jim.”

Kirk took the ambassador’s upper arms and held him at arm’s length. “So how have you been, _old friend_?” he asked with a wide smile.

“I am as well as can be expected—”

“You shared a meld,” Spock broke in, speaking for the first time as he addressed the ambassador.

Kirk turned to his First – there was no point denying it. “How did you—” He smiled and nodded in realization. “We’re too familiar given the length of time we spent together,” he concluded.

The ambassador smiled at Jim and then turned to his younger counterpart. “It was necessary. There was little time and much for Jim to absorb and comprehend.”

“Logical,” Spock responded neutrally.

“I gave Jim only that which he required to achieve a successful outcome of the mission,” the older Vulcan assured.

His first officer nodded once, leaving Kirk wondering if he was missing some kind of by-play between the two, because it felt as if they shared an understanding greater than was being said.

It was interesting to see the two of them together, to compare and contrast. So many years separated the two of them, so many experiences, in fact, an entirely different universe, yet they were so much alike, in actions, mannerisms and even in speech.

“I would have thy mind, Spock,” the ambassador said in High Vulcan as he moved forward. Kirk’s universal translator kicked in to allow him to understand what had just been said.

“Thou art not a healer,” Spock responded calmly. If Kirk felt uncertain before, he was now _certain_ he was missing something. The undercurrent between the two of them was almost palpable and _he_ was psi-null.

“I am not. However, I know thy mind as though it were my own and I spent three years in training at Gol. There is no time now for full healing, however I am able to assist thee with some of thy pain.”

His first officer’s face looked anguished and Kirk found himself moving closer to him, as if to protect him. “I _want_ my pain, Sepak," the younger Vulcan said harshly. "I forbid thee to rip it from me.”

Kirk turned to the ambassador. “Don’t you think that strong emotions like our pain define who we are? We all carry around a certain amount of pain – I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to take mine away from me. It’s shaped who I’ve become and without it, I’d lose my sense of identity.”

The ambassador silently regarded Kirk. “You really are remarkably like the Jim I knew. I am not intending to remove Spock’s pain – I cannot do that. But he is overwhelmed with it and I can help him control it more effectively.”

The older man turned back to Spock and spoke quietly and calmly. “Thy emotions, born and fed by thy pain, are affecting thee, interfering with thy judgment.”

Kirk thought back to his realization that Spock had not intended to survive the impact with the Narada – when the pain had indeed overwhelmed him. And he remembered what he’d glimpsed in Spock a few nights earlier. If the edge could be taken off that…

He turned to Spock and took him by both upper arms, turning him to face him. “I think he’s right, Spock,” he said gently, looking deeply into the dark eyes where his suffering was suddenly so evident. With a slight shake he emphasized again in a voice barely above a whisper, “He’s _right_.”

“Spock,” the older man added, “it is illogical to experience a sense of guilt at having survived. If thee dost not let it go, thee may never realize thy full potential. Thee will always be compromised.”

Kirk didn’t know he was holding his breath until he felt the tension leave Spock’s body to the point he almost sagged. He let go of the younger Vulcan’s arms and Spock turned back to his older self.

“Very well. Do it.”

It’s not an execution, Spock, Kirk said silently to his friend. He wanted to give words of reassurance, but in the great scheme of things, anything he could have said would have sounded banal.

Kirk moved into a position where he could watch them during the meld and was held in thrall as their faces absolutely mirrored each other. He remembered his own occurrence with the meld and for the first time, recalled he had experienced so many layers in it. Uppermost was meaning – the information that the ambassador had needed to convey. But beneath that was feeling – he had a sense that the older Vulcan knew exactly who he was, right down to his very consciousness and… and there was more, something even deeper, but he didn’t know what it was, he found himself unable to recognize it or put name to it.

He was shaken from his musing by the two Vulcans moving apart. Spock turned to him, his eyes wide as he moved two steps back, away from the ambassador.

“There is more for us to do, but there is no time at present,” the older Vulcan quietly explained. “I believe Spock will now be able to function more effectively. However,” he regarded the younger Vulcan who was still staring at Kirk as though he’d never seen a Human before, “he is now in possession of new information which I believe will take some time for him to assimilate.”


	5. Chapter 5

The briefing took place at the administrative headquarters for the colony. The complex of low-rise prefabricated buildings included a large meeting room where the Elders and clan leaders gathered weekly, and in which they were now located. Just the short walk from Spock’s quarters had Kirk in a sweat, though the ambassador had assured him this was their winter. Hot and arid, it felt more like a summer’s day in Phoenix, which he supposed was an apt comparison, given the planet was to provide the backdrop for the rebirth of the Vulcan people. The room itself didn’t feel much cooler and he was glad to see plenty of carafes of water supplied. They’d all be needing it.

The aftermath of the meld had, to Kirk’s mind, been anticlimactic. The thing that was _really_ bugging him was what on earth the ambassador had shared with Spock that had caused such a pronounced initial reaction in him. Since that one weird look, Spock had quickly gone back to his usual mask of non-emotion and he really hoped the older Vulcan would be willing to divulge that information when they met later that day.

Before they’d left for the meeting, the three of them had discussed how to proceed with the briefings and had all agreed that the two Spocks should avoid sitting together in case someone should notice the similarity of their appearance. The ambassador had already been formally taken into Sarek’s clan, so a familial resemblance could be explained, but questions were best avoided.

The project team building the colony met daily, so Kirk decided to have his staff briefings immediately prior to it, with this being the first. Sitting down, the ambassador took Spock’s usual seat to his right while his First sat on the opposite side of the table. When his seniors all took their places, he noticed instead of sitting to his left, Bones sat with Uhura. He held back a frown, trying to remember if they’d left the meeting the previous night on bad terms, but he couldn’t think of anything he’d done which might support that idea. No time to dwell, he called the meeting to order.

First, more to keep up appearances with his senior crew than anything else, he needed to make a little speech for diplomacy’s sake, and stood up. “Elder Sepak,” he began, smiling at the ambassador, “on behalf of StarFleet and the crew of the Enterprise, I would like to convey our good wishes to you and your people and to express to you what an honor it is to be called upon to assist you with your endeavors in setting up your new colony. We, the command team, will be the main liaison with you and the project leaders and we look forward to working with you over the next seven days.” There, nice and brief. Lincoln would have been proud.

“Your presence honors us, Captain,” the ambassador replied. “I believe the coming days will prove challenging, yet will lead to a satisfying outcome that I believe everyone will benefit from.”

Kirk noticed a certain twinkle in his eye, and a definite look of amusement. A glance around and everyone else was smiling, presumably taking the comment at face value. But Spock’s eyebrow was raised and Kirk wondered if he was missing something – some kind of by-play. 

No time to dwell, he sat down and began formal, though totally unnecessary, introductions. “You’ve already met my first officer and science officer, Commander Spock. May introduce my Chief Medical Officer Dr. Leonard McCoy, Communications Officer, Lieutenant Uhura, Chief Engineering Officer, Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott and Chief Helmsman, Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu.”

The ambassador nodded to each as he introduced them and Kirk thought how odd it must be to meet younger versions of all the people he’d worked with for so many years.

“Now introductions are out of the way, I’ll pass the floor to you, Sepak.”

“Thank you, Captain. I wish to provide you with some background information about the population here at the Vulcan colony which will provide some context for you regarding the work you will be undertaking,” the ambassador began. “There are eleven thousand, two hundred fifty three Vulcan survivors, which is a higher number than we had at first calculated. All were working off-world at the time of the destruction of the planet and comprise mainly scientists and diplomatic staff. As a consequence of having these two fields dominate, we have no difficulty generating new ideas, and we agree them most courteously. However, getting anything _done_ is quite another matter.”

This comment elicited laughter from the Enterprise crew and Kirk felt the tension in the room diminish considerably. This was someone they could work with. Little did they know, Kirk mused, that in another lifetime, they already had.

“Vulcan was a matriarchal society,” the ambassador continued. “While we cannot continue this tradition with so few survivors, it will be resumed in the fullness of time, as the population here increases. All fertile females will be called upon to do their duty to ensure this happens swiftly.”

There was something to those last words that made Kirk almost shudder. Of course he understood that Vulcans had gone from one of the most populous races in the Federation to almost extinction in a matter of a few shattering minutes, but what Spock was describing sounded so _clinical_. No doubt they would simply think it logical.

“Vulcan society was dominated by clans or houses,” Spock continued. “Many have been decimated and for some, there were no survivors. My own clan has sufficient numbers to continue and one of my male relatives has become the clan leader in place of a female, who perished.”

The ambassador was speaking about his counterpart’s family, although of course no one knew that he was referring to Sarek and T’Pau. It brought to mind the ambassador’s comments that while Sarek wasn’t exactly avoiding him, neither was he making any attempt to spend time with him. Kirk was unsure how he’d react in similar circumstances and couldn’t blame Sarek for keeping some distance – _weird_ didn’t even come close to describing it. He hoped as they got to know each other better, that that would change over time.

As the ambassador spoke, Kirk watched him closely and could see talking about this was not easy for him. How could it be? He knew the ambassador believed himself responsible for failing to persuade the Romulans in time of the danger their planet was in, and the subsequent actions of a renegade into whose hands he had inadvertently placed the ultimate weapon of destruction. Illogical though the ambassador would no doubt believe it to be, it was clear to Kirk that remorse and the nagging whisper of guilt weighed like a millstone around his neck. The realization he could read him so easily brought him up short – surely the meld hadn’t gone so deep that he could somehow read the ambassador on another level, had it?

“Agreements will be brokered between clans to combine, but those decisions will be deferred for the time being.”

With no explanation as to why the decision wasn’t to be made until a later date, as so often with Vulcans, Kirk got a sense that more was being left unsaid than was being said.

He glanced diagonally across the table to where Spock sat and caught him looking at him. Three time since the start of the briefing their eyes had met and no doubt Spock was noticing that his looks were being reciprocated. Of course, Kirk couldn’t help speculating why he was the recipient of that placid gaze, feeling certain it was somehow connected to whatever ‘new information’ the ambassador had given him.

He turned his thoughts back to the meeting and looked back to the ambassador who had just finishing going through Uhura’s project plan and was addressing her directly. “I must congratulate you, Lieutenant, on your fine work. I find in it a commendable attention to detail and practicalities.”

Uhura bowed her head slightly. “I am honored, Elder Sepak,” she said using the traditional Vulcan acknowledgement. Although Kirk could see her almost squirming with the additional praise, he quietly commended her for her tact and professionalism and shot her a grin, earning a hesitant smile back.

At 14:57 precisely, the ambassador passed the meeting back to Kirk who called an end to it in preparation for the daily project meeting that was scheduled for 15:00. This would be their first introduction to the project team leaders who they’d be working with on this assignment. Within minutes the meeting room was filled with a host of Vulcans who solemnly took their places around the table, together with a group of aid workers that comprised a number of different species representing various non-profit organizations who had volunteered their assistance, including some StarFleet personnel.

Kirk glanced around the table as he and his crew were eyed speculatively by the room’s new occupants and wondered what they made of the latest recruits to their cause. Given this was an established team and they were coming in late to it, he also wondered how well they were going to work together.

 _This assignment will make or break you as captain of the Enterprise.  
_  
Pike’s words came back to him. Failure was not an option. It never was with him, really, but that was usually something personal that he had control over. While he theoretically controlled his crew, he couldn’t be absolutely certain how this assignment would pan out. Uhura’s plan was poetry in motion and as long as they stuck to it and kept to their deadlines, all should be well.

As the ambassador called the meeting to order, he sat back and got comfortable. It was going to be a long day.

-=-=-

The meeting over, it was time for the work to begin. Part of Uhura’s project plan was a rotation that ensured the Enterprise had a qualified skeleton crew at all times. Mass beam down was carried out via the cargo transporters before the shipments were sent down and crew members were assigned according to their areas of specialty.

Kirk, who had volunteered to help alongside his crew, found himself assisting with the building of a structure that would house one of the hydroponics systems. On the edge of the colony, they were located close to a natural source of water that was fed by underground springs. He’d been assured by the Vulcan he was working alongside that the heat was nothing like what she’d been used to on her home planet. Every now and again he gazed longingly at the nearby stream, wishing he could plunge himself into it.

Spock had gone off with some scientists to discuss the shipment of the native plant seeds and they’d arranged to meet at 21:00 local time for dinner. Separately, he’d organized a meeting with his older counterpart at some time around 19:00, as soon as his duties would permit.

The ambassador was only a few minutes later than his estimate and the two of them walked back to the administrative area, discussing plans for the following day. With the sun almost set, it was noticeably cooler, though that was relative. He shared his concern about the heat with the older man and they discussed the possibility of getting Spock’s department to manufacture enough sun block to ensure no-one ended up sunburned. It was something he made a mental note to discuss with his Spock over dinner. He smiled at the use of the possessive and repeated it in his head, _his_ Spock.

Once the door was closed, Kirk was enveloped in cooler air and he realized the ambassador had lowered the temperature out of deference to his visitor. Taking a seat, he waited, as he really didn’t know what questions to ask beyond ‘what was it you showed Spock this morning’? While his curiosity was burning, he decided to hold off asking for the time-being.

The ambassador drew up his chair and sat opposite him. Linking his fingers together, he steepled his index fingers and pressed them to his lip, as though in contemplation. “You have a number of questions, Jim. I have a number of answers, some of which you do not yet know you seek. I ask that you allow me discretion to choose in which order I share this information with you.”

“Agreed,” Kirk said, unconsciously leaning forward.

“Let us first discuss Spock; you have been concerned about him and his stability.”

Kirk wasn’t surprised that the older Vulcan could read him so easily. “Yes. I know he’s lost a lot, but I’ve gotten a sense there’s something more that I’m missing.”

“You are correct, Jim. Most perceptive. Are you aware of Vulcan bondings?”

Kirk nodded. “Bones and I talked about it a few days ago. I gather when Vulcans marry, you create a telepathic link.”

“Indeed. Although a full bond is not entered into until adulthood, did he explain the initial link is established at the age of seven?”

“Seven?” he repeated, taken aback. “Did you have that?

“Indeed. However, that betrothal was…annulled, although I later took a bondmate of my own choosing. The childhood bond is arranged by our parents and is less than a marriage but more than a betrothal. One touches the other in order to feel each other's thoughts. In this way our minds are locked together.”

“OK…” Kirk trailed off. “My god… so every child in this colony over seven who lost their betrothed…”

“Indeed. Together with those who have lost bondmates and close family members, to no longer feel the touch of their minds – for the link to be abruptly severed in this manner – causes the individual a considerable degree of distress. It has been a…burden of responsibility that has left our healers overwhelmed, and they, too, have not been unaffected.”

Kirk tried and failed to imagine what these people had gone through. Not just to have lost their home and their family, but to have had their bonds ripped from them. His mind played back the moment when he watched in disbelief as Vulcan ceased to exist. My god, he thought, it was even worse than he’d imagined.

“Is that why we brought Healer Soveran here?”

“In a manner of speaking, however his focus will be on another matter not unrelated which I will come to.”

“And Spock…?”

“…in addition to his mother, he lost his betrothed – he was unwed. The severed betrothal link has been the cause of some discomfort. With this anchor gone, it generally manifests itself in a certain amount of telepathic disorientation that can lead to an impaired ability to adequately control emotion.”

“I _knew_ it.” His intuition rarely let him down. “I knew something was wrong – that something was going on with him.”

“There is more,” the ambassador continued. “When the planet was destroyed, every living Vulcan felt six billion telepaths die. It was so all-encompassing, I understand even Vulcans on the other side of the quadrant felt it profoundly.”

Kirk shivered, though he wasn’t cold. He’d seen and felt it in the meld with elder Vulcan: the utter horror and devastation of it on an unimaginable scale. “A psychic scream.”

“A fitting description. The intensity of it was…” The ambassador faltered and Kirk imagined he was remembering. “I had one prior experience of this many years ago with the loss of a Vulcan ship. Not even that prepared me. Indeed, none of the survivors of Nero’s attack could have predicted what we experienced in the loss of our entire planet and so many of its people. This event that led to the sudden severance of Spock’s bonds to his mother and his betrothed sent him into despair and a desire for revenge.”

Kirk recalled the whispered conversation when he’d offered to rescue Nero and his crew from certain death. Spock had turned to him.

_Captain, what are you doing?_

_Showing them compassion. It may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock, I thought you'd like that._

_No, not really. Not this time.  
_  
The realization hit Kirk of the terrible conflict Spock must have gone through, not just in dealing with the broken bonds and the effect it must inevitably have had on his relationship with Uhura, but in trying to cope with feelings of revenge that ran absolutely counter to the very foundations of the culture he’d grown up in. Surak and the reverence of life above all else was part of xeno-sociology 101 for every sophomore Academy cadet.

“When you melded did you see, when he was piloting the Jellyfish—”

“He intended to sacrifice his life. Spock’s need for vengeance was finely balanced by his need to end his pain. In the destruction of the Narada, one of his needs was met. The pain, however, continued and I am responsible for his condition having gone on so long untreated.”

Kirk was taken aback by the admission. “How?”

“It was Spock’s intention to resign his commission and come to the colony to assist in its set-up. However, just prior to your departure from Earth, I persuaded him to remain to serve with you. Had he returned here, he would have had the benefit of access to a healer. Instead he left with you.”

Kirk remained silent, trying to imagine what Spock had been going through these last few months, trying to cope with a severed bond – however that felt – the devastating loss of his homeworld and everything he had grown up with, as well as carry two command jobs, all the while doing his level best not to let his captain fall on his ass as he struggled to come to terms with his new job.

He shook his head and was about to speak when the ambassador held up his hand.

“Do not chastise yourself Jim—”

Kirk looked startled and wondered just how telepathic the ambassador was.

“You are much like my captain, who I knew very well,” he explained. “You were not to know what Spock was experiencing. It was illogical not to seek assistance earlier, but I believe he is as stubborn as I was as a youth. This morning, I was able to provide partial assistance through our shared meld. What further aid I am able to provide, remains to be seen.”

It was a lot to digest as he went back over what the ambassador had told him so far. “So when you came through the black hole, presumably the bond to your mate was severed,” Kirk extrapolated.

“The bondmate I spoke of earlier, I lost many years ago.”

“I’m sorry, I…” What had he overheard one of the Vulcans say to another? “I grieve with thee.”

The ambassador nodded as a strange look momentarily crossed his face and then it was gone. Kirk didn’t press, not wishing to intrude.

He was curious about the childhood bondings. “So why do Vulcans get engaged so early?”

“The answer to your question brings me to your earlier question regarding Healer Soveran and another matter I wish to discuss with you. I have attempted to persuade the Elders that this is information we should share for the continued well-being of the colony, but I have met with stern resistance. Tradition has dictated that this is a thing no out-worlder may know except those very few who have been involved. A Vulcan understands, but even we do not normally speak of it among ourselves. It is deeply personal.”

Kirk leaned forward. “You know everything you tell me will be kept confidential.” The words echoed the end of a conversation he’d had with his First not so long ago when he’d tried to get him to open up, and had met with stubborn refusal. The ambassador had no such compunction. Perhaps it was the product of age; perhaps one day as their working relationship grew and their friendship deepened, Spock would feel more comfortable sharing his more private thoughts and feelings. He certainly hoped so.

“The reason for the childhood bonds is because Vulcan males have a mating cycle that we call Pon Farr. It occurs approximately every seven Earth years and begins in early adulthood.”

“Has Spock—”

“Not yet. Assuming this new timeline has not distorted our biologies – and I have no reason to believe that it has – he will not experience it for a further ten years.”

“So why is it shrouded in secrecy? I’ve never heard of it, and I’m damn sure Bones hasn’t, or he would’ve mentioned it before now.”

“Because it is a time of great shame. It brings a madness which cleaves from us our veneer of civilization. We are beings who are proudly logical; to have our logic ripped from us as this time does to us, it strips our minds in a way no Human could comprehend. We shield this time with ritual and customs shrouded in antiquity.

“As a half-Vulcan, I had hoped to be spared this, but the ancient drives were too strong. The first time a male enters Pon Farr, he is driven by forces he cannot control to return home and take a wife. Or die.”

“Christ, Spock – he’ll have to find a wife. But where’s ‘home’? There is no _home_.”

“We have found there are sufficient numbers here on this colony for a male in Pon Farr to be drawn here. The psyonic emanations of the collective are apparently strong enough. As for finding a wife, that is another matter.”

“I guess if he’s not going to go through it for another ten years, he’s got time on his side. Maybe he and Uhura might get back together.” He said the words but he didn’t seriously believe it would happen.

“I saw his relationship with her in the meld we shared. I too had a relationship with the Uhura in my reality. I was less honest with her than your Spock has been. I failed to tell her about my fiancée, T’Pring, although we had both agreed at the start that it was never to be a relationship that would lead to marriage. It suited us both and ended by mutual agreement long before I met James Kirk.”

“So the Uhura on my ship knew about Spock’s bond.”

Spock remained silent and Kirk took it as signal not to ask questions about the younger Spock that were private. While he didn’t fully understand the nature of the Vulcan betrothal, he was surprised that either version of Spock would have other relationships outside their bond, though maybe that was the Vulcan way. After all, there was some logic to exploring and learning about yourself before you tie yourself down for life, especially if that wasn’t going to happen for another decade.

“So how does Healer Soveran fit into this picture?”

“All those who lost bondmates are working with healers, Elders and clan leaders to find suitable replacements. Although this is being undertaken with the utmost haste, some unbonded males have entered Pon Farr – predicting its timing is far from an exact science and with the surviving population, is currently averaging three males per week. Normally bonding during Pon Farr is not an issue, but in almost all cases here at the colony, both prospective bondmates are still affected mentally by a recently severed previous bond and in over half the cases, the new bond formed has become unstable, leading to the death of the male and further trauma for the female.”

It seemed almost barbaric to Kirk and about as far removed as he could possibly imagine from the proud race he’d always thought Vulcans to be. It was no wonder they didn’t speak of it. And for those poor males who had survived the destruction of their planet only to die for the want of a fuck, kind of beggared belief. He understood, now, why the ambassador had wanted to wait to talk to him about this face to face.

“Healer Soveran, as a Kolinahr Adept, experiences no emotion,” the ambassador continued, “and therefore when working with the mind of one in his Time, is able to remain removed from the maelstrom of hormone-driven emotions sufficiently to ensure a stable bond is formed. You can understand, then, the need to transport him here with all due haste in order to avoid further unnecessary deaths.”

Kirk thought back to his argument with Spock about remaining at Gamma Castor III to pick up supplies and assuming StarFleet would have told him if he needed to avoid any delays. Of course Fitzpatrick wouldn’t have known the details of the issue, just that the Vulcan colony had made the request urgent. He felt bad, now, realizing his own selfish need to get his own way given what was going on here at the colony. A part of him felt disappointed in Spock for not being honest with him about this.

“Before you blame Spock for keeping this matter from you – and do not look so startled Jim, I am not reading your thoughts, simply…guessing…your train of thought – I was equally unable to discuss this matter with my captain when I was older than Spock is now. It is ingrained in us not to speak of it and even now, with you, I am finding the subject…difficult.”

Why would the ambassador have needed to have that conversation with his captain unless… “You went into Pon Farr when you served on the Enterprise?”

“During the first five year mission, yes.”

Kirk looked aghast. “You could have been at the ass-end of the galaxy when it struck. Why didn’t your family take measures to ensure you’d be protected when the time came?”

“When I entered StarFleet, I did so against my father’s wishes and we became estranged. Since it was my choice to leave my home planet to serve on a starship, I effectively took on the responsibility for my own well-being.”

Kirk found himself curious to hear about the ambassador’s personal experience. “You said your betrothal was annulled. So when you went into Pon Farr, had you already chosen a new wife?”

“With the help of my captain, I was able to return to Vulcan for the ceremony with T’Pring. However, I was unaware she intended to divorce me. Through fortuitous circumstances I survived, and a number of years later, I took a bondmate.”

“Right. You mentioned you lost your bondmate a long time ago,” Kirk said, almost to himself.

“Indeed my bondmate was lost long ago, although even if that loss had not occurred, the Human lifespan is not as great as that of a Vulcan.”

“She was Human?” Kirk said, surprised, though he knew he shouldn’t have been. After all not only was the ambassador half human himself, but he hadn’t been living on Vulcan at the time, and probably had little access to other Vulcans on a day to day basis.

“He,” Spock said quietly. “My bondmate was male.”

Kirk felt the world tip as a dizziness descended, his head spinning. He _knew_ what the ambassador hadn’t yet told him. He just _knew_ what he was going to say next. Added to something he hadn’t been able to define at the deepest level of the meld, he replayed something Spock had said earlier of his betrothal. _It suited us both and ended by mutual agreement long before I met James Kirk._

“I believe you have surmised correctly,” the ambassador said quietly.

Kirk jumped up. He needed to move; needed to think. Having only just consciously acknowledged his attraction to Spock, here was the ambassador telling him the same attraction had happened in his universe too. This was all a bit too weird.

 _To take a wife. Or die.  
_  
“He agreed to it, to save your life in your next Pon Farr?”

“He asked for it, because we loved each other.” The ambassador paused a moment, then added, “Jim, we knew we were destined to be together from our first meeting. It is unfortunate that it took so long before either of us had the courage to admit this to the other. We waited years, though it was not wasted, as it was spent learning more about each other and ourselves, moving towards a slowly-building romantic relationship.”

Kirk’s heart still pounded, though he ignored it. He’d pretty much discounted the possibility that what he was sensing in Spock was an attraction because it wouldn’t have been logical. The thought led him to what he wanted to ask next.

“Okay, I may be missing something, so this might be a stupid question. But isn’t a homosexual relationship illogical, especially given what you’ve just told me about Pon Farr, which presumably is a biological drive to procreate?

“You are correct. However, mental compatibility is also a vital factor since that is where the bond resides. While it is indeed highly uncommon, especially given the practice of childhood betrothals, it is not unheard of for two males to be drawn together. The term for such is t’hy’la.”

Kirk stopped pacing and gazed unseeing out a small window as he tried to assimilate all this new information and how it might pertain to his own life. He considered his relationship with his first officer and recalled the first time he’d met Spock at the inquiry; and then on the ship; how Spock had abandoned him on Delta Vega; had nearly been asphyxiated by him (well, yes on that occasion he’d deliberately goaded him). The memory brought a smile to his face. When Spock gets mad, fuck he gets _mad_.

He turned back to the still-seated Vulcan. “The first time I met Spock, I could have strangled him with a smile on my face. I sure as hell didn’t want to go for a roll in the hay with him. Maybe this timeline’s different.”

The ambassador smiled. “It has been a long time – I had forgotten how charming some idioms are in the English language. As for the timeline, it is possible you are correct.”

Kirk went very still and the room filled with silence. He’d been trying to build a friendship with his First, but that wasn’t all that seemed to be happening between them, was it? He already knew he felt attracted to Spock and over the past few days he’d begun to sense some spark between them. Now that he really thought about it, he realized that Spock was being drawn to him – like when he was invited to his quarters to play chess – and it was despite himself. He knew that because of the way the Vulcan blew hot and cold with him. It demonstrated a degree of ambivalence.

But what the ambassador was talking about was in another league to where he’d been in his mind regarding Spock. He certainly hadn’t been viewing him as a potential life partner. He never went into relationships with that thought, just took them as they came and, while he knew at some deeper level that Spock was different to any partner he’d previously had – none of whom had lasted more than a few months – the thought of viewing Spock as The One left him feeling like he wanted to run screaming to the hills. Yeah, he was well aware of his commitment issues.

He could see he was in a unique position here, as though he were looking into a crystal ball. Here before him was a man who’d found love and inner peace in his life in a relationship with someone who was him, but not. They _were_ different, the two Jims and the two Spocks. Nero’s intervention at his birth had had repercussions on both their lives which in different ways had left them ‘broken’, damaged enough by those circumstances that they were not the same men, psychologically, as their alternates.

Surely when you bring two unstable elements together, you create even greater instability? But was that necessarily true, though? Matter and antimatter, contained, becomes a formidable source of power, each balancing the other. Perhaps that’s what he and Spock needed – to each find and bring that balance to the other. He thought about how they’d worked on the Narada and in the battle after. Somehow, they’d found a way to mesh and it wasn’t just from their training, though it had helped. There had been more – an awareness of each other, a flow, a rhythm. That’s what the older Spock had been trying to tell them; it was what he had shared with his bondmate.

So, was this – their lives, their reality, everything -- really the result of some force that was greater than them? Some kind of destiny? He didn’t like being controlled. Never had. So a part of him was already rebelling at the notion of willingly participating in some kind of cosmic drama. Fate meant you don’t have a choice and he believed there were always choices. That’s why he’d refused to accept Spock’s version of the Kobayashi Maru – his notion that whatever the choice, he couldn’t win. He could. He just had to change the parameters, like Nero had changed the parameters of the ambassador’s reality by…well…creating this one. Fuck did that change things – robbing him of his father, Spock of his mother…his entire planet.

“You talk of being destined to be together,” Jim said. “I don’t believe in fate. I’m the one in control of my life.”

The ambassador’s mouth relaxed into an almost-smile. “I accept your point. However, I would ask that you indulge me for a moment while I use scientific evidence to dispute it.”

Kirk’s surprise at the thought that a Vulcan would consider fate as a scientific fact must have been obvious, because the ambassador actually smiled.

“Through our understanding of what on Earth you refer to as Einstein’s Law of relativity, we know time is not a constant and that faster than light travel causes time-dilation. As a result, it was necessary that warp drive technology include the creation of an artificial bubble of normal space-time that surrounds spaceships to avoid them and their passengers experiencing a different rate at which time passes for them, relative to stationary objects or those moving at a different velocity to them. Indeed, in my career, I was able to make use of such physics on a number of occasions to jump back in time.”

Jim’s curiosity was immediately piqued at that and he began to ask a question when the ambassador held up his hand.

“Jim, you know I cannot reveal too many events in my timeline, but I will explain more about why in a moment.”

It was frustrating for Kirk to hear this even though he understood. “OK, go on,” he encouraged.

“You will have studied quantum mechanics,” the ambassador stated. When Jim nodded his assent, the old Vulcan continued, “The concept of an infinite number of simultaneous dimensions was merely a theory in your universe until Nero and I appeared here in this one from our own. During our first five-year mission, Jim and I were exposed on two occasions to the reality of the ‘multiverse’ theory. The second instance was significant. We discovered a time-portal on a previously uncharted planet. Due to an unfortunate accident involving a member of the crew changing Earth’s past, time was altered sufficiently that the Enterprise, and indeed StarFleet no longer existed as we knew it. We were essentially stranded on the planet in a ‘new’ timeline. We discovered two things from this. First that time is fluid, like a river, with currents, eddies, and backwash. Second, that not only can a new reality be created by such interference as our hapless crewmember created, just as Nero did with your reality but, significantly, when a timestream is _disrupted_ , it is as if an unknown force attempts to compensate for or correct the error of the disruption, creating a convergence of events to bring the timeline back to its natural course.”

Kirk was curious, but knew better than to ask further questions about the specific incident the ambassador was referring to, intriguing though it was, knowing it would elicit no further details. Instead he focused on one anomaly that didn’t make sense. “Haven’t you just contradicted the multiverse theory, since what you describe implies there is only one correct time and all those parallel universes will gradually merge back to the way things are _meant_ to be?”

“No. Our first experience showed us that there are legitimate universes that simply exist in parallel to ours. I am specifically referring to those which are _created_ by an interference to the fabric of time itself which causes one timeline to be split into two.”

It made a weird sort of sense to Kirk. “That ‘attempt to correct’ could explain how I ended up being captain of the same crew on the same ship as your captain. But then that would mean the _butterfly effect_ when Nero entered this universe—”

“—is not relevant in this case,” the ambassador interrupted. “Quite the reverse, in fact. It also means there is a strong probability that at least some of the events I experienced in my time-line, you will experience in yours as the timestream continues to correct itself.”

“True, but don’t forget that I’ve started my first five year mission commanding the Enterprise about eight years ahead of your captain. Given that many of your missions, I assume, were contingent on what happened at any given moment with a particular planet or government, I won’t experience the same ones because of their relative position in the timeline.”

“That is true, but the timeline has become distorted and I have already seen certain events occur before the time they did in my own universe, to use your own example, your getting command of the Enterprise when you did.”

“Are you saying that you, as a Vulcan, are prepared to believe in destiny?” Kirk asked, a little incredulously. “I would have thought the idea would be illogical to you.” He was still having difficulty believing it, and didn’t want to even think about the implications of the concept on the matter of free will.

“When presented with incontrovertible proof, it _is_ logical,” the ambassador replied. “Indeed, were we unaware of such compelling data, the notion of _relativistic determinism_ provides the necessary empirical evidence to support the concept of destiny.”

“I skipped philosophy and metaphysics classes at school,” Kirk admitted. “But let me guess… Relativity tells us time isn’t constant. That if I take off from Iowa and traveled at near lightspeed on a ship not designed to operate within its own artificial normal-space bubble, when I get home, say a year later, twelve years will have passed for everyone on Earth. That means that simultaneity is relative. The relativity of simultaneity implies that the future is determined in a _non-causal_ sense.”

“Indeed,” the ambassador agreed.

Kirk was enjoying exercising his intellect. “So, if we take me in this moment – everything I’m doing, thinking and observing. And from _my frame of reference_ , you’re an observer traveling in that spaceship. If for you there’s an event – say an aircar crash which, from your perspective, lies in the past. Because you’re experiencing time at a different rate to me, it’s possible for the crash to be an event which, as far as I’m concerned still hasn’t happened, yet _from my perspective_ , you see the crash as already having happened. And if that’s the case, then how can the crash be avoidable?

“If the crash which is in my future and at the same time is in your past, and that you are in my present (or even in my past!), then it’s inevitable that the crash _will_ take place. The crash _has_ to happen, no matter what. Applying that idea to any future event means, in principle, that all future events therefore must be determined. How am I doing?” he asked with a grin.

“Excellent, Jim. Do you see now why, after my experiences on that first mission, I have long been comfortable with the notion that some things are meant to be – indeed, perhaps everything is and it would be illogical to deny it?”

Kirk found that the little knot of rebelliousness at the idea of destiny had gone. He was still left with a troubled feeling, though, as he thought back to the issue of him and Spock. The problem with Vulcans is that nothing is simple. His preference would be to have a relationship with Spock and to take it one day at a time and not be troubled with committing to anything. But Bones had suggested Spock was looking for a lifemate and the ambassador had that morning confirmed it.

The very thought made him blanch. If he was truly honest, a lot of his promiscuity was probably a defense mechanism – that fucking around meant he never got close enough to anyone for them to matter and so no-one ever got close enough to hurt him. But maybe somewhere in all that, there might have been a kind of desperate hope that if he fucked enough people, he’d find The One.

Now he was in a quandary. A few short months into the mission, having given up his old ways when he’d been given his captain’s pin, he was already beginning to feel the loneliness of command and the idea of a regular partner became much more appealing than it ever had before.

Although he classed Bones as his best friend, since leaving Earth, more and more, it had been Spock who had been filling that aching void with his quiet support and companionship. To take that one step further into intimacy, to experience Vulcan passion, Vulcan strength held at bay; to know the true depths of Vulcan emotions as he’d glimpsed in the ambassador, was incredibly compelling. And if Spock’s Pon Farr really was ten years away, it’s not like they had to make any kind of decision on commitment any time soon.

If they were destined one day to be together, he could view the ambassador’s intervention as allowing them to circumvent possibly years of potential loneliness and isolation in their respective professional roles, that he and his captain had gone through.

Yet again, even as he considered this, he shuddered at the thought of such a commitment, he who had been so fiercely independent all his life. This was all happening too fast and it left him feeling disconcerted and uncomfortable. He could not rid himself of the niggling doubt that their timelines were already so different that despite events allegedly trying to normalize to how they were supposed to have been, it was entirely possible that , at this point along the timestream, what had taken place in the ambassador’s timeline was no longer relevant in this one. This was all so complicated.

Overriding everything was a burning curiosity to know what it was the ambassador had shared for all those years with his captain, and what his intuition told him was what he had shown Spock in the meld earlier that day.

“Can I see?” he asked, quietly.


	6. Chapter 6

“Your request is not unexpected,” the ambassador said with a small quirk of the lips.

“Am I that easy to read?” The thought should have felt more disconcerting than it did.

“To me, you are. However that is because you are not so different to my bondmate. I will show you selected memories that will not reveal any aspect of what your potential future might be beyond the possibility of a bonding with Spock, should both of you desire it. I believe you have surmised that it is what I revealed to him this morning.”

A thought struck Kirk that he was being manipulated and his eyes narrowed. “Why _did_ you show it to Spock?”

“He asked it of me. You will recall I gave him some assistance to lessen the effect of his severed bonding link. He was naturally curious to know what had become of T’Pring in my life.”

Okay, that made sense, he thought. With a nod, he picked up his chair and placed it directly in front of the Vulcan. At the same time, he noticed his heart-rate had gone through the roof and his mouth had gone dry. Nerves. What was there to be nervous about? It was just the sharing of information, right? 

He recalled their first meld when he had been a passive observer, bombarded initially with images and hearing the mind voice describe events, but as it had progressed, he had begun also to sense the older Vulcan’s feelings and reactions to these events until he had felt entirely overwhelmed.

He relaxed his body, took a deep breath and a moment after the amabassador’s fingers touched his face, he began to murmur words in preparation. Almost immediately, he became aware of a mental sigh and the whisper of a voice in his mind that wasn’t his own and then there was more, an awareness of something separate sharing the same space. Spock was suddenly just _there_ and he’d barely realized, their individual consciousness having merged effortlessly like the teeth of a zipper, gently meshing their minds together.

Kirk couldn’t tell how long it lasted, but it was as if they were floating in space, just sharing their awareness, just being. He relaxed and let the sensations flow over and through him. Despite being so fiercely independent, there was something comfortable about having someone else there with him, and a part of him knew that coming from a species that was largely psi-null, it ought to feel unnatural and invasive. Perhaps it was simply Spock’s skill and experience that made it so easy.

_It is because I know this part of you so well. I was bonded to another you._

_But we’re different people._

_Not so very._

__Kirk was willing to accept that. He guessed Spock would know.

This meld differed from the first, feeling more of a two-way channel. As he had a thought, Spock would answer it.

The quality changed and it brought to mind a holodeck where scenes were being played out, and he sensed Spock was carefully controlling what was being shown.

At first, he saw images of the two of them working together in different situations, and then he saw times when, like him and Spock on the Narada, they had fought together, defended each other, taken knocks for each other, protected one another. The two of them seemed to flow together, totally in sync, words often not needed as they stood on the bridge in a crisis, the Vulcan providing his captain with a steady stream of data even before he knew he wanted or needed it. Then he was being taken deeper and began to feel an emotion and it took his breath away. It was the depth and breadth of the love Spock and Kirk had had for each other. Surely that was the stuff of fairytales, or romantic novels.

_This was real – our bond allowed the ultimate sharing._

__Their love and their loving, their joy and their pleasure. All of it was there for Kirk to inspect, to turn over, to examine and understand. Besides the feelings, it was disconcerting to see something like a movie of himself with Spock, side by side on a couch reading, in a kitchen cooking meals, hiking in mountains, camping in forests, lying on a couch one with his head on the other’s lap, hair being affectionately stroked, cuddling, kissing, making love, and through it all, seeing them gradually age.

He felt like a voyeur and sensed a ripple of mind-laughter in response. Kirk felt truly humbled by the trust and openness Spock was showing him, especially knowing how private his people were, and this…this was as intimate as you could get, on every level. 

He had to remind himself that this wasn’t him and his Spock. The two men he was seeing together may have looked the same, but were very different, the product of a different universe.

_Spock had a different childhood from you – he’s different from you.  
_  
 _Only the superficial persona is different – fundamentally we are the same._

So this was what he couldn’t comprehend from his first meld – the bond. He simply hadn’t had a frame of reference with which to understand it, but now he did. A connection that went as deep as it was possible to be.

 _Beyond death_.

_How?_

_The katras live on, entwined.  
_  
He sensed the ambassador gently withdraw until he was alone in his mind once again, and he felt an almost overwhelming sadness for the older Vulcan and the loss of his soulmate. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he noticed two things. He had a raging hard-on and Spock had tears in his eyes. He was irritated at his own physiological difficulty – this was hardly the time. “Spock?”

“I ask forgiveness. Understand Jim, to me there is no difference between you and he, the essence of who you are – your psyonic footprint – even your DNA – is the same.”

“And apart from on Delta Vega—” 

“—where we were constrained by urgent circumstances—”

“—and there was no time, you haven’t touched your bondmate’s mind for a very long time. If we’re that alike at the level of our consciousness, then melding with me would feel no different than melding with him.”

Kirk wasn’t sure if it was a consequence of the meld, but he was feeling remarkably in tune with the ambassador. “You’re grieving for him.”

“My Jim is gone. I grieve for myself because I am still alive and without him. It is an atrocious act of self-indulgence.” As if trying to make amends, he wiped away his tears.

Kirk saw a connection. “This morning, you said Spock felt guilty for surviving. That’s a kind of grief, too.”

“It is the reason I recognized what he was feeling and was able to assist him. I _understood_.”

Kirk tried surreptitiously to adjust himself, his erection caught in his tight pants.

Spock’s lips quirked into a small smile. “I apologize for the side-effect. The meld affected my bondmate in the same manner. Once again you are the victim of my emotional transference for which I apologize.”

Kirk felt himself flush. “It didn’t happen when you melded with Spock this morning.” He was certain he would have noticed.

Before the ambassador could reply, the door suddenly slid open and, recognizing who it was, Kirk jumped to his feet. “Spock, what are you doing here?”

“I might ask you the same question, Jim,” the younger Vulcan replied with what looked like consternation. He came fully in to allow the door to close, his stance tense. An elegant eyebrow rose as his gaze dropped.

Kirk suddenly remembered his condition and quickly sat down again, thinking fuck, this looks bad.

“You shared a meld.”

Kirk was feeling a strong sense of déjà vue. And although Spock’s voice held no inflection, it had the definite ring of an accusation to it which irritated him. They’d had this out this morning. “What if we did?” Damn, that sounded defensive. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

“I shared similar memories to those I showed you this morning,” the ambassador explained.

“Indeed?” he said. “Without Jim’s physiological reaction, however.”

“It is a product of the meld,” responded the ambassador.

“I experienced no such reaction,” Spock tersely pointed out.

Kirk looked at Spock. _Really_ looked at him. There was certainly a confrontational air between them. Was he _jealous_? The thought that Spock cared enough for him to feel this way sent a tingle through him.

“To react to a meld with yourself would suggest a Narcissus-like quality, would it not?” the ambassador pointed out, mildly. “However, Jim is Jim. He responded to the meld with me the way he always has.”

“And it would be so with me?”

Now why was Spock asking the ambassador that? Kirk wondered. Was he right that their attraction was mutual – is that why he would be interested to know the answer? A part of him was intrigued and a part of him was exasperated at the two Vulcans discussing him like this. “Excuse me, but I _do_ exist,” he interrupted. 

“It would indeed be so,” the older Vulcan confirmed, ignoring Kirk. “Your minds are highly attuned and there is a sufficient level of desire within each of you for your pleasure centers to be stimulated.”

The tension seemed to leave Spock’s body as he turned to Kirk and raised an eyebrow in what could only be described as a speculative look. “Fascinating.”

Kirk felt himself reddening, which added to his exasperation, ratcheting it up to outright irritation. “Will you two quit talking about me as if I wasn’t fucking here!”

The two Vulcans, who were now side by side, regarded him with almost identical looks. Damn – they were teasing him. Damn. Kirk grinned.

“Are you hungry, Jim?” Spock asked.

“Yes but,” he paused and lifted his arm, sniffed and wrinkled his face dramatically, “I need a shower and a change of clothes.”

“I too require a shower,” his first officer admitted. “Ambassador, are you free to dine with us this evening?”

“Regrettably, not. I have matters that require my attention. Perhaps tomorrow?”

“Okay.” Kirk had a plan. “How about we go back, shower and change, and then come back down to eat. I’d prefer fresh food over the reconstituted stuff on the ship.” Lifting his hand, Kirk turned to the older man. “Uh… damn.”

The younger Vulcan stepped forward and and gently spread Kirk's fingers into the correct position, which earned him a broad grin. “See ya tomorrow,” he said irreverently to the ambassador.

“I look forward to it, Jim, Spock.”

“Standby two to beam up,” Spock said into his communicator. “Sir?”

Kirk nodded.

“Energize.”

=_=_=_=

After freshening up, Kirk ended up beaming down alone as Spock was called to the Science labs to see if he could help with a problem with a prototype underwater breathing apparatus that was malfunctioning. Not knowing how long Spock would be and too hungry to wait, he went ahead.

A commissary, set up mainly to cater for the tastes of non-Vulcans, was located close to the administrative buildings. Standing at one corner of the large, low-level structure, he could see through the windows that it was full of mostly Enterprise staff. So full, many were eating al fresco in what had turned into a pleasantly balmy evening. People sat on crates and containers, good-naturedly making the best of the facilities that were overwhelmed by their numbers. This was his _crew_. It was the first time, since he’d been formally given his command, that he’d seen so many of them in one place.

“Oof!” the sound escaped him as someone not only cannoned into his back, but nearly sent him flying with the impact. He turned around to look for what must have been a very large person to have nearly knocked him off his feet, to find a very wet and bedraggled familiar-looking ensign sitting on the ground looking slightly stunned. She appeared to have been for a swim in full uniform.

“Ensign Charalam, I presume.”

“Sir?” she looked confused.

“Never mind, I was paraphrasing a nineteenth century quote.”

The young woman blushed and stood up, snapping to attention – all five feet of her – and he found himself feeling incredulous that someone that petite could have hit him with that much force. “At ease, Ensign.”

She moved to parade rest. “Sorry sir. Didn’t see you round the corner, sir.”

Kirk’s tummy was rumbling. “Dismissed. And…get yourself cleaned up.”

He’d only taken a few steps inside when he heard McCoy’s drawl float across the room. “Well now, look what the cat’s dragged in.” 

Kirk grinned and walked over. “Hi Bones, how’s it going?” The doctor was sitting at a six-seat table with nine of his staff crammed around it.

“Been busy, Jim. Just beamed down after dealing with a near fatality.”

“What?” Kirk mentally kicked himself. He’d been in such a rush to get back, he hadn’t checked for any status messages.

“Faulty equipment. Someone nearly drowned and was underwater about ten minutes before being spotted. Fortunately we found some brain activity and were able to revive him.”

“Ten minutes? Is there brain damage?”

“No. We used an old technique which involved keeping his body temperature well below normal parameters and put him on life support. Then we just applied a simple stem-cell technique to regenerate the part of his brain that was damaged – which was actually very little. Took us an hour but we got him back – and he’ll make it. He’s in ICU.”

“Right – Spock said he was going to look at an issue with some breathing equipment. Who was it?”

“Ensign Anderson, a geologist in Spock’s department.”

The name didn’t ring any bells for Kirk. There were still so many of his crew he’d never met. “I’ll stop by to see him tomorrow, if he’s well enough.”

“He should be,” said McCoy. “Other than that little piece of excitement, we’ve spent most of our time installing and calibrating equipment.” His face told Kirk exactly what he thought of that and then he confirmed it by adding. “I’ve told them I’m a doctor and a med tech could do what I was being made to do, but I don’t think they’ll let me treat any of the colonists. Seems almost as if they’re hiding something.” 

Ah, McCoy, perceptive as ever, thought Kirk. He hoped the ambassador would somehow manage to change the Elders’ minds.

McCoy had paused and was now looking Kirk up and down. “Did you actually _do_ anything today?”

Kirk grinned. “Some of us are more civilized and don’t come to eat smelling like a Regellian wrestler’s…arm-pit.”

“I thought the term was ‘Regellian wrestler’s jock strap’,” McCoy responded.

Kirk winced slightly. “I was being considerate of the fact that people are eating. Not everyone’s got a cast-iron stomach like yours.”

“You worried about this bunch of soldiers?” McCoy doctor indicated with a wave of his hand. “Any one of them could drain the pustules of a patient with Vanuvian pox without losing their appetite,” he said proudly as his team all nodded enthusiastically. Kirk was pleased to see they’d all bonded so well.

“You, Doctor,” Kirk poked him in the middle of his chest, “are disgusting. What’s on the menu?”

Kirk chose a bowl of s’haresh stew with Arcturian sea-rice and with McCoy’s table already overfull, he glanced around for a place to sit. Recognizing one of the aid workers from the ambassador’s briefing earlier, he walked over to her with his tray. “May I?” he asked with a smile.

“Please do, Captain,” she said smiling back. The woman looked to be in her late twenties and was petite and raven-haired, with striking wide, blue eyes. She was wearing a figure-hugging one piece navy jumpsuit that clung to her every curve. At his appraisal, her smile widened, as if to say, ‘Like what you see’?

And Kirk did. “What brings you to the colony, Ms…?”

“Mallon. Heike Mallon. 

“I’m—”

She interrupted with a smile. “I think everyone here knows who you are Captain—”

“Jim,” he interrupted back.

“Jim,” she repeated. “To answer your question, I’m an engineer and work for a Federation-funded non-profit organization that assists with the relocation of refugees. I’ve never worked on anything on this kind of scale before, though.”

“I’ll bet. You’re from Earth?”

“My father was, from the United States of Europe, formally Germany. I was born there but grew up in the Martian colonies. You?”

“Iowa…in North America,” he clarified.

“Ah yes, of course.”

Kirk looked at her, intrigued. “Why of course?”

“They moved the shipyards to Iowa in honor of your father. I believe your own ship was built there.”

Kirk put his fork down and clasped his hands together, resting his chin on them as he appraised her. “You seem to know a lot about me, Heike.” He found the idea slightly unnerving.

“Not you, Jim, your father. My dad served with him on the Kelvin.”

He was fairly certain she was older than him by a few years. “Did he make it?”

“Yes, he did. I grew up with stories about his space-faring days, including the bravery of your father on my dad’s last mission. He grounded himself and got a StarFleet desk job after that.” Her head tilted to one side, as she added quietly, “It can’t be easy living in someone else’s shadow.”

Kirk thought back to how Chris Pike had goaded him into joining StarFleet, using his father’s service record as something to be competed with. Pike had challenged him to get a command in eight years – he’d done it in three; and at the Kobayashi Maru hearing, Spock had dragged his dad into the argument in a deliberate attempt to derail him from his point that the test was itself a cheat, and tried instead to use it to portray him as a hothead. Given his dad had absolutely no bearing on whether or not something was wrong with the test, it had been pure manipulation on Spock's part – the bastard! The memory made Kirk grin. He’d forgiven Spock because the Vulcan was badly losing the argument and he’d done it as an act of desperation. As for the accusation that he was a hothead – Hell, Spock had had his moments, too.

Kirk refocused on Heike. “Yeah,” he smirked, “but now I have my own ship, I beat his twelve minutes in command _and_ saved Earth, I’m kinda getting over it.” He recognized this was his slightly obnoxious, flirty talk and he had no idea why he was doing it.

Heike sat back and tilted her head to one side. “Really?”

His smile became genuine, and he crossed his arms on the table. “Would there be any connection,” he asked, “between your dad’s experience of the Romulans, and your being here helping their latest victims?”

“There is, but not just for the reason you may be thinking. My mother was also on the Kelvin, but didn’t make it. Her shuttle got hit by the Narada, no survivors.”

“I’m sorry,” he said in response. The words seemed so inadequate. Here was someone who, through some weird quirk of fate, had lost her mother at the start of her own life in the same tragedy that had taken his own father at the start of his, and all he could think to say was ‘sorry’.

“It was a long time ago, Jim, but thank you. The main reason I came here to help, though, is because my mother was Vulcan.”

Kirk looked and realizing his mouth had gaped open, closed it. 

“What? Don’t I look like one?” she grinned.

“Uh…”

“All Vulcan-Human hybrids are genetically engineered. Since my parents intended to bring me up on Earth, they made sure that my genetic make-up is primarily Human, just as the reverse is the case for your Mr. Spock. My psi abilities are pretty poor by Vulcan standards. But I _am_ strong,” she grinned. “Care for a wrestle?” she asked and held her hand up across the table in a challenge.

Kirk grinned and grabbed it. The moment their hands were clasped, she’d twisted it and his knuckles rapped down on the table. He shook his head. “I wasn’t ready, let’s do it again.” 

This time Heike waited until he’d started pushing before trouncing him again. It was like a child playing against an adult. His arm hurt. “Impressive,” he grinned sheepishly, and glanced around to see if anyone had noticed their captain getting beaten by a woman. It looked like he’d gotten away with it. “I’d want to be on your side in any bar-room brawl.”

She grinned back. “Yeah, it surprises them every time!”

He could well imagine the surprised looks on the faces of any jerks who didn’t take no for an answer and tried to paw themselves into her affections.

Heike stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, Jim. It’s been nice chatting with you.”

Kirk stood. “Yes, I enjoyed the talk too.”

He was about to call Spock when, watching Heike leave, he noticed his First standing near the door, and wondered how long he’d been there. Picking up his tray, Kirk strolled over. “Hi, did you get things sorted?”

“I have suggested some modifications. We will know by tomorrow if they are successful.”

“I’ve already eaten, but I might go for a dessert. Do you want to eat with your staff?”

“I would prefer to remain with you,” Spock said, gaze intent.

Kirk held the look, and the words – the way they were quietly stated – sent a spark down his spine which tightened everything in the vicinity of his groin. Feeling the beginnings of arousal and, deciding the commissary was not the best place to eyefuck his first officer, he broke off contact and glanced around.

“How about we eat here and then we go for a walk?”

“That would be agreeable.”

They sat in companionable silence while Spock ate. Since that morning, there had been a calmness about the Vulcan which he had never witnessed in the time he’d known him. Perhaps not surprising, given the conditions under which had they met and, so far, worked and of Spock’s state of mind since.

Aside from that, he was seeing Spock differently, almost as if for the first time. He’d moved from nemesis, to colleague, to friend, to… he wasn’t sure what next, or if there was a ‘next’. The images he’d seen in the ambassador’s mind had been compelling. It wasn’t just the sex, it was everything that went with it – the deep friendship, the love, and the incredible rightness of it that gave it the strength and the depth to last a lifetime. He’d never had anything approaching that with anyone, ever. He’d had the sex and occasional relationships, although none had lasted more than a few months, and he’d had friends who were mostly drinking buddies, like McCoy, although he acknowledged the doctor now held a special place in his life – the closest and longest standing friend he’d ever had. But never before had he had everything all wrapped up in one parcel.

There was no doubt he found Spock appealing on many levels. He admired his intelligence and loved the fact that his First constantly challenged him and his thinking – even if he did disagree with the challenges, mostly. Until he’d joined the Academy, nothing had captured his interest for more than a few days or weeks. School had been easy – so easy, that he’d gotten bored and kept skipping it, getting into trouble with the law repeatedly. Even the Academy hadn’t been that hard once he’d gotten used to the volume of work needed to squeeze a four year program into three, that is, until he’d come up against Spock’s little simulation. Now _that_ had been a challenge.

Spock was also incredibly attractive. Kirk knew his dark eyes hid much of what was going on inside, but thanks to the ambassador and the meld they’d shared, he now had an inkling of what lay beneath that calm, cool exterior. He’d been able to get under his skin enough to bring him to rage. He wondered what it would be like to instead be the catalyst that released Spock’s passion. Now _that_ would be something else.

Every now and again, they caught each other’s eyes, as they each threw the other speculative glances. Kirk could feel a delicious tension building between them. A part of him was thinking, ‘bring it on’. But another part of him, the part that had encouraged him to wear his independence like a badge of honor his whole life – something to be admired and to be retained at all costs – the part that shied away from anything that looked remotely like a commitment, was telling him to run and not look back. 

But, he reminded himself, he didn’t need to make a commitment. This could just be about sex, couldn’t it? And if things work out in the future and the commitment-phobe part of him quieted down a little, then maybe they could consider something more permanent. They had time – Spock’s Pon Farr wouldn’t be for another ten years. And they were both adults. If it didn’t work out, they could still have their working relationship, like Spock and Uhura had done.

His mind made up, he considered the first move. He was never one for hanging around once he’d made a decision. 

After their meal, they left the commissary and found night time had settled in and, while the air remained warm, it was at a more comfortable level. The area immediately outside was still occupied by many of his crew, who were lounging in small groups, chatting and laughing, and enjoying each other’s company.

Beyond them was a series of walkways that branched out to snake through and around the colony in a surprisingly haphazard pattern, each one illuminated by small lights set at intervals at hip level, casting a golden glow. Their color was complemented by the warm, yellow light of the half moon – larger than Earth’s own satellite – that hung ponderously in the sky not far above the horizon.

Choosing a random path, they began to walk and Kirk realized there were a surprising number of people out and about, many of them his crew, no doubt enjoying being in the fresh, warm air as much as he was.

He wished for a little more privacy and began to look around. As he did so, he glimpsed the recognizable backs of McCoy and Uhura on another path off to his right, though they disappeared almost immediately around a bend that was obscured by a large shrub. Looking in the opposite direction, he spotted a construction area where a number of upended crates would make passable seats.

“Mind if we go sit over there?” He didn’t wait for an answer, heading off, assuming Spock would follow.

Kirk found a suitable spot that was largely obscured from the nearby pathway by several large bushes and they sat on the improvised seating, side by side, in companionable silence.

He took in several, deep lungfuls of air, noticing the nearby vegetation gave off a slight, almost citrus-y scent. With every exhalation, he felt the tension he’d been carrying from the busy day, gradually dissipate. Picking up a twig, he began to trace random shapes in the sandy soil between his feet, smiling to himself as he noticed what a study in contrasts they were, he slumped forward, while beside him, Spock sat rigidly upright.

So new in his command, and not much travelled as a youth, he could count the number of planets he had stood on, on the fingers of two hands. He paused from his sand-drawings to glance up at the sky, but the glow of the moon prevented all but the brightest stars and a number of other planets in the system being visible to the naked eye.

“I suppose the constellations won’t be the same here,” he said quietly, voicing the thought that occurred to him.

Spock looked up. “Indeed, although many of the same stars are visible, this planet is located in a different plane to Earth and one hundred seventeen light years away, so we are viewing them from a different perspective. Few, if any, will form the constellation configurations with which you are familiar.”

Now they were here, away from the ship, there was a matter he wanted to get off his chest – somehow the time had never seemed right before.

“There’s something I wanted to say to you, that I didn’t really know how to bring up, until now,” he began. “But this seems like a good time to say it. That day on the bridge after Delta Vega – I’m sorry for the things I said. I knew what I was saying wasn’t true, it’s just—”

“I understand, Jim,” Spock uncharacteristically cut in. “I know, now, you are aware that while Vulcans control our emotions, we are nevertheless capable of deep feelings. As for your actions, they were entirely justified. Had you not taken those steps and I had remained in command, Earth would also have been destroyed.”

Kirk was not to be mollified. As he leant forward with his elbows on his knees, he dropped the twig and clasped his hands in front of him. “The outcome doesn’t make me feel any better about what I actually _said_. It was unforgivable.”

“ _I_ forgive you,” Spock said softly. “Is that not enough?”

Kirk swallowed and nodded, unable to say anything past the lump in his throat. Undefined emotions were swirling around inside him as he stared at the rudimentary shapes he had carved into the soil. What they were sharing here was something rare in his life.

There was no doubt his time at the Academy had changed him, smoothing off some of his rougher edges. He’d grown up being a survivor, a street-fighter who’d made it through on instinct and intuition, not to mention his fast reflexes which had gotten him out of a lot of tight spots. He’d learned to put on a cocky, arrogant front, a devil-may-care attitude that prevented anyone from seeing what he was really feeling, and he’d never let anyone in close, until Bones.

The doctor was the first man in his life he hadn’t viewed as competition – well not seriously, anyway – perhaps because of his age. He’d always been there to pick up the pieces when he screwed up. Very, very occasionally, usually when he was utterly shit-faced from way too much liquor and almost incoherent, he would let his friend see the vulnerability he kept hidden from the world through some small deed or confession. And never, not once, had Bones ever reminded him he’d been allowed to see it.

He’d never had such a loyal friend and now that he thought about him in these terms, his irrational fear of the doctor taking away his command when he needed to pull some dangerous stunt, seemed absurd. He was willing to cut himself some slack, though, conceding that fears were rarely rational.

But even though he had all that with Bones, there was something about Spock that had him feeling the connection between them went so much deeper, even without the kind of shared history he had with the doctor. Apart from those rare occasions, he still maintained an air of bravado around his longest-standing friend.

Yet with Spock, he didn’t have to pretend to be anyone other than who he was. No games. No bullshit. What was the point? The Vulcan’s telepathic ability would render any pretense an exercise in futility. The moment they melded, Spock would immediately see through it all – the thought was both disturbing and exhilarating to someone who’d spent his life hiding behind a façade just as surely as did Spock. And that was the crux of the matter – in many ways they were so alike. Kindred spirits who the universe had flung together at least twice, to his knowledge. That kind of made it something approaching destiny, he thought. It was a notion he would have dismissed as romantic bullshit even yesterday before he’d had his discussion with the ambassador. He’d never believed in the concept of ‘soulmates’ – his harsh life simply hadn’t allowed for that possibility, not until he was furnished with something approaching irrefutable proof.

With each other, he and Spock could be who they truly were through mutual respect and shared trust, allowing the deep union the ambassador had alluded to. When he thought about it, he wondered how much of the differences between the older and younger Spocks was down to the ambassador having had a Jim Kirk in his life. Someone who’d acted as a fence, a point of stability, a refuge, through unconditional acceptance and love.

“I too, ask forgiveness,” said Spock quietly, surprise abruptly breaking his musings. “At the hearing when I stated that your father—”

It was Kirk’s turn to interrupt, grabbing the Vulcan’s attention by taking one his hands in his own and gazing into the shadowed face. “You’re forgiven, Spock. I’m not one to hold grudges. Life’s too short.”

He could feel the sexual tension building between them as Spock made no attempt to remove his hand, which felt very warm and solid in his grasp. This had all gotten a little too heavy and some old habit in Kirk kicked in, needing to take things to a more superficial level. Letting go of Spock’s hand he added, “Well, I say that, but after I found out my servo upgrade request for a coffee selection was on your we’ll-get-this-done-right-after-hell-has-frozen-over list, I decided I could go off you.”

Spock regarded him with an amused expression, recognizing he’d been caught. After a pause, his expression became more serious. “Do you believe in ‘hell’, Captain?”

“Jim,” Kirk reminded.

“Jim.” There, he’d said it the way he liked it, with the slightly elongated emphasis on the last letter.

“Maybe not literally, but metaphorically… If you’d seen me the morning of Bones’ drill after the two of us had had a few too many drinks, and all I wanted was a nice cappuccino to settle my stomach before I faced the world, but my servo is only programmed to deliver standard coffee, you’d know it does exist.”

Spock’s face held amusement again. “Perhaps you and the doctor might consider confining yourselves in future, to drinking tea.”

The very notion of it made Kirk laugh out loud. “I’ve enjoyed working with you over the past few months,” Kirk said into the ensuing silence. “I think we’re going to make a great team.”

“Indeed, I too, have been most gratified with the progress we have made, both professionally and personally.”

“After what I saw in the meld with the ambassador, the way he and his Captain had worked together, I wondered if we’d end up the same, even though we’re two very different people than they are – or were; we’ve been molded by very different lives. But I knew after the way we worked together on the Narada, that we had it in us too.”

“Without the benefit of that contact with the ambassador, I had reached the same conclusion.” There was a pause and then he went on, “Did he tell you I had already determined to resign my commission in order to serve my people?” At Kirk’s nod, he continued, “A chance conversation with the ambassador which I am now less certain than previously was due entirely to random factors, caused me to alter my decision. He urged me to remain with the Enterprise and with you, while he undertook the work at the colony that I had intended. As he pointed out, we are in a unique position to be in two places at once.”

“That must have been so weird when you realized who he was,” Kirk said with a grin.

“It was…disturbing. One may speculate how one will age, but ordinarily never be entirely certain.”

If he hadn’t met the ambassador at that point… The thought, now, of the Enterprise without Spock, was unimaginable. He had gladly – if somewhat naively – accepted the captaincy, but it had only been in the months since, that the scale of what he had taken on, and his lack of experience, had really sunk in. It was a truly daunting task, and unthinkable without the Vulcan’s quiet and unobtrusive support.

“I’m glad you stayed. I honestly couldn’t do the job without you.”

“I believe I made the correct decision,” Spock quietly agreed.

“It’s funny, in some ways the ambassador’s quite similar to you and in others, entirely different.”

I find his willingness to display emotion both verbally and physically, somewhat disconcerting,” Spock admitted.

“I guess he’s gotten comfortable with it after a lifetime living among Humans, with a Human bondmate.”

“Logical,” Spock agreed.

“I also noticed he was different in the meeting this morning, from how he’s been in private with us,” Kirk added.

“You are correct. I think it unlikely the ambassador is quite so expressive when with the Vulcan Elders.”

Kirk grinned at the thought of the outrage that the older Spock’s lapse in Vulcan discipline might cause. Not that any of the Elders would admit to outrage, of course. “We’re the only family he has now – a father half his age and younger versions of himself and his bondmate. Pretty screwed up, huh?”

They lapsed into silence as he contemplated addressing an issue he’d put off before, hoping this openness now would allow him to share. “Can I ask you a question?” he said, finally.

“You may. However, I will not guarantee an answer,” Spock hedged.

“When did you break up with Uhura?”

The silence went on for so long, Kirk had decided Spock was not going to reply, when he shifted slightly. “I ended our involvement shortly after we returned to Earth,” he began quietly, “and I had determined to assist in setting up the colony. It was more difficult than I expected. She knew of T’Pring, yet even so, we had both become more…involved, than intended, and I…my grief…I had lost so much, yet I was choosing to ‘lose’ another.”

Spock stopped talking and appeared to be deep in thought. Kirk remained silent, sensing there was more. His instincts proved right.

“I did not see Nyota again prior to entering the bridge and offering my services to you as first officer. She was genuinely pleased to see me return, but she understood that what had been between us would not be resumed.” Spock faltered for a moment. “She is a good woman,” he continued, “but everything had changed.”

“After losing T’Pring,” Kirk said quietly, “you need to find a new bondmate.”

Spock looked at where he had his fingertips pressed together. “I discussed this with Nyota upon my return,” Spock confessed, “and while it was not a direct proposition, she made it clear it was more than she wants, despite her emotional attachment to me.”

Kirk looked at the downturned face. “The ambassador and I had a long talk before you arrived and he told me about Pon Farr.”

Spock’s head whipped up and Kirk could clearly see a startled look. “Why were you discussing such personal matters?” There was a heavy note of disapproval in the tone.

“I wanted to know why we brought Healer Soveran here.” Kirk smiled, “But I also think the wily old goat was…grooming me.”

“Grooming you?”

“Yeah, you know, setting me up. With you. I think he wants me to know what I might be taking on if we were to get together.”

Spock looked away. “Oh.”

It was such a human sound and it warmed Kirk’s heart. “Anyway, I mention it because he said all things being equal on the timeline, you’re not due for another decade. Couldn’t you and Uhura at least carry on as you have? You’ve got quite a few years yet to play with.”

“Nyota is clear that having ended it, it is best it remains that way.”

That revelation really surprised Kirk. “You’re kidding me – she’s heartbroken.”

“Nevertheless it is her choice and I…” Spock paused, took a breath and then turned his head to face Kirk. “I have since come to the conclusion that she and I have made the correct decision.”

Spock looked back down and went silent. Kirk could see he was thinking, considering something. He was amazed Spock had opened up as much as he had and knew it must have been an effort for him to overcome his natural reticence. As the thought struck him, he noticed a sense of resolve appear in the Vulcan’s eyes.

“May I ask _you_ a question, Jim?”

“Sure,” he responded, then added with a smile, “with your caveat, of course.”

Spock nodded his head once in acknowledgement. “Have you ever participated in…an intimate encounter with a male?”

That was not a question he had ever expected to hear Spock utter given his normally strict personal boundaries, and regarded it as a good sign. “Yes a few times.” It was the perfect time to inquire, but he wasn’t sure how to phrase it. “Can I ask, that day in the gym – was that…did you…? I mean—”

Spock’s face took on that almost smile and it warmed Kirk. “Apparently my body had reached a conclusion about your desirability some time before my conscious mind had.”

“You seemed pretty angry about it.” He said it as a statement, not an accusation.

“I was in a state of confusion and desired immediate solitude. You ordered me to remain in the gym and then brought up the subject of the relationship between Nyota and me which I had made clear was not for discussion. In addition, the combat exercises had induced an increased level of testosterone in my system which caused a degree of aggression.” Spock’s lips curled up slightly. “You did not, as they say, catch me at my best.”

Kirk laughed and took hold of one of Spock’s hands again, feeling the heat of it as his heart pounded furiously. Looking deeply into the dark eyes, he said quietly, “I don’t know what the future holds for us – whether it’s similar or not to what _they_ had. I have to be honest with you, Spock, I’m nowhere close to being ready to make a lifetime commitment either. But I do find myself attracted to you on a lot of levels. I’d be up for some…experimentation to see if we’re at least physically compatible.”

Spock held Kirk’s gaze for long moments before he said, finally, “I would be agreeable, however have you considered the non-fraternization rules?”

“They’re outdated and we can be discreet. I think Pike would back us up if need be. And besides,” he smiled at his newly thought-up devious plan, “we could claim to be betrothed, which would make it much harder to break us up, given the status bonded couples get.”

Kirk followed Spock’s gaze down to their hands where he had extended two fingers and was brushing them lightly up and down the front and back of his own fingers slowly and rhythmically, with the gentleness of a lover's touch. Not only was the action mesmerizing to watch, but he felt something between a tingle and a vibration over the skin, making the hair on his arm stand up and quickening his pulse.

“You do realize that each time you have touched my hand with your own, you are performing what to Vulcans is a kiss?”

The comment was so surprising that Kirk let out a bark of laughter and when an image flashed across his mind, he laughed even harder. He could see Spock’s confusion.

“Oh god, Spock, do you remember when we picked up Healer Soveran and you showed me how to do the Vulcan salute? He must have thought we were making out on the bridge!”

Spock’s head tilted to one side as he considered this. “Indeed. Quite scandalous. As I said, it was only my conscious mind which was unaware of my attraction to you.”

Kirk felt the spike of an adrenaline rush and no galactic force known to the Federation could have prevented him from his next action. While his spontaneous and carefree manner had gotten him into trouble so many times in his life, it had also brought him some very satisfying results. Jumping up, he pulled Spock by his hand, dragging him to his feet and in the direction of a nearby half-built prefabricated structure.

“Jim, what are you doing?” the Vulcan asked, allowing himself to be pulled along somewhat reluctantly.

“I want to kiss you the Human way,” Kirk replied a little breathlessly.


	7. Chapter 7

“ _Here?_ ” Spock asked, incredulously – as though they’d just walked into the spotlight of some public arena. He abruptly stopped all forward motion.

Well, Kirk thought, ever the optimist, at least he wasn’t questioning the kissing, just the location. He grinned and tried pulling him again but found he might as well be trying to tug the Enterprise out of dry-dock single-handedly. 

Oh well, he thought, here would do, and playfully wrapped his arms around Spock’s waist. He lifted his head and puckered his lips, but the Vulcan was not forthcoming. “Aw, c’mon Spock.”

“This is a public area. We have a sixty three point four percent chance of being discovered,” Spock said resolutely.

“Right, and a thirty six point six percent chance of _not_ getting caught. C’mon Spock, kiss me,” Kirk grinned impishly, “you know you want to.”

Spock stood with his arms stiffly at his side. “I fail to understand why you would wish to initiate such an action here when I am certain, should we wish to, we could find a far more suitable and _private_ location, your quarters, for example.”

“Because it’s fun! Didn’t you ever make out with your classmates behind the airbike storage building at school?” The look on Spock’s face suggested not only that he had not, but that he considered the very idea ludicrous. 

Kirk was not about to give up and chose to ignore Spock’s perplexed expression. His mind made up, he continued to walk further off the path, knowing his First was reluctantly trailing after him. 

As he walked, his jocular mood deserted him. It was too easy to make a joke of all this – it was a defense mechanism he’d used most of his life. He’d taught himself never to take anything too seriously. But recently life had gotten serious. _Very_ serious. 

He reached a stream and paused, undecided about which way to turn. He could barely hear it as it slipped almost noiselessly by as it had done for uncounted millennia, a reminder by its contrast of the fleetingness of their own existence. Nothing was certain, not even the very ground upon which they trod, their presence on this planet a testament to that tragic fact.

 _Carpe Diem.  
_  
It was a phrase that could have been invented for Kirk. Spontaneously enlisting with StarFleet was an example of that, one that had proven to be a pivotal moment in his life. In his younger days, living the philosophy had a lot to do with the itinerant lifestyle he had taken up after running away from home in his mid-teens, when he could never tell what each day would bring. These days, he was faced with the very real possibility that out there in space there lurked many more like Nero, ready to leap out of the darkness and cut them down.

It wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on, though it _was_ a good motivator for not letting opportunities pass him by. With that thought, he focused on the treat ahead. If Spock wanted a private location, the half-built structure to his left, though lacking windows, doors and a roof, had walls which were complete, providing an enclosure that fulfilled that need. Walking inside, he leaned back against a wall, his heart pounding, his cock twitching in anticipation as he waited for what he knew was inevitable. They’d been playing around each other for days…perhaps weeks. Advance. Retreat. It was time for the game to end. He’d thrown down the gauntlet and his challenge was accepted.

Spock appeared in the doorway, a shadowy silhouette, barely making a noise as he moved, coming to a halt and standing very still a meter in front of him. The waxing half-moon, still quite low in the sky, suddenly emerged from behind a cloud and as it did so, it spilled its warm, light over Spock, giving him a golden aura.

Their eyes met in shared understanding as Spock stepped forward and placed his hands against the wall either side of Kirk’s head. Slowly, he leaned forward until their faces were only a few centimeters apart and Kirk could feel the soft caress of the Vulcan’s hot breath across his face, like a gentle desert breeze. He met the dark, fathomless gaze and held it, broadcasting his utter certainty of the rightness of the journey on which they were about to embark. Finally, Spock tilted his head slightly and closed the gap, and as he did so, Kirk shut his eyes in mute anticipation.

The lips that touched him were soft, hot and tentative, whispering across his mouth as though asking the question, ‘may I’? Kirk remained absolutely still, feeling Spock’s breath mingling with his own. He kept his jaw slack, allowing the exploration, their only point of contact their mouths which clung together. Spock tugged at his lower lip with his own and then softly sucked it into the warm, wet cavern of his mouth. An involuntary gasp escaped him as lightening tingles shot through his body, igniting like a pleasure storm in his groin. When he felt the tip of a hot, alien tongue glide along his captured lip, he wondered whether he should surrender or fight to retrieve it.

While giving in wasn’t in his nature, he decided to forego that need this one time and, as he opened his mouth fully, he relaxed to melt against Spock until their bodies were pressed together from chest to knees, molding perfectly as if they were made for one another. For the first time since their work-out, he became acutely aware how much hotter than a Human, Spock was, as though he’d spent the day absorbing the heat of the colony’s sun. Slipping his hands around Spock’s waist, he pushed up the material of his shirt and ran his fingers over his lean, muscled back, feeling the heat seep into his hands.

By the time their tongues caressed, curling around one another, warm and wet, he was achingly hard. It was as if the contact completed a circuit, sending an explosive bolt of rapture through him. For someone so inhumanly strong, he found himself enthralled by Spock’s gentleness, which was so unexpected. The kiss was sensual and intoxicating, and he reveled in the intimacy of being able to taste the cumin and other spices that had flavored Spock’s meal earlier.

It was with a delicious thrill that he felt an answering hardness pressed against his hip, knowing that he was responsible for eliciting the avid response. He moved his thigh between Spock’s and undulated rhythmically to create a delicious friction. His hands now slid lower to cup his firm, muscled ass, squeezing and pulling the Vulcan even tighter against him, feeling more than hearing a quiet gasp as their kiss deepened. What they were sharing felt so overpoweringly perfect that he wondered why he’d waited even this long to initiate it.

All of a sudden, he felt Spock freeze, tension radiating out from him as he abruptly pulled away from the kiss. He was about to ask what he’d done when he heard a noise outside.

Fuck. He looked at Spock who was clearly fighting to regain control of himself, consciously slowing his breathing down from a pant to a more normal flow.

There was a bang. “Shit,” came a female voice from outside the building.

Kirk saw the beam of a flashlight through one of the windows and realized they were about to be discovered. Spock had obviously come to the same conclusion and tugging his shirt back down, suddenly stepped away and through the door. 

“Shit!” she said again, more in shock this time. Whoever it was, Spock had clearly scared her by appearing out of nowhere. “Sorry sir!”

“Ensign Charalam. What brings you here at this hour?”

Kirk’s eyeballs rolled – her again. At least she was too junior to ask the same of the first officer. _I’m availing myself of the semi-privacy afforded by this structure, ensign, in order to make out with the captain, an activity which you have inconveniently interrupted._ He grinned to himself at the imagined words and hoped it was too dark for her to see Spock’s raging hard-on.

“I left some stuff here earlier, sir, when I jumped into the water and…” She trailed off and Kirk imagined the stern look Spock was no doubt giving her. “…well, I have them now, Sir.”

She must have been standing to attention, because all Spock said was, “Dismissed, Ensign.”

It was several minutes before Spock reappeared, presumably to ensure Charalam had definitely gone. He had a sinking feeling which increased when the Vulcan finally walked back through the door and he caught sight of the stern face.

“I am returning to the ship,” Spock said tightly. _Alone_ , came the unspoken word. “Goodnight, Captain.”

With that, Spock was gone and Kirk slumped against the wall. _Fuckfuckfuck_. It had been going so well. That’d teach him not to listen to his First when he quoted odds against him. They probably should have returned to the ship but he acknowledged that part of the thrill was doing it here, knowing other people were around.

His own erection now subsided and a dull ache in his balls, he called for beam-up.

=_=_=_=

It was 06:15 ship’s time. Ordinarily the mess would have been almost empty at such an hour, but the place was buzzing with excited crew keen to get work started on their first full day at the colony, having already achieved a great deal in just one afternoon the previous day. With a little over a two hour time difference, that decreased by just over an hour a day with the planet’s slower rotation, everyone was taking the chance to refuel before an 09:00 start dirt-side. 

Kirk glanced around and saw Spock standing with his tray, speaking with some of his staff. The sight of the Vulcan sent a delicious thrill through him at the memory of what they’d illicitly shared, albeit briefly. As if aware of his captain’s regard, Spock turned and their eyes met, and he felt another bolt flow through him. Fuck, he thought. All they’d done was kiss, but there was no denying that his new, intimate knowledge of Spock excited him. He flashed his First a bright smile and eliciting a slight inclination of his head in response, turned to join the line for breakfast.

Despite the smile, he felt nervous about encountering Spock after the previous night’s spat. Clearly Spock had been deeply pissed off at him in his own controlled way, and Kirk wondered whether it would mean he would keep his distance from his captain as he’d done before. The memory of the freeze-out on the bridge the day after the gym session came to mind and he fervently hoped he wasn’t in for more of that treatment.

While he stood patiently in line, he considered what to have for breakfast. His crew had taken a few weeks to get used to not automatically ushering their captain to the front of the line – he didn’t see why his rank should give him special privileges if he wasn’t in a hurry. There was a distance between him and many of his former classmates who were now serving on the Enterprise. It wasn’t just because he was captain and a detachment had to be maintained for discipline’s sake – command training had taught him that reprimanding a crew member is far easier than reprimanding a friend – but it was also because he’d always kept himself apart.

He’d grown up a loner and not just out of choice, although it got to be that way in the end. His academic performance had always set him apart from other kids at school, where he’d also been an outstanding athlete. With his natural good-looks, he’d had no trouble finding willing bed-partners and some had made it all too obvious that they envied or resented his abilities. That’s when he’d learned to fight. It had been no different at the Academy where he’d fast-tracked through, always scoring the highest marks in his class, and other departments had clamored to entice him to transfer away from his command track. He had always been _different_.

Having gotten his command straight out of the Academy, it hadn’t been easy recruiting the fifteen percent of experienced crew he now had aboard, as few were willing to serve under a captain who had no field experience whatsoever. He was thankful there didn’t seem to be any resentment from his former classmates on that score either. After defeating the Narada, they now didn’t just accept him, they had learned to trust him.

Reaching the front of the line, he still didn’t know what to eat. Knowing he’d likely skip lunch, he made the instant decision to stock up with a grand slam. 

Just as he’d loaded up his tray, Scotty ambled over. “Mornin’ Cap’n.” The engineer eyed up his tray with a smile. “Now here’s a lad after ma own heart eating a proper breakfast.”

Kirk grinned. “I wish Bones had your attitude! He’s always telling me off for what I eat. Nagged at me all the way through the Academy and hasn’t stopped.”

“Ach well, maybe when he samples Ensign’s Stewart’s fare he may have a change o’ heart. I’ve spoken to her and she’s ready to put her transfer in to the Enterprise on your say-so.”

No wonder Scotty looked so happy, he thought. “OK, tell her to file it and I’ll get a memo to Admiral Pike right after breakfast. If she’s as good a chef as you say she is, I’m looking forward to having her join the crew.”

“Ye’ll no’ take ma word for it, let yer stomach do the talking! Right, I’ve got the conn today, so I need to get going. Enjoy your day, Cap’n.”

He clapped the engineer on the back. “You too, Scotty.”

Kirk turned to find a place to sit. “Over here, Jim!” McCoy called. The doctor was sitting with his head nurse and, walking over, he slid onto the bench seat beside him.

“You’re not going to eat all that, are you?”

Kirk refrained from rolling his eyes – a habit he’d picked up from the doctor. “Morning Bones, Nurse Chapel,” he greeted, ignoring the remark. Looking down at his friend’s breakfast, he winced. “You’ll never catch me eating that stuff,” he remarked, pointing his fork at McCoy’s bowl of grits.

The doctor scowled. “You’re young now, but one day your unhealthy eating habits are gonna bite you on the ass, when your arteries get so clogged you drop down dead from a heart attack.”

Kirk beamed happily and started on his breakfast.

“Any word about manufacturing more sun block, Captain? We’re almost out,” Chapel asked.

Kirk shot her grateful look for the change of subject – she’d gotten used to their bickering and mostly didn’t pay it any attention. “I know Sciences is onto it, but you’ll have to ask Spock where they’re at with it.” As if on cue, the Vulcan walked over carrying his tray.

Kirk looked up. Spock looked…gorgeous. What had changed? Something he couldn’t put his finger on. Their eyes held a moment and he knew immediately that things were going to be all right. However his First had felt the previous evening, he’d been forgiven and he felt a sense of relief wash over him.

“May I join you?” It was a request to everyone at the table, but he only looked at Kirk. Having been around Humans long enough, Spock didn’t wait for an answer and sat down next to Chapel, opposite Kirk.

“Any luck with the sun cream, Spock?” asked McCoy.

“Luck, Doctor? Random factors are irrelevant. The science department runs efficiently and effectively solely due to the competency of its staff.” 

As he said this, Kirk felt Spock stretch his legs out so their ankles touched under the table. Kirk looked up, but Spock was studying his breakfast. He suppressed a smile.

“Whatever,” McCoy replied dismissively. He clearly wasn’t in the mood for an argument and that suited Kirk just fine.

“I’m sure your department is highly efficient,” Kirk said. “The question is, has it efficiently managed to manufacture more sun block? Nurse Chapel here was asking.” He turned to the nurse as he said this and noticed a light blush on her cheeks, which intensified as Spock turned to regard her. She wasn’t the first crew member he’d seen mooning over his First. Being a friend of Uhura’s, she was probably aware of the break-up, but unknown to her, Spock was once again unavailable.

“Four five-liter tubs are prepared for beam down and will be located adjacent to the commissary,” Spock replied and shifted his legs slightly against Kirk’s so their calves touched. Kirk was having trouble paying attention to the conversation as he felt the Vulcan’s heat through his trousers.

It was odd, he thought, how Spock had bolted the previous evening after they’d almost gotten caught, yet here he was playing out this subtle game in public. Not that it bothered him, but he was struggling to understand the Vulcan’s reticence in one situation and the lack of it in another. Perhaps he drew the line at actual romantic gestures – like being seen in a liplock with his captain – versus potentially friendly touches. It was something he’d need to understand so he didn’t put his foot in it. Perhaps he’d just ensure that if any touching were to be done with others around, that Spock be the one to initiate it.

“Thank you, Mr. Spock,” Chapel smiled. “It’ll be one less thing for my staff to worry about. We’ve enough work to do as it is.”

“Oh? Kirk said, sensing she meant more than the jobs they were volunteering for. “You’ve had injuries other than Anderson?”

“Damn idiots yesterday,” McCoy groused. “Some people don’t use the brains they’re born with. What’s the point of giving people manual handling training if they don’t pay attention to what they’ve been taught.”

“We had two back sprains and one groin injury,” Chapel explained. “Nothing serious.”

Kirk sighed, making a mental note to bring the matter up at the senior staff meeting later that morning and tell them to remind their staff of the need to abide by StarFleet’s health and safety rules.

“How’s Anderson doing?” he asked while giving himself a mental reminder to stop by after breakfast.

“He’ll be fine. He woke up hungry this morning, which is a good sign. He’s damn lucky that prototype aqualung didn’t kill him. Great idea, poor design.”

“What’s so great about them?” Kirk asked.

“They are designed to replace more cumbersome scuba-diving apparatus,” Spock explained. “In place of a standard scuba tank, is a small unit that takes in water and using a simple system of electrolysis, separates the compound into its constituent elements. While the hydrogen is discarded, the oxygen is pumped into a chamber to mix with highly compressed nitrogen fed from a small, attached canister. When it operates correctly, the unit is considerably more portable than standard diving equipment.”

“But…?” Kirk asked. Obviously there was more, although he was having trouble focusing on what Spock was saying, as the Vulcan was very subtly moving his leg, caressing his own. He spent most of his time looking at the food he was eating, only occasionally looking up to catch Spock’s level gaze.

“The team working on the irrigation system made use of them yesterday,” Spock continued. “Unfortunately, the nitrogen canister in one malfunctioned and Ensign Anderson became hyperoxic. Suffering with oxygen toxicity, it is likely he became disorientated since he removed the mask and ingested water until he lost consciousness. After the equipment was salvaged yesterday evening by another on the team and beamed up, we discovered an inherent design fault that, unaddressed, I estimate will lead to a one point eight percent chance of further malfunctions.”

The odds were quite low, Kirk noticed. “So Anderson was pretty unlucky. You’d think these things would be thoroughly tested before they foist them onto us.”

“I think you’ll find _we_ are the testing ground Jim,” McCoy said, and what he thought of that was clear in his tone.

“Nevertheless, I anticipate the issue will be corrected in time for the prototypes to be used today,” Spock added.

Kirk stood. “Right, I’m off to visit Anderson and to put in a request for Scotty’s chef. I’ll see you down there.”

=_=_=_=

Kirk felt a sense of déjà vu when he glanced around the room to see all the participants of the meeting from the day before. He waved at Heike who was sitting with a group in one corner, and she waved back. He, Spock and McCoy took seats with the rest of the Enterprise senior team.

When the ambassador walked in, a hush fell over the room. He moved quickly and efficiently through the agenda, noting the Enterprise crew were already ahead of the schedule. There was a discussion regarding a survey to be carried out in two days time, searching for underwater reservoirs in the nearby mountain-range, and questions on whether any of the hydroponic facilities would be ready by the end of that day, so planting could begin.

After the meeting, Kirk kept back his senior team for a brief catch-up and asked the ambassador to stay in case there were any questions to be directed at him.

“First I want to thank you all for the hard-work and effort you and your teams have already put in. Elder Sepak has told us we’re already ahead of schedule but I understand it’s because people are choosing to work beyond their assigned hours. Enthusiasm is fine, but exhaustion isn’t, especially if it leads to unnecessary accidents and injury.”

There was a general murmur from his team.

“Please remind your staff to follow correct procedures and to ensure a safe and healthy working environment. Is there anything any of you need to bring up?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact there is,” McCoy said, in a tone of voice Kirk knew meant confrontation. The doctor turned to the ambassador. “Can you tell me why none of my team are being allowed to do what they were trained for? We’re medics and you’ve got us installing equipment. I’m a doctor, not an engineer.”

Kirk stifled a grin, which threatened even more to erupt when he caught the ambassador’s amused glance.

McCoy missed the exchange as he continued. “You’ve got over 11,000 people here, most of them in varying states of shock…and don’t try to tell me that Vulcan’s don’t have emotions. The colony could be far better served if we could be allowed to do what we came here to do.”

“I am in the process of intervening on your behalf with the Elders,” the ambassador responded. “I can do no more than that, Doctor.”

McCoy’s body radiated tension. “Let me talk to them,” he said tightly, “maybe I can knock their Vulcan heads together and—”

“Bones!” Kirk said, cutting the doctor off, feeling irritated at his disrespect. “Elder Sepak has said he’ll do what he can. Ranting isn’t going to expedite the situation.”

McCoy threw him a dirty look which he ignored as he asked the ambassador, “Do you have any idea when you’ll have an answer? It does seem ludicrous to have highly trained medical staff sitting around doing nothing.”

The ambassador addressed McCoy directly. “I understand your frustration, Doctor. However, there are many more issues than you may comprehend. I intend to continue to fight on your behalf. Please believe me when I say I am doing all that I can.”

Kirk watched as McCoy relaxed and subsided into his seat. Calling the meeting closed, he was going to catch the doctor, but he slipped out the door with Uhura before he got a chance, so left it for the time being.

He wasn’t on any rotations and so was a free agent to pick and choose which projects to work on. Since the hydroponics sounded as though they were a priority, he headed back to where he had been yesterday. Work was already underway as the plexiglass structures took form. They were huge – over fifty meters in length and fifteen meters wide. The modular design allowed the sections to slot together easily and by lunchtime when some of Scotty’s engineering team arrived to help install the irrigation system, the structure was almost complete. His team was being project managed by Heike and included a number of other aid-workers and Vulcan colonists.

“Hey, Heike, how’s it going?” Kirk greeted her cheerily.

“For me, personally, Jim?” she smiled. “I’ll let you into a secret – my legs are still wobbling from a job I just had to carry out,” she whispered theatrically.

“Oh?” Kirk asked, intrigued.

“I have a fear of heights…I know, it’s not a great attribute for a civil engineer!” she laughed and Kirk grinned back. “I’m okay in anything that flies, but get me up a ladder or near a cliff and I nearly pass out! I needed to inspect some equipment and had to climb up onto the roof of a three story structure. If you looked carefully, you’d probably see me shaking!”

As Heike stood smiling in front of him, Kirk found himself wondering at the differences between the two half-Vulcan half-Human people he knew. Heike clearly found it easy to express herself emotionally and he wondered how much of that was a product of her genetics and how much her upbringing. How different might she have been had her Vulcan mother survived to influence her life. In what way, come to think of it, had Spock’s mother been an influence on him?

He certainly didn’t want to change Spock, but he did wonder how healthy it was to suppress emotions and then have them erupt in uncontrollable outbursts. Surely not all Vulcans were like that. Were his Human genes responsible in some way in not allowing him the level of control of full Vulcans? Perhaps it was something he could ask the ambassador about.

“We’ve gotten a lot done considering this is our first full day,” he said, waving his arm at the completed structure.

“We’re progressing ahead of schedule,” Heike agreed. “Your staff is very disciplined and hard-working. Their skills have been invaluable.”

“Good. I think they’re getting a lot out of it, too.”

By six that evening, they declared the first facility ready for planting. Sharing a grin with Heike, Kirk did a brief impromptu opening ceremony which ended in cheers and clapping from all the crew and aid-workers who’d built it, much to the bemusement of the Vulcan workers who commented on the illogic of it.

Kirk had just enough time to head back to the ship, shower and change before meeting the ambassador for dinner at 7pm. He went off to find Spock, and then they beamed up together.

-=-=-

Kirk tapped at the bathroom door that led to Spock’s quarters. He was about to jump in the shower and, for propriety’s sake, wore a towel around his waist. They hadn’t quite gotten that far… _yet._

“I’m sorry about last night.” It was his first opportunity to apologize.

“No matter,” Spock said and Kirk noticed the way his gaze scanned his body, though his expression didn’t change. “Perhaps next time I quote you unfavorable odds, you might be more willing to listen and act accordingly.”

“Maybe,” he grinned.

In the months since they’d left Earth, he and Spock had both strictly respected each other’s privacy. Since they’d now shared a kiss and indulged in light frottage, he figured he could challenge the current status quo and move things on a bit by leaving the door open to Spock’s cabin when he went for his shower.

He was disappointed that Spock didn’t come in while he washed and, wrapping the towel back around his waist, called through the open door, “I’ll be done in a minute, Spock. I just need to clean my teeth.”

He stood at the sink and leaned forward to place his jaw into the mask of the dentufresher. As the sonics began their job, in the mirror, he saw Spock walk into the small room and enter the shower. _Buck_ _Naked._

 __Well of _course_ he was naked, dumbass, he thought to himself. The only times he could remember having a shower with his clothes on was when he’d been blind drunk and they’d usually been cold and instituted by Bones. Clearly entering the bathroom without a stitch on was an indication that his challenge had been accepted and with Spock only two meters away, it was practically an open invitation to peek.

It’s green. So now he knew. He hadn’t given it much thought, but he assumed it would be pink like Spock’s lips. Don’t kid yourself, he chided. Ever since he’d felt that hard-on in the gym, he’d been speculating. And he’d had more than a couple of good fantasies out of it, he admitted to himself.

He was pulled out of his reverie by the timer. Teeth all clean – no reason to hang around. Two can play at his game. He dropped the towel onto the deck and headed into his own cabin, and just _knew_ that Spock’s eyes were following him. He grinned.

They beamed down to the message that the ambassador was unavoidably delayed. Spock took the opportunity to speak to some of the colonists who Kirk was pleased had chosen to dine with the people they’d been teamed with from his crew and the aid organizations.

Kirk glanced around and spotted some of the security team, including Ensign Giotto, who he still thought of privately as ‘Cupcake’. Although Giotto had taken part in McCoy’s drill a few days earlier, they hadn’t spoken. He’d been impressed with the young man’s performance in the simulation as he’d shown signs of original thinking that had really helped his team to overcome the obstacles they’d faced.

Kirk sat down and watched the security man visibly squirm, causing him to suppress a smile. He turned to address him directly. “You have a pretty mean right hook, Giotto,” he said conversationally, stroking his chin where a number of his punches had impacted three years earlier. Kirk felt him squirm further and allowed an inner sense of satisfaction to permeate for a few seconds before taking pity. “You did well on the simulation too and came up with some good ideas on how to resolve the situation. Excellent qualities in any good security officer,” he added. “It’s good to have someone I can trust to watch my back in a tight situation.” The man visibly preened.

Kirk was about to ask whether Giotto had ever considered taking up boxing, when his feet, which he’d just stretched out, impacted something soft under the table, eliciting an ‘oof’ from someone.

Kirk bent down to peer at who it was.

“Ah, Ensign Charalam,” he said, his voice containing no surprise. 

The young woman crawled out from underneath, looking very sheepish and blushing furiously.

“Sir.”

“I don’t suppose you’d care to tell me why—” Kirk began, but never got to finish his question.

“Captain,” Spock said striding over, only sparing a cursory glance at one of his team on her knees in front of his commanding officer. “Elder Sepak has arrived.”

Kirk looked at her, then at Giotto and the rest of the security team, before returning his eyes back to the hapless young woman. “I’m sure you had a perfectly reasonable answer, Ensign. It’s a shame I don’t have time to hear it.”

Spock had managed to find a small table in one corner and waited beside it while Kirk and the ambassador lined up for food. Once they were seated, he went to get his own.

Kirk looked at the elderly Vulcan. “You look beat. Are you OK?”

“I am fatigued, but I do have something to show for it. How are you, _old friend_?” As Kirk had noted to Spock the previous evening, the ambassador kept his facial expressions restricted in public, but somehow, in the same way he’d noticed his First doing recently, his face softened around his eyes, somehow conveying a warmth.

“Tired, but not too bad. Working in this heat erecting glass buildings has been quite a challenge. Did you hear, we finished the first one today?”

“I had not heard as I have been with the Elders all day.” He broke off as Spock sat down with them, placing himself next to Kirk. Lowering his voice, Spock continued, “We lost another to the Fever, yesterday.” He shook his head. “The Elders finally acceded to my request to make this information known to a wider circle. We will also investigate the possibility of gaining the assistance of a mute empathetic people located in the Minarian system. In my timeline, their planet was destroyed by a supernova in 2268. Of course, this has yet to occur here. I believe they could be of great assistance with the challenges posed by broken bonds and we may be able to aid them in locating a new home.”

“What of the disruption to the timeline?” Spock asked the ambassador.

“We two sharing a meal here has failed to bring the universe to an end, and since the Minarian empaths are fated to lose their home in much the same manner as the Romulans did in my timeline, I and the Elders believe the cause is sufficient.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Kirk agreed. “What about Bones?”

“McCoy and his team will be given access to Vulcans who need treatment. He and his team, assisted by Vulcan medics, will be asked to attend to general ailments and childbirth, allowing the healers time to focus on the psyonic issues.”

“Well, Bones will be pleased. I can’t believe they wouldn’t allow it before.”

“Understand, Jim, Vulcans are, culturally, a very private people. There has been much internalized suffering here and a desire to minimize the numbers of outworlders who could gain knowledge of this. However, the illogic of the continuation to restrict information has been noted. Despite the great tragedy my people have witnessed, changing a culture that has been in place for millennia is…challenging.

“I appreciate the effort you’ve put in on our behalf,” Kirk said, trying to ignore the heated thigh that had been gently pressed against his own. “When do you plan to let Bones know?”

“Tomorrow after the project meeting. I believe it would help if you both remained with him, as I believe I should reveal my true identity to him.”

“Why do you need to tell him who you are? Surely, the fewer who know, the better.”

Spock leaned forward. “I concur with Jim.”

“I would also agree. However if your doctor is anything like the McCoy I knew, then I see no alternative.” A hint of amusement crossed his face. “Trust me on this.”

Silence fell over the group while they continued to eat. Kirk thought about the time he’d spent with the ambassador and how much he’d enjoyed it. Although they still had almost the whole week ahead of them, he knew it would end all too quickly, and the thought of leaving him behind with no-one close to him but Sarek, saddened him.

“What are your plans after we leave?” he asked the ambassador.

“I shall be heading a project with some of the computer scientists here, to begin rebuilding a viable information system using the back-ups that are stored at the Vulcan embassies of a number on Federation planets.”

Kirk silently applauded the Vulcans’ risk management strategy, though he imagined when they had put it together they had likely been thinking along the lines of a major natural catastrophe such as a massive seismic or volcanic eruption or, at worst, an attack or an invasion by a hostile force. He doubted very much that they would have ever envisaged the destruction of their entire planet.

“Lieutenant Uhura is currently assisting on a computer project that is an off-shoot of my own. We are in the final stages of completing the building of a system that will connect directly to the main Federation Memory Alpha database. It is intended that this will initially provide the necessary information for educating the youngest of Vulcan’s survivors until my own project is complete.”

Kirk smiled. Working with kids – he bet Uhura would be good at that. And he’d bet she’d feel good knowing she’d left her mark with those children, helping rebuild the Vulcan race. No doubt, with all that information, her xeno-linguistics background would come in handy.

“How long do you think it’ll take?” he wondered aloud.

“Initially, approximately three Earth months. However, it consists of many stages and will be an on-going process.”

“Well, if you’re anything like the boy genius here, who wowed the Academy instructors and holds an A7 computer expert classification, then it sounds like the perfect project for you.”

The ambassador smiled. “In this, my younger self and I are much the same. My father provided me with tuition in computer sciences from the age of three.”

Kirk grinned, imagining Spock toddling around with a palm device reprogramming things he shouldn’t.

“Since when,” the younger Vulcan interrupted Kirk’s musing, “have you been aware of my computer rating?”

He grinned. “Since I checked out your personnel file the day I took you on as my first officer. See, there’s got to be some advantages to being a starship captain. I needed to check you had all the right credentials,” he teased.

Kirk looked at Spock’s raised eyebrow and across to the ambassador who was mirroring him and began to laugh. The amusement of his two special companions was evident, even if only to himself.

As soon as they had finished eating, the ambassador stood. “Forgive me, but it has been a trying day and I am fatigued. Enjoy the remainder of the evening.” Kirk was certain there was a twinkle in his eye as he looked at them both. He felt his face redden and, despite being in public, the ambassador’s lips quirked for a moment at his guilty sign.

After he left, Kirk turned to Spock next to him and gave him his brightest smile. “Will you risk going for another walk with me?”

“If you allow me to choose the destination,” Spock responded, deadpan.


	8. Chapter 8

Kirk trailed Spock along an illuminated pathway and once they were out of view of those eating al fresco outside the commissary, Kirk asked, “Did you have somewhere in mind?”

“The stream where you were working earlier is located in that direction.”

Kirk felt excited at the prospect of getting up close and personal with Spock again, and hoped to god it would go further this time. If Ensign Charalam showed up, he would personally see to her transfer off his ship. As they walked in silence away from the settlement, he was hyperaware of Spock beside him and his own physiological reaction to that, feeling adrenaline already coursing through his veins.

They left the path and the lights behind them and when they did, Spock captured his hand, holding it securely in his hot grasp. The route Spock took them on was convoluted, winding between boulders sometimes so close together, they had to walk single-file.

Above them, the gibbous moon bathed the area in an eerie, golden glow, so different to the silvery light he was used to from Earth’s own satellite. The air hung heavy and warm like a dry sauna, its stillness broken by the occasional sounds of wildlife that stilled as they approached, and began their chatter again after they passed.

When they reached the water’s edge, they followed it along its bank for fifty meters until rocks on the path prevented them from going further. Kirk stopped but Spock continued a few more meters and stood facing the water, still and silent like a sentinel watching over a sacred place.

Kirk leaned against a large boulder and waited.

Without turning, Spock quietly spoke as though addressing the water. “Since the step we took last night, I find I have little control when I am in your vicinity,” he confessed.

Kirk smiled, seeing it as a good thing, though he suspected Spock didn’t. “I noticed you touching me a lot today which was distracting, but nice. You don’t have to control, you know, not when we’re alone.”

“Have you any notion what would be unleashed, were I to do so?”

“Yes.” He’d seen it in the meld with the ambassador and knew Spock had as well. If that other Jim Kirk could handle it, then he could too.

Spock turned to face him and they stood looking at each other, and it was as if there were a tangible link connecting them. _The force of destiny_? he wondered.

In three swift strides, Spock had pressed himself up against Kirk and before he could draw breath, had captured his lips and proceeded to give him the most erotic kiss he’d ever experienced, tongues dancing and whirling, stabbing and thrusting, ravishing his mouth until Kirk was achy, breathless and clinging to him. He felt his knees beginning to buckle and lifting his jaw, he offered Spock his throat as he fought for oxygen, his fingers tangling in the silky, black hair. Where the fuck had he learned to kiss like that?

He wanted more; wanted to feel Spock pressed up against him; wanted to feel Vulcan passion; wanted to see him lose that precious Vulcan control. The thought drove him wild with need.

Spock’s hands moved to either side of his face and his mouth was taken in another firestorm, igniting every molecule of his being. He pulled on the Vulcan’s firm body, desperately wanting to feel it pressed hard and hot against him, to provide him with something to drive his aching need against. And suddenly, Spock slammed into him with a growl and he could feel the Vulcan’s answering throbbing flesh contacting his own through too many layers of material. And, oh god, it was fucking incredible.

The need for air forced him to break the kiss. “How come,” he asked, “after last night, you’re willing to risk doing this here?”

Spock’s tongue licked up his neck to just behind his ear and he shuddered. “I am aware the notion of performing sexual relations in the vicinity of people increases your excitement.”

Kirk grinned. “Yeah, it does. How did you find this place?”

“I carried out a reconnaissance during a break for lunch.”

He felt incredibly touched that Spock was willing to do this for him, had gone to the trouble of finding somewhere he’d feel, if not safe, then at least less exposed than the venue the night before, even though he was not entirely comfortable with it himself.

“Furthermore, conducting this activity beneath the stars is…romantic, is it not?”

The comment surprised Kirk and he cupped Spock’s face in both hands, gazing intently into his eyes. “Very. What did I do to deserve you?”

“You are highly desirable on every level that is important to me,” the Vulcan responded, “and…some that are not,” he added as an afterthought.

Kirk grinned and pulled his face forward to kiss that incredible mouth. The boulder against his back that had spent all day soaking up heat now radiated it out to him, and at the same time his front was absorbing more heat from his dark and wild lover. Sandwiched between the two, sweat began to trickle from his temples, down his neck, between his shoulder-blades and soak into the front of his uniform. The kiss became more urgent, with explorations of lips, tongue and teeth.

He needed to feel more bare skin than just Spock’s face and mouth and slid his hands under the fabric of his blue tunic and undershirt, the skin dry as a bone and soft as silk. Beneath his eager hands, he felt the taut muscles of Spock’s back shifting, his lower spine curling and straightening as he rocked his hips in a rhythmic motion, each forward thrust rubbing his cock, driving him wild, wanting more.

It had been too long, Kirk realized, since he’d last had sex, other than with his hand, and he knew he’d have to try to pace himself, because he didn’t want this to end too soon. But Spock was casting a spell of desire and passion that was beguiling, and he found himself enthralled by this priapic vision who was so far removed from the almost coldly rational being who graced his bridge, he could scarcely believe they were one and the same. It was as if some transformation had taken place – like a Jekyll and Hyde, the quiet, calm exterior giving way to this ravishingly wild abandon. Utterly caught up in it, Kirk honestly couldn’t remember the last time he was this turned on.

“Oh god, Spock,” Kirk gasped between heaving breaths. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?”

He got no response, as Spock’s tongue and teeth seemed too busy doing amazing things to one of his ears to answer, and he vaguely wondered, since when had his ears been one of his erogenous zones? In that position, Kirk couldn’t reach any skin with his own mouth, so he moved his hands down to grasp lean-muscled buttocks, taut and hard as he squeezed, feeling the muscles flex and relax with each thrust. Spock took his mouth again in a searing kiss and Kirk’s senses were becoming so overwhelmed, he knew if he didn’t do something soon to stem the tide, he had only seconds to last.

Suddenly the body in his arms exploded away from him, the wrench as the kiss ended leaving him bereft as though some vital part of him had been stripped away and he was less because of it. They stood a meter apart, facing each other and panting as though they’d just run a five thousand meter race.

Kirk's first awful thought was that Spock had heard someone again. But the way the Vulcan stood there, staring at him intently, allayed his fear and he found himself grateful for the reprieve, to have a chance to regain some measure of control.

In the pale moonlight, Spock’s face was all angles and shadows as he stood like some demon god before him, ready to claim his soul. “I want you,” Spock said, his voice a harsh whisper, unselfconsciously pressing against his own erection, rubbing his hand over it. The juxtaposition between Spock still being in uniform with all that he connected to it and what his first officer was currently doing had to be, for Kirk, one of the most fiercely erotic sights he’d ever seen.

“Open your pants,” Spock commanded. “I want to see your cock.”

Kirk heard a whimper and realized it had come from himself. Oh fuck yes, this was better than any fantasy he could have dreamed up. Never in his wildest imaginings could he have believed Spock would talk like this. He could probably come in his pants just listening to Spock’s melodious voice uttering obscenities.

And then understanding dawned on him as he fumbled with the fastener of his uniform trousers and opened the front, pushing them and his briefs partway down his thighs with slightly trembling hands. Spock’s a touch telepath. Of course he’d know _exactly_ what would turn him on. The action caused Kirk’s sex, hard and heavy, to spring free, the tip glistening with evidence of his excitement, pointing directly at Spock and begging to be taken, to be surrounded by his desire.

“Show me how you like to touch yourself,” Spock said, his eyes riveted on his rock-hard shaft. Kirk swallowed and, staring into the dark, fathomless eyes, complied, running his hand slowly from base to tip, taking his balls in the other hand and gently rolling them. The knowledge he was being watched, that what he was doing was tearing away at that Vulcan control, spurred him on towards a state of rhapsody.

“Have you carried out that action while thinking of me?” Spock asked, his face composed, his voice clear and even, as devoid of the inflection of emotion as when on the bridge, talking to a colleague or giving a subordinate an order. The thought made Kirk unbearably harder as his hand increased its pace.

“Yes,” he hissed. 

“Did it bring you pleasure?”

“Yes,” he admitted, through clenched teeth.

Spock walked up to him and then squatted in front of him so that that desirable mouth of his and his own aching cock were level with each other, less than half a meter apart, like an arrow pointing at a bulls-eye. His hand was a blur as he desperately worked the shaft. 

“When was the last time?” Spock wanted to know.

“Last night…before I slept. Thinking of you.” Fuck, he was going to come just listening to the sound of Spock’s voice, he thought as his hand worked harder.

A heartbeat. Two. Three.

“I too,” Spock admitted, his voice finally breaking and then he engulfed Kirk’s cock in the scalding wet heat of his mouth.

It all hit him at once. Spock’s admission and the incredible image it conjured up in his imagination, his cock being swallowed by _that_ mouth, and the feel of the pointed ears beneath his hands as he clutched Spock’s head in a desperate grip, all served to push him to the limit. He felt a familiar tingling at the base of his spine intensifying into a throb as it spread outward to his groin, to the root of his cock, surging upward as his body arched like a bow being drawn, until he was coming and coming, exploding in exquisite, pulsating bliss into Spock’s demanding mouth. _Spock’s mouth._

 _ohgodohgodohgod  
_  
Kirk became dimly aware that the only thing that was holding him up was Spock’s hands around his hips, strong enough to leave bruises. As he fought to bring his labored breathing under control, he willed his legs to cooperate until he was standing on his own. With a last swipe of his tongue, causing a shudder to flow through him, Spock’s mouth released his cock and he kneeled back on his haunches.

That had to rate as one of the most erotic and mind-blowing orgasms he could ever remember having. Never in a million years could he have imagined Spock being so unselfconsciously and alluringly wanton and it thrilled him to his core. And this was only the beginning.

“I don’t need to tell you how that was, do I?” Kirk asked. “You already know.”

“Yes.”

The monosyllabic word and the fiery arousal in Spock’s eyes told Kirk a great deal. “I think I have a friend in need,” he said. “Stand up. I want to do the same for you.”

Spock complied and closed his eyes for a moment. “I fear the moment you touch me, I will…come,” he admitted.

Kirk roughly pulled his pants up before they ended up round his ankles, and tucked himself in, but didn’t bother to fasten them. “Trade places with me and get your cock out.”

Spock’s fingers were trembling as he unfastened his pants. Gingerly, he pushed them down his thighs and his glistening cock sprang free. It looked painfully swollen and by the look on his face, even the feel of the balmy air on it seemed to bother the Vulcan. He could totally empathize, knowing what it was like to be teetering on the edge, when even so much as someone blowing air onto your cock could trigger climax.

“Just breathe,” Kirk said, kneeling down. A closer inspection of Spock’s equipment showed that their configuration was almost the same, although the Vulcan’s was longer and thinner and just beneath the olive green crown was an extra ridge, creating a double ring around the base of the glans.

“Meld with me, Spock, and then I’ll let you fuck my face.”

He felt fingers press against his face exactly as the older Vulcan’s did, heard Spock murmur words too quietly to understand, and then there was that feeling, a shifting, Spock’s mind gliding into his and his own slipping outward in a sharing. He was amazed at how natural this felt as he recognized Spock’s signature – older or younger, they were truly the same at a fundamental level. The quality of the meld changed and Kirk became aware of Spock’s need to have his desire quenched, as though he’d been roaming a desert in search of succor and Kirk was his oasis.

Holding firmly onto Spock’s hips to prevent movement, he opened his mouth and eagerly took in the head of the beautiful green cock, his tongue swirling to take in the novel and exotic taste, a new addiction to be fed.

A part of him registered Spock’s amusement at his enthusiasm and imagery and another part found he knew exactly what to do to bring the Vulcan maximum pleasure. His tongue traced the ridges and Spock gasped, he lapped the crown eliciting a growl, he pushed into the tiny slit and heard whimper. Through the meld, each sound, each feeling, the rapturous pleasure it brought, reverberated around and through him until he began to lose where he ended and Spock began.

Knowing exactly how close Spock was, he let go of the hips and the Vulcan began to thrust erratically into his willing mouth. He’d barely begun to suck when his mind was filled with an erupting inferno of fiery ecstasy at the same moment as Spock’s jarring, shuddering release of staccato spasms sent nectar, sweet and creamy, across his tongue and down his throat. Kirk experienced a moment of utter triumph to have brought Spock to this point and satisfaction to have been able to serve his need.

Spock ended the meld and for a few moments the stillness of the evening was broken by Spock panting in ragged gasps of breath. Then suddenly he was being pulled to his feet and crushed against the hotter than Human body, his mouth taken in an almost savagely bruising kiss, the taste of their combined seeds mingling as their tongues fought a second battle. Having experienced Spock’s orgasm vicariously, Kirk was as hard as he’d ever been – putting the rapid turnaround down to his reaction to the meld.

He felt Spock take hold of his shaft, and the delicate hand he had seen dance across his console at the science officer’s station now played him like an instrument, with pitch-perfect precision, gliding along the length of his swollen flesh, lighting him up from the inside out and bringing him mindless ecstasy.

Spock’s mouth traveled along his jaw-line and up to the shell of his ear. “When I touch you, I lose myself in you,” came Spock’s whispered admission.

A hot hand snaked under his tunic, sliding its way across his sweat-damped, ridged abdomen up to a hard-muscled pectoral, where a nipple drew excitedly tight at his touch until it was rigid, tender and throbbing, connecting in some magical way with the nerves of his cock.

Of course, Spock could sense exactly how he liked to be touched, squeezing him with just the right amount of pressure, using long, slow pulls interspersed with short, rapid, twisting jerks, pausing to spread the leaking juice with his thumb until he was slick. As each round took him ever higher, he abandoned himself to pleasure.

“Come, Jim. I desire that thee fill my hand with thy seed,” Spock murmured in Vulcan.

Fuck, he thought. That had to be one of the sexiest things he’d ever heard.

His mouth was recaptured and the need to grant Spock his wish was made real, as he felt the familiar pressure mounting and suddenly the orgasm ripped through him in pulsing waves. The only reason he didn’t cry out was because Spock’s tongue was grappling with his own. Suddenly an urgent need for oxygen sent stars before his eyes – even though they were closed – and his mouth was duly released.

Burying his face in Spock’s shoulder, it took Kirk a minute to get his breath back. Shakily straightening up, he put himself away and then glanced quizzically down the front of his pants which he fully expected to see covered in semen.

“Where did it go?” he wondered aloud.

He looked at Spock who smiled… _smiled!_ And then the Vulcan lifted his hand to his mouth and began to lap up the contents he had carefully collected. The sight of it was so incredibly erotic that Kirk couldn’t have taken his eyes away if his life had depended on it.

“Thee gave me what I desired; now I take thy gift unto me.”

Kirk shook his head in disbelief. Spock looked…debauched. His hair was a mess, his uniform was awry, his cock, looking more than half hard, was hanging out of his pants which were still partway down his thighs.

“Very efficient, Science Officer,” Kirk said softly with a shiver. Never in his wildest fantasies had he imagined the things they had just done.

“And pleasurable,” Spock added, as he licked up every last drop between his fingers. He then adjusted himself and straightened out his uniform.

“Here,” Kirk said and moving forward, tidied up Spock’s bangs. He slipped his arms around Spock’s waist and kissed him, still able to taste himself on the hot Vulcan tongue. Pulling back, he cupped Spock’s face, gazed deeply into the chocolate brown eyes and smiled. “You’re truly surprising and amazing, my friend.”

Releasing Spock, he took a step back. “Ready to beam up?”

-=-=-

They lay in Kirk’s bed in utter contentment, his head pillowed on Spock’s shoulder, fingers idly carding through the soft hair of his chest.

“Did you really jerk off last night, thinking of me?” Kirk asked.

“Indeed. And the night before. And the night prior to that.”

Kirk smiled at the erotic thought of Spock lying alone in his bed, touching himself intimately while thinking of him.

“Yesterday you asked me if I’d ever had sex with males before, but I didn’t ask you as I didn’t want to pry. But now, I find—”

“—You wish to pry,” Spock finished.

“Yeah.”

“There have been others, but I have never allowed penetration.”

Kirk wanted to ask the obvious question, but pushed it away, figuring they’d cross that bridge if and when they came to it. Instead, he voiced another thought that had come to him.

“It never occurred to me before, but your telepathic touch and mind melds must make you one hell of a lover, if tonight was anything to go by.”

“I have never before utilized my ability for such a purpose, Jim. You are the first.”

Kirk pushed himself up on one arm to look at Spock. “Really?”

“Really.”

He wanted to know why but didn’t like to ask in case Spock thought it an invasion of his privacy and he wanted to keep hold of the mellow mood they shared.

“I have never before desired it,” the Vulcan responded to the silent question.

Kirk smiled. “It’s going to be hard hiding anything from you, isn’t it? Are you aware of everything I’m thinking when we’re in physical touch?”

“It depends on a number of factors. Ordinarily I am only able to sense more general feelings and moods. However, having just recently melded while sharing intimate contact, you are more open to me through touch and I am able to gain a sense of the…flavor…of your thoughts. For example, after I answered your last question, your curiosity about the subject was clear to me. I also sense a degree of concern which I am attributing to a perceived invasion of your privacy.”

“You’re right, it _is_ a concern. I mean, when we’re having sex it’s great…but if you know too much, doesn’t that take away the mystique? And there’s also the issue that maybe I might want to have private thoughts even though we might be in bed together.”

“Jim, I _am_ able to shield from your thoughts and feelings. It is one of the first disciplines a Vulcan child learns in order to preserve the privacy of others. You will have to trust me that I would not attempt to eavesdrop. Perhaps I presumed too much when I let down my shields earlier while we engaged in sexual congress.”

The honesty in Spock’s eyes and the openness of his face spoke to Kirk as plainly as the words. “No, you didn’t presume at all. By knowing what I wanted and what turned me on, you enhanced what was always going to be an enjoyable act with you. And I do trust you. Totally.”

He bent down and kissed Spock gently, tenderly and thoroughly. Then, lying back down, he smiled sleepily as he curled against his lover, his eyes drifting closed as he made the journey towards a happy repose.

=_=_=_=

Kirk was awoken very early the next morning by an enthusiastic mouth and tongue nuzzling his cock. Groggy though he was, for a moment he enjoyed the sensations before his bladder protested, reminding him he’d drunk nearly a liter of water on their return from the overly warm planet.

“Uh, Spock…” he said, trying to push the Vulcan gently away.

Spock gripped his hips and continued his ministrations.

“Spock, I need to take a piss.” Again he tried to push his tormentor away. “Please.” When that didn’t work, he tried a different tack. “I could make that an order.”

Clearly Spock didn’t recognize the chain of command when it came to their personal life and blithely continued what he was doing, though to be fair Kirk’s amusement was clear in his voice. He grinned and while his brain tried to process the pleasure/pain that he was feeling, he took in their positions and considered.

A moment later, Spock went flying through the air and landed in a surprised heap on the floor as Kirk flew out the other side of the bed and ran to the bathroom with a whoop of victory. Spock appeared at the door as he tried to get his plumbing to work with a boner. Fuck.

Finally, relief. Bliss.

He looked to his right to see Spock still watching him. “Kinky,” he muttered. It seemed to do the trick and finally Spock vanished from the doorway, leaving him in peace.

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate Spock’s efforts – he really did, and he looked forward to returning to bed and maybe trying a spot of sixty-nining. As he was about to leave, he checked his appearance in the mirror and ran a hand through his unruly hair.

On exiting the bathroom, he found himself slammed up against the bulkhead by a growling Vulcan, knocking the wind out of him. Clearly Spock wasn’t happy about having his nookie interrupted by Human physiology.

Kirk decided to resist the hot, naked body pressed hard up against him, to prolong the pleasure by not giving in too easily. When Spock tried to kiss him, he kept moving his head before the Vulcan could latch on. It was the first time he heard Spock growl, and the incredibly sexy sound of it went straight to his cock.

He’d not often taken male lovers, so he’d forgotten just how much he enjoyed playing these aggressive power games. Of course, strength-wise he was no match for a Vulcan, but it would be fun to see where they could take it. As he'd told Spock the previous night, he had absolute trust in him, which was needed if they were going to do this kind of thing.

Suddenly Spock pulled away from him and regarded him with dark eyes.

“Don’t shield from me now, Spock. I want you to know how this is for me.”

Spock nodded once and then in a lightening move, Kirk found his wrists caught in a vice-like grip, pulled together by un-human strength and pinned above his head. The struggle, together with the feel of the powerful, sleek body, all virile masculinity, hot skin pressed against his, made him stiff with arousal. Spock yanked his arms up even higher, stretching the sinews of his shoulders and making him gasp in pain, and the moment his mouth opened, it was ambushed by a hot, insistent Vulcan tongue.

Although Kirk was loving this adversarial encounter, it was hard work and he wanted to participate. He knew Spock recognized his capitulation within a heartbeat, as the Vulcan’s tongue ceased to be a plunderer and became a lover, stroking his mouth to ecstasy. His struggles ended, his body relaxed and became pliant, molding itself to Spock’s, reshaping itself to fit his steely contours.

In reward, the Vulcan let go of his trapped arms and Kirk moved them sensually down the muscled planes of Spock’s back, to place firm hands on the taut ass, kneading it rhythmically. God, he so _loved_ that ass.

As the Vulcan’s arms wound their way around his shoulders, he gloried in the feel of it, of the embrace and the closeness. Opening his legs slightly, he pulled the Vulcan even closer, their erections pressing together, resulting in blissful friction as they ground against one another. Breaking the kiss he looked down and the heads of their cocks trapped between their bellies were a study in contrast, dusky pink to olive green.

“Yes,” he hissed. “God, yes.”

Kirk started to move his lower body, rocking his hips grinding his aching shaft against Spock's, eliciting a deep, heartfelt moan of pleasure from the Vulcan.

“Like that, do you?” he whispered into a pointed ear, and licked up its length to the tip. Spock shuddered in answer. He plunged his tongue into the shell, flicking it around the swirls and ridges and heard Spock gasp.

Obviously an erogenous zone, he thought, making a mental note for future use. He kissed his way back along Spock’s jaw-line and then thrust his tongue into Spock’s mouth, playing the aggressor as it slithered and twirled with its counterpart. Spock clamped on it and began to suck it in rhythm to the undulations of their bodies, each suck sending an arrow of heat to his cock.

Kirk enjoyed the raw, unselfconscious sensuality of his Vulcan. Never before had he had a lover who was so responsive and who knew, precisely, how to bring him the maximum amount of pleasure. And there was something incredibly sexy in knowing that Spock was holding back on his strength, his power, keeping it reined in. He had had some measure of what it could be like, unleashed in fury. Harnessed-in for his delight was a huge turn-on for him.

Spock’s splayed hands skated slowly up the sides of his body to rest at his armpits, thumbs reaching to contact the soft nubs of his nipples, rotating over them so they became stiff and sensitive. Each pass of the pad of his thumb sent a raw wave of sensation ripping out through his body and had him hissing into their kiss.

Feeling emboldened, Kirk moved one of his hands to the top of the crease of Spock’s ass, pressing a finger between the cheeks and sliding down deliberately until it contacted the tight ring of muscle he was seeking. Spock stilled as he gently caressed that private place. Feeling it pulse against his fingertip, he pressed gently against the opening, slowly working it inside, and Spock groaned into his mouth at this deeply intimate contact. For Kirk, touching him _there_ and getting that reaction was unbearably erotic.

“Is that good for you, Spock?” he whispered, sliding it in and out as much as he could from the position he was in.

“It is, unexpectedly, most…pleasurable,” the Vulcan responded, his voice hoarse with need.

The tightness of the channel, knowing that no-one had ever touched him there, was a huge turn-on. He felt something primal inside, being the first. He hoped at some point that he’d get the chance to share the delights of male penetrative sex with Spock, where there was equal pleasure in filling and being filled, in the giving and the taking.

He had taken many more times than he had allowed anyone to take him, his usual brand of sexual encounters not allowing time for the building of the trust he needed, nor the intimacy. He’d generally moved on long before it had reached that point. He’d always been happy to give and had found plenty of partners who’d willingly taken his cock. All he had learned in all those encounters, he now applied in the single act of pleasuring his Vulcan lover.

With one hand still fingering a nipple, he watched as Spock moved his other hand down to grasp their shafts together. Both covered in their liquid excitement, they slid together satisfyingly, sensuously in the firm, hot grasp.

Their bodies were a symphony of movement, tongues, fingers, cocks, all of them writhing rhythmically to a wanton primal dance.

Kirk felt the ring of tight muscle begin to clench on his fingertip, warning him that Spock was on the edge.

“Are you close, Spock? Tell me because I want to watch you come.”

“Yes, I am close.”

Kirk kept his eyes open to watch as once, twice, on the third thrust Spock, his eyes screwed shut in concentration, gasped into his mouth as his orgasm exploded, an eruption of hot liquid spattering their abdomens and chests. The carnal vision of his lover losing control so wholeheartedly had him following scant moments later, shooting spurts in shuddering gasps. Sweating and exhausted, Kirk pressed his forehead against Spock’s, as they fought to get their breathing under control. 

One of the great things – of many Kirk was sure – about having a Vulcan lover is that you will never be late for anything. Despite their frantic and satisfying love-making, they arrived showered and smart in crisp, clean uniforms at the mess hall in plenty of time to enjoy breakfast together, looking to all the world as though they had just happened to meet in the corridor – which they had, after Spock had made use of their ‘back route’ to enter his quarters and exit through his own door just as his captain happened to be emerging from his.


	9. Chapter 9

Once the larger project team had filed out from their daily meeting, Kirk addressed his senior staff.

“Right – updates. Yesterday the team I was on completed construction of the first hydroponics facility. One down, nine to go. Good work by everyone. Scotty?”

“As you say, first glasshouse completed. We had some wee problems wi’ the irrigation systems but nothing my team couldn’a handle. Frae now on, the rest should be a doddle. Also working on the building of a utilities infrastructure that’ll run out to the new city. Communications is a priority wi’ the project Mr. Spock and Uhura are working on. Phase one should be completed by the time we leave.”

“And an update that involves Scotty,” Kirk interjected. “He’s managed to charm the best chef this side of Alpha Centauri to join us from the Republic. They’re back here this afternoon dropping off more supplies, so Ensign Susan Stewart will join us then. She’ll be helping in the commissary while we’re here and will then take up her place on the Enterprise when we depart.”

“This is your old girlfriend, right?” Sulu asked with a grin.

The engineer blushed. “Aye well that was a wee while ago, Hikaru. I’ve no idea if she’s still romantically interested in me.”

“But you are in her,” Sulu prodded.

“Will you be ‘walking out’ with her when she gets here?” McCoy teased. “Maybe impress her with your ample nacelles.”

“Right, that’s it. I’m nae saying another word.” And with that he folded his arms and sat back huffily in his seat much to everyone’s amusement.

“Update Spock?” Kirk said, moving the meeting on.

“The storage of the native Vulcan plants and seeds in the new vaults is proving problematic, but not insurmountable. Nevertheless, we anticipate commencing first planting today.” As Spock continued to detail the plans for the day Kirk temporarily stepped out of his role and just watched the man he’d had rampant sex with earlier that morning. Sitting so upright, and talking in that quiet voice of his, it struck Kirk again as incredible that he was responsible for some of the strongest orgasms he could remember having. Feeling a twitch in his cock, he forced his mind off that subject.

He glanced across the table to where Bones and Uhura sat side by side and wondered what was going on there. He’d caught them taking a walk together two nights earlier and the doctor had eschewed his normal seat to his left at briefings, to sit with the communications officer. Hmmm, one to watch, he decided.

“…and with the modification completed, the equipment is now safe to use underwater,” Spock finished.

The meeting continued for a further fifteen minutes. McCoy took the opportunity to complain again about not being able to ‘do the job he came here to do’, other than with ‘stupid-ass’ crew who continued to injure themselves – gaining one fairly serious concussion, two fractures and several strains. Uhura discussed some teething problems she was having with the software that Spock offered to take a look at. All in all, Kirk decided, Day One had been pretty productive. Once the meeting was over, as everyone was leaving, he held Bones back.

-=-=-

As the Enterprise’s senior team filed out, the ambassador nodded to each one in greeting and then entered the room. Jim and Spock, he noticed, were sitting together and it was clear to him that they had become more intimately acquainted. He had discerned as much the previous evening over dinner, but now it was stronger. He could see it in the subtle modifications of their body language and he could sense it in a transformation in their respective auras. When they sat close together, as they were doing now, the edges of their energy fields melded. The knowledge threatened to produce a smile of satisfaction which he ruthlessly suppressed. Now was not the time to indulge in a celebration of the victory of his plan.

Focusing on the matter at hand, he regarded McCoy who was sitting with a barely concealed glare aimed at him. He hadn’t spent a great deal of time around the doctor, but enough to have realized that he was far more similar, temperamentally, to the Leonard he had known than he and his own counterpart were, or indeed than his bondmate and Jim were. The main difference, from his experience to date, was that this McCoy was somewhat more raw and abrasive. He had concluded it was because their meeting was taking place closer in time to the death of his father and his bitter divorce, which the records he had checked had assured him had also taken place in this timeline.

“Dr. McCoy,” he began. “You have asked why you and your team have not been given access to Vulcan patients. I am now in a position to answer you.”

“Now don’t be giving me any of your Vulcan esoteric mumbo-jumbo, Sepak. I know when I’m being fed bullshit.”

The ambassador allowed a small smile to escape. Indeed, they were remarkably similar. “I assure you I will be entirely candid with you,” he promised.

McCoy listened to his explanation about broken bonds and Pon Farr. The ambassador was gratified to discover he had correctly predicted McCoy’s first question, addressed not to himself, but to his younger counterpart.

“So what do you intend to do, Spock, if we’re stuck in deep space and this mating drive suddenly hits you out of nowhere?”

In response to the question, the ambassador watched Spock visibly stiffen. “You will cease to pry into my private matters, doctor.”

The older Vulcan sympathized with Spock, remembering his own reluctance to speak of personal affairs at that time of his life. His conditioning had run deep and it had taken years of patience and understanding from his bondmate before he felt entirely comfortable disclosing certain thoughts, feelings and memories.

McCoy ignored Spock’s response, clearly unwilling to be intimidated. “What’ll you do? Find a handy crew member?”

“Bones, that’s enough.” Kirk warned tightly.

“Goddamnit Jim. Don’t you go burying your head in the sand too. Didn’t you hear what Sepak said? If Spock can’t find a suitable mate when the time comes, he’ll _die_ if he can’t find someone to fuck.”

“I said _enough!_ You’ve gone too far, _doctor_ , and will apologize to Spock now.”

The ambassador could clearly discern Kirk’s anger, his fists balled at his side, and silently applauded his control as he took several calming breaths. It had ever been thus, Jim providing the balance and in their earlier years together, frequently the buffer, between the doctor and himself.

“I’m sorry, Spock,” McCoy mumbled. Then a little louder added, “My concerns remain valid.”

“Doctor,” the ambassador interjected. “Your concerns _are_ valid. However, it will not be an issue for Spock for a number of years. When the time approaches, should he wish to, he may make appropriate arrangements.”

McCoy turned to him. “You just said the time this hits is only approximate. Spock’s hybrid physiology—”

“—will not be an issue, I assure you.” He held back the smile that fought to break out as once again, he was reminded of how he’d spent a large proportion of his life in another universe dealing with this irascible, but caring man.

“You don’t _know_ that, Sepak. Not for certain,” he argued.

It was at that precise moment, as the ambassador caught Kirk’s eye, he knew the young man had finally realized what he had foreseen – that McCoy would accept no less than irrefutable proof – and he was about to furnish him with it.

Knowing what was coming, he watched Kirk sit back with a smile, arms folded across his chest, to watch the unfolding drama, one with the knowledge he had, he would no doubt find entertaining.

“But I _do_ , doctor,” the ambassador countered. “Do you have your medi-scanner with you?”

“What’s that got…?” He gave the doctor a stern look which caused him add resignedly, “Yes, I do.”

As he got up, his younger counterpart, who clearly understood what would come next, joined him to stand side by side.

“First, take a reading of Spock,” he said mildly.

He squinted at the read-out. “Crazy Vulcan readings, all over the place.”

“Now, if you will, take one of me.”

McCoy did, looked at the readings, took another, looked at them again, took one of his counterpart, just to make sure.

“You’re half human,” the doctor said finally, looking at him. “How can that be possible? Genetic engineering was nowhere near advanced enough to create a Vulcan-Human hybrid at the time of your birth. It hadn’t long been perfected when Spock was conceived.”

“You are correct, Doctor. Is your tricorder able to identify DNA blueprints?”

“Yes, why?”

“Take a reading from us both.”

McCoy did and scowled at the readings, and tried again. By this time, Kirk was grinning broadly, clearly enjoying the spectacle immensely. Seeing Jim’s evident amusement, it was all the ambassador could do to school his own face to impassivity.

McCoy’s face, clearly showing his disbelief, looked at the younger Vulcan. “Your DNA's identical – you're a clone,” he accused. “It’s been illegal—” He looked confused and glanced back at the ambassador. “No, wait a minute. This would mean Spock’s a clone of you. But he can’t be—”

“Bones, Bones,” Kirk interrupted. “Spock’s not a clone – at least not in the way you mean it.”

“Then how—?” His confusion was very evident.

The ambassador explained in words what he had shown Jim in the meld on Delta Vega and consequently, it took far longer to impart the necessary information. He anticipated a full interrogation at the end, but instead McCoy sat and quietly took it in. For someone who had yet to be exposed to some of the stranger and more fantastical elements he was certain they would encounter on their future voyages, the doctor was being remarkably accepting of the situation. Perhaps having first hand experience of the devastating effects of the Narada’s visit to this timeline had been enough.

Finally, he turned to Kirk and said, “For god’s sake, Jim, it’s bad enough having one insufferable Spock to deal with, but _two_ …”

Both he and Jim found this unfinished comment amusing, but clearly his younger counterpart did not as Spock launched into a defense of the perceived sleight. “If you were not so illogical—”

“Spock,” Kirk interrupted. “Notice of the two of you, you’re the only one trying to vindicate yourself. I’m guessing the ambassador has had plenty of time to figure the best way to handle Bones.”

“Indeed,” he agreed with a quirk of the lips. Over the course of many years, he had discovered that left to his own devices, the doctor would frequently run out of steam if he failed to elicit the argumentative feedback he was soliciting. McCoy scowled.

Kirk turned to the doctor. “Now will you believe Sepak – or rather, Spock? He knows exactly to the day when our Spock’s Pon Farr will come, and I believe he’s made a mental note of it.”

“That is correct, Jim. It will not manifest itself for further 8.2 Earth years. Well beyond your current mission and long enough, I believe, for Spock to find a suitable bondmate.” McCoy did not need to know at this point, the ambassador thought, that he was reasonably certain his younger counterpart already had.

“Okay,” Kirk said, pointedly changing the subject, “can you fill in the doctor on how his medical team can help?”

He imparted what knowledge needed, and arranged to meet McCoy later that morning to make introductions to the Vulcan healers he and his team would be working with. 

“Admiral Pike gave me permission to tell you Bones,” Kirk said once the briefing was done, “but Sepak’s true identity is a matter of StarFleet security, known only to four – now five – serving officers.”

“Don’t worry, Jim. I’ll keep my mouth shut.” With that, the doctor left the room to brief his staff.

The three men sat alone, no-one speaking until he broke the contemplative silence. “Am I correct in surmising an alteration to the status of your relationship?”

“You are correct,” his younger counterpart admitted.

“Then I must work with you before you bond,” he said.

“I’m not ready for—”

“I do not wish to bond at this—”

Kirk and Spock said simultaneously. He carefully hid his dismay, reminding himself that they had known each other only a matter of months, that they were so much younger than when he and his bondmate had first met and it had taken them years to take that step. He wished for them to avoid the same errors in judgment he and his own Captain had made, that had diminished their number of years together.

“May I know your reason?”

The ambassador watched as Kirk inhaled, not looking at Spock. “Look, just because we’ve decided to take our relationship to another level doesn’t mean we should be jumping into a bond. That’s one hell of a commitment. I’ve had a different life from your Jim, and Spock and I have taken this step at a far younger age than you did. I don’t feel ready for it. Not even close.”

He turned to his younger counterpart. “And you Spock? What issue do you have?”

“I fear…” His voice faltered, avoiding looking at Kirk. “My control is not sufficient. I do not believe I could control the bond alone and Jim is not a telepath. As another male, in the madness of Plak Tow, I may view him as competition and injure…or kill him.”

Kirk turned to Spock with a startled look and the ambassador sighed.

“That is the reason why I wish to work with you. Spock. You appear not to have learned how to control your emotions, you merely suppress them, but they do not always dissipate. There is considerable anger within you and on the occasions when it erupts, you display a marked tendency towards violence.”

The young Vulcan glanced at Kirk and then to him. “When Jim goaded me in order to prove I was emotionally compromised, my desire was to kill him.”

The ambassador smiled and nodded. “I believe, Spock, the cause was sufficient.”

“You find humor in this?”

“Spock, had you truly intended to kill Jim, you would have used tal-shaya. As you are well aware, it is far more swift and efficient. I believe you merely wished Jim to…suffer a little, as you were suffering.”

"Tal-shaya?" Kirk asked almost reluctantly.

"Tal-shaya is a Vulcan martial arts technique, Jim," he explained. "It was considered in ancient times to be a merciful form of execution. The technique is performed by applying pressure to the victim's neck, causing it to snap instantly."

"I had a feeling I didn't want to know," he said with a grimace. "You know, Spock, it was his idea to get you all riled,” he added, pointing at the ambassador with a grin.

The ambassador had come to the conclusion in retrospect that it was the one area in which he had miscalculated, assuming that Jim and Spock would be far more similar to himself and his bondmate than they actually were. Outside of his Time, the only occasion he had lost control of his anger with his own captain had been under the control of external influences.

“Indeed, I may not have been so rash in suggesting this course of action, had I been aware of the difference in temperament between us,” the ambassador admitted to Kirk. “The fact that Spock marooned you on Delta Vega – an extreme action I never would have carried out – should have alerted me to the disparity. I was not thinking logically at the time.” He turned to the younger Vulcan and added, “I suspect you attribute your lack of control to your Human genetics, but I can tell you that this is not so.”

Spock looked stricken. “Then why…? He didn’t complete his question and looked down at his hands folded in his lap. “I do not understand.”

“I have spoken at length with Sarek about this. When Nero destroyed the Kelvin, it swiftly became known that Romulans were a Vulcanoid species. This led to the Vulcan people becoming the subject of Federation-wide xenophobia. Vulcans in their own defense became even more insular and suspicious of outworlders. Your father, married to a Human, was accused of being a traitor. He attempted to protect you by whatever means he was able, and supported you until you joined StarFleet. However, I do not believe you ever dealt with your anger, toward your peers for their constant maltreatment of you, nor toward your parents for giving birth to you.”

“How does this differ from your experience,” Kirk asked quietly.

“In my timeline, the Romulans did not appear for another thirty years. On Vulcan, Humans were tolerated and while my peers at school had issue with my mixed heritage, it was not severe. The issue did not generally extend to adults. My greatest challenge, growing up, was with my parents. My father expected me to be as a full Vulcan and I continually failed him in that. My mother wished for me to be more Human and again, I failed. I chose the Vulcan way from an early age and learned to control. I resigned my commission in StarFleet before I was forty Earth years to spend three years learning to become a Kolinahr Adept and in that endeavor, too, I failed at the final test. However, I learned much from my time at Gol prior to rejoining StarFleet, and Jim became my bondmate almost immediately after we were reunited.”

 _This simple feeling._ How ironic that he had been drawn to the pure logic of the machine, only to discover that the machine was drawn to him and the feelings he had spent years attempting to purge.

“How can you help me?” the younger Spock asked eventually.

“I can heal the broken bond to T’Pring, and I believe I can teach you techniques that will allow you to focus on control rather than repression.”

Spock looked at Kirk and then back to him. “There is not sufficient time.”

He had anticipated that answer. “We may do it tonight. Come to my quarters at 21:00 and we will work through the night.”

He watched as Spock got up and strode to a window, hands clasped behind his back, looking out.

He and Kirk remained silent, giving Spock the space he needed to come to a decision. After several minutes he finally turned around and approached them. Standing behind Kirk, he placed his hand on his captain’s shoulder and with his thumb, stroked the back of Kirk’s neck. In the silence of the room, the ambassador heard the captain’s breath involuntarily hitch and was reminded of how he had been able to effect such reactions countless times on his bondmate.

“Very well,” the young Vulcan said finally, and Kirk exhaled quite loudly.

The ambassador stood, knowing the two men would wish to discuss this development in privacy. “I have duties to attend to, if you’ll excuse me. Jim, Spock.” With that, he left the room.

Outside the building, the ambassador found Healer Soveran waiting for him, his long black robe contrasting with his white hair.

“Greetings, Sepak. I would speak with you.”

He already knew what the discussion would be about. “Greetings, Soveran. How may I be of service?”

“It has come to my attention that you have persuaded the Elders to divulge information to outworlders that we do not even speak of among ourselves. For what reason do you take it upon yourself to defy tradition and share all that we hold sacred?”

It was not the first time that he noticed the Vulcans of this timeline were even more insular and mistrustful of non-Vulcans than his own timeline. “Might I point out, Soveran, that we are _all_ outworlders here.”

“You are dissembling.”

“I am merely noting that Vulcan is gone. If our species is to survive, then we must change and adapt. We cannot live in the past and allow our ancient traditions to stifle us – many of them are no longer relevant. We are in need of aid, yet it is illogical to request assistance without specifying the nature of the issue. If they do not comprehend, they cannot help.”

“Your logic is faulty. We require no assistance. I am here and can adequately deal with those in greatest need.”

The ambassador was aware, from having lived among Humans all his life, that Soveran would come across to them as arrogant. Perhaps he was, in which case a reminder that he was not infallible might be in order. “Yet you lost another to the Fever two days ago,” he pointed out.

“He was beyond help before I arrived.”

“Nevertheless, while your abilities are not in question, it is illogical to expect you to take the burden of responsibility solely upon yourself when there are many healers who desire to learn from you.”

“It is not a burden,” Soveran countered. “I am doing my duty by serving _my_ people.”

The ambassador noticed the healer’s deliberate insinuation as though he were not himself Vulcan, and knew one of the Elders must have divulged his identity. “Dr. McCoy is an exceptional physician. While he and his team work at the colony medical center, the healers whose places they take will be free to attend training with you. In that way, I believe you will better serve _our_ people. You can rest assured Dr. McCoy will be most discreet.”

“And when he is gone, you plan to tell others?”

“The information is necessary for Dr. McCoy not just for his assistance here. As you are aware, he is also physician to Ambassador Sarek’s son. Beyond that, with the Vulcan Science Academy unable to offer more than basic tuition, to date, two hundred forty four young Vulcans have applied to take the entrance examination for the StarFleet Academy. If more are to enter the service, then StarFleet Medical will need to be informed of the potential issue that will befall all male Vulcans at some time during their careers.”

“I was unaware Vulcans are enlisting with StarFleet. Your argument is logical, Sepak.”

The ambassador bowed his head slightly. “I am honored, Soveran. If you will excuse me, I am required elsewhere.”

As the ambassador headed towards the building that was currently housing the colony’s main computer systems, he allowed himself a sigh of relief that Soveran had not argued harder.

Now he was alone, he allowed his mind to turn back to the meeting that morning, and Jim and Spock and their admission that they had become romantically involved. He allowed himself to indulge in the entirely illogical act of feeling inordinately pleased that his plan was working so well. As for assisting his young counterpart, he would require a period of meditation prior to his 21:00 scheduled arrival, and made a mental note to complete his duties for the day in good time.

-=-=-

That evening, Kirk stood in line at the commissary, recalling the conversation he and Spock had had following the ambassador’s exit.

_“Are you okay about letting the ambassador help?” he asked, getting up to stand in front of his love , taking one hand in his own and running his thumb over the backs of the slender fingers._

_“If he is able to teach me techniques to better control, then I believe we will both benefit.”_

_“Just…don’t learn to control too much,” he said, pulling Spock into a loose embrace. “There are times when a little loss of control can be fun.”_

_“Indeed, then I shall remind the ambassador of this,” Spock deadpanned._

_Their foreheads pressed together, he smiled and said, “See that you do.”_

_After a brief kiss, which he couldn’t resist while they had a little privacy, they pulled apart and left the building to follow the call to duty.  
_  
“Good evening, Captain,” came a familiar voice, pulling him out of his reverie. Just the sound of his voice sent an arrow of heat to his groin.

“Busy day?” Kirk asked, smiling at Spock who had stepped up beside him.

“Indeed. Uhura’s computer issues have now been resolved, and despite the challenges involved in setting up the seed bank, the first hydroponic facility is now fully functional.”

“Sepak mentioned there’s a surfeit of scientists here at the colony. Is it a case of ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’?” Kirk smiled.

He watched as Spock considered the proverb. “Indeed, although it is my intention to ensure that the broth does not become spoiled.”

Kirk grinned. “Speaking of which…” Having gotten to the front of the line, he glanced over the buffet. “I skipped lunch so I’m starving.”

As he served himself from the buffet, he continued talking. “The Republic came and went. While they were offloading supplies, I spoke briefly to Captain Laga’ath. She wasn’t too pleased about losing Ensign Stewart, but at least Scotty will be happy.” He looked around to see if they were in the commissary and for the first time, noticed Bones and Uhura eating dinner and deep in a conversation in one corner of the room. “I’m guessing Scotty’s working on a more private reunion,” he grinned.

His selection completed, he glanced around, noticing colored uniforms ordered in groups around tables and frowned. Turning to Spock he said quietly, “They’re working in cross-departmental teams, but as soon as they hit free time, they all sit with people from their own department.”

“As you and I, the Command team, are doing,” Spock pointed out mildly.

“Point,” Kirk conceded with a grin. “Maybe as the week progresses we’ll see more integration.” They moved towards a table with free space where staff from the science department were sitting. One of them, Kirk noticed with an inward wince, was Charalam.

After Spock made the initial introductions of the rest, they joined in the general chatter with the team as they ate their meal. When they’d finished, one of the crew spoke up. Kirk pulled the name up out of the eight he’d just learned. Ptur, Ensign. He made a point of trying to learn everyone’s names.

“Sir,” she addressed Spock. “Do you know when Anderson will be fit to return to duty?”

“Dr. McCoy has indicated a further three days before commencing light duties”

Considering he’d almost drowned, Kirk thought the young ensign had looked remarkably well when he’d stopped by the previous morning. Bones was keeping him off duty to ensure there were no residual issues with his lungs.

“Have you replaced him for the survey tomorrow?” Ptur asked.

“I will need to look at the rotations, Ensign. The logical replacement would be Katynsky; however she was injured yesterday.”

“The concussion?” Kirk asked. That was the only injury from the previous day that had required further observation.

“Yes sir. The doctor is unwilling to allow her back on duty for a further forty eight hours.”

Kirk knew that juggling people around was time-consuming and Spock would not have time to do it later. “What was Anderson going to be doing?” he asked.

“He was going to that mountain range…” Charalam chipped in, waving her hand in a vague direction.

“I think you’ll find, Ensign, they are in that direction,” interrupted Spock.

Charalam looked over her shoulder to where Spock’s index finger pointed. “Right, sir,” she said sheepishly. “Uh…” She turned back to the captain. “It’s a geological survey to search for underground reservoirs.”

Kirk was stunned, given their previous encounters and the fact that she clearly had no sense of direction, that this woman could actually put a coherent sentence together. The proposed survey had been brought up at the main project meeting the previous day.

“The mountain range is seventy seven kilometers north-west of here and with peaks reaching up to ten thousand meters, contains abundant snow which varies in altitude according to the season," Spock explained to him. "The rock is highly porous, and since there is little evidence of rivers, it has been suggested that as the snow melts, it sinks through the rock and collects in underground caverns. A number of teams from the colony have been working on this project, and I offered the assistance of some of my staff.”

“Any special qualifications needed?” Kirk asked.

“None that you do not already possess, Captain,” Spock confirmed. “As there appears to be an issue with any equipment using electrical charges, it is purely a visual survey.” Spock moved his head to one side and Kirk just knew that Spock was about to tease him. “I believe you have the capability of recognizing a body of water.” 

Kirk grinned. “Despite growing up in land-locked Iowa, yes I think I do. And as I’m not on any rotations, you won’t have to shift people around. Who will I be working with?”

“Me, sir.”

Kirk looked at Charalam and his heart sank, actually quite a long way. It took a lot of effort, but he managed to keep a stoic expression carefully plastered on his face. “What time do you need me, Ensign?”

“There’s a briefing to go over plans in the meeting room at 07:00, sir.”

“Very good, I’ll see you there.” Kirk glanced back at his first officer. “Spock, you can run the staff meeting and take care of things at Elder Sepak’s project meeting tomorrow morning, and give him my apologies for my absence. What time are you meeting with him this evening?”

“In thirty four point seven minutes, sir,” he said, standing. “If I might have a word, Captain?”

Kirk held back his grin as he wondered if he was that transparent.

Outside, the moon was a little fuller, but vanished from time to time behind the occasional cloud. By unspoken agreement, they walked in companionable silence in the direction they had the previous evening

As soon as they got to their rock, Kirk turned with a grin and held out his arms, and this time they were quickly filled by a willing Vulcan. Their lips met and he impressed a hungry, twisting kiss on Spock’s receptive mouth as his hands traveled up and down Spock’s back, and occasionally dropped further to grasp and knead firm buttocks. The Vulcan’s hands were in his hair, caressing his face, his neck, his back, a constantly moving, abstract pattern of touch.

Their groins pressed tightly, lustfully together as they unselfconsciously embraced their carnal urges like two animals in heat. It was Kirk’s need to pull in lungfuls of air which gave him time for a moment’s pause before he came in his pants. Both of them would be returning to public places and could not afford to be seen with tell-tail stains on their uniforms.

“God, I’ve waited all day for this,” Kirk gasped as Spock’s tongue stroked around his right ear. He’d always had a strong libido, but Spock was pushing buttons he hadn’t known he had.

“Do you have any idea how sexy you are?” Kirk whispered to Spock with a grin, as he regained control of his breathing. Not giving him time to answer, he continued, “I’m supposed to be a starship captain, but right now I’m feeling more like a teenager obsessed with a new date. I had to beam up to the ship for ten minutes this afternoon to get rid of a persistent hard-on from thinking of you.”

“Indeed? Will you share the experience with me?”

Kirk smiled. That’s _exactly_ what he’d hoped Spock would ask. “Go ahead.”

Kirk closed his eyes in anticipation. He was smart enough to see what all the possible benefits of having a telepath for a lover could be, especially while having sex. He heard Spock quietly recite some words and then felt another presence in his head, another awareness. 

This was the first time in a meld in which he was the one sharing something that had happened to him. Because of this, he understood he needed to guide Spock to the particular memory. He knew that the rest of what he held in his mind the Vulcan would willfully ignore, honoring his privacy.

 _It is necessary. You share that which you are willing. To take what is not given is considered a violation_. 

His mind appropriately produced an image of Spock sitting in a theatre, waiting for the play to begin. At this, he sensed the Vulcan’s curiosity ripple through. So he opened up the memory of that afternoon…

He was helping install the irrigation system in the second hydroponics facility to be completed. It was a fairly mundane and repetitive task so, with his mind inactive, his thoughts turned to Spock, thinking about their lovemaking that morning and imagining what it would be like to fuck Spock, to slide all the way into him, to feel himself engulfed in Vulcan heat.

In the meld, he felt a reaction from the Vulcan but wasn’t sure how to interpret it. More curiosity, or perhaps desire? He felt Spock holding back so, ignoring it, he continued with his story.

With those thoughts going on in his head as he worked, his hard-on had been almost instantaneous. So, of course, he tried _not_ to think of erotic images of Spock, but the moment he took his mind off not thinking of them, they would return. _The slapping of skin on skin, balls bouncing together._ With communal facilities, he wasn’t certain what the captain jerking off in one of the stalls would do for crew morale, so as he needed to talk to Captain Laga'ath and complete the transfer paperwork for Ensign Stewart, he beamed back to the ship.

In his cabin, he quickly rid himself of his uniform and lay on his bed, his legs splayed wantonly. Cupping his balls in his left hand he began to manipulate his already aching sex with his right in a rhythm he could literally do in his sleep. Kirk shared in the meld, the image in his mind that had brought him to such a satisfying climax. 

In my fantasy, we weren’t lovers, he explained. I was naked, intending to have a shower before going to bed. I walked into our bathroom and was inside before I realized the shower was occupied; your back to me, water streamed in rivulets down your body. I knew I should leave, but I paused, entranced. You twisted under the water so that you were in part profile, eyes tightly closed against the cascade of water, and that’s when I could see you were masturbating, taking long, slow pulls of your beautiful, swollen cock. Mine responded in sympathy, lifting upward like a yearning supplicant. I could no more leave than will down my erection that was inspired by the carnal sight of you, my unemotional first officer, wantonly pleasuring yourself.

Without thought, my hand began to match your rhythm and that’s when you turned and opened your eyes. At first they widened in shocked surprise; then they narrowed as they took in the sight of me standing naked, beating myself off. We faced each other for over a minute before I figured we could both mutually benefit if we weren’t so far apart.

As I walked towards the shower stall, you pushed the door open for me in invitation. You stepped back to give me space and then we stood, facing each other and as the water cascaded down your body, I felt envious of it, because I yearned for my fingers to touch you all over the way the water was doing.

Our eyes held each other’s for long moments, and without conscious thought, our faces moved closer, our heads gently tilted. For a few heartbeats we paused, as I felt each of your exhalations gently whisper across my face, before our mouths tentatively touched in the merest brush, our lips clinging for a moment and releasing; and again the lightest of touches but this time, a little more certain. Our mouths moved together yet again, still hesitant, but the desire to remain, to explore, was greater than the need to pull back and assess.

Tongues followed lips in new discovery as I probed the uncharted regions of your mouth. My hands reached out to touch, one splayed across your chest, feeling the soft hair between my fingers, the other hand following your jaw, up your ear to touch it as I had longed to since the first day I saw you. I felt you tremble. You followed my example and your sensitive fingers skimmed my body leaving a trail of fire in their wake.

I broke the kiss and gently turned you, wanting to touch more of you. I filled my hands with liquid soap and touched your shoulders, following the steely contours of your long, lean back. I reached around and pulled at your nipples, and then pushed my fingers through the mat of hair on your stomach as I kissed, licked and bit at your exposed neck.

I leaned up and began to nibble and lick your earlobe, my tongue following the contours and dipping into the shell. You seemed almost to lose balance and leaned forward, placing both your hands against the shower wall. Your new position meant that when I kissed the back of your neck, my cock collided with your ass, and I felt it nestle upright in the crease between your tight, muscular buttocks. I slowly and suggestively pistoned my cock and we both moaned in pleasure as your hips began to move too. 

I moved the nozzle of the shower away from us and turned up the heat so the steam would keep us warm. I took more soap and ran it over your back and ass as well as my front and cock, to create a soapy, slick friction. I leaned around you and took hold of your cock, velvet soft over titanium and felt it jump as you gasped and your body shuddered. You took my hand and showed me how to pleasure you, how you like to be held, where you like to be touched.

We rocked together like that but I wanted more. I wanted your body to grip my cock the way I was gripping yours; I wanted to feel your heat all around me; I wanted you clenching my length as you came.

I let go of you and gripped your hips as I tried to hold my excitement at bay just a little while longer; it took several calming breaths to beat back my intense desire for you. Sliding through the lather, my fingers glided into your crack until I found the tightly puckered ring of flesh I was looking for. Gently, I pressed the tip of my finger just inside the tight circle of muscle and as I did this, I felt you press back, opening yourself up to me and allowing my finger to slowly slip inside. You felt unbearably hot and tight, and my cock began to juice at the thought. I slipped in a second finger and felt you begin to open, ready for me.

I was shaking as I guided my cock, brushing it over the hidden entrance teasingly. I began to push a little harder and stared in thrall as I stretched you open, hearing a deep, throaty moan escape you. You slowly swallowed the head and with impatience, you pushed back and suddenly, excitingly, I was buried to the hilt in the furnace of your body, I knew, in that moment, the tinder of my desire was about to be ignited into a raging inferno.

I didn’t know if this was your first time, so I initially let you set the pace. I gripped your hips and slowly you retreated and advanced, and I was faced with the arresting sight of being pulled out and pushed in to your secret, intimate place. I reached round to take you, to find your hand was already there, you’d already started pleasuring yourself. You let go and allowed me to continue that for you.

My hips rocked in that ancient dance, and as I slid deep into you, each thrust was marked by the slapping of flesh on flesh and harsh, panting gasps of ecstasy. I synchronized my hand on you with my movements, wishing for your sake that I could recreate with my fist the bliss of having you surround me so tightly. I moved my other hand upward towards your chest, to roll a nipple between forefinger and thumb, and you groaned deeply. I felt the resonance of that sound through your body and into mine through our points of contact and knew you were experiencing sensory overload as I surrounded you and filled your body and your mind.

Our pace became fast and frantic, moving us closer to the edge and then in a clutching, shuddering explosion, the universe was annihilated and solitary on my bed, my body arched upward in wild response as my cock leapt. in my hand. Pulse after pulse was ripped from me in a frenzied, throbbing release, tremors racking my body until finally, I lay quiescent, a smile of anticipation on my face as I knew I would share this fantasy with you, tonight, and knew what the consequence would be.

That, my friend, Kirk said as they still shared consciousness, is what you bring me to.

They came out of the meld and Kirk knew that if Spock so much as breathed on him, he’d come. Gasping for breath, he pulled himself back and unable to speak, flapped an arm for the Vulcan to stay away and give him a moment to recover some measure of control. Spock appeared to be in better condition, but not by much.

“Wow!” he said, finally feeling his body had calmed down a bit. “That was some meld, Spock. Like,” he tried to think of a word for it and giving up, he grinned and shrugged, “like a meld-fuck!”

“Indeed. You have a creative imagination, Jim. I found myself most taken with this scenario. It is unfortunate we do not now have time to explore it further.”

“How much time do we have?” he asked.

“Seventeen point six minutes. Given the ambassador’s quarters are the other side of the complex, I estimate I must leave here in eleven point eight minutes if I am to avoid being late.”

At Kirk’s odd look, the Vulcan added, “Melds do not follow the course of real time.”

“Ah, right, I thought it had taken longer than it actually had,” he said, moving close to Spock with a lascivious look. “Well, what _do_ we have time for, my sexy Vulcan?”

The immediate urgency having lessened, Kirk kissed Spock hard and satisfyingly, bodies pressed close, his hands about Spock’s shoulders, playing with his hair and his ears, while the Vulcan’s hands roamed his back and clutched his ass.

Spock finally pulled away from the embrace. “To answer your question, in the interests of pragmatism, might I suggest oral gratification.”

“A blow-job won’t leave any mess,” Kirk grinned.

“I believe I just said that,” Spock responded drily. Then shattering the pompous Vulcan act, he took Kirk’s hand and raised it to his lips, kissing the palm before carrying it down and pressing against his swollen sex.

Spock’s erection felt hot, even through layers of clothing. Pressing and rubbing the firm flesh with the heel of his hand, he captured the Vulcan’s mouth, then deftly undid the fastener to his pants. With a reluctant flick of his tongue at its counterpart and a further closed-mouth press of lips to lips, he slid to his knees and gently pulled Spock’s pants and briefs partway down his thighs.

Taking hold of Spock’s shaft firmly, his mouth watered at the sight. Sticking his tongue out, he began to slide it over the head, tasting the liquid accumulated there, already loving its tang. When he closed his lips firmly over the head, he heard a harsh intake of breath. It took two sucks and with a strangled groan, Spock’s hot lava was erupting into his willing mouth and he was enthusiastically swallowing everything he was given.

Suddenly Spock grabbed him by his upper arms, heaved him up to his feet and held him at arm’s length. “Thee are a sorcerer, Jim,” Spock said in High Vulcan, and then smiled. 

Kirk grinned back. “My turn?” he said, raising his eyebrows expectantly. After the eroticism of the meld and the subsequent giving of pleasure, he ached for release.

Afterwards, he couldn’t recall how Spock got down there so quickly, he’d moved so fast, but suddenly his cock was being engulfed by wet fire and his balls drew up in eager anticipation of release. He looked down and watched, enthralled, as his first officer, in uniform, slid down the length of his aching manhood until he could go no further. For long, drawn-out moments, the Vulcan made no more movement and Kirk felt he was teetering on the edge of a precipice. The head of his cock was at the back of Spock’s throat and when his lover made the action to swallow, throat muscles massaging the head, Kirk lost it completely, as an instantaneous flood gushed from him in pulsating waves of rapture.


	10. Chapter 10

The ambassador surfaced from his meditation to prepare for the arrival of his counterpart. He had considered the meld they were to share, and the possible positions that would be most comfortable for him. Kneeling for a protracted period at his age was not an option as his body was less flexible than it had once been.

His internal clock told him Spock’s arrival was imminent, so he went and sat on the chair by his desk. Despite the fact they had now met on several occasions, he continued to find the experience mildly disconcerting. He had never paid much attention to his own appearance, other than during his daily grooming process, so to gaze for long periods upon a familiar countenance – one that he had not seen looking like that for well over a century – was…distinctly odd, like looking at a holovid from his youth.

He’d occasionally heard of stories of identical twins separated at birth and meeting again in adulthood – sometimes by accident rather than by design – and could now fully appreciate, particularly in the case of the former, how disturbing that would be. He noticed his young counterpart had certain mannerisms such as the movement of his eyebrows and wondered if his own had been that mobile and expressive at that age. This situation could certainly give rise to a degree of self-consciousness were he not Vulcan and more disciplined than that.

Further ruminations were cut off by the arrival of the subject of his thoughts, two minutes late, he noticed.

“Jim caused your tardiness,” the ambassador made it a statement. This earned him the raised eyebrow which, in this case, he knew indicated surprise. “I may be old, Spock, but I _am_ also you. The signs of recent sexual activity are unmistakable.” He allowed his amusement to show adding, when Spock’s eyes widened infinitesimally in alarm, “to me, at least.”

The ambassador watched the younger Vulcan maintain control as he decided how to respond, knowing how deeply uncomfortable he was likely to find such a personal conversation, even with a version of himself.

“You are correct,” Spock admitted after a pause. “It appears—” He broke off as if trying to find the right words.

“—that you can’t keep your hands off one another,” the ambassador finished his sentence wryly, using a Standard euphemism. “I, too, recall such a time.” For a moment, his mind flashed back to the earliest days of his sexual relationship with his bondmate. Jim, who was so worldly-wise, had opened a door for his largely inexperienced first officer. It was that, more than any other event in his life, that had demonstrated a very Human quality to his mostly Vulcan physiological and psychological make-up. Though the subject was rarely spoken of among his people, he had enough knowledge to be certain his voracious sexual appetite between Pon Farrs was most un-Vulcan.

Spock tilted his head slightly as if in consideration of the statement. “Indeed,” he quietly acknowledged.

“Shall we proceed?”

The ambassador instructed Spock first to meditate, to bring his mind, body and katra to a state of equilibrium. The young Vulcan knelt on the floor, while his older counterpart remained in his seat directly in front of him. After two hours, the ambassador gently brought him out of it and placed his fingers in a pattern he only used on other Vulcans in order to gain the most open of exchanges. Murmuring the ritual words, the ambassador easily joined with his counterpart in the familiar space of his mind.

His first objective was to repair Spock’s severed betrothal link, an issue that had plagued so many Vulcan survivors. T’Pring’s sudden death had caused the telepathic conduit that had once flowed between them to be left open-ended, causing a constant drain of Spock’s psyonic energy. This had then led to a host of issues including mood swings, depression and a general lack of emotional control. In addition, it was clear to the ambassador that the drain was the source of Spock’s inability to properly enter a restorative meditative trance, which ironically would have assisted him with his other issues.

His job was made easier by the fact that Spock had clearly melded on more than one occasion with Kirk and a light link had already begun to form. The matter of diverting the old psyonic stream into the new one he’d formed with his captain was a simple process. In the meld, he sensed Spock’s surprise at its existence.

_I did not exaggerate the degree of compatibility you and Jim share. Your minds are as drawn to one another as your bodies._

_I was unaware that the possibility of a spontaneous link could occur._

_It is not unknown between t’hy’la._

_Such a concept is myth._

_I can tell you from my personal experience that it is not. It is rare, but not unheard of, at least in my own timeline._

_You are strengthening a link about which Jim is unaware, and I believe is therefore unethical.  
_  
When the ambassador understood Spock’s disapproval at this action, he sought to reassure him.

_I agree it is a matter to discuss with Jim. Should either of you wish it, this link may be severed by a healer without damage to either party. However, should you decide to bond, this will form the basis for a pre-bond link. It is a logical solution._

__Through the meld, the ambassador could sense the relief Spock felt at the absence of the psyionic disturbances of the severed bond he’d experienced for several months. His first job done, he turned to his next task.

The ambassador was ready to share the teachings of the Masters of Gol in order to assist Spock in learning to control rather than repress his emotions. The techniques were what he learned in the first stage of his training, on a journey that was to have taken him to the ultimate goal of banishing all emotion from his being.

_Kolinahr is a discipline through which the fusion of intellect and spirit brings about the peace of pure logic in a state called the Time of Truth. The meaning of this Truth comes differently to each acolyte and cannot be taught. Neither can I share nor give you this peace; it is something you must find for yourself._

__The ambassador showed Spock memories of his time at the monastery at Gol and how he had learned it was not the destination he was seeking. Yet the time and the rigorous discipline early on in his life had aided him in his later years.  
 _  
I do not suggest you attempt to purge all emotion, for I do not believe this to be your path any more than it was mine. However, through the constant taunting of your fellow students, you never learned to control emotion, merely to repress it, as you held onto your anger inside and allowed it to define, in part, who are you. This has led to violent eruptions throughout your life at times of undue stress. The process of control allows you to avoid your actions being dictated by emotion rather than logic. In the final part of the Kolinahr ritual, acolytes used to go forth into the desert lands of the Sas-a-Shar and proceeded to cast out their emotions onto the surrounding sands._

_As a child you were taught a number of calming exercises that are designed to clear one's mind of distracting emotions. I will add to this a visual representation of the process for scattering your anger to the sands, for this is the one emotion that has eluded your control. When you conquer this, you will also have learned more than adequate control to maintain a stable bond with a non-telepath, and ensure that your mate is not injured in a violent eruption during Pon Farr._

_Let us begin._

__It was several hours before the ambassador finally broke the meld. During that time, not only had he shared his greatest insights from his time as an acolyte of Gol, but had also had Spock practice a number of the exercises he had shared.

“I still sense you,” Spock said, even though the meld had ended.

The ambassador was not surprised, given the depth and length of the meld they had shared. “It was to be expected. Perhaps it will fade over time, perhaps not.” He doubted it since their minds were more highly attuned to one another than any other living being, closer even than between the rare occurrence of identical twins born to Vulcans.

Spock raised an eyebrow and gave him a sardonic look, and the ambassador realized his doubt was easily read.

“I suggest an extended period of meditation so that you might assimilate all that I have shared with you. May I offer you tea before you begin?”

“That would be agreeable,” Spock said, rising from his kneeling position. “I will return to the Enterprise to undertake it. You are fatigued and require rest.”

“I will take a brief repose,” the ambassador agreed. The meld had drained him and he had a busy day scheduled.

As the ambassador saw to his task, the young Vulcan went to the window and looked up at the sky where the creeping dawn was extinguishing the stars.

“Tell me Ambassador,” Spock said, his gaze intent upon a point in the sky. “Why have you not allowed a healer to repair the severed bond with your captain?”

“I cannot provide you with a full answer without revealing potential knowledge of your future. Suffice to say that my bondmate never technically died. Therefore, logically there is nothing for a healer to mend. What I sense is not a true severance, but rather the harmonic echo of it as it stretches into another reality.”

Spock turned to face him. “Fascinating. There is much more to this universe, I have discovered, than meets the eye. Will you go through the remainder of your life carrying the pain you bear?”

The ambassador sighed and handed Spock his tea. “I am left with little choice.”

=_=_=_=

Alone in his cabin, Kirk hadn’t slept well. It had been fits and starts all night, but now, early in the ship’s morning, he finally gave up and put the lights to one quarter. Clasping his hands together behind his head, he lay on his back, thinking about Spock and the conversation they’d had at their rock before he’d gone to meet the ambassador.

_“How do you feel about doing this meld?” he asked._

_“Feel?”_

_He walked up to Spock, stood almost chest to chest and took one hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over a hot palm as if to emphasize the words. “Yes, feel.”_

_“Apprehensive,” his lover had admitted._

_He knew – without knowing how he knew – how hard that admission was to make, and put his other hand up to Spock’s face. “Love, it’ll be all right,” he quietly reassured. “He knows what he’s doing and he knows your mind like no-one else does.” He searched the dark eyes and then blushed when he realized what he’d just called Spock. “He helped you the day before yesterday…” God, he thought, was that really only two days ago? So much had happened since. “…Somehow, I’ve been able to feel the difference in you,” he added._

_“The benefit I gained from that meld is the only reason I am prepared to go ahead with this one.”_

_Kirk kissed him lightly. “You didn’t want to let go of your pain. Spock, I understand that. I grew up with my own pain, and I defined myself by it as it defined me. It’s part of who I am and I’m not sure if I could give that up. But I also recognize its destructive qualities and I know it’s not good for me. But like the ambassador said, you still hold a lot of anger.”_

_He stood silently, waiting._

_“I believe you do understand, Jim,” Spock said at last._

_Kirk finally let go of his breath, relieved Spock was going to go through with it._

_“I am late.”_

_He grinned. “Tell the ambassador it was my fault. He’ll understand.”_

_Spock pressed a chaste kiss to his mouth. “Indeed.”  
_  
As _Spock walked back the way they’d come, Kirk beamed up directly to the ship.  
_  
Since the ambassador had said he fully expected it to take all night, Kirk thought it unlikely he’d see Spock before he set out on the expedition. He wondered how it had gone, whether Spock would now find peace – he hoped so. The two of them sometimes banged heads on the bridge like a pair of battling deer and each time it happened, it invariably pissed him off. But he appreciated his First’s sometimes confrontational style as a balance to his sometimes reckless attitude, and hoped that this meld wouldn’t remove that facet from Spock. As his first officer, Spock was an enormous asset to him just as he was.

With a sigh, he glanced at the chrono. Forty minutes before he was due to meet Ensign Charalam at the briefing. Time to get up, he thought and, swinging his legs off the bed, he winced, feeling about fifty. Well, two and a half hot sex sessions (his solitary one was the fraction), a full day’s manual labor, and not a lot of sleep will do that to you. He’d feel better after a shower.

Standing up, he tried a few stretches to help with the aches. God he was stiff. He glanced down at himself and grinned. Yeah, that too and no Spock to take care of it.

Kirk arrived at the commissary in plenty of time to have breakfast before heading for the briefing. A number of volunteers from other organizations and a few Vulcans were seated here and there, but there were very few Enterprise crew – most were not due to beam down for another hour.

Grabbing some breakfast, he glanced around and noticed Heike sitting on her own.

“Hi. Mind if I join you?”

She glanced up and smiled. “Please do. How are things going?”

“Apart from a spate of injuries – nothing serious – which I suppose is to be expected on an assignment like this, I’m pretty happy with where we are on the various projects. I haven’t done any of this kind of manual work for years and my body’s making itself felt!”

“Iowa’s pretty rural, if I’m right. Did you grow up on a farm?”

“No, we lived in a small town and mom was away a lot. I used to do paid farm work when I could get it. To be honest, I wasn’t very good at holding down jobs back then and…I had a bit of a reputation,” he smiled sheepishly.

Heike tilted her head and arched an eyebrow. So much like Spock, he thought, wondering if that was a Vulcan trait she’d inherited. “Oh?” she said.

“I was once described as the only genius level repeat-offender in the mid-west. Back then I had a bit of an issue with authority.”

She smiled. “And now…?”

Kirk grinned. “And now…that would be telling!”

Their conversation was interrupted by the hasty appearance of a slightly disheveled-looking Ensign Charalam, who dashed over to the buffet and grabbed a few items, not noticing Kirk’s presence. He had to hold back a smile – he’d lost count the number of times he’d taken hastily half-eaten breakfasts into lectures. But for the sake of discipline, he couldn’t let it go and excusing himself to Heike, went and stood by the exit. Charalam, with her head down and in her characteristic hurry, didn’t see her captain until he said her name.

She looked at him, startled. “Sir! I didn’t see you there.”

Kirk looked her up and down. “Are the recyclers offline, Ensign? You look like you slept in that uniform.”

The young woman blushed and Kirk guessed he wasn’t far off the mark. He’d done that a few times too…gone back to someone’s room in the evening and then headed straight to a lecture the following morning. He’d gotten called for it, too, when the professors had noticed. “Maybe you could try folding your clothes if there’s a chance you might need them again the following day,” he suggested, trying to look stern.

Charalam went crimson. “Yes sir,” she said quietly. “Is that all, sir?”

“I’ll see you at the briefing. Dismissed.”

With that, she made herself scarce. As soon as she’d gone, Kirk broke out into the broad grin he’d been hiding and shaking his head, went back to Heike.

“Are you on the survey this morning too, Jim?” she asked.

“Yes, why? Are you?”

“I am, and we’d better get going to the briefing, or _we’ll_ be late,” she smiled.

=_=_=_=

There were fewer attendees than Kirk had expected, with six Vulcans and three Humans (in which latter group he included Heike). When he entered, he addressed the Vulcans, holding his hand in the traditional salute, surprised he was able to do it first time.

“We come to serve,” he said, formally.

The team leader, T’Ruha, stepped forward. “Captain, we are indebted to you and your crew for assisting us in the building of our colony. Your presence honors us.”

The formalities completed, T’Ruha began the briefing, giving the background reasons for their search. 

It felt odd to Kirk to be sitting on a survey briefing without Spock being involved. While on patrol for the previous few months, they had stopped at three Class M planets to carry out surveys. There hadn’t been any need to visit those places beyond his science officer’s wish to provide some hands-on training to as many of his team as possible; so each time, Spock had run the briefing.

T’Ruha was thorough but verbose and, being tired, he found himself zoning in and out. He used to do this in the more boring lectures during his Academy days, with the later seduction of a classmate to get their notes almost invariably remedying any gaps in his knowledge. Now he was a captain, he could just ask – he’d get Charalam to fill him in later.

“We will divide into three teams,” T’Ruha was saying and Kirk struggled to bring his wandering mind back to the present. There would be one team of all Vulcans, Charalam had been assigned to a team with two Vulcans (he was relieved to find out), and he’d been assigned to work with Saival and Heike. Saival was tall and slim and looked young, though it was hard to tell with Vulcans.

Everyone was allocated a communicator and tricorder as they left the room to head to their transport.

“I don’t know why they’re giving us these if they’re not going to work properly,” Heike said, looking down at the equipment she’d just been handed.

Kirk’s mind raced back over the brief. Something on his face must have alerted Heike. She grinned. “Mind off somewhere else, was it?”

Kirk colored and conscious of sensitive Vulcan hearing said quietly, “Uh… she was kind of long-winded. I think I lost the plot once or twice.”

“We were told there’s some kind of weird property to the rocks in the mountain range that a lot of electronics equipment doesn’t like. The reason this survey is being carried out this way, rather than aiming a scanning array at them from space, is because the sensors can’t seem to penetrate the rock no matter how much you calibrate them.”

“Good thing I’ve got you here, isn’t it?” Kirk grinned.

Heike shook her head in admonishment as the group was ushered into two flitters that would take them to the small space port that had not long been completed. From there, a large survey shuttle would transport them to their destination.

When the small vehicle took off, it was the first time that Kirk had gotten a view of the colony’s temporary settlement from the air. He could clearly see the residential area which lay in a neat grid pattern beyond the administrative buildings and well away from where he and his crew were doing most of the work. 

In its southwestern corner stood three completed glasshouses and a fourth half-built, their panes shining in the early morning sun like a mosaic of mirrors. Next to them ran the stream he was now familiar with, and he searched eagerly for what he’d come to think of as ‘their rock’. It wasn’t difficult to find as it was at the point where bedrock rose out of the plain, forcing the stream to run off its course around it. From the colony, it meandered towards its confluence with a larger river that cut across the desert-like terrain. It was beside this river that the city of New Shi’Kahr was to be constructed and, squinting into the rising sun, Kirk could just about see where foundational work for that project had already begun.

“Did you ever go to Vulcan?” Heike asked as she followed his gaze.

Kirk’s brain automatically supplied him with memories: the drill, fighting Romulans, plummeting towards the surface, watching helplessly as the planet got sucked in on itself.

“No.” He couldn’t say more than that while his chest ached with regret at not having been able to do more.

“The capital, Shi’Kahr, was beautiful – it was built to complement the Llangon mountains it stood beside and the buildings were all spikes and spires.” She paused as if remembering. “I can’t imagine whatever they build here will have that kind of aesthetic beauty, but who knows? The Elders are keeping a pretty strict control on things. Did you know that with the amount of wealth these few Vulcans have inherited, corporations Federation-wide are falling over themselves, lobbying to build regional headquarters here?”

“No, but I guess it’s understandable that they’re clamoring to get a foot in the door.”

“They won’t. New Shi’Kahr will be a commercial center, but it’ll be on the colony’s terms. Vulcan, as encapsulated by that small group,” she indicated the settlement that had fallen behind them, “is still a very powerful voice in the Federation, and that makes your first officer’s father, as their sole ambassador, an even more powerful and influential figure than he was. I don’t envy him and the pressure he must be under.”

Of all the beings in the Federation to have had such a tragedy befall them, Kirk thought, the Vulcans were perhaps the best equipped, psychologically, to deal with it, once their healers have helped the survivors past their current issues.

Heike fell silent, apparently wrapped up in her own thoughts. Kirk searched out the window for their destination and, as the flitter swung in a graceful arc on its final approach, the small new spaceport, which lay between the colony and the new city, came into view.

Their shuttle to the survey site was already loaded with equipment and supplies when they arrived. It was far more, Kirk thought, than he would have imagined they’d need, given this was merely an initial scout, and wondered if it was all those scientists wanting to get in on the act.

They flew north-east from the colony and in the distance, Kirk could see the mountains, as high as Earth’s Himalayas, rising up like shimmering mirages in the heat of the flatlands. The ground they crossed was a bleak, boulder-strewn desert, with little evidence of any flora. He knew from the brief he’d read about the colony, that this terrain was much as Vulcan had been, and the colonists clearly saw the beauty in it. But growing up in the lush agricultural heartland of the mid-west, all he could see was a desolate, arid wasteland.

The journey turned out to take considerably less time than the preparation for it. Ahead of them the mountains rose abruptly out of the plain, their gigantic, precipitous bare walls of reddish rock thrust up by some extraordinary and unimaginable geophysical force, and snow clung to each peak thousands of meters into the troposphere. The crisp, clear morning sun shone on them at an oblique angle, throwing the rock face into relief by casting light and shadows across its surface, accentuating the stark beauty of the colossal range. 

As Kirk gazed at the spectacular vista, he was sorry he couldn’t share it with Spock, and wondered what he was doing, wishing he was here with him now.

The shuttle alighted near the network of caves T’Ruha had spoken of in the briefing – it was a part to which he had been paying attention. A number of exploration teams from the colony had found them and believed they would lead to natural underground reservoirs of water that could supply the new city.

The survey group swiftly alighted, leaving another eight occupants in the shuttle with all their instruments.

“Any idea what they’re doing?” he asked Heike, pointing at those who were staying behind.

“They’re studying the rock formations, trying to figure out what properties are making them impervious to sensors and a drain on anything electrical.”

Their conversation was cut short by T’Ruha who reminded them of the strict schedule they were to adhere to for safety reasons. Kirk suspected this prompt was for the benefit of the Humans present, since his experience with Vulcans (or at least Spock), showed they had the recall ability of elephants.

“Teams may spend no more than two hours in each of their assigned series of caves. If one or more of the team do not reappear within the allotted time, I will assume you are in difficulty and the emergency team will be called. Collect your equipment and begin.”

Kirk glanced at Charalam who, along with the two Vulcans on her team, silently began to collect up path markers, flashlights and a few small instruments. His team did the same and when ready, they amassed close to the entrance to the caves. The sun was only just beginning its climb to its zenith, but the air was already scorching hot and Kirk looked forward to getting out of it. After synchronizing chronometers, the teams split up.

“I will lead,” Saival said quietly. Kirk was happy with that since he wasn’t certain what it is they were looking out for. He breathed a sigh of relief once inside, finding the air as blissfully cool as he’d hoped.

As he shone his torch around, the walls glistened wetly. “See how the water literally flows through the rocks,” Heike commented. “It can’t contain any limestone or this place would be filled with stalactites and stalagmites. Let’s see if I can get my tricorder working.” 

Saival looked over his shoulder. “The properties of this rock have rendered all instruments non-functional.”

Heike tried anyway, but then shook her head.

“What exactly should we be looking out for?” Kirk asked.

Saival stopped and turned to him. “We are seeking any signs that may indicate the presence of a body of water. While this rock is highly porous, it sits upon a denser bedrock that can hold water reservoirs, which themselves are fed by underground rivers.”

“Should we split up?” Kirk suggested, wanting to go off exploring on his own. “That way we’ll get more done.”

“I believe it would be safer to remain together,” Saival said.

“Then what’s the point in there being three of us? You could have just as easily have managed with two if it’s just safety in numbers you wanted.”

Kirk noticed Saival almost shrug. “Three was deemed the optimum number for this task under these circumstances.”

There was no point in arguing, so Kirk accepted the situation. At least he’d be able to chat with Heike if he got bored.

The cave became a series of passages and as they walked, they left markers that would allow them to find their way back out. With water from melted mountain snow seeping through the rocks about them, the deeper they got, the colder it became and Kirk, who was wearing his regular uniform tunic, didn’t bother trying to hold his shivering back. It hadn’t occurred to him to bring some thermal gear with him.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asked Heike, who seemed unaffected by the frigid air.

“Vulcans are able to regulate their body warmth. Although our core temperature is hotter than Humans, we can withstand quite low temperatures without difficulty.”

Kirk was so intent on what Heike was saying, he very nearly ran into Saival who had abruptly stopped, his head cocked to one side.

“I can hear the sound of running water,” Kirk said, now that he was listening. They had paused at a junction where the passage split several ways. “Any idea which direction it’s coming from?”

“Please remain silent, Captain,” Saival requested, “as I am attempting to ascertain this.”

Kirk looked at Heike and rolled his eyes. She grinned back.

“It originates from this direction,” Saival said with an air of confidence, and the three made their way down a narrow tunnel. The ceiling quickly became lower so they had to stoop, Saival the most as he was tallest. Suddenly the tunnel opened out into a huge cavern and Kirk gasped at the sight.

It wasn’t just that the rocks seemed to have a luminescent quality that allowed their lamps to illuminate far more of the cavern than would ordinarily be possible, it was the incredible lake of water that lay ahead of them. It went well beyond the beams of their lamps, which glanced off the surface of the water, causing it to act like a mirror, faithfully reflecting the roof of the cavern and giving the whole place a surreal quality.

“I wonder how deep the lake is,” Heike commented quietly. As she spoke, her breath condensed in the cool air and Kirk was unable to repress a shiver. The sound of running water was louder, echoing around the cavern. Whereever it was, it clearly wasn’t flowing into the lake which was still and serene.

Saival tried his tricorder and then several small instruments from a kit he wore about his waist but, from his raised eyebrow, Kirk guessed the equipment was still malfunctioning. 

In awed silence, they moved nearer to the underground lake for a closer inspection and, as they did so, Kirk could feel the ground sloping slightly downward. They felt rather than heard a vibration through their feet. All three of them froze and looked at each other.

“The ground, quick!” shouted Kirk and grabbing Heike’s arm, pulled her back the way they came. He wasn’t fast enough and in a second, Saival had gone, dropping through a sink hole that had suddenly opened up. A few seconds later came a splash. There was no time to think; Kirk kept moving, but the ground was giving way.

“Jim!” Heike shouted, her arms flailing. He stretched to grab hold of her again but overbalanced as the ground beneath his feet collapsed. Heike screamed in terror, her shriek echoing around them.

The sensation was one of the world folding in on itself. In seeming slow-motion, he felt the ground give out completely. It wasn’t so much a precipice as a very steep incline. His hands tried to clutch at anything that would give him just a finger hold, but there was nothing to latch on to until a miracle happened. As he was slowly sliding down, his right hand encountered a ledge and grasping it, it held. He managed to maneuver with small twists to shift his weight until his other hand was on the ledge and he was dangling with nothing beneath his feet. With all the strength he possessed, he pulled himself up and got both his arms on, but he was panting and shaking with the effort. He rested a minute and then with a superhuman heave fueled by adrenaline, he pulled himself onto the ledge. Lying on his back, gasping, he estimated he’d dropped at least five meters.

“Jim?” Heike called, her voice coming from below him. “Saival?”

“Hold on, I’ll get my emergency flashlight,” Kirk said and fumbling at the pouch he wore, pulled it out and shone it down. He could see Heike on a slightly wider ledge two meters below and to one side of him.

“Are you okay?” he asked. She didn’t look it. Her legs were at a weird angle to her body.

“I think I’ve dislocated my hip and my fear of heights has kicked in. I’m terrified and shaking like crazy – I can’t control it. Can you see Saival?.”

He could hear the pain in her voice. Shining his light down into the hole, the beam didn’t reach the bottom. “Saival,” he called several times, his voice echoing eerily about the cavern, but he got no answer. “Fuck.”

“Is he…?”

“I don’t know whether he’s unconscious or dead,” he answered her half-question grimly. “I can’t see what’s down there, but I think I heard a splash, so it may be more water.” Fumbling around in his pack, he pulled the communicator out in the vain hope that it would work, but got what he expected to see. No signal.

“Any idea how long before we’re supposed to check in?”

“Point nine two hours.”

Kirk smiled grimly. That was the most Vulcan thing Heike had said to him. He shone his light up the steep slope that led up, looking for handholds… anything that would allow him to climb to the top. He’d climbed El Capitan in his second year at the Academy and ice fissures on Delta Vega. This would be child’s play.

He managed to get himself to his feet on the narrow ledge and then again looked up for any indentations he could use. Suddenly the ledge beneath his left foot began to give. He shuffled but it was no good. He could feel it start to go in jerks as the ledge broke away.

“Jim, what’s happening?” Evidently Heike could hear the sounds of rubble falling, rock breaking away.

“The ledge – it’s giving way!”

Then he was falling again, sliding down the slope, scrabbling to get a hold onto anything. Suddenly, all momentum ceased as his left arm was held powerfully and Heike gasped.

“Can you get up here? I can’t lift you – I don’t think I can move.”

Kirk took two breaths to get his body under control, refusing to focus on the incredible pain where his arm felt like it was being yanked out of its socket. She held him by his forearm with incredible strength, but he began to slip as the material of his shirt started to give. With his other hand, he swung up to grab Heike’s wrist and heard her grunt as he latched on.

“Heike, let go of me – I’ll hold onto you with my other arm.”

She didn’t move. “Heike. Do it. I need to try to get onto your ledge. You’ll have to let me go.”

A sob and she released him. Still clutching her wrist, he flailed out, looking for an edge of the area she was on and found it. Once again, his adrenaline-fueled muscles obeyed him and he pulled himself up, letting go of her in the process. She somehow managed to slide over to make room for him and he was almost there, when the edge of the ledge gave.

“Jim!” she shouted out.

Refusing to give up, he continued to try to find anything – anything that would prevent him plunging into the murky depths below. But Kirk’s luck had just run out and when his body hit icy water, the shock of it made him see stars.

Even though the extreme cold had been a shock to his system, Kirk had managed to quell his body’s reflex to gasp and inhale water. It was a lesson that had been impressed on him as a youngster, going ice-skating on frozen ponds and rivers during winters in Iowa. Now he focused every ounce of his energy to reach the surface and when he broke through, he heard Heike calling his name, over and over.

“I’m here. The water’s freezing – there’s ice in it.” His voice echoed off the walls and the water.

There was a slight current pulling him and he tried to make his way to the slope he’d fallen down. When he reached the side, he tried to pull himself up, muscles shaking with the effort, but each attempt just brought more rubble down as the rock seemed to dissolve in his hands.

First rule of survival: keep warm. That wasn’t going to happen, he thought as he trod water. He tried to curl up and lie on his back, but he was so numb, his muscles wouldn’t cooperate and he nearly sank.

“Heike, keep me talking. I have to stay awake.” His whole body was full of pins and needles. His muscles ached with the cold.

“Okay. Tell me about where you grew up.”

Kirk winced. His childhood was something he’d rather forget. “My mom was in StarFleet – I was born in space, the day my dad died.” It was hard to concentrate. He knew he needed to do it. How many minutes did he have? Probably not enough. “I didn’t see much of her when I grew up. Was brought up by my stepdad. We had this antique corvette, was my dad’s.” Focus, he needed to focus. Remember the car. Yes he could see it, red with a canvas roof that unclipped.

“Jim?”

“Still here. Hard to talk. Bastard was going to sell it. So I drove it off the only cliff in Iowa.” He could remember the feeling of exhilaration of driving it so fast, being chased by a cop. The car going off the cliff and him flying. Like Peter Pan who never grew up. Who was his girlfriend? Wendy. She was—

“Jim, tell me about your academy days. I bet you loved to party.”

“Party. Yeah.” He thought back to the times he and Bones used to carouse the bars of San Francisco. God he was so cold. He couldn’t feel his extremities any more. He was treading water but his limbs were quickly becoming sluggish and uncooperative. Who was that cute blonde Bones had wanted, but who was interested in him? Bones had been pissed at him.

Mary. That was her name. Mary had… He smiled. “Mary had a little… Mary had…a…lamb.” He hadn’t realized he’d said that out loud. Why did she have a lamb? Georgie had a little son... Georgie’s dead. He never knew his dad. His mind drifted back to lucidity. Got to keep awake.

“Tell Spock he was right about the Kobayashi Maru. Sometimes you can’t win.” Kirk focused really hard…such an effort. He didn’t feel cold any more. He began to slip under and swallowed a lot of water. Flailing his arms, he came back up, gasping and coughing.

“Jim! Hold on, Jim.” Heike’s voice had agony and helplessness laced through it. “They’ll be here in a minute. They’ll come and rescue us.”

“Tell Spock…love him. No cheating the test this time.”

He was surrounded by an infinite number of stars, floating somewhere in the universe, all alone. He couldn’t breath…why? His mouth was filled with water that he couldn’t stop swallowing. Reflex kept his lungs bellowing, but they were filling with water, not air. Kirk thrashed out in a moment of utter blind panic, body twisting under the water. Then he stilled as a peace descended over him. His arms floated up as he was swallowed into inky blackness as one by one, the stars went out.


	11. Chapter 11

Seventy seven kilometers away a Vulcan woman gasped loudly and staggered backwards.

Giotto glanced up. “Are you okay, T’Faylan?” he asked, quickly walking over to her, concerned.

She straightened and calmly said, “My bondmate is injured. Perhaps others in her party, also. I must arrange a rescue.”

Although he was curious, Giotto didn’t question how she knew – he had enough knowledge of Vulcans to know they were telepaths, and now was not the time to ask irrelevant questions. “Do you know where she is? Perhaps the Enterprise can help.”

“She is on a survey at the mountains.”

“Oh god, Charalam,” Giotto whispered, his heart pounding as he grabbed his communicator.

“Uhura, bridge.” Another calm voice.

“Giotto here, ma’am. There’s been an accident – it’s possible the captain may be involved. Can you get me Mr. Spock.”

“One moment, Ensign, I’ll patch you through.”

“Spock here,” came the quiet tone of the first officer.

“Giotto here, Sir. I’m with a Vulcan – she says her bondmate is with the survey team out at the mountain range and… she knows somehow that she’s been injured. I was thinking the captain—”

“Where are you now?” Spock interrupted quietly but firmly.

“We’re on the irrigation project, sir, southwest of the colony.”

“I will beam directly over. Spock out.”

Giotto turned to T’Faylan, who didn’t look well. “Don’t worry. We’ll do our best to help.” They’d been working together for the past three days and he’d come to like her, even though she didn’t say much. Just occasionally she’d make a comment or observation and he’d be unsure if what she said was dry humor or unintentionally funny.

“Worrying is illogical, Dom. It serves no purpose,” she said, her voice remaining even.

Giotto knew she was right but it didn’t stop the mild panic he was feeling about Charalam. A moment later, Spock materialized in front of him. He’d seen the first officer around – the first time had been in the middle of the Narada crisis, when he’d brought Kirk and Scott to the bridge – right after he’d called the captain ‘Cupcake’. He cringed at the memory. Then, Spock had looked like he was ready to kill Kirk – had actually almost succeeded. He’d come to the conclusion then that Vulcans were indeed as strong as it was said they were, and he certainly wasn’t going to piss one off any time soon.

After that first time, he hadn’t had any dealings with Spock until they’d undertaken the landing party emergency simulation a few days earlier and he’d been on the panel assessing them.

While Spock’s voice may not have revealed any hint of concern over the captain’s safety, now he looked more closely, he noticed there was certainly something in his eyes.

“Spock,” the first officer said to the Vulcan woman, holding his hand in the salute he’d seen so much of over the past few days.

“T’Faylan,” she responded. “My bondmate, Heike Mallon, is injured.”

Giotto admired the Vulcans’ way of getting to the point. Spock nodded and was suddenly talking rapid-fire into the communicator. “Lieutenant Uhura, have someone get a fix on the captain, or find his last known whereabouts. We require a rescue party of four with mountain equipment. Alert Dr. McCoy and have him and a medical team beam to wherever the captain is… also contact Elder Sepak and inform him that the captain, together with other Vulcans may be injured.”

“Understood, Commander…one moment.” There was a pause, then, “We can’t get a fix on the captain, sir – there’s something interfering with the signal. No communication either, but we have the survey team’s co-ordinates and...”

Giotto pictured what it would be like on the bridge at that moment. Someone would be at the science station operating the scanners to get a sensor reading and feeding data to whoever was manning the conn.

“…sensors indicate Vulcans in the vicinity of the captain’s last known coordinates.”

“Understood. Get a fix on the Vulcan readings with me. Contact the transporter room and have the two of us beamed there—”

“Me too sir,” Giotto pleaded. He knew that site to site beaming was something only carried out in an emergency, so clearly Spock was taking this very seriously, given he only had T’Faylan’s word that anything was wrong.

Spock nodded once. “Ensign Giotto too.”

“Standby.”

Giotto glanced around, thinking fast. He knew from what Charalam had told him, they were surveying water tables. His eyes alighted on a pair of the new aqualungs they’d been using on the irrigation system, which he managed to grab just before the beam took them.

They arrived ahead of the rescue team to find a number of Vulcans beside a shuttle, working with scientific equipment. From the way they were working, none of them appeared to be aware there was any kind of problem.

Giotto watched as Spock approached the nearest one, a young Vulcan bent over a tall instrument, and addressed him without preliminaries. “There has been an accident. What is the last known location of Heike Mallon and Captain Kirk.”

It struck Giotto as odd that Spock seemed to be assuming there was something wrong with the captain when the only evidence, if it could be called that, was that Heike Mallon was injured.

“They are both with Saival. I will take you there,” he responded.

Giotto felt a flood of relief flow through him that Charalam wasn’t with them, but was surprised to hear that Spock’s supposition had been right and the captain _was_ with T’Faylan’s bondmate and therefore also potentially hurt. That didn’t bode well and he hoped it all turned out to be a mountain out of a molehill. He had to hand it to these Vulcans and the way they cut to the chase, and this guy accepting Spock’s word, even though he was obviously unaware there was anything wrong.

Before anyone had time to move, a figure materialized near them.

“Elder Sepak,” Spock acknowledged. “You are sensing it too?”

“Indeed,” the Elder responded, and Giotto saw the young Vulcan’s lips tighten into a firm line in response. He didn’t have a clue what those words meant, but they seemed to be understanding each other all right.

Suddenly, both Spock and Sepak swayed, almost stumbling. Giotto hurried to their side, but knew not to touch them.

“Sir, are you okay?” he addressed the first officer. To him, all Vulcans looked pale, but if possible, Spock’s face became almost ashen and the older Vulcan didn’t look much better.

The first officer slowly straightened himself up and took a deep breath, nodding once in assent. He then turned to the Vulcan scientist who’d just stood and observed. “We must not delay, the situation has become critical.” 

Spock turned to Sepak but before he could say anything, the older Vulcan spoke first. “Do not wait for me, Spock,” he said and waved towards the caves. “Go.”

It was if that single word galvanized the first officer and suddenly he began to run with long strides, the other Vulcan at his side and T’Faylan not far behind. Giotto wasn’t built for sprinting, especially not in such extreme heat, but he set off behind them at a steady pace.

The mouths of a number of caves lay several hundred meters from where they had materialized and, as several other Enterprise crew member overtook him carrying equipment and ropes, he realized more had arrived at the beam down point.

Coming to a stop in front of the mouth of a cave, Giotto felt waves of cold air from it blissfully hit his overheated skin.

“The three in Saival’s team took this cave,” the young Vulcan said. “I will leave you so I may inform T’Ruha.”

The rescue and medical teams now fully gathered, Spock was handing out flashlights to everyone when the man Giotto recognized as the ship’s CMO came running up. “What’s happened, Spock?” he asked, trying to catch his breath.

“An accident – the captain and at least one other are injured.”

Giotto stared at Spock wondering at his certainty about the captain’s condition.

McCoy’s eyes widened. “How—” he began.

“We are wasting valuable time, Doctor.” He glanced at the equipment McCoy’s team had brought. “I believe you will find the anti-grav function on the gurneys will become inoperable once inside. All instruments requiring an electrical charge cease to function. I will take the lead, Ensign Vendokaal, take the rear.”

“Aye sir.”

Spock turned to T’Faylan. “I ask that you remain here,” he glanced over to where Sepak had finally caught up with them, “with Elder Sepak.”

“Wait,” McCoy said, “that means our flashlights won’t work either. How the hell are we going to see anything?”

Giotto was surprised when the first officer chose to ignore the question and instead headed inside the cave at a run, following the markers left by the survey team. He was mildly surprised the doctor didn't know how the flashlights functioned, then realized it wasn't something he'd need to know, given his field of specialty. During his security training, he'd had to learn about all sorts of equipment, and knew the glow of the light-beam was a bi-product of the fusion of several types of chemical elements reacting together. It meant they didn't have to worry about the lights losing their charge as the chemical reaction could go on indefinitely.

They were running through the tunnels at a steady pace Giotto had no difficulty keeping up with – it was sprinting he wasn't great at. As they made their way through what seemed like a labyrinth, he marveled at how coordinated everything was, and it was at that precise moment he realized that this emergency was exactly what that simulated drill they had carried out on their way to the colony was designed to prepare the crew for. 

They had been running for over ten minutes when their progression was impeded by the cave height forcing them all to stoop. Suddenly a woman’s voice rang out ahead of them.

“Stop! Don’t come any nearer, the ground’s unstable!”

Spock stopped so suddenly that it was impossible for Giotto to stop his forward momentum in time and he slammed into the Vulcan. It was like hitting a brick wall and behind him McCoy cannoned into his back with an audible ‘oof’.

“What is your status,” Spock called out.

“I’m on a ledge, injured – unable to move. Saival and Captain Kirk…” the voice faltered for a moment, and then continued less loudly, “…are missing. The ground here gave way – some kind of sink hole, I think. I’m not sure how far towards you the instability goes.”

“Understood,” the first officer answered.

Spock remained stock still and all Giotto could hear was the heavy breathing from the team from their exertions to get that far.

“Are you going to just stand there and admire the fucking rock formations or—”

“Doctor,” Spock hissed. “You will cease your babbling.”

“You might not have noticed, _Commander_ , but Jim’s missing, maybe dead and—”

Giotto had to dodge Spock’s arm which shot past him, looking like he was about to latch onto McCoy’s throat, but stopped just short of it. “Do not—” Spock began through clenched teeth, and then took a deep breath before pulling his hand away. “I will go forward alone. Wait here.”

Giotto was reminded of that day that Spock had tried to throttle the man who was now their captain, and not one person had attempted to intervene. When he looked back it was kind of surreal, because _someone_ should have spoken out before Sarek had finally put a stop to it. From his own standpoint, he’d been entirely taken aback to see the normally placid Vulcan – and acting captain – in a literally murderous rage. Also, he could privately admit to himself, at the time, he’d enjoyed seeing Kirk – who he’d thought of then as an arrogant little shit – getting royally beaten up. Since then, his opinion of the man had entirely changed to one of respect, and Charalam seemed to think highly of him too.

He’d heard the first officer had also changed his mind about the captain, and they’d gone beyond patching up their differences since leaving Earth and had become friends. They’d certainly seemed it to him, having seen them dine together in the commissary every evening since their arrival.

As the Vulcan moved further down the tunnel, Giotto turned to the doctor. “Hell,” McCoy commented. “Thought for a minute there my medical team was going to have to resuscitate me.”

“Sir?”

“Don’t mind me, kid,” he said and, closing his eyes tightly, pinched the bridge of his nose. “My best friend’s missing, maybe dead, and the way I’m coping with it is by making smart-alec comments.”

Silence fell as everyone waited for Spock. The quiet was interrupted by a patter of footsteps behind them. At the rear, Vendokaal shone a beam back down the tunnel, which lit up one of the two figures approaching.

“Charalam!” Giotto said, aghast. “It’s dangerous here. Go back.” 

“T’Faylen said she got the impression from her bondmate that the rescue would need people of lower weight, so we’ve come to help.”

“I hate to rain on your parade, Miss,” McCoy said, and for the first time Giotto became aware of a southern drawl to his voice, “but we’re going to need strong people to get those injured folks out of there.”

“First time I met Charalam,” Giotto said to the doctor, “was at one of the gyms at the Academy. I’d badly beaten one of her friends in a bar-room brawl, and she came to challenge me to a fight.”

McCoy looked at him, clearly taking in his not inconsiderable proportions, and then looked down the line of people to the diminutive young woman, who was the only person short enough to be standing upright in the tunnel.

“She wiped the floor with me,” Giotto grinned. “It was love at first sight.”

“She—” McCoy began.

“She’s Galadanian, sir. They’re at least twice as strong as the average Human. I’ve been trying to get her to switch to security for as long as I’ve known her. But she likes her computers too much.”

Further discussion was halted by the reappearance of Spock.

“Beyond this tunnel is a cavern, the floor of which is precarious,” the first officer explained to the rescue party. “As Ms. Mallon indicated correctly, a sinkhole opened while the survey team was investigating. It has a body of water at the bottom into which Saival and the captain fell, and are now missing, presumed dead.”

Giotto thought he heard Spock’s voice catch on those last words.

“Ms. Mallon is part-way down the sinkhole on a ledge. Her rescue will require great care to prevent placing her in further jeopardy.”

“Sir, we’ve got two more to assist.” Giotto pointed towards the back of the group. “Ensign Charalam and T’Faylan.” He knew as her superior officer, that Spock would know his partner’s background. “They’re probably the lightest of any of us.”

“Very well,” Spock responded. “We will require ropes, a winch and the gurneys.”

Giotto expected the first officer to object to T’Faylan on the grounds she was a civilian and therefore shouldn’t be exposed to any danger. So when he accepted her help, he felt surprised and wondered if it was something to do with her bondmate status giving her some kind of right under Vulcan law.

“Secure Ensign Charalam and T’Faylan and send them in to retrieve Ms. Mallon. Giotto, stand at the mouth of the canyon to supervise, but do not enter. The rest of you remain here. It is my intention to search for the captain and Saival.”

“Spock! It’s freezing here – you won’t last five minutes in that water,” McCoy protested.

“Doctor, I am perfectly capable of regulating my body temperature – you will notice unlike you, I am not shivering. I am fully aware of my limits. Assuming the water temperature is immediately above freezing, it will be eight point three minutes before I begin to lose my faculties.”

“Let me come with you, sir,” Giotto said. “My mother’s Larian – I can withstand extreme cold much longer than Humans.” Or Vulcans, he thought. Then he remembered the aqualungs he was holding. “I’ve brought these, sir – we may need them.”

Spock looked at him for a moment, then nodded. “I believe the ground closest to the walls is the strongest.”

“Spock,” the doctor called, and the first officer looked around. “Good luck.”

Giotto watched as Spock drew breath to respond to the doctor, then apparently thinking better of it, he firmed his mouth into a thin line, and nodding once, headed forward. 

It wasn’t easy, Giotto thought. They illuminated the canyon as best they could, the strange, reflective properties helping considerably. T’Faylan and Charalam had squeezed past the rescue team and were each tethered to a winch, as were he and Spock.

“I am here,” T’Faylan called out to her bondmate.

In response, Giotto heard a sob – unsure if it was from anguish or relief.

Heike began to speak, guiding her rescuers to her. Carrying one of the gurneys, the two women gingerly made their way to the edge of the hole and began to rappel down. Giotto and Spock paused to fit their aqualung and switch on its navigation light, which used the same gaseous energy source as their flashlights. Unfortunately, the alarm on the built-in chronometer was inoperative, so Giotto made a note of the time on his wrist-chronometer, which used a self-winding mechanism.

They too, rapelled down and when close to the surface of the water, plunged in. Although he was ready for it, the frigidity of the water still shocked Giotto, feeling like thousands of blunt needles jabbing into his skin.

His mother’s planet was much colder than Earth and the indigenous population thrived in temperatures that only got above freezing in the summer. Although being only half Larian and therefore unable to withstand the temperatures his mother could, he had inherited several extra layers of fat that made him much less vulnerable to hypothermia than Humans. His concern now was for Spock whose people were used to temperatures at the other end of the spectrum. Even if the first officer could regulate his temperature, his body wasn’t equipped to deal with extreme cold for any length of time.

Once underwater, what Giotto hadn’t anticipated was that the hole fed into an underwater cavern and there was a definite current. Finding the bodies wasn’t going to be as simple as he’d thought.

Giotto checked the chronometer – it was just gone six minutes – when he saw something ahead. Swimming towards it, he found the body of the Vulcan. Not having long graduated from the Academy, he’d not seen a dead body before and the sight made the gall rise in his throat. He had to swallow hard and focus on breathing through the apparatus. Grabbing it, he dragged it towards the light in the distance where Spock was, to let him know.

When Spock indicated that he should take it and leave, Giotto shook his head violently and pointed at his chronometer. There was no way he was going to leave the first officer here when the alarm wasn’t working on his equipment. The guy may be stronger than a Human, he thought, but Spock wasn’t superhuman, and he wasn’t going to be responsible for his death.

The Vulcan glared at him and gestured for him to go. Giotto felt frustrated – he knew Spock was reaching his limits, but then this was his superior officer, so he couldn’t just override his authority.

Something glinted out of the corner of his eye and in the murky depths, saw that the beam of his light was reflecting off something metallic. As the two of them drew near, Giotto towing Saival’s body in the process, they found the captain, the light bouncing off his insignia. He was pressed by the currents against a rock, his arms outstretched as if welcoming someone, looking as though he were peacefully asleep.

Spock hesitated, perhaps in shock – it was hard to tell – before taking an arm and pulling on him. But his legs had somehow become wedged behind a rock and Giotto could see the Vulcan was reluctant to cause the body any damage. Spock took hold of the rock and with brute force, ripped it away as though it were cardboard, and freed the body. Now all they needed to do was to give their ropes a sharp tug and they’d be pulled back. Aware that the Vulcan was reaching the limit of his capability, Giotto kept an eye on him.

The hardest part was getting back up. Once they resurfaced, they removed the masks from their faces to dangle loosely around their necks. Spock had lost all coordination and although the rescue team would winch them, they needed to do some climbing too. It didn’t help that the rock around the edge of the sinkhole was especially soft and vulnerable to crumbling, and any attempt at gaining a handhold just brought rubble tumbling down on them. He was getting very concerned that the Vulcan was shivering violently.

“Sir, let me help you,” he said.

Spock looked at him blankly. Giotto recognized the first stages of hypothermia. “Sir,” he said again slowly. “I’m going to tether the bodies here. Then I’m going to carry you up and then I’ll come back for the other two. Do you understand.”

Spock seemed incapable of speaking but he held onto the captain’s body even tighter. God, what the hell should he do now if he wasn’t going to let the captain go? Every second Spock remained in the water put him in further danger. And he could feel the dulling effects of the cold on himself now, his own limit getting close. He could see no alternative – he needed to take action.

“Charalam, are you there?” he shouted up.

“Yes, Dom. Are you okay?”

“We need your help. We’re going to need an extra gurney. Get the two we’ve got as close to the edge as is safe. Can you lower yourself down here?”

He heard her relay his request to the rescue team. “Right, on my way. Hold on.”

A minute later small amounts of loose rock began to rain down on Giotto and Spock as Charalam rappelled down.

While she made the descent, Giotto managed to tether Saival’s body so it wouldn’t float away.

Charalam got to within a few feet of the water. “I need you to help Mr. Spock as he’s lost his coordination. I’m going to carry the captain’s body up and then I’ll come back for the Vulcan. Can you manage?”

“Yes, I think so,” she said with a faint smile.

“Sir, please give the captain to me,” Giotto said. “I can carry him up and Ensign Charalam will help you. Do you understand?”

Spock’s eyes were glazed. Gently, Giotto pried the body from his hands and placed it over his shoulder. The fact he was willing to give up his burden told Giotto a lot. Carefully, they made the ascent with Charalam all but carrying Spock. Getting over the edge was the hardest part, as more and more of the ground around the rim broke way.

Giotto yanked on Spock’s and his own ropes. “Keep these taut enough to carry our weight,” he called to the rescue team.

“Right, willdo,” came confirmation from inside the tunnel.

“Okay, Charalam, let go of Mr. Spock and help me with the captain’s body,” he said once he was certain his and the Vulcan ropes were taut.

With absolute trust in him, she did as asked and managed to scramble out of the hole, leaving Spock dangling. Meanwhile, he braced his feet against the wall and with brute strength that at this stage he didn’t know he had, and with Charalam’s help, they maneuvered the captain’s body onto the ground, which she then lifted and carefully placed onto one of the gurneys.

Pulling on the rope holding the gurney, she called, “Pull this one to you – it’s got the captain’s body.”

While the rescue team pulled it across the unstable ground via the winch, Giotto all but hoisted Spock towards the top of the hole, the Vulcan’s coordination completely gone. More and more of the ground at the edge was breaking away and Giotto wanted Spock to get away from it before it collapsed. He was much heavier than the captain and in his semi-conscious state, was almost as much of a dead weight.

“Come on, sir, nearly there,” Charalam urged the semi-delirious Vulcan.

She half-carried, half-dragged Spock onto another gurney and called for the rescue team to pull it out.

“One left,” Giotto said as soon as he was certain Spock was safe. As he rappelled down for a final time, he realized his legs weren’t fully cooperating and he was shivering violently. Even he was reaching his limit – one he’d never tested before.

When he got to the water, it was no less an icy shock than the first time. Shakily, he managed to get Saival’s body over his shoulder.

“Tell them to haul both ropes – I’m going to need as much help as I can get,” he called up to Charalam. As she relayed her message, he felt the ropes tighten. He was by far the largest of the those who’d been down the hole and, together with Saival’s weight, the crumbling rocks simply wouldn’t take his weight as he tried to climb.

“Can you pull harder?” he called. His legs were only half cooperating as violent shivers rocked his body – not just cold, he knew, but shock. Agonizingly slowly, he made his way up until he was almost at the edge and exhaustion was setting in. The ropes pulling them were cutting into the rim of the sinkhole like a saw through ice.

Between him and Charalam, they got the second body out and as she pulled Saival onto the gurney, he used his last remaining reserves and, when she was free again to help, Charalam’s steady strength, to scramble out.

She half carried him to the mouth of the cavern and finally allowed relief to wash over him that they’d made it. Most of the rescue team had left, but one of the medical team – a blonde nurse – placed a thermal blanket around him which gave off its own heat, and gave him something hot to drink.

With a sob, Charalam threw her arms around him, her head pressed to his chest. “I thought I was going to lose you, Dom,” she whispered. “Thank god you’re safe.”

=_=_=_=

The ambassador waited silently at the mouth of the cave with T’Faylan, and a security officer. He found himself having to ruthlessly clamp down on myriad emotions that threatened to surface – anxiety, fear, dread, were all clamoring to torment him with their pessimistic voices.

He had known something was wrong before Uhura had contacted him, had felt unease both through the faint link he had with Jim and in a secondary way through the stronger link he shared with Spock. It was just after he’d beamed down that the worst had happened and both he and Spock had known the moment Jim had died. Yet, he’d felt death through a bond when his mother and much later, his father, had died, and this did not seem so final. It was as if something still lingered, like the whisper of a ghost in his mind, and he tenaciously clung to it, focusing on it and sending psyonic energy along it in a bid to bolster whatever it was.

More people began to arrive. The scientist who had directed them to the cave returned with T’Ruha and a young ensign. Then Healer Soveran materialized and approached him directly.

“What news of Saival?”

As a Kolinahr adept, Soveran’s voice was utterly calm as he asked about his grandson, who the ambassador knew was the only kin he had left – indeed they were the last two survivors of their clan. It was knowing the familial connection that he had requested Uhura contact the healer.

“None as yet, Soveran. The rescue party departed nine point two minutes ago. The property of the rock will not allow communication, so neither the location of the accident is known, nor the conditions facing the rescue team.”

Soveran nodded once in acknowledgement.

The ambassador’s attention was drawn by a gasp from T’Faylan.

“My bondmate is trying to communicate with me, but her telepathic ability is limited. If I am correct, I believe I will be needed to assist.”

The young security ensign stepped to block her way. “You can’t go in there, ma’am, it’s too dangerous.”

“I must. My bondmate needs me. I believe someone of lighter weight is required to assist the rescue.”

“I’m sorry—” he began but Charalam cut him off.

“Daven. We’ve sparred enough times for you to know how strong and fit I am. I’ll accompany her and if I believe she’s in danger, we’ll return.”

As Daven shook his head, the ambassador stepped forward. “I understand you must do your duty, ensign. However, might I remind you, you are on Vulcan soil and technically your authority has no jurisdiction here. If T’Faylan wishes to join her bondmate, then you _must_ allow it.”

The young man relented reluctantly and stepped aside. 

“Okay, but don’t take any unnecessary risks, Charalam.”

She nodded and a moment later, the darkness of the cave swallowed up her and T’Faylan.

The numbers joining the vigil outside the cave gradually increased as word got out and the silence was rudely broken by a man and woman running out of the cave. “We need another gurney, fast,” the young woman said into her communicator. The speed with which it appeared impressed the ambassador. Knowing how inexperienced they were, he could see they were extremely well trained. The two picked it up and disappeared back inside.

It was another eighteen minutes before sounds could be heard coming from within the tunnel and suddenly a group of Enterprise crew exploded from the mouth carrying two gurneys.

“Emergency beam up, STAT, direct to sickbay,” McCoy barked into his communicator.

On one lay a humanoid woman blinking in the bright sunlight and smiling at T’Faylan who was holding her hand. He cast only a cursory glance at them, focusing on Jim, his body packed in ice, his face pale. Within five seconds the group dematerialized, and Jim was gone, now in the hands of the good doctor. Two minutes later, another group appeared, this time with Spock lying prone, covered in a blanket. Seconds later they were gone too.

One more to come. The ambassador spared a glance at Soveran, as the old man stared at the cave as if he could make Saival appear by force of will alone.

It was another eight minutes before more footsteps were heard. Saival’s inert body looked deathly pale but Spock could see the faintest trace of auric energy about him, signifying his katra had yet to depart. As Soveran moved forward he barred the way.

“Soveran,” he spoke loudly to get his attention. “You must not touch him as there is a danger he will pass you his katra. I will stabilize him; your medical expertise will be required to attempt resuscitation.”

Soveran stepped back and nodded. “You are correct, Sepak.”

As the ambassador placed both hands on the contact points of Saival’s face, he felt the tingle of the transporter take him.


	12. Chapter 12

Having just materialized in sickbay, Ambassador Spock was only partly aware of what was going on around him. Keeping his fingers firmly on Saival’s meld-points, he sought to prevent his auric body – his life energy – separating from his corporeal body during the resuscitation attempt. In addition, he was firmly holding Saival’s katra in place, as it would be far more complicated were he to act as a receptacle for it, as McCoy had once done for him, and then have Soveran undertake the fal-tor-pan refusion process if, indeed, he had the knowledge and skill to do so.

He could sense Jim’s inert body lying on another biobed near him. There was enough of a life-force within him for revival, he believed, although he knew there was a strong probability of brain damage after such a sustained period without oxygen. While _hope_ might be an emotion and therefore not logical, he was not above such indulgences.

McCoy’s voice was barking orders to his team.

“Dr. Felda, you take Heike Mallon. She’s a Vulcan Human hybrid – you’ll find updated information on Vulcan physiology on the med-comp.

“Nurse Chapel, set up hemodialysis for Mr. Spock and if there are any problems getting his core body temperature back up, report back.

“Nurse Trenset, get two resuscitation units and set one for Human and one for Vulcan physiology. Then prepare equipment for full Cardiopulmonary Bypass for both patients.

“Dr. M’Benga, you get to work on Saival using CPB – looks like he had a dry drowning, which could be a major factor in his favor.”

“Doctor, I will attend Saival,” Soveran said.

“And what were you planning on doing?” McCoy asked, his voice clearly exasperated. The ambassador could imagine the pressure the doctor was feeling.

“The cardiopulmonary technique while Elder Sepak stabilizes Saival’s katra.”

“That won’t work,” McCoy said bluntly.

“I assure you—”

“Soveran, how many cold-water drownings have you had experience reviving?”

“My experience is not the point. There is a standard technique—”

“—which won’t work in this case. You’re from a goddamn desert planet – so why would you have perfected a technique for an eventuality that could never happen? Please let us do our job, Healer. You can assist M’Benga, but he’s leading this. Now I’m about to start resuscitation on the captain using the same technique, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“Healer,” came a softer voice, the ambassador concluded was M’Benga’s. “Please trust us in this. The longer we argue, the longer the odds of survival. We need to stabilize Saival now.”

“Very well. You will explain what you are doing.”

“I need to work quickly, so I’m going to set up all the instruments and machines as I talk.”

“Saival is currently considered to be clinically dead because his heart has arrested and his respirations have ceased. However, he’s not biologically dead as there is still minimal brain activity. When he entered the water, he experienced what we call the ‘diving response’. It’s a mammalian reflex that causes vasoconstriction of nonessential vascular beds which leads to the shunting of blood to the coronary and cerebral circulation and—”

“Saival is Vulcan, not an Earth mammal,” Soveran interrupted.

“True, but interestingly, the Vulcan body in this instance is no different than the Human one. Look at this scan and this pooling of blood here at his heart and here around his brain – it’s been this excess of blood that’s so far prevented brain death. Now his core body temperature is currently 29°C – well below the Vulcan norm, and we’ve kept him at that, because it’s within the range that can lead to full resuscitation. At this temperature, his cellular metabolism has slowed considerably, and with it there’s a considerably reduced need for oxygen.”

“I am aware of the affect of lowering body temperature on the physiology, Doctor,” Soveran pointed out.

“Well, I’m just going to go through it all, in case there are any gaps in your knowledge,” M’Benga responded mildly. “Now the principal physiologic consequence of drowning is hypoxemia. This prolonged low oxygen level in the blood is caused by a cessation of breathing, which in turn causes cardiac arrest and a lack of blood supply to the central nervous system. It appears in Saival’s case, that during his initial immersion, his larynx went into spasm, preventing water entering his lungs. The consequence of this is that although he died in water, his cause of death was technically cardiac arrest, not drowning. If we’re able to revive him, this will give him a far better chance of full recovery. The Vulcan pulmonary system is far more sensitive to complications from excess moisture than that of a Human, so this is excellent news.”

“In what way does this cardiopulmonary bypass technique operate?”

“We’re going to have this machine I’ve linked up to Saival take over the work of his heart and lungs, oxygenating and pumping his blood, and using it to slowly increase his core body temperature by 2.15 degrees an hour.”

Knowing that the operation was getting underway, the ambassador shut out all extraneous noise and focused on Saival’s mind.

-=-=-

The following day, Giotto made his way to sickbay and, locating McCoy’s office, looked inside. The doctor was sitting at his desk and looked like he’d aged twenty years, though given everything that had happened the day before, he wasn’t surprised.

“Sir, sorry to disturb you. I was wondering if there’s any news on the captain?”

McCoy looked up and Giotto could clearly see the fatigue and wondered if he’d even gotten back to his quarters to sleep. “We don’t know yet. He’s in a coma and still on full life-support. There’s still minimal brain activity, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to bring him back and if we can, what, if any, brain damage there is. All we can—”

McCoy jumped up and left his office.

“I told you I’d let you know if there’s any change to his status, Spock,” Giotto heard McCoy say in a voice barely above a whisper. “Why don’t you get some rest before you fall down.”

“I will not, as you say, fall down, Doctor. Vulcans require considerably less rest or sleep than Humans.”

Giotto heard the slur that it was meant to be and wasn’t surprised to hear it coming from him – he already knew the Vulcan could be a mean son-of-a-bitch.

“I don’t care if you have pure fucking dilithium running through your veins instead of that green stuff you call blood,” the doctor bristled, and it sounded to Giotto as though it had been said through clenched teeth in an effort to keep his voice down. “You haven’t fully recovered from your hypothermia.”

“If that is the case, then why did you release me from sickbay?” the first officer asked, and Giotto could hear his voice was calm and quiet as always.

“You know full well why I did. If I’d kept you here, I’d have had to physically restrain you otherwise. Now, you need rest and I’m prepared to make it a medical order.”

“I am not on duty. You may not dictate to me how I spend my free time.”

“I can if it involves you cluttering up my sickbay.”

Giotto tensed, wondering if he was going to have to jump between these two again.

“I could sit in my quarters. I choose to sit with the captain. There would be no difference in the expenditure of energy and both activities would be equally _restful_. I submit that your reluctance to allow me to do what I wish is irrational.”

Giotto waited and for several seconds nothing more was said as he imagined his two superior offices trying to outstare each other.

“Have it your way,” McCoy finally relented.

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“I thought you Vulcans consider thanks to be illogical,” McCoy pressed.

“I consider Humans to be illogical. It is logical for me to acknowledge your illogical customs.”

McCoy came back into his office muttering, “Damn stubborn, bull-headed excuse for a Vulcan.” Giotto realized he’d clearly forgotten he was still there by the look of surprise on his face. “Is there something else, Ensign?”

Giotto was prevented from answering by another voice immediately outside the door.

“Nurse, would you direct me to where Captain Kirk is.”

McCoy stood up abruptly. “Oh, for the love of—”

The nurse’s head popped round the door cutting him off. “Doctor, Elder Sepak is here.”

“Great. Just fucking great!” he muttered and left the office again.

Giotto decided now was a good time to make a strategic exit before the doctor blew a circuit.

=_=_=_=

It had been a strange and slightly disturbing experience for the ambassador to beam up to the Enterprise. His first time, the day before, he had been in a meld and only peripherally aware of his surroundings and, when he had left, he had felt too tired to take notice. He was gratified that he had accomplished his endeavor keep to Saival integrated while he was fully resuscitated, the process taking two point three hours of concerted effort on M'Benga's part, with the assistance of Soveran. Raising Saival's core temperature was to have taken many hours more, but with his own work done, he had departed, receiving a message from McCoy that night declaring that a full recovery was expected.

So now he found himself on the Enterprise for a second occasion, and this time he would take the opportunity to satisfy his curiosity. A brief glance and he could see this was nothing like the first version of the ship on which he had served. _His_ Enterprise had been commissioned earlier, her maiden voyage under the command of Captain April in 2245, this one by Captain Pike in 2258 – thirteen years later. It clearly incorporated technology and design that more closely resembled Enterprise A. The day before, he’d been beamed directly to sickbay – a most logical arrangement that, had the technology been available on his own first five year mission, would have saved many frantic dashes down corridors with a bleeding captain in his arms. He was brought out of his musing by a young crew member stepping forward.

“Elder Sepak, I’m Ensign Ariyato. I’ve been asked to escort you to sickbay.”

He inclined his head and followed the young woman.

It had proven challenging having his request to see Jim approved without alerting the first officer. Mr. Scott had been most helpful and he knew he could rely upon his discretion.

Sickbay, he noted, was still located on Deck 7. As they approached the entrance he turned to the ensign. “Thank you. I will find my way from here.”

Recognizing a dismissal, Ariyato departed, leaving him to face Doctor – or Nurse as she still was then, he corrected himself – Chapel. His polite enquiry of her brought McCoy rushing out of his office.

“What is it with everyone today?” he asked. The ambassador remained silent at the rhetorical question.

“You want to see Jim, too?” the doctor continued. “He’s in ICU in a coma – there’s nothing to see.” The Vulcan noted the tiredness in the face and the concern in his eyes. 

“I understand, Doctor. However, if I might be permitted to visit him…”

McCoy threw his hands up in exasperation. “Fine. Fine. Go ahead. Who cares what I think? I’m only the CMO.” He was already walking towards the intensive care ward and the ambassador silently followed. He gestured to the door. “Spock’s already in there.”

He was not surprised. “Thank you Doctor.”

As the door opened, Spock stepped back from the bed, a look of alarm on his face that the ambassador could easily read.

The door closed, giving them privacy. “Why have you come here?” Spock asked.

The ambassador allowed a small smile, ignoring the challenging edge to the first officer’s voice. “I am here to do what you propose to do.”

“You know what I am planning?” Spock asked.

“It is your intention to perform a meld with Jim to strengthen him and assist him back to consciousness.”

“You sensed this from the link we now share.” It was a statement, not a question.

“I have arrived in good time. You are not a healer, Spock, and what you propose to undertake would endanger you.” The ambassador could still recall some of the melds he had carried out in the line of duty in his early days, and with hindsight, found it alarming that he had frequently done so without adequate training. It was only the rigorous disciplines of Gol that had allowed him to realize his precipitous folly.

“The obvious response to your statement is to point out that neither are you.”

“You have had the benefit of seeing first hand, the mind disciplines of which I am capable, Spock. Of the two of us, I am more than capable of undertaking this endeavor.”

“I would agree that,” said Spock coolly, “were it not for your severed bond which is straining for completion with Jim.”

“I believe I have sufficient control to prevent such an occurrence.”

“I, however, do not believe that you do.” There was a challenge in the eyes.

The older Vulcan felt a natural empathy towards his younger counterpart. When something so precious was in grave danger, logic frequently took a step back. It was fortunate indeed that he had come when he had. Spock was in no fit state to carry out his plan. For that reason, he refused to concede to the first officer’s point. “Then we have reached a stalemate.”

“While we argue, Jim’s life remains at stake,” Spock eventually said. 

“Then we must work together to achieve the optimum result.”

Spock’s eyes were wary. “What do you propose?”

“I would have your thoughts.”

Spock took a step back. “For what reason?” he asked suspiciously.

“To assist you in preparing for what you must do. You are, to use StarFleet parlance, currently emotionally compromised. I will aid you in calming your mind, and I will then act as an anchor, so that you do not lose yourself.”

As Spock considered the suggestion, he looked at the captain lying pale and still on the bed, surrounded by equipment and monitoring tools. “Very well. However, it would be prudent to ensure we are not disturbed.”

The ambassador breathed an inward sigh of relief as he had expected greater resistance and watched, with interest, as Spock removed a small panel beside the door, and set the mechanism inside so that even command override would not unlock it.

His job completed, Spock came to stand between him and Jim and his wizened fingers gently touched the now familiar points on Spock’s face. “My mind to your mind…”

=_=_=_=

He had been drifting in an all-encompassing blackness for an endless time, experiencing an overwhelming sense of peace and well-being; he felt contented here – joyous even.

He began to notice points of light had appeared about him, like stars. There was one that was more luminous than any other, its bright golden light shining a beam towards him like a beacon, beckoning him to follow it, welcoming him into its light.

Although he was drawn to it like a river to the ocean, something inside him resisted the light, defying its pull. So he continued to drift, occasionally gazing at the light, waiting. For what, he didn’t know.

All was calmness and tranquility and painlessness. Not like just before he’d come here, wherever _here_ was. He realized then, that he was aware of being aware. And aware of a _here_ and a _there_. Perhaps he’d been aware before, but had simply not recognized that state. He was aware that he was no longer at that other place. He had no idea how long he had been here, all alone. He had always been alone. But that wasn’t right. There was the other.

On realizing that, he noticed another awareness beside his own, a consciousness he recognized, and that consciousness knew he was aware of it. It was the _other_. Beyond it, lay something more. An echo of the other, or perhaps one more other, indistinct.

The _other_ was here now with its echo; he was no longer alone. Now they could travel to the light together. That beautiful, glorious light. The other didn’t want that; the other wished him to return there, to the other place. Yet the light felt like it was a destination, the one he was journeying towards and always had been. Although the other didn’t want to go towards the light, he’d been here a long time and now the light was becoming stronger, expanding into the blackness, filling the horizon. And the brighter it got, the more he wanted to go to its beauty, so that he was drawing them both. Though the other was reluctant, he was not strong enough to withstand the pull.

Then the echo, or another other, pulled them both back. The other who had joined him, was drawing them away from the light. _It is not yet your time. It is not your home._

 _Where is my home?  
_  
Then he knew the answer, for the other who had first joined him, shared it. _I am your home._

 __Yes. He was going with, and to, the _other_. He was going home.

And then in sickbay, all hell broke loose as Kirk’s brain attempted to take control of his lungs from the ventilator, setting off alarms.

-=-=-

“Giotto, get a security team down to sickbay to unjam a vandalized door, STAT!” McCoy’s voice screamed out of the comm device.

Giotto arrived with two others to find McCoy hopping mad, his face red with rage. As the two men with him began to dismantle the door locking mechanism, Giotto took a look through the window into the ICU room, to see Spock seated with his fingers attached to the captain’s face and standing beside him, Elder Sepak, with his fingers on Spock’s face.

“Sir, what—?”

“Damnfool Vulcans! I should have guessed they’d pull a stupid stunt like this!”

His lack of understanding must have been clear on his face, as the doctor explained, “Spock did a Vulcan mind meld on the captain. It could have killed him.”

Giotto had heard about this since they’d been at the colony, but he didn’t really understand it. With the Elder there, he wondered if Spock’s life really had been in danger. Surely the older Vulcan wouldn’t have allowed it to go ahead, but he refrained from pointing this out to the clearly irate doctor. “Is he going to be all right?”

“I’ve no idea, but whatever he did has pulled Jim out of the coma. I don’t know what state any of them are in and the sooner your boys can get this—”

No sooner had the words left his mouth than the door obligingly opened. McCoy stormed in with the blonde nurse, who’d looked after him the day before, close on his heels. She began to take readings and remove some of the equipment that surrounded the captain.

“Damn it, I can’t break any of them apart while they’re doing that.”

Perhaps it was the volume of McCoy’s voice, but Spock began to stir and gently removed his fingers from the captain’s face. Beside him Giotto watched as the Elder opened his eyes and appeared startled at all the commotion, eyebrows in his hairline.

Giotto wasn’t buying the surprised expression. Surely, he thought, if they’d come here to help the captain without telling the CMO, he must have expected some kind of negative reaction.

“What the fuck do you two think you’re playing at?” McCoy shouted at them.

It was a moment before Spock answered quietly, “I was not playing at anything, Doctor. I believe Jim is out of the coma.”

“And what if you hadn’t managed it? What if it had pulled you under too?”

Spock breathed slowly before answering. “Your ‘what if’ statements are irrelevant as it did not happen. Elder Sepak monitored my condition throughout. The captain is now out of immediate danger and I am unharmed.” As he said that, he stood up as if to prove it.

Giotto saw it just before it happened, and he leaped forward as Spock slowly slipped to his knees. He noticed that Elder Sepak just stood and watched, which made him wonder whether he was still only on his feet by a force of will.

“Get him onto the other bed,” McCoy ordered him. 

He knew from the day before how difficult it was to lift the first officer when he was a deadweight, being heavier than he looked. It certainly wasn’t easy from that position. “Jones, can you give me a hand,” Giotto asked one of the two security team members still waiting outside the room. Between the two of them, they successfully maneuvered their unconscious first officer onto the bed.

“Spock is quite correct, Doctor. He is unharmed, merely fatigued from the deep psionic contact.”

McCoy, his face still flushed, prodded his finger at the Elder’s chest. “ _You_ should know better. I don’t pretend to understand this mental contact thing, but don’t try to tell me that stunt Spock just pulled wasn’t dangerous.”

“Which was precisely why I worked with him. If this information will perhaps console you, had Spock not undertaken such a measure, you would have lost the captain. Neither Spock nor I were prepared to allow him to die.”

McCoy went from flushed to white in the space of two seconds. Giotto wondered if the doctor was about to faint too.

“If you will excuse me, Doctor. I have matters to attend to at the colony.” With that the Elder left. 

McCoy watched him go then turned to flick on the diagnostics panel above Spock’s head before abandoning him to tend to Kirk. “He brought it on himself,” he muttered, “so he can damn well suffer the consequences.”

Giotto decided now would be a good time for him and his team to beat a strategic retreat.

=_=_=_=

Kirk gained consciousness slowly and tried to force open his eyes, but they seemed to refuse to cooperate initially. He was nothing if not a fighter, and his perseverance paid off. But as soon as he’d managed this trying feat, the bright lights of sickbay stabbed the back of his eyeballs and he wished he hadn’t bothered.

“Welcome back, Captain,” came a female voice. Carefully, he opened his eyes and squinted at the misty-faced blonde standing over him. “I’ll go get Dr. McCoy.”

Kirk closed his eyes and drifted.

“Well, well. Finally decided to join the land of the living, Jim?” came a familiar drawl.

His eyes fluttered open again, but he couldn’t have spoken if his life had depended on it. He tried to swallow, but something was wedged in his throat.

“You’re still sedated, so you’re going to feel a bit woozy and you’ll probably have the throat from hell for a day or two. We had to intubate you while you were in a coma. I’ll be honest, Jim, if not for the success with Anderson the other day, I don’t know if I would have tried it – you were gone for so much longer. You had some minor brain damage which I’ve worked on as best I can and I don’t know yet how that’s going to affect you, if at all. I can tell you this much, though, you were mighty lucky – we almost lost you.” Kirk could hear McCoy’s voice catch, despite the gruff tone.

The cottonwool in his head began to clear and he started to feel more lucid. His eyes, now accustomed to the light, searched the room looking for Spock.

McCoy must have seen him looking around, because he said, “You’re in ICU but we’ll move you out to the regular ward in just a bit. Nurse Chapel will take the tube out and you’ll be able to talk.”

Kirk felt frustrated. That’s not why he was looking around, but there was no way to convey this without being able to speak.

“Jim,” came a familiar voice. His eyes went immediately towards the door where Spock stood. He tried to smile but his face wouldn’t cooperate.

“How—” McCoy began.

“I asked Nurse Chapel to inform me when the captain regained consciousness.”

“I’ll have a word with her,” said McCoy, clearly irritated.

“You will not reprimand her, doctor. As first officer and currently in command, I must be kept informed of the captain’s status. Since I knew I could not rely on you—”

“Damn it, I’d have told you once I got Jim’s condition stabilized,” McCoy interrupted, heatedly. “I knew if I told you before, you’d come barging down here and—”

Kirk managed to bang the palm of his hand down onto the bed and both men almost jumped. They looked contrite.

“Please leave me alone with Jim for five minutes,” Spock asked.

“No way! Last time I did, you pulled that stupid stunt. I could have lost you both,” said McCoy, his anger rising again.

There was a long silence as the two men stared each other down.

“Please,” Spock finally repeated quietly. “I will not attempt any mental connection,” he assured.

Kirk was following this with his eyes and saw something in McCoy’s face as the tension left his body.

“You’ve got five minutes.” With that he left.

Spock came to Kirk’s bedside. “Jim,” he said, quietly, taking one of Kirk’s hands in his own. “Heike gave me your message.”

Distracted by the touch of his lover and befuddled with medication, Kirk’s brain refused to work and his face became puzzled.

“You left a message with her saying that I was correct regarding the Kobayashi Maru test. May I say that I am – unlike the last occasion – gratified to learn I was wrong.” Spock’s face softened into what Kirk now recognized as a smile. “She also said you asked her to tell me, that you love me.”

This time, Kirk managed to smile back. Apparently uncaring of who saw, Spock took his hand and pressing it to his mouth, kissed the palm.

“As I love thee,” Spock responded in Vulcan.

Kirk tried to project the pleasure and the love he felt at having Spock at his side, in the hope it would be picked up through their touch. He knew he was successful when Spock… Kirk blinked to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. No, Spock was _definitely_ smiling outright.

Spock stood there in silence as they looked at one another. The Vulcan continued to hold his hand and stroke it, and with his other, ran fingers lightly through his hair. It was so calming it was all he could do to keep his eyes open. He realized he must have given in to the urge to close them when the noise of the door brought him back. He forced them back open to see Spock now standing away from him, his face passive, hands behind his back and McCoy looking at him warily. With a sharp nod Spock said, “Doctor, Captain,” and left.

If McCoy wondered why Kirk was smiling, he didn’t ask.


	13. Chapter 13

The morning after Kirk came out of his coma, McCoy put him through a battery of tests that were far more in-depth than the normal evaluation and lasted all day. He started out by telling Kirk what to expect.

“The scans have shown a couple of dark areas which indicate potential damage. I’m going to run a series of neurological tests on brain structure and function, testing reflexes, cognition, motor-coordination, you get the picture.”

By the time they’d finished Kirk promised himself, never, _ever_ , to fall into very cold water again.

What they got from it was that Kirk had extremely ticklish feet when a feather was applied, he could recite up to fifteen random numbers after hearing them once – when the average person can manage only seven, bright lights shone in his eyes made him sneeze, he had no difficulty rubbing his stomach and patting his head simultaneously, he could still glance at a data-padd for a couple of seconds and accurately recite its contents – a feat he knew Bones had always been envious of, and his attention span when tests were being conducted on him ran to only a few minutes, after which time he exhibited signs of ADD, and became whiny and generally irritable (or irritating, as Bones uncharitably put it).

They did hit one stumbling block which McCoy said he wasn’t surprised about, given the location of one of the areas that appeared to be effected. When it came to Jim saying more complex sentences, he had difficulty. Previous tests showed he could easily recite the tongue-twister, _‘she stood upon the balcony hiccupping inexplicably, and amicably welcoming him in’_ in under three seconds without stumbling. Now he was struggling to say it at all.

“What’s going on with that? Is it curable?” Kirk asked worriedly. He tried to imagine how it might affect his command.

McCoy pulled up a standard scan of a brain and then one of Kirk’s, side by side. “Your speech center lies here, in the parietal lobe of the left hemisphere of the brain. The area of the brain responsible for motor control of the anatomic structures – that is the movement of your jaws, lips and tongue – is called Broca's motor speech area. What you appear to have is mild dysarthria, which is a defect in the articulation and rhythm of speech due to a weakness in the muscles that form words. The signal to work those muscles isn’t properly coming through from your brain.”

“Should I be worried?”

“You may find yourself tripping over words occasionally and stuttering, but the good news is that the dysarthria is extremely mild and the brain is very good at finding ways around this kind of obstacle. I’ll give you some exercises to do, but I anticipate you’ll be more or less back to normal in a few weeks.”

“OK, so are you done?” Kirk asked hopefully.

“Well, it’s a start,” McCoy smiled, and since that sight was pretty rare, Kirk thought, he knew the doctor was enjoying this.

“A start? What the fuck else can you test?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised,” McCoy said, almost gleefully.

“You’re a sadist.” Kirk declared. “And my throat still hurts.”

“Yeah, well it will do for a couple of days. The cough should lessen too.”

Kirk certainly hoped so. The bottoms of his lungs almost burned and each cough hurt. While the tests were being run, he couldn’t have any painkillers.

“So, I am fit?”

“It’s all relative. Yesterday you were clinically dead, and you’re definitely fitter than that. But you’re no-where near fit enough to go back to duty.”

Kirk began to cough and cursed his traitorous body for helping Bones make a point.

On the upside, at the end of the testing, he was allowed to move to a regular ward, taking the bed just vacated by Anderson. Saival had been beamed down that morning to the colony’s medical center under the care of Healer Soveran, so it was just him and Heike. Kirk was glad he was sharing with her – at least he’d have someone to talk to. He noticed with amusement, they were both wearing standard pale-blue sickbay pajamas.

“I want to thank you for trying to save my life,” he said softly after Nurse Chapel had settled him in and left them alone. “I know with your injury and your fear of heights, it can’t have been easy.”

“It’s funny, but when you’re faced with a life or death situation, you seem to work on instinct, and just do what needs to be done. I’m sorry I couldn’t have done more.”

“It wasn’t your fault the ground was so unstable. You’re being…” he grinned slyly, “illogical!”

Heike laughed. “That’s exactly what my bondmate said. She was the one who alerted your people about the accident. She knew the moment it happened.”

Kirk ignored his inner surprise at Heike having a female partner, and if they were bonded, clearly a Vulcan to boot. He was far more interested in what she was saying about their bond. “How does that work? Sorry…tell me to butt out if I’m treading on anything taboo or private.”

“The bond creates a permanent telepathic link. You’re familiar with the Vulcan mind meld, right?”

“Yes,” he confirmed.

“It’s like a low-level version of that. In certain cases over distance, it can allow communication, but mostly, it’s more an underlying empathic awareness. Or at least, that’s how T’Faylan and I experience it. She’d have been able to find me through all those tunnels, even if we hadn’t left markers.”

Kirk thought about Spock’s mother, a Human in a Vulcan world. Sarek wouldn’t have needed to go against the tenants of his culture to let Amanda know of his love, she’d have been constantly aware of it through their bond. And when she died…”

It was in that moment that he truly began to realize what these people had suffered. Somehow, talking about six billion people was too enormous a figure to grasp – like forty million dying in the Eugenics wars, but bring the catastrophe down to the individual, and it made him see it in a whole new light.

“Then I owe you both my life,” he said quietly. “Dr. McCoy told me a few more minutes and I’d have had irreparable brain damage, or I may have been unrevivable.” It wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on and changed the subject. “How long is my CMO keeping you imprisoned here?”

She laughed. “Until tomorrow probably. But I’m very grateful for the medical attention I’ve received on the Enterprise. Your doctor’s amazing. The Vulcan healers here at the colony are already overwhelmed and aren’t set up to deal with part-Human physiology. I was lucky you guys were around.”

“For god’s sake don’t tell McCoy. I’ll never hear the end—”

“Don’t tell me what?” McCoy interrupted as he breezed in.

Kirk shot him a black look. “Eavesdroppers never hear good of themselves,” he admonished.

“Not when it’s about me and you’re the one doing the talking, that’s for sure.”

Kirk looked at Heike. “I had to put up with this for three years at the Academy,” he said plaintively and put on a long-suffering look. “The first time we met, he threatened to throw up on me, and it went downhill from there.”

“You be careful what you say, Jim,” McCoy said in gruff voice that didn’t fool Kirk for a minute. “Remember, I know what you’re allergic to and the symptoms you get. I’m not beyond slipping you something if you get too big for your own boots.”

“You would, too,” scowled Kirk at the reminder of swollen hands and numb-tongue. 

“Well, was what you were saying about me good or bad?” McCoy pressed. Kirk rolled his eyes.

“It was good,” Heike grinned.

“Why, thank you, ma'am," McCoy smiled back and bounced on the balls of his feet looking very pleased with himself. He eyed Kirk. "And while you’ve been lying around making my sickbay look untidy, I delivered my first Vulcan baby. They’re going to call her T’Lena.”

“Oh god, I can tell you’re going to be insufferably smug for weeks.”

“Months,” McCoy corrected. “I’m heading down now. Dr. Felda and Nurse Chapel are on duty if you need anything.”

Later that day, Kirk got his first look at Heike’s bondmate. She was tall and slim, with dark hair that reached below her shoulders and was tucked neatly behind her ears. Kirk had come to realize he had a thing about pointy ears. He tried to determine her age – older than Spock, but only by a few years, he decided. She was wearing a coffee-colored jumpsuit tucked into soft dark brown simu-leather boots and, to Kirk’s mind, looked the picture of elegance.

“It is an honor to meet you, Captain,” she said on arrival.

“And you too,” he responded.

A small nod of her head, she then walked to the other bed and held up her hand, her index and middle fingers extended. Kirk watched, interested, as Heike made the same gesture and their fingers pressed together. After a few seconds, T’Faylan began to stroke in a way he recognized, as Spock had done it a couple of times with him, but the first thing they did, which looked more formal, he hadn’t seen before.

“You are much improved,” T’Faylan said after a moment and removed her hand.

“The doctor’s cut down the pain medication,” Heike confirmed. “I’ll need to carry on with the physiotherapy, but he thinks I’ll probably be released tomorrow sometime.”

“I am gratified you have some companionship,” T’Faylan said, and turned to encompass Kirk in the conversation. Addressing him directly, she added, “Your name has become something of a legend among our people.”

Kirk saw something of a wry look as she said this and warmed to her immediately. Perhaps it was having a half-human bondmate, but he noticed her face was more expressive than most of the Vulcans he’d met over the past few days.

“I’m not sure why,” he said, meaning it.

“Your attempt to save Vulcan, and those you were able to rescue, your single-handed defeat of Nero after he’d decimated the Klingon, Vulcan and Terran fleets.”

“At the risk of sounding overly self-effacing,” he smiled, “I did the job I was trained to do.” Well, that wasn’t entirely true, as the Kobayashi Maru test was the only time his training had specifically put him in a command capacity and it also happened to be the time when he didn’t follow his training, but the sentiment, at least, was true. “That said,” he continued, “I’m personally pleased the crew of the Enterprise has been able to give some very practical assistance.”

“Your service honors us, Captain.”

“Please call me Jim.”

She nodded. “As you wish…Jim.”

Again, there was something of an almost smile there.

“Have you met my first officer, Spock?”

“Indeed. He led the rescue operation and while I have been visiting Heike, he has also spent a good deal of time here.”

Really? The thought warmed Kirk. “I guess the first couple of days I was out of it too much to know.”

“He has been most helpful. We have had a number of productive discussions concerning the irrigation project on which I am working.”

As if on cue, Spock appeared in the doorway clutching a data-disk.

Kirk grinned. “Were your ears burning, Spock?”

Spock cocked his head to one side. “My ears, Captain?”

“Never mind,” Kirk said shaking his head and not believing for a moment that Spock hadn’t heard most common idioms from his mother. 

“T’Faylan, Heike,” Spock said and gave a perfunctory nod to Kirk’s companions, who acknowledged him. “Captain, if I am not disturbing you…?”

“No, pull up a chair.”

“I regret I am unable to remain—”

Kirk cursed the lack of privacy and realized that Heike was probably feeling the same way. The two women had their heads bent together in quiet discussion.

“—I wished to bring you the report of the events surrounding the accident. I have made a recommendation that Ensigns Giotto and Charalam be awarded citations for valor.”

“Charalam?” Kirk said it before he could stop himself, the incongruity of Spock’s words jarring with the walking disaster area he was acquainted with.

“Indeed sir, she has been responsible for saving the life of one of the crew, and assisted in the saving of a further three, yours and mine included.”

“She has?” Kirk was unable to keep the incredulity from his face and voice.

Spock’s lips twitched. “Indeed, you have further reason to thank her for saving your life in another way.”

Kirk grinned. “Oh?”

“Ensign Charalam took it upon herself to spend the night before the survey personally programming the servos to provide you – and the other senior officers – with no less than ten styles and flavors of coffee, which is a wider selection than that available in the mess.”

Kirk blushed, embarrassed. “Shit.”

Spock came and sat on the edge of the bed. “Jim?”

“It made her almost late for the survey briefing. When she turned up to breakfast looking like she’d slept in her uniform, I thought she’d been…” he stopped himself from saying ‘shagging’ with Heike and T’Faylan there. “…that she’d stayed over with someone. I called her out for it. I don’t get why she didn’t say anything.”

“She is Galadanian, Jim. Her people have a great respect for authority. She would not have been so presumptuous as to have told you that you were in error.”

“She is a bit weird, though. A few days ago, I was sitting talking to Giotto and some of the other security team and I accidentally kicked her while she was under the table.”

Kirk could see Spock was still amused. “I recall seeing her on her knees in front of you in the commissary. I am curious, did she provide you with an explanation?”

“No – I was about to ask when you came to get me. Do you have any idea why?”

“I asked her the following day. Ensign Joveh had misplaced his spare respirator. Charalam believed he may have lost it while at dinner, and offered to search for it. She successfully located it beneath the table. I believe when she heard you sit down, she decided to remain concealed and would have succeeded, had you not accidentally kicked her.”

“Well, she’s pretty clumsy. She ran into me once and we’ve had a couple of near misses too.”

“Indeed. She has a highly intelligent mind which sometimes causes her to lose focus on the here and now, coupled with an unfortunate tendency to walk at a rapid pace. Because of her superior strength, when she does run in to other crew members, they rarely remain upright.”

“Yeah,” Kirk grinned, “knocked me clean on my ass. Oh yeah, that was another weird thing, she was soaking wet, too.”

“That will be the day she saved the life of Ensign Anderson before he drowned, and had later volunteered to return to the stream in order to locate the missing aqualung parts so that I would be in a position to determine where the fault lay. Logically, since she was no doubt still wet from her earlier endeavor, in the interest of speed, she elected to eschew changing into more suitable swimming attire and…dove straight in.”

Kirk flushed. “My god, if I ever needed an exercise in humility and not jumping to conclusions, Spock, this is it,” he said ruefully. “It just goes to show how strong first impressions can be. I never questioned any of her odd actions, just let them reinforce my idea that she was a screwball.”

“You will learn more about her actions and those of the rescue party. I believe your decision to schedule McCoy’s landing party rescue drill on our journey here, most likely saved your life.” With those intriguing words, Spock handed the disk to Kirk. Their fingers brushed and he felt an electric jolt pass between them.

“I would suggest,” Spock said quietly, “McCoy remain unaware I have given you this data, as he gave me strict instructions that you were not be troubled with ship’s business while you remain in his care.”

“Mr. Spock,” Kirk grinned, “I do believe you’re a rebel.”

This time Spock’s face softened into what he now recognized as a smile. “You are not the first to have suggested this. The Council of the Vulcan Science Academy came to the same conclusion when I was eighteen.”

The thought made Kirk grin. Rebellious Spock – what a thought.

The object of his amused thoughts stood and tugged on his tunic. “If you will excuse me, Captain.” He turned to the room’s other occupants. “Heike, T’Faylan, good day.”

Kirk turned the disk over in his hand and then pulling up the bedside vidscreen, put the disk into the slot. Upon reading it, one thing that immediately leapt out at him was something contained in the medical report. McCoy had written that Spock, with the assistance of Elder Sepak, had formed a meld that had brought him out of his coma, and that this had been done without the doctor’s prior knowledge.

He found a number of emotions swirling around at the information Spock knew he would read. There was no point in getting upset or angry, both of which threatened. First he needed to speak to Spock about it.

He forced himself to consider the other aspects of the report. He found himself feeling inordinately proud of his crew and endorsed Spock’s request for commendations for Charalam and Giotto. There was something touching about the loyalty of the man who had beaten him to a pulp on their first meeting, yet who had been so instrumental in saving his life. He’d also shown a good degree of resourcefulness and quick-thinking. The position of Security Chief had yet to be filled. Kirk decided he’d make an ideal candidate.

That evening, both T’Faylan and Spock visited and the four of them ate together. For a full-blooded Vulcan, Heike’s bondmate was easy to talk to and again he wondered if it was due to her choice of life-partner. She seemed to get on well with Spock and they had an in-depth discussions on water-engineering. Until Spock had pointed out that her profession was an unusual occupation for someone who came from a desert planet, Kirk hadn’t really thought about it.

That was the point in the conversation when they had discovered they shared something in common – both of them had chosen not to attend the VSA. Although her tutors assured her of a place, she had not even applied, choosing instead to study at the Venice Institute of Hydro Engineering on Earth, where she had met Heike. Even T’Faylan acknowledged it wasn’t such a defiant gesture as Spock’s actual refusal of the place offered.

It had been a nice evening. As for his speech problems, it hadn’t been as bad as Kirk had thought. He’d occasionally stumbled over words, but found slowing down and sometimes pausing mid-flow helped.

=_=_=_=

The following day, as promised, Heike was released and without company, Kirk began to feel miserable being confined to sickbay. Boredom set in and it didn’t help that as his strength grew, so did his restlessness. His senior officers all came and visited at least once. Scotty even brought him pastries which Susan the chef had baked especially, and then proceeded to eat most of them himself.

“Weren’t those for me?” Kirk asked, when he realized the engineer had just scoffed the last one.

“Oh aye, sorry Cap’n. I’ll get her tae bake some more.”

“Yeah, and next time, send them with someone who’ll give me a chance to actually eat them. How are things going with Susan?”

“Working in the commissary, she’s proving very popular with the crew.”

Uh-huh. That wasn’t what he was asking. “I meant with you. Are you two…you know…” He wasn’t sure what phrase to use – ‘banging her’ seemed a bit rude.

“Sir, a gentleman would ne’er divulge such things.” Scotty said haughtily, but he was also blushing, which so gave the game away.

“And you became a gentleman, when…?” Kirk teased, arching an eyebrow.

“Right, well I don’t have tae sit here and get insulted,” he answered with mock indignation.

The starship Enterprise was turning into a fucking loveboat and he was the only one who knew all the different stories. And that was just how he liked it.

Not long after Scotty’s rapid departure, a familiar mop-headed youth poked his head around the door that Kirk now left open in the hope it would encourage more visitors.

“Keptin!” the young navigator grinned. It was infectious and Kirk grinned back.

“I’ve barely seen you since we’ve been here, Pavel. Where’ve you been hiding?”

“I vorking with Wulcan scientists to design new space-station,” he answered happily. “I hef many ideas they didn’t think of. I think they like me.”

Typical. He gets to build glass-houses while boy genius here designs space-stations. “You sound like you’re enjoying it,” he smiled.

The comment gave Chekov the excuse to tell Kirk all about the project and his natural enthusiasm and exuberance really rubbed off, helping to lift his spirits.

As the ensign finally got up to go, he suddenly fished into his pocket. “I nearly forgot, Keptin. I hef Russian invention for you, to help when you are bored. It’s a wery old computer game called Tetris. It is a little addictive but I tink you like it.”

Addictive wasn’t the word. After having lost count how many attempts he’d made to get past level four, he was just on the way to beating it when the ambassador decided to pay him a visit. He managed not to swear in frustration.

Trying to get him to tell him about his life with his counterpart proved futile as the older Vulcan gently refused. “Despite this universe being different from the one I knew, there also appear to be many parallels. I do not wish to disrupt the timeline further by informing you of people or events which may or may not come to pass for you, but which might cause you to choose an alternative path of action than you otherwise would have done.” So they had kept to ‘safe’ topics and Kirk found he derived great pleasure from spending time in the company of this quiet, unassuming, older version of his lover.

Taking advantage of the privacy Heike’s departure had brought about, Kirk tackled Spock about the meld shared with him while in a coma.

“Jim, both the ambassador and I could sense your lifeforce slipping away.”

“How could you? Neither of you is bonded to me.”

Spock looked down at his hands clasped in his lap. “You are correct. It is something I have wished to speak to you about. You have melded with the ambassador twice and because of his former bondlink to a different version of you, a link was created between you. I believe it was already in place after the first meld.”

That would explain why he felt so comfortable around the older Vulcan. He wasn’t sure what he thought about that.

“There is more,” Spock added. “When you and I have melded, our minds are uncommonly attuned – that is no surprise given all the ambassador has told us. It appeared we have inadvertently forged a link between us. When the ambassador healed my severed link to T’Pring, he did it by tying the open end into the link we already had, which made it stronger. A healer can break the link at any time, should you wish to do so.”

“What does the link mean to us?” He knew he shouldn’t be excited but he was.

“It allows for a greater awareness of each other. When the accident first occurred, both the ambassador and I sensed something was amiss, but neither of us was able to interpret what it was until Giotto raised the alarm. Both of us felt your ‘death’. On a third occasion after your resuscitation when we knew your katra was weakening, we both came to you here in sickbay, with one purpose.”

“You mean you both showed up separately at the same time?”

“Indeed. We had…a dialog and agreed that it was best I enter your mind while he worked as an anchor to prevent me being pulled in too deeply.”

Kirk didn’t know whether to feel angry or glad. They _had_ saved his life, but the risk had been undeniably great. A thought struck him.

“Why didn’t the ambassador do the meld? He had that training at the monastery and he’s had far more experience, especially of my mind – or a version of it.”

“Which is precisely why he could not.” Spock halted a moment, seeming to consider his next words carefully. “Jim, the ambassador has a severed bond that cannot be healed. His bondmate did not die, he vanished into another plane where time does not exist. Had he attempted such a deep meld with you, I believe he would have been unable to prevent the bond reforming.”

Kirk was shocked. Part of it, he knew, was hearing of his counterpart’s demise in some kind of limbo, the details of which the ambassador had scrupulously kept hidden from him, and part of it was the awful thought of the older Vulcan never having had closure, not just emotionally, but more importantly, mentally.

“Fuck.”

“Indeed. It is a burden which weighs him down. I am uncertain how he has survived so long.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It is like a wound which constantly bleeds. No healer can cauterize it because a small part of it remains connected to his Jim in another reality.”

“I take it he’s tried to go after him.”

“He was unsuccessful in his attempt,” Spock confirmed.

Kirk felt unsettled by this information and took Spock’s hand, needing it for comfort. “I’m guessing you got all this from the meld you shared with him. How did it go?”

Spock looked down to where their hands were joined. “I derived great benefit from it. I have found a peace which has, until now, eluded me. I wish to show you some of what we shared in a meld of our own.”

“But not here,” Kirk said, knowing how often interruptions happened. He was finding the way Spock was stroking his fingers, soothing.

“I think the suggestion would not find favor with the doctor.”

“You mean, he’d have your head?” Kirk grinned.

“Colorfully put, but essentially correct. I believe McCoy shares, as with many non-telepaths, a natural suspicion, if not an aversion, of the perceived violation of privacy.”

“Hmmm,” Kirk said. Knowing Bones, it wasn’t something he’d be able to change his mind about. Given what the doctor had shared with him on their first meeting concerning his feelings about outer space, he couldn’t begin to imagine what they might be regarding aliens messing around inside his head. The thought made him smile.

Spock gave him a puzzled expression.

“Oh, nothing.”

A moment later, the door opened. Kirk quickly let go of Spock’s hand and by the time the yeoman entered carrying a chess board and a box of pieces he’d liberated from one of the rec rooms, they were all decorum.

Kirk grinned at Spock. “Your idea, I take it?” They had discovered a mutual interest in the game and had talked about playing, but had never gotten around to it before now.

“Indeed.”

And with that, Kirk beat him hands down.

=_=_=_=

It was the following evening, after McCoy returned from his day at the colony, that Kirk was pronounced fit enough to return to his quarters and confined there on light duty only, which basically meant doing no more than paperwork. He was banned from using the gym, beaming down to the colony, or doing anything that would exert him. 

When he finally got back to his room, he knew Spock was inside, waiting, although he didn’t know how he knew that. The link, he guessed. He could see how this awareness of each other could have its advantages when on assignments.

As soon as the doors shut, he found himself engulfed by a needy Vulcan, pushed back against the door to his quarters. Despite not having had any kind of libido since he’d regained consciousness, Kirk found himself immediately responding to the passionate kiss.

The encounter rapidly became more frantic, as fear and relief, together with an urgent need to reconnect, drove them to literally tear at each other’s clothes. Hands and tongues touched, and teased, and stroked as they ended up on the deck and suddenly they were end to end, cocks in each other’s mouths bringing pleasure and an almost painful completion.

Kirk pushed himself up to a sitting position, still panting from the exertion. “Fuck.”

Spock lay on his back on the deck. “We did not, but I wished to.”

Kirk grinned and shook his head. “I’ve been out of sickbay five minutes and I need a shower, already.”

They ended up under the water together. “Does this remind you of anything?” Kirk ran soapy fingers through Spock’s chest hair, teasing his nipples to hard, wet nubs.

“Indeed.” Spock’s hands roamed eagerly and he took Kirk’s mouth in a sensual kiss, applying tongue, lips and teeth.

Kirk pressed himself close, allowing their slick bodies to rub together. His cock was only half hard and he looked up at Spock in apology. “Much as I’d love to re-enact that fantasy, I’m too tired,” he admitted.

“You require rest, Jim.”

“All I’ve done for the last few days is lie around. I shouldn’t _need_ to rest.” He didn’t like feeling so enervated and he definitely didn’t like the fact that his body was refusing to respond more than half-heartedly. Okay, he thought, cutting himself some slack. They did just have a quickie when he first got in the door, but still.

They climbed into Kirk’s bed and his last thought before he drifted off to sleep was this was the second time they’d spent a night sharing a bed without having sex.

Kirk knew the moment he stirred from his dreamless slumber that Spock was not asleep. He was curled up on his side, his head on the Vulcan’s shoulder. “Been awake long?”

“A while,” Spock responded, making Kirk grin. His first officer was _never_ so imprecise and he guessed it was because he had woken much earlier but hadn’t wanted to disturb him.

Kirk’s left hand stroked down Spock’s body and encountered firm flesh. “Hmmm. Do Vulcans usually get early morning hard-ons?”

“Only when they have a desirable body in their arms.”

“Good answer,” he grinned.

“But not for the reasons Humans do.”

Kirk grunted and waved the lights on low. “I’ll be right back.”

When he returned, he was halfway to his bed and paused, his breath catching in his throat as he met a vision. The small lamp beside the bed was aglow on a low setting, shedding a meek light with beautiful shadows across his lover. Face turned towards Kirk, a sultry look in his dark eyes, he was lying naked on his back, looking like something out of an erotic painting, all lithe and sinewy, patches of dark hair a contrast to his pale skin. 

Kirk was utterly transfixed at the sight in front of him, an image exuding pure passion that was so very far removed from the seemingly emotionless first officer he worked with on the bridge. He knew Spock was aware of how visually oriented he was, and how to use that knowledge to devastating effect.

Spock’s legs were spread open; he was caressing his cock with one fine-fingered hand, his body undulating slowly as if to music that only he could hear. For a moment, Kirk’s attention was drawn to Spock’s mouth which was slightly open, as his tongue slipped from between his lips, slowly wetting them so they glistened in the shadowed light. His own cock began to fill and lift and he saw Spock’s eyes flicker to it, watching it, witnessing the effect he was having on his Human lover. It became a feedback loop, seeing those dark, hungry eyes watching him, increasing his own ardor until he was rock solid.

Breaking out of the reverie cast by his lover, Kirk walked forward and placed the tube he held on the nightstand. With one knee on the mattress, he leaned forward and trailed the fingers of his right hand from Spock’s throat, over well-defined pectorals and abs, out over a sharp hip, avoiding the hard cock his lover was still working. He continued the touch down one leg, then switching hands, he trailed it back up the other leg, feeling the short, soft hairs tickle his fingers, up to his chest, up his throat to touch his mouth. 

Swinging his other leg over Spock, he straddled his hips so his cock hung over the Vulcan’s and took his own into his hand, matching the other’s rhythm, their eyes holding each other’s in silent acknowledgement of the shared eroticism. There was something deeply arousing about watching Spock touch himself so intimately, especially when his hand stilled for a moment as several drops of clear fluid appeared from the small slit and slowly made their way in a trail down the pale green head towards the double ring just beneath. Kirk wanted to lean down and taste, but held himself back. Slowly, almost lazily, Spock’s thumb swirled the liquid around the head until it glistened in the soft glow of the sidelight. He looked up from the motions of Spock’s hand to see he was being watched.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Kirk said.

Spock didn’t reply, but Kirk heard his breath hitch and his tongue darted out to wet his lips again. He shuffled further up the bed, still straddling the lithe, powerful body and leaned down to press his mouth to Spock’s in a bruising kiss, their tongues stabbing and sliding against each other. He widened his legs until his cock brushed against the knuckles of Spock’s fist into which he continued to slowly thrust himself.

“Turn over,” Kirk commanded and watched as the Vulcan complied. He began by kissing and licking the left ear, exposed as Spock lay right cheek down on the pillow, eliciting small tremors as he did so. He took the point into his mouth, sucking and tonguing it simultaneously. This time Spock gasped.

“Like that, do you?” he whispered into the shell, delighted that one of his own fixations about Spock was an erogenous zone. He trailed his tongue and kisses down the exposed neck and shoulders, lightly sucking and biting as he went. He paused to push his nose into Spock’s left armpit, inhaling the Vulcan’s clean scent that was caught in the slightly damp hairs – he could almost smell the pheromones. Slowly, he made his way down the lean, muscular planes of Spock’s back until he reached his small, firm buttocks. Then sitting up, he began to massage them in a circular motion, each outward movement causing the crease to widen and expose the small pucker of virgin flesh he would soon plunder. 

“Lift your hips,” he said quietly as he moved further back. As Spock complied, he leaned down and using his palms, one on each cheek, he spread the buttocks and then bent to touch the tip of his tongue to the ring of muscle and trace it around. He began to alternate between light touches and flicks and using the flat of his tongue to swirl languidly around, eliciting groans and guttural sounds. Spock’s head was buried in the bedding with his fingers gripping the pillow, holding on so tightly his knuckles were white. The small sounds hit Kirk and made his chest ache and his stomach tighten; he had never been so turned on.

Kirk sat up and reached for the tube, squeezing gel onto his index finger. “I’m going to put my finger inside you to help relax your muscles. I need you to tell me if it hurts, okay?”

“Yes,” Spock whispered hoarsely, and it sounded like talking was an effort.

Kirk kissed one upraised buttock and then slowly pressed a slick finger into the tight channel. It was unbelievably hot and tight and his cock throbbed in sympathy. He removed it and adding gel to two fingers, slid them in slowly and began to carefully use a scissor action. The muscles became immediately more pliant and he was able to enter a third finger easily. Spock was ready. He didn’t think he was going to last long.

“Turn over, I want to watch you when you come.”

Spock silently obeyed and Kirk looked down to see his cock was more engorged than he’d ever seen it. He moved his hand to touch it, and his wrist was taken in an iron-clad grip. His eyes flickered to Spock’s. They looked almost black and feral.

“Do not…” the Vulcan grated out and swallowed. He took a long breath and then added, “Allow me a moment to regain control.”

Kirk nodded and picking up the tube, he squeezed a dollop of gel onto the palm of his hand and began to coat his cock in it. Spock shifted his position spreading his legs either side of Kirk, who responded by moving his legs and knees under the Vulcan’s thighs.

Kirk moved into position, his heart thudding in his chest. He wanted this so much. Placing his cock against the small ring of muscle, he gently pushed, watching Spock’s face carefully for any sign of discomfort. Feeling the head slip in, he stopped, controlling the urge to thrust. Leaning forward he kissed Spock hungrily. Fiercely. Deeply.

He pulled back to look at Spock’s face.

“Jim.” The name was a breath in a voice deeper than he’d ever heard from the Vulcan’s mouth.

"Are you all right?" Kirk asked. Suddenly, Spock encircled him with his legs and drove him deeper, using internal muscles to contract and release his shaft. The feeling was unbelievable. Kirk began to thrust slowly, the Vulcan lifting his hips to meet him part way.

Spock’s eyes were intense as though they were seeing deep inside him, and they held a look of need in them that was indescribable. They moved together with hunger and desire, Spock arching up with abandoned delight to meet Kirk’s powerful thrusts as he sank into him again and again, rocking as though their bodies had become one. Spock’s hand pulled Kirk’s head down for another voracious kiss, while his other gripped one of his buttocks with bruising strength.

They were wet with sweat from the heat of passion, breaths coming in short, sharp gasps, their bodies fully together so that Kirk could feel the Vulcan’s cock against his stomach, their sweat providing lubrication as it glided against him hard and strong.

Kirk could feel he was close and he eased himself back for fear he would explode. He wasn’t ready to end it just yet and beneath him, Spock stilled.

“You are close?” Spock asked quietly.

“Yeah. I’m trying not to even think about how hot and tight you around me.”

As he waited for his body to calm down, he picked up one of Spock’s hands and caressed with his fingers, running his index and middle digits up and over the Vulcan’s and back as he’d seen Heike and T’Faylan do.

Spock stopped his heavy breathing for a moment. “Are you aware of the significance of that action to Vulcans?”

“Yes,” Kirk replied, watching his own hand as he continued the motions up and over and back in the manner of bondmates. He’d asked Heike about it after T’Faylan had ended her visit.

“Do you wish—”

Kirk finally looked at Spock and met the Vulcan’s steady gaze. “I want to bond with you, Spock… If you’ll have me,” he added. He hadn’t anticipated having this discussion while buried deep inside his lover.

“You have changed your mind.”

“I never said I didn’t want it, just I felt I wasn’t ready for it. But dying kinda alters your priorities, you know? What do you think?”

“Yes. Yes, James Kirk, I want you for my bondmate.”

Kirk broke out into a broad grin, leaned down and gave Spock a hard, twisting kiss, putting in it all of his heart, his desire, his love and felt it returned tenfold.

“Oh god, I’m going to fuck you into tomorrow.”

They began to heave against each other, fast and frantic, Spock’s low guttural noises spurring Kirk on. Without warning, long, slender fingers pressed against his face and the sensations doubled and intensified as he began to feel what Spock was feeling. Breathing urgent gasps, Kirk kept up a measured, insistent rhythm as they writhed against one other. Leaning on one arm, he took Spock’s shaft into his hand and began to milk it in rhythm to his plunging hips, he felt the Vulcan’s hand encircle his own. His balls began to tighten and lift and deep in the base of his cock he could feel the pressure build.

“I’m gonna come,” he forced through clenched teeth.

He felt Spock close his internal muscles tightly around his plunging cock, thrusting against almost unbearable tightness and, through the meld, could feel the effects of his cockhead rubbing against Spock’s prostate, sending electrifying shockwaves through his lover. He thrust once, twice and then in a final moment teetering on the edge of ecstasy, he breathed “I love you”, and exploded into a blissfully shuddering, gasping release and a moment later, a deep moan erupted from Spock as he spilled over his hand and filled his mind with pulsating waves of pleasure and love.


	14. Chapter 14

The morning had started well with their first time making love in a bed instead of against a rock, a wall or on the deck – not that Kirk had an issue with any of those venues – and his proposal had been accepted. But after that, things had had gone downhill from there. In retrospect, he realized it was something he should have foreseen but, in his lust-filled haze, he’d somehow neglected to consider.

So it was, when McCoy decided to check how his patient was doing, he presumably didn’t think, as Kirk’s closest friend, that the privacy lock – which he was one of the few with the authority to override – included him.

Kirk’s eyes snapped open the moment he heard the door. Curled around Spock, his head pillowed on his warm chest, he let out a small yelp as he was unceremoniously flung off by the startled Vulcan bolting upright.

“Bones!” He scrabbled around trying to pull the sheet over himself, despite the fact that the doctor had seen it all before, too many times to count. McCoy, eyes wide in shock, remained by the door though thankfully, Kirk was glad to see, out of range of the sensor, allowing the door to close behind him. It was bad enough the doctor was seeing this, never mind the world and its mother who happened to be passing in the corridor outside.

Apparently unembarrassed by his nudity – Kirk guessed that was an emotion Spock would likely find illogical – his erstwhile sleeping partner rose gracefully from the bed and walked across the room, close to where the doctor stood. He then proceeded to pick up his uniform that, the previous evening, they had wantonly discarded in their scramble to get to each other after everything that had happened. Some of it was clearly torn – a point which McCoy can’t have failed to notice, and while it might not have bothered Spock, he found himself flushing.

“I shall be in my quarters, Captain,” Spock said with the same tone of voice he might use on the bridge and, clutching the remains of his uniform, disappeared into their shared bathroom. Thank god for their back route.

“Captain?” McCoy mimicked mirthlessly. “I’m not sure what I’m more angry about: the fact that I told you not to exert yourself…” he glanced down at the tattered remains of Kirk’s uniform shirt, “advice which you’ve obviously ignored; or the fact that you and Spock have been fucking each other and you didn’t tell me, your _supposedly_ best friend. Let’s start with that, shall we? I’m assuming Spock isn’t just another one of your conquests. Care to tell me how long this has been going on for?”

Kirk knew McCoy’s anger came from hurt feelings. He knew, too, that it wasn’t just the shock of finding him in bed with Spock, but also because the doctor was unaware of his bisexuality, so he hadn’t even seen this coming.

By the end of their time at the Academy, they had known pretty much all there was to know about each other. Except the fact of his occasional male partners. The thing was, Bones was a very private man and at the time he’d arrived at the Academy, he’d never slept with anyone other than Jocelyn and had had, to Kirk’s mind, quite out-dated notions about sex and relationships. The doctor had only let his hair down in their final year, sleeping with a few women he’d dated.

Bones had always known he was quite promiscuous, but because of his reserved nature, Kirk had never been encouraged to discuss _details._ Not that when it came to his male partners, there was much to discuss, as there had been maybe three or four at most, and all in his early days there. By the time he’d known Bones well enough to know his bisexuality wouldn’t have bothered him, all his partners had been female. So with the subject never naturally coming up, he hadn’t seen any point in mentioning it.

“It’s not been going long. A few days.” Kirk answered quietly.

“I didn’t know you were into—” He trailed off.

“Yeah, well… I just never got around to telling you; there wasn’t much to tell. It’s not like I slept with half the male cadets at the Academy – a few guys in my first year is all.”

Fuck. Why was he feeling defensive? It wasn’t as if he’d done anything he was ashamed of. Unless he counted the fact that his best friend was probably wondering why he’d never trusted him enough to say anything, and what other dark secrets he might be holding back.

Kirk got up to get his robe. This conversation was not going to happen while he sat in the wreck of his bed. Feeling McCoy’s eyes on him, he glanced down and saw a few bruises and refused – _absolutely refused_ – to feel embarrassed about getting caught.

Walking over to his servo, he punched in cappuccino, no sugar, and before his request was successfully fulfilled it wanted to know: _cocoa sprinkle_ \+ | -. Cappuccino with fucking cocoa sprinkles -- god bless Charalam. Cup in hand, he sat at his desk and gestured to McCoy to join him.

“I don’t get it,” McCoy said, sitting down. “I don’t like the bastard after what he did to you, and I thought you didn’t either. It’s pretty fucking ironic that right after Vulcan had blown, I actually supported Spock’s decision to remove you from the bridge and you were the one raging at him. It’s only when I realized he was ejecting you off the goddamn ship that I gave him a piece of my mind. When his response was that you needed to be _broken_ , I honestly didn’t take him that seriously.”

“What?” Kirk asked, almost choking on the sip he’d just taken. This was the first he’d heard of it and he felt flattered that his best friend had risked Spock’s wrath by cussing him out for marooning his ass on some godforsaken Planet Iceage. He suppressed a smile – that would have been an interesting conversation to have witnessed, given how impossible Spock was being at the time.

“Yeah, I told him if you're going to ride in the Kentucky Derby, you don't leave your prize stallion in the stable."

Despite the tense situation, Kirk grinned. “Did he ask you what horses had to do with attempted mutiny?”

McCoy ignored the smile, keeping what Kirk had come to think of as his ‘Bones deeply pissed look’ on his face. “No. He just said it was a curious metaphor and added – and I quote – ‘a stallion must first be broken before it can reach its potential’.”

“Spock said that? About me?” He made a mental note to save that one for later.

The doctor sat back in his chair, arms folded, scowling.

Kirk held the coffee mug in both hands and took a sip, before saying, “What if I tell you I made the first move?”

That got a reaction. “Why? All you do is argue and he’s constantly pissing you off. What the hell do you see in that uptight, emotionless bastard? He’s nothing more than a walking computer.”

Kirk felt a wave of anger hit him at the deliberate slur and it came out in his voice. “He’s not a fucking walking computer, he’s—”

“No, you’re right, Jim,” McCoy interrupted more loudly. “He does get emotional. I clean forgot about the time he flew into a rage and tried to _kill_ you.”

 _Had you truly intended to kill Jim, you would have used tal-shaya.  
_  
Even if the ambassador was right, it hadn’t been one of Spock’s finer moments, and his action wasn’t easily defensible. That thought brought him up short. Being defensive wasn’t going to do anything but make this argument worse, and he knew from past experience that losing his temper wouldn’t help. Holding back went totally against the grain for him; if he wasn’t a starship captain talking to one of his crew – to his best friend – he’d have decked him for that jibe. Command training, apparently, had its uses, even in personal matters.

“I don’t think slinging insults is going to help,” he said more calmly than he felt. “Like it or not, Spock is my partner and I’m damn well not going to sit here and let you talk about him like that.”

“I just don’t get it, Jim,” McCoy said gruffly. “I don’t get why _him_. This started before the accident?”

“Yeah, why?” Kirk asked, puzzled.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think he did something to your head when he was doing that Vulcan telepathic meld thing to you, while you were still in a coma in ICU.”

This was the first time McCoy had brought this subject up. Technically, Kirk figured, he should have only just found out about that meld after being signed fit for light duty the previous evening. So Bones must have guessed he’d read the report before getting out of sickbay, as it was hard to ignore the evidence of his own eyes regarding what happened the moment he’d got back to his quarters, given his uniform was scattered about the deck by the door. Reading reports clearly hadn’t been a high priority.

“No, we got together a few days before that, after our arrival at the colony. I know you don’t get it, but it’s been building up between us since we left Earth. I can’t even say it’s opposites attract, because I think we’re kinda similar.”

McCoy looked incredulous. “You’ve got it bad, if you really believe that.”

Kirk was beginning to feel frustrated. He hadn’t tried to analyze why he was attracted to Spock, of all people, so trying to articulate what he didn’t really understand himself wasn’t easy. But he hesitated to reveal what he knew about the nature of the ambassador’s relationship with his own captain. If he started yammering on about soulmates, McCoy would likely lock him up in a madhouse and throw away the key.

Why try to explain it? He’d never asked McCoy to explain why he was attracted to any of his partners. Maybe what would be better would be to focus on how the doctor was feeling and why.

He ran his fingers through his hair and took a calming breath. “Look Bones, I’m sorry. I honestly meant to talk to you about this, but you know yourself how busy we’ve all been since we got here – I’ve not had a chance.”

“Yeah. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out when you two could have fit this in.”

“That’s exactly my point. There haven’t been romantic candlelit dinners, and shore leaves.” He didn’t want to make it sound sordid and tried to think how he could best phrase what he was trying to say. “We just grabbed the moments we could, the nights here—”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t get adequate sleep before that disastrous survey. If fatigue caused—”

“Don’t you _dare_ start slinging accusations you know aren’t true,” Kirk spat back, losing the hold on his temper. “You’ve read Spock’s report. The tricorders and other instruments weren’t working, so we couldn’t predict that the floor of the cave was unstable when it collapsed beneath us. It wasn’t anything to do with a lapse in concentration – and anyway, Saival was leading us at the time.”

Realizing he was still glaring, he focused on the empty mug in front of him and added in a quieter voice, “If you must know, Spock spent that night at the colony with Sepak.”

“Doing what? Learning the secrets of the future?” he sneered.

He’s angry and feeling let-down, Kirk reminded himself, and took a deep, calming breath. Feeling more composed, he said, “No. Spock’s fiancée, who shared a bondlink with him, didn’t survive. Between that and the loss of his mother, he needed help and Sepak worked with him through the night to assist in his healing.”

As Kirk had suspected, that shut McCoy up. If the doctor hadn’t understood before their arrival what the Vulcan survivors had been going through, the information the Elders had given him access to would have included all aspects of Vulcan bondings and the consequences when they’re suddenly broken by the death of one partner. Given that this was the biggest challenge now faced by the Healers, he knew Bones would have certainly read up on it all and would probably have some understanding of what Spock had been suffering these past few months. He’d just needed reminding.

For all his faults, Kirk knew under his gruff exterior Bones was a genuinely kind and caring man. His voice was quieter as he asked the question Kirk knew was coming. “So if he was engaged to someone, why was he in a relationship with Uhura?”

God, he hoped Spock wouldn’t kill him, would understand his need for disclosure. It was something he would have to talk to his lover about. He was under no illusions that there were going to be rocky times ahead – they were both too strong-willed and too stubborn for there not to be – and it would be Bones he would turn to, if he needed to talk when things got on top of him. Vulcans might not confide in their friends, but he knew there would be times when he would need to.

“The betrothal was arranged according to Vulcan tradition, and they were never close. While it’s not common for young Vulcans to play the field until they’re fully bonded, it’s not unheard of, either. Spock told Uhura about his fiancée and she was okay with it. If you want to know why she went along with it, you’ll have to ask her that.”

McCoy’s eyes widened in surprise, before his expression returned to what was becoming an habitual scowl. “I don’t need to tell you this goes against regs.”

Kirk was stunned. “You’re not seriously going to pull that one on me.”

McCoy pulling rank on him was _exactly_ what he’d feared since he’d gotten command and he’d thought – maybe naively given their current confrontation – that they’d put that concern to bed the last time this had come up less than two weeks earlier. He’d always imagined, though, if it had come to it, it would have been in some kind of battle when he wanted to do something that might have seemed crazy but he knew would work. It didn’t occur to him that his private life could potentially force the issue, though in retrospect, he probably should have guessed.

McCoy leaned forward in his chair, looking deadly earnest. “Might I remind you, _Captain_ , that I have a duty of care to the crew of this ship. You try convincing me that you wouldn’t be compromised if you had to send Spock out on a dangerous mission.”

“If he had to go, he’d go. I’d send him,” Kirk said defiantly.

McCoy looked deep into his eyes. “I don’t believe you could. And I think it would be the same for him. That damn-fool stunt he pulled in ICU tells me he’d take risks that he wouldn’t if you weren’t fucking each other.”

Kirk felt his temper rising once more and he knew a part of it was defensiveness again. The thing was, even though Spock was supposedly ruled by logic, given what he did when his lover was in a coma – and they still hadn’t properly spoken about it – he couldn’t be certain that Spock _would_ follow regulations. He’d proved, more than once, that when emotionally compromised, he made decisions that couldn’t always be trusted to be logical and beneficial for everyone involved. It was something the two of them really needed to discuss if they’re were going to go ahead with the bonding. No matter what his personal circumstances, the safety of the ship and her crew was paramount.

Meanwhile another thing that was pissing him off was Bones saying they were fucking and, while he might have used that word in private with Spock, he saw what they did as making love. He couldn’t figure out whether his friend genuinely couldn’t imagine Spock being anything more than an automaton in bed, or whether he was being deliberately spiteful and using the term to degrade what they shared. Either way, pointing out they weren’t just fucking wouldn’t help his argument. In fact, it could harm it.

May as well break it to Bones now, he thought, and get it all over and done with in one go. “I know right now that nothing I say will convince you that Spock and me in a relationship is a good thing, so I’m asking you to trust us. I didn’t want to tell you under these circumstances, but it’s our intention to bond. After that, StarFleet won’t be able to split us.”

McCoy’s eyes went wide with incredulity. “Are you out of your crazy goddamn mind? They could bust you both back to ensign tomorrow if they wanted. You don’t fuck with them. And do you have any idea what a bonding actually entails? It’s a _lifetime_ commitment, Jim.”

“No I’m not crazy and yes I know exactly what a bonding entails.” Of course it sounded crazy. A few months ago, a few days ago even, he’d have agreed. But his own near demise made him realize that if he knew it was what he wanted and it was right for them, what was the point in waiting? He and Spock had the benefit of a unique foresight that enabled them both to see the true potential of what they shared. The question was, would sharing that knowledge help McCoy understand, or not? What did he have to lose?

“Ambassador Spock’s bondmate was his captain. Before they bonded, his Kirk, like me, led a promiscuous lifestyle, and I’ve come to the same conclusion he did. Wrapped up in one package, called Spock, is everything I could possibly want, or need in life.”

McCoy looked entirely unconvinced. “For crying out loud, Jim, don’t tell me you’re making a fucking life-time decision based on that. You’re not _that_ Captain Kirk, and I _know_ the two Spocks are different.”

“Yeah, the two of us have had different lives to them, which has made us who we are, but underneath that, we’re the same people. That degree of compatibility cuts through the superficial stuff to what’s underneath. That’s where Spock and I connect.”

“Connect? Is this bullshit what the ambassador’s been feeding you?” McCoy sneered.

Kirk flew out of his chair, his hands balled into fists. Right then, he really, really wanted to knock that look of ridicule off McCoy’s face and it took a force of will not to follow through with it.

Instead, he kept his voice steely quiet, though it was laced with anger. “I get that you don’t get it, Bones. For the record, the ambassador hasn’t fed me anything. He didn’t need to, because I feel it for myself – and I _do_ hope you give me enough credit to know how I feel. As far as what’s between me and Spock is concerned, you’re going to have to trust me on this. In twenty years, or maybe fifty, I’ll remind you of this conversation.”

McCoy just stared up at him. Even though he knew Bones pretty well, with his reserved nature, there were times when he had no idea what was going on in that head of his, or could predict what he’d say next.

“I’m sorry Jim,” McCoy said finally. “You’re not going to persuade me that this is a good idea. But I’ll hold off informing Fleet for the time-being.”

Kirk was too livid to respond to that and watched as the doctor stalked out without a backward glance.

=_=_=_=

It was a testament to how angry Bones was, that he’d singularly failed to carry out the one thing he’d actually gone to Kirk’s quarters to do.

He had a shower, got dressed and then called Spock. The science officer had gone to work in one of the labs and said he’d return shortly.

Each time he thought of the argument, he felt his anger and hurt at McCoy’s attitude and realized he was better off not thinking about it and doing something to take his mind off it. He started first with the reports from the work they were doing at the colony. He was pleased to see that things were progressing well. Many of their projects had been completed ahead of schedule and the rest were well on their way..

After he got himself up to date, he took the opportunity to catch up on StarFleet communications and was shocked at how many messages he had accrued in his in-box. As he started to go through them, he began to realize that Uhura must normally vet them, as there were many that weren’t in the least bit interesting to him, nor relevant to his job.

He didn’t need to know that a Lieutenant Chu’oun had won the Nobel Prize for his work on the medicinal properties of plant-life on Gamma Cignii III. That was one she likely pushed in Spock’s direction and if he thought it might be of interest to his Captain, no doubt he’d bring it up over a meal or chess. But apart from a couple of occasions when she was either coordinating things from the ship or was scheduled to be the senior duty officer, Uhura had spent most of her time planet-side working with the colonists setting up their library and education facilities. 

Thinking of Uhura, and of Charalam, he realized there was a lot that went on that went unnoticed by him, work people were doing, efforts they were making, that he was simply unaware of. He resolved to be more conscientious in the future. He believed in recognizing his crew for their endeavors, but he really needed to know about them in the first place. Spock could help him with that.

Kirk’s thoughts were interrupted by the door opening.

“Jim.”

Kirk got up, walked over to Spock and sliding his arms about his waist, leaned in for a kiss. It was gentle and sensual but not arousing. When it ended, he touched his forehead to Spock’s for a moment.

“Want some tea?”

“That would be welcome.” As Kirk retrieved drinks, Spock continued, “How was your conversation with McCoy? I heard the beginnings of it while in the shower as your voices were raised.”

“He’s pissed as hell and threatening to inform Fleet that we’re having a relationship that goes against regs. When I told him we’re going to bond, he really let rip. I think he just needs some time.” He said the words but he was far from sure. In their years of friendship at the Academy, he’d seen Bones get over most things once he’d had time to cool off. But there were times, when his personal value system had been violated, and on those occasions he never forgave. Trust and honesty were important to Bones and maybe in concealing his relationship with Spock, the doctor would consider that he’d compromised both. Time would tell.

“Technically now the doctor is aware of our involvement, it is his duty to inform the admiralty.” Spock reached out and took Kirk’s hand. “While I should not condone his flagrant disregard of procedure, I cannot be anything but gratified.”

Kirk looked up and smiling wanly, waited until Spock took a sip of his tea. “Now what’s this about me being an unbroken stallion?”

To his credit, Spock didn’t spill a drop, but it was a close thing.

“I stand by what I said. Your undisciplined leaps of intuition, in and of themselves, have the potential to bring about catastrophic results. However, when tempered with command ability and sound judgment, they will likely lead to success.”

“Give me an example,” said Kirk, sitting down at his desk and gesturing for Spock to do likewise.

“Had the Enterprise simply chased after the Narada and attempted combat, the ship would undoubtedly have suffered a similar fate to that of the Kelvin. However, the command aspect you brought in was strategy – for example, the decision to conceal the ship within Saturn’s magnetic field behind Titan, transporting across to remove the red matter device, the use of the Jellyfish to destroy the drill and to ram the Narada – all those were tactical command decisions.”

“Can I just point out a flaw in your logic?”

This comment earned a raised eyebrow that made Kirk grin. “All the examples you’ve just used I brought to the table myself. You didn’t appear on the bridge until after I’d accepted that guerilla attack methods would work best on the Narada. I was already in the midst of a conference with the bridge crew when you arrived. So, when you state ‘the stallion must be broken’, implying some kind of external coercion, I submit that I did my own ‘breaking in’.”

“Logical,” Spock responded, his face softening into his version of a smile.

“So the question remains, do you consider me broken in now?”

“Somewhat,” Spock hedged. “I suspect until you gain greater experience, you will need me on occasion to…rein you in.”

Kirk laughed. “Who says Vulcans don’t have a sense of humor?”

“If you suggest to anyone that I do, I will deny it most emphatically,” Spock threatened, eliciting more laughter.

Their hands, without conscious volition, had become entwined on the desk surface. Kirk began the two finger caress and heard Spock’s breath catch. He loved getting that reaction out of him, that tiny, barely perceptible loss of control.

“Jim, I believe we should discuss your wish to become my bondmate.”

“Outside a sweaty bed when our hormones aren’t quite so engaged, you mean?” Kirk smiled.

“Quite. Understand this. Once done, it cannot be undone.”

“Till death us do part?” Kirk quoted.

“And beyond. It is a significant step to take.”

Kirk recalled the ambassador saying the same thing during their meld. He looked deep into Spock’s eyes, wondering if he was saying this to be cautious, or because he was himself uncertain. But as soon as he thought it, he realized he was doing his lover a disservice. If Spock had an issue, he would say so. No games. No bullshit.

“Tell me what you think about me getting command of the Enterprise, Spock.”

Spock looked surprised for a moment, Kirk noticed, something that was happening less often, as his first officer became used to his leaps of thinking.

“I believe it is your first, best destiny, Jim,” he said quietly.

“I’m glad you said that, because that’s just how I feel about being bonded to you. We’ve been thrown together in this universe – so different from what the other Spock and Jim experienced – and yet there are so many constants. Even if my gut instinct, my intuition, wasn’t telling me how right it is, then what they had in their universe, would. How do you feel about taking me on as a lifemate?”

“Feel?” Spock said, clearly considering the word. He tightened his fingers in Kirk’s. “The love I feel for you is out of proportion to the time I have known you. The rightness of what we share goes beyond logic. I hesitate to speak of fate yet, in this instance, it is a compelling notion indeed. That I want you in my life, to share everything with you is beyond question. Nearly losing you has shown me what you are to me. For three hours I experienced a universe without James Kirk and I was desolated. You are the day to my night, the warmth to my coldness, the sea to my desert. Make no mistake, Jim. I desire you for my bondmate more than I have ever desired anything.”

Kirk sat staring at Spock, utterly dumbfounded. Apart from the fact it was the longest speech he had ever heard from his lover, it was also by far the most _impassioned_. Certainly he was aware of the depth of Vulcan emotions, of Vulcan passion, so he should not have been surprised at the choice of Spock’s words, at their poetry.

Oh, how so very wrong McCoy was about this truly wonderful being in his life. He realized from his talk earlier with Bones that he’d had no idea his feelings for Spock had changed from disparaging to approving, and then quietly creeping up on him over the days and months since they’d left Earth, to loving. He truly hoped, given time, the doctor would come around. If he had to make it his life’s work, he intended to re-educate Bones and if, one day, his friend could glimpse just a tiny proportion of what lay beneath that cool, calm exterior, his work would be done.

“I love you too, Spock, and I haven’t changed my mind. In fact, I think we should bond while we’re here. Why wait when I know you’re the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? I’ve spent enough years running from one fling to another and every one of them was totally meaningless. I’m never going to want to settle down in the traditional sense with a wife and kids at home. This is where I want to be – out here exploring, pushing the envelope. I joined StarFleet as a lifer – you’re right, this _is_ my destiny, but so are you. I’m not going to skulk around hiding our relationship, Spock. I’m proud to be your partner. I want to be your bondmate.”

Even though Spock sat very still on the other side of his desk, Kirk could tell he’d been moved by his words.

After a minute, he broke the silence. “So, is there a ceremony?”

“There is,” Spock replied, “but it would require planning and the Enterprise to remain in orbit longer than is currently scheduled.”

“Hmmm. We could ask the ambassador to speak to the Elders and have them petition for us to stay a few extra days…”

“Do you not think it a selfish and wasteful use of resources to request an entire starship be delayed so that we can be formally bonded?”

Kirk grinned. “I’m going to focus on all the good things we’re accomplishing here and can carry on doing as long as we stay. If we get to bond too, then that’s just the icing on the cake.”

“Jim, no wedding cakes are involved in the Vulcan ceremony.”

Kirk knew Spock was teasing by the smile that was threatening to break out on his lips. “Shut up and kiss me, Spock.”

The Vulcan obliged by getting up and moving around the desk to squat in front of Kirk. It started out gently, lips and teeth nibbling and sucking, but began to become more serious. Kirk reluctantly pulled away.

“Tell me what’s involved.” Spock stood, and Kirk patted his knee, earning a raised eyebrow. “Come and sit on my lap, facing me,” he added.

When Spock had gotten comfortable, Kirk put his arms loosely around the Vulcan’s waist and looked up expectantly. Spock draped his arms around Kirk’s shoulders and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

“I will first need to inform my father. Once we have his approval, the appointed place – kun-ut-kal-if-fee – will be made ready. There is a short formal ceremony that takes place with the clan leader – normally a matriarch – officiating. Following the ceremony, the marriage bond is created in privacy and is assessed at the earliest opportunity by a healer.”

“Is there a wedding party?” Kirk asked, thinking that he’d love to have some of the crew involved.

“It is not traditional, as a bonding generally takes place while in the early stages of Pon Farr.”

“Let’s make it happen, Spock.”

“There is no need to act in haste, Jim, despite a perceived threat from McCoy.”

Kirk really wanted this, knew that it was the right thing to do, and he damn well wasn’t going to let Vulcan caution delay what he saw as inevitable. “You’ve just told me, in the most beautiful words, how you feel about me. You want the bond. I want the bond. Tell me what, then, is the logic in waiting?”

Spock gazed at him and their eyes held for long seconds. Then he stood up and Kirk felt bereft. “Very well. I will contact my father.”

Kirk stood and gave into his need by putting his hand to the back of Spock’s head and pulling him into a kiss. This time there was a greater urgency, as their mouths opened to curling, probing tongues. Kirk could feel himself harden, and felt the Vulcan’s answering arousal. Spock was like an enticing drug he couldn’t get enough of, now that he’d had a taste. The thought left him wondering how, once they were back to their normal routine, he was going to keep his hands off his lover. He pulled away.

“This isn’t good. Every time I see you I want to fuck you into the next galaxy. What am I going to do when we’re working on the bridge together?”

“I hope,” Spock said with mock severity, his kiss-swollen lips detracting somewhat from the effect, “that you will refrain. I hardly think it would be beneficial for crew morale if the captain were to throw me over the science station and take enthusiastic possession of me from behind. The act, were it not shared with other bridge crew, might be perceived as favoritism.”

Kirk laughed. “Can you imagine—”

“I would rather not, Jim,” Spock cut in, his lips quirking. “I have a meeting to attend to in thirty three minutes. If I may, I wish to join minds with you and share some aspects of the meld I shared with my counterpart.”

Kirk had been wondering what had taken place, but hadn’t wanted to infringe upon Spock’s privacy by asking. He felt enormously privileged that Spock was willing to reveal something so private.

“Where do you want to do it? Could we lie down?”

“If you wish it.”

Kirk took Spock’s hand and led him to the bed. 

They lay facing each other and when Spock placed his fingers on Kirk’s face, his eyes involuntary shut as they so often did when they kissed, only this kiss was going deeper, right into his mind.

The room is light-filled. In front of him stands a middle-aged Human. _Amanda. She was my mother._ Spock is talking, saying he is considering completing his training in the Kolinahr, asking his mother whether she would think less of him for discarding emotion in that way. _As usual, whatever you choose to be, you will have a proud mother._ Unconditional love. Loss.

The scene shifts and an impression of red – rocks, sky, sands shifting in the wind. Vulcan. The desert where emotions were purged. A Vulcan woman holding a pendant. _You have not achieved Kolinahr -- your human emotions are not fully extinguished._

 __In the meld the two incidents connect up and he understands the ambassador has shared his learnings with Spock to assist him. He sees a golden thread, a link between the Spocks of two universes. The thread leads them to him. Sickbay. A decision to be made. He sees light and recognizes it, as it gets stronger, is compellingly drawn towards it, begins to take Spock with him, but the ambassador pulls them back. It wasn’t his time. _  
_  
Gently, he felt the essence of Spock withdrawing, their minds separating and he was lying on his bed facing his lover, unable to speak around the lump in his throat.

Kirk swallowed hard and whispered, “I was ready to die. I remember the light now, and feeling like the pull to it was getting stronger, the longer I was there. If you hadn’t come, I would have succumbed to it.”

“The time elapsed was significant enough that your body and katra had begun the separation process.”

It sounded like some kind of Vulcan mysticism. “Katra?”

“Your essence – some refer to it as spirit, soul or consciousness,” Spock explained quietly. “On Vulcan, the katras of many notable citizens, including Surak, were stored in the Hall of Thought. All was irrevocably lost with the destruction of Vulcan. When a Vulcan bond is performed, it brings about the merging of the katras, separate yet one. There are formal ritual words to describe it, ‘never and always touching and touched’. The bond is considered to continue beyond death.”

Kirk touched Spock’s cheek. “Wasn’t there a risk involved in melding with me?”

“There was, however the ambassador worked with me. As I discovered during the meld with you, he has his own unique experience that allowed him to assist and to ensure I was not lost. It was because you and I share a telepathic link forged from our melds, that I was able to reach you, and between us, we were able to bring you back.”

 _To me_ , Kirk heard the unspoken words. While the talk of katras and spirits seemed implausible, he didn’t doubt it. There were, he was certain, far stranger things out there that they would discover in the course of their five-year mission.

Leaning forward he pressed his lips to Spock’s, sharing languid kisses. Pulling back, he hitched himself up on one elbow and gazing down at his lover, he thought his heart would burst from his chest.

“I can’t believe how strong my feelings are for you after such a short time,” Kirk said quietly, holding the dark eyes with his own. He reached up and ran a thumb along an upswept brow and down over a cheek. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. The ambassador said we’re destined to be together. I think he’s right.” He leaned down to press his forehead to Spock’s and felt strong, warm fingers card through his hair. “I love you.”

“As I love thee.”

=_=_=_=

Kirk was bored. He’d spent all afternoon catching up on his backlog of paperwork. One message he’d received was that StarFleet had agreed a request for the Enterprise to remain in orbit a further four days at the behest of Elder Sepak. That was something at least. He’d not seen the ambassador since his one visit while in sickbay. Since he was still confined to quarters, he resolved to send a message inviting him for another visit and, if he was interested, a tour of the ship.

His ruminations were interrupted by a chime and pressed the button on his desk door comm. “Come in.”

Ensign Giotto entered. “Sorry to disturb you, Sir.”

“Don’t worry, I need a distraction, take a seat.” As the ensign sat at his desk, he smiled. “I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ve read the report; I know the risks you took and the bravery you showed.”

“It wasn’t just me, Sir. It was a team effort. I couldn’t have done it without Ensign Charalam’s help.”

“Ah yes, Ensign Charalam. You’re right, she was incredibly brave too. She’s an interesting young lady. I regret underestimating her before all this happened.”

Giotto smiled. “Don’t worry, Sir. I did too, when I first met her. After she beat me up in combat training, I didn’t make that mistake again.”

There was a wistful look in Giotto’s eyes. Kirk hadn’t got that far in life without being able to read people well and he recognized that look. Now that he thought about it, the last two times he’d seen Giotto, Charalam had been there too.

Kirk smiled. “Neither shall I. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for what you did and I’ve been sure to highlight both your efforts in the report.”

“Thanks for that Sir, I appreciate it and I’ll let Charalam know. Actually, I came here because I wanted to report to you that we had a problem with one of the security cameras in turbolift C and lost about ten minutes of footage.”

“Oh…” Kirk was taken aback. “I’m technically only on light duties, Ensign. This is something you’re best off reporting to Commander Spock.”

“Right, willdo Sir. Also, I have this ten minute segment of tape from a security camera – I’m the only person who’s seen or is aware of the content and there aren’t any back-up copies of it. I thought it would be safe in your hands.”

With that, he gave Kirk a disk. With another thanks from a curious captain, he left.

Kirk turned the tape over, wondering. Clearly it was something Giotto felt no-one should see and as far as he could recall, he hadn’t touched Spock inappropriately in any public areas of the ship. So… He put the tape in the viewer.

There was snow to start with, and then picture cleared. “Leonard,” Uhura said. “You’ve done everything you can.” 

The two of them were clearly standing in a turbolift. C, he guessed. 

“But he’s still in a coma, Nyota. There’s no guarantee he’ll pull through.” 

Kirk raised his brows at that. Why is it everyone’s allowed to call her by her given name except him?

Uhura stopped the lift. He watched as she stood in front of Bones and cupping his face, brought him in for a kiss, quite a chaste one by the looks of it.

The expression on his friend’s face was comical in its surprise. “You just kissed me.”

“Yes, I did. I thought it might take your mind off something you can’t do anything about. Do you want me to do it again?”

“Yes,” he said and this time he wound his hand behind Uhura’s neck and pulled her towards him. That kiss wasn’t so chaste. And it went on for a long time. Fuck. Talk about suckface. When Bones finally pulled back, he looked flushed.

“Your quarters or mine?” Uhura asked, hitting the go button.

“Mine, just in case I’m needed for a medical emergency. Though if anyone does call, I’ll make sure they acquire a particularly nasty form of Centauran scabes.”

Uhura was laughing as they stepped out of the lift.

His first thought was well, well, Bones, you sly dog. His second was one of indignation. The bastard had had the gall to sit in his quarters and accuse him of keeping his relationship with Spock a secret, all the while knowing he was doing the same about his relationship – whatever that was – with Uhura. That led him to his third thought – one of recognition that this wasn’t about regulations or even his having a relationship with Spock, but what he likely saw as a threat to their friendship. He could well be jealous that Spock was now taking such a central role in his life in a way Bones never could, and maybe he felt he was going to be sidelined, his friendship unwanted. Kirk was nothing if not an excellent strategist. He’d bide his time to let Bones know he was on to him.

-=-=-

When Spock finally showed up later than expected, having sent a message that he’d been delayed at one of the sites, Kirk pounced on him, but was held at arm’s length before he could plant a kiss.

Kirk looked into his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“I have spoken with my father.”

“And?” Kirk did not have a good feeling and felt his stomach sinking.

“Sarek has forbidden a bonding between us. I am to do my duty by taking a wife and siring children for the good of the colony. He has already begun the selection process.”


	15. Chapter 15

“How can Sarek insist you get married and have kids. This is the 23rd century for chrissakes. If they need babies that badly, then join a donor program and jerk off into a cup.” Kirk felt incensed.

“Jim, it is not as simple as that,” Spock said calmly.

“Fine, so explain it to me, because I’m having a hard time understanding it.” He couldn’t believe his lover was apparently just accepting the situation. Spock was going to be his bondmate and he would fight tooth and nail to make that happen.

“Very well. Would you like some refreshment?” Spock asked, approaching the servo.

“Yeah, I’ll have a mocha.” Kirk sat at his desk and waited for Spock to join him.

“You are correct that I could donate sperm. It could be argued that all Vulcans should do this, impregnating a variety of females in order to create a greater diversity within the current genetic pool. However, these measures are not the answer to rebuilding the Vulcan people. It is Sarek’s wish that I take a wife and create a _family_ unit. He is a high-profile citizen and believes he has a moral responsibility to set an example; that we should both do our duty to our people.”

“Does that mean he also—”

“Intends to remarry. Yes.”

He couldn’t begin to imagine how Spock must feel about his mother being replaced so quickly and the perfunctory answer spoke volumes. Of course it was _logical_ Sarek take a new wife and have more children, but it seemed so mercenary too.

“In order for you to understand the need to create family units, Vulcan’s destruction should be viewed in terms of the inter-generational impact of the tragedy. I am in no doubt that the consequence for the survivors will last for centuries. Take Sembak, a twelve year old boy who survived due to his being on Earth on a student exchange program for one month. He lost his entire extended family – his siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. He, alone, is the last of his clan. That is how it is for many of the survivors.”

“Shit, I’ve not really thought about it like that.” Having lost his father, and in some senses his mother too, since she was rarely home as he grew up, he knew from first hand experience the impact such a loss could have on a young child. He, at least, had had his brother at home and other family living close by. “So what’s going to happen to the kid?”

“The reason I know of him is because he has been taken into my clan, adopted by a second cousin who lost her own child, and will be well taken care of. Perhaps you can now understand, Jim, that sperm donation and genetic engineering are not the solution to rebuilding our species. The very fabric of Vulcan society has been ripped apart and the sooner it can be normalized, the more rapidly those who remain can begin to rebuild their lives and have their children grow up in a healthy society.”

Kirk had an awful sinking feeling, as though he had had everything within his grasp and suddenly it was slipping through his fingers. “So you’re saying the fall-back is to rely on Vulcan Tradition, instead of looking at viable alternatives?”

“As in everything, it is all about balance,” Spock responded. “The ambassador is lobbying the Elders to ensure that the remainder of the Vulcan people do not become isolated in an attempt to preserve everything as it once was, cutting Vulcan off from the remainder of the Federation.”

“So what’s he proposing they do about it?” Kirk asked as he sipped his mocha. He was finding, that despite their personal situation, he was interested to hear what solutions the Elders were proposing and was in no doubt that the ambassador was leading the way to original and less traditional thinking.

“As you are aware, he has succeeded in persuading the Elders to share the information on Vulcan biology. The gene pool is small and there is a danger that inbreeding will result in future problems with genetic diseases, weakening future generations. He has led discussions with the Elders about how to bring new DNA patterns into the population. In his timeline, there were some liberal Romulans who were interested in reunification with Vulcan, and were studying the _Vulcan Way_. They may provide a new influx of vulcanoid blood.”

“My god, surely any Romulans coming to the colony would be ostracized after one of their people destroyed your planet. How can anyone from that race ever be accepted as Vulcan?” Kirk simply couldn’t picture Romulans integrating, although he accepted he had a pretty skewed view of them.

“It is possible that there may be isolated cases of xenophobia related to Nero’s actions, but their potential addition to the gene pool would be viewed as logical. As for the issue of race, the ambassador has also been arguing that true ‘Vulcanness’ is not defined only in terms of genetics and has used himself as an example. He and I are very much Vulcan, although we are half Human genetically. Logically, therefore, ‘race’ is only part of what defines our species. Culture and upbringing also play a large role.”

That made a lot of sense to Kirk. His own nation had once been a melting pot of races from all over the world, united by one constitution under one flag. It had taken generations to achieve full integration.

“Trying to rebuild your culture,” said Kirk, “is going to be almost as hard as rebuilding the population. I know Vulcan society was as diverse as it is on Earth.” At the Academy, he’d been taught a lot about all the Federation’s founding members. He’d been surprised to learn that darker-skinned Vulcans existed, coming from the planet’s equatorial region, while the fairer skinned, like Spock’s family, were from closer to the poles – the city of his birth, Shi’Kahr, had been located in the southern hemisphere about the mid-way point.

“You are correct,” Spock agreed. “It is unfortunate that the katras of the ancients have been lost forever – some consider that to be as great a tragedy as the loss of the planet itself. Vulcan culture has a strong oral tradition and we are also in danger of losing our spoken history such as tales, epic poems and songs which have been passed down from generation to generation, and to preserve this tradition, were never formally recorded. A program has already begun to gather every bit of information about our former homeworld that the survivors can remember. There will likely be examples of history specific to a clan which will be rescued because only one single survivor is alive to remember it. Every detail, no matter how unimportant it might seem, will be collected and saved.”

“That’s a pretty daunting task. With such basic needs still to be fulfilled here at the colony, it seems kinda trivial in the great scheme of things.”

“It may appear that way, but these are the building-blocks needed to reconstruct the fabric of our society. A number of historians survived – what else are they to do?”

Kirk thought he understood what Spock was saying. “You mean they need a purpose?”

“Indeed, it is an important component to aid recovery from such a catastrophe. Having a specific direction, contributing to that which is greater than oneself – to the whole – brings about a sense of fulfillment. Achieving something that is ultimately for the greater good – no matter how frivolous it may appear at this point – is surely more beneficial than doing nothing.”

Kirk had an insight. “That’s why you were going to resign your commission and come here. It was as much about you as it was about your people.”

“You are correct. However, the ambassador assured me that I would find an equal sense of purpose and fulfillment remaining in StarFleet.”

_With you._

Kirk didn’t need to hear the unspoken words to know his lover meant them. Somehow he was going to find a way to keep Spock. What he needed was more information, because the more he understood the current situation, and Sarek’s demand in the light of it, the greater the chance of figuring out how to get around it. “Okay, I get all that, but surely a focus on increasing the population has to be a priority, doesn’t it?”

“It _is_ a priority. The ambassador is leading the debate to encourage other races to join the Vulcan people and share their genes, to become d'Vel'nahr – _Vulcan by choice_. He has persuaded the Elders to take the first steps towards this by sharing information about sexual and reproductive matters. It is likely that this greater openness will, in turn, have a strong effect on our very private culture.”

“I have to say, I’m pretty skeptical that bringing in other races will be accepted. The ambassador himself told us how in his timeline, Vulcans were less insular than the ones here. Your own upbringing is a clear demonstration of just how much prejudice there is.”

“You are correct. However, you are ascribing a Human notion to a Vulcan situation. After all that has taken place, having other species join us in our endeavor to rebuild the population is logical, and will be accepted as so, at the highest levels in our society.”

Kirk couldn’t help but feel that sounded like nothing more than Vulcan propaganda. “I don’t buy it, Spock. I’m well aware that under your logical exterior you’ve got emotions like anger and resentment.”

Spock’s face softened into what Kirk thought of as his ‘almost smile’. “Being half Human, neither I nor the ambassador are the best examples from which to draw conclusions,” he said wryly. “Most Vulcans have succeeded in sublimating their emotions to such a degree they rarely experience them. As for prejudice, it was a state that logically arose as a consequence of a sense of Vulcan superiority. Given—”

“Wait, wait!” Kirk interrupted, incensed. “You’re trying to tell me that the prejudice you experienced as a kid was _logical_? What kind of fucking bullshit is that?”

“I am not suggesting I condone it, merely that it was a logical outcome of the Vulcan collective psyche. However, just as it was then, given the current state of my species, now it is no longer. Relying on the aid of others has been a lesson in humility.”

“So, what, the intention is to invite all these races in to make lots of babies with Vulcans? I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time picturing it. Can Vulcans even have lots of kids? It seems like one or two was the norm.”

“Traditionally, children were conceived during Pon Farr. With a stable population, the number of conceptions was self-limited utilizing a form of contraception practiced by females using Vulcan mind techniques. Not only did this allow the burden on the mothers to be lessened, but on a desert planet with few resources, it made sense. However, with a lifespan considerably greater than that of Humans, females are viable for over a century in Earth years. There now exists no biological nor environmental reason to limit the number of children sired in each family.”

Kirk’s mind was working. He briefly considered, and quickly dropped the idea of both him and Spock taking on Vulcan bondmates, because there would be an expectation that to maintain the family unit, they would have to remain at the colony. His second thought was to try to appeal to Sarek, but if he was willing to take a new wife, he couldn’t see him letting Spock off the hook. He’d need to spend time thinking this over and wondered if the ambassador might have some ideas.

“So, where does that leave us?” he asked finally.

“I believe the saying is, ‘up the creek without a paddle’.”

Kirk laughed loudly. “God, you’re priceless.” He leaned in for a kiss, but Spock put his hand against his chest.

Kirk felt alarmed. “Don’t tell me you’re going to stop the intimacy between us. You’ve not been married off yet.” And won’t be, if I can help it, he pledged inwardly.

“Jim, I require a shower and a change of uniform. If we indulge in a kiss now, I don’t believe I could stop.”

Wow, thought Kirk. That said a lot about how Spock was feeling about all this. It was like he was already thinking that their lovemaking sessions had a finite number, like he was giving up. While a part of him felt frustrated that Spock was just lying down and taking it, another part could see how overwhelmed he must be feeling by all this when put into the context of the whole picture. Well, with his indomitable spirit refusing to give in, he’d fight for them both. As long as Spock hadn’t said ‘I do’ to anyone, there was a chance he could figure something out. But right now, of one thing he was certain, he wasn’t going to let the mood get dragged down.

“Fine. You have your shower, but I’m gonna watch,” he said with a lecherous grin and a waggle of his eyebrows.

Following Spock through the bathroom and into his quarters, he leaned against a bulkhead and watched as his lover methodically undressed. Overriding his instinct to go wrap himself around the powerfully masculine physique, he hung back to observe as each part was revealed: broad shoulders that tapered down to a narrow waist and hips, pectorals covered in dark hair that rippled beneath the pale green skin, his slim hips leading to long, powerful legs… Kirk licked his lips waiting for Spock to take off his briefs. Glancing up, he caught the amused look of his lover.

Spock put his hands on the waistband and peeled them down slowly, taunting him. The dark green cock, nesting against plump balls, lay lax in a dense patch of soft, black hair.

Kirk unselfconsciously pressed against the hardness in his trousers. “Do you have any idea how much effort it’s taking me not come over there and blow you right now?”

Spock tilted his head. “Perhaps after the shower?”

His lover walked past him into the bathroom and Kirk followed him in, standing just inside the doorway. Spock walked to the toilet and hesitated.

“Did you not once regard it as kinky when I watched you urinating?”

Leaning against the doorframe, Kirk folded his arms across his chest as a lascivious smile spread across his face. “I never said I wasn’t kinky.”

When Spock opted for sonics, Kirk didn’t have any difficulty holding himself back from joining him. It wasn’t fun without water and suds.

He stood and watched until Spock had almost finished before going into the Vulcan’s quarters, stripping and lying on his bed, waiting. As he lay there, he played with his cock as he thought of some of the erotic games he’d like to try, at some point, for foreplay, like strip chess, or coating his cock in chocolate and getting Spock to suck it off, or maybe get some sex toys…

“I see you have started without me,” Spock commented dryly on exiting the bathroom. He walked swiftly to the bed and lay on top of Kirk, kissing hungrily as their bodies rocked together.

“I tell you what I’d like,” Kirk panted as Spock latched his mouth onto his neck and licked in swirls just beneath an ear. “Let’s go end to end like we did yesterday. I want to suck you.”

His head pillowed on a lightly haired thigh, Kirk took Spock’s shaft in one hand and leaning forward, took Spock’s scrotum into his mouth, tenderly tonguing the sac. He felt a tremor running through the Vulcan’s body and smiled. Then all thought fled as he felt a fiery hot mouth encase his cock and with wet noises, suck up and down the length. An impatient thrust of Spock’s hips reminded Kirk he was neglecting his duty and with a long lick of the tongue up the satiny skin of the Vulcan’s sex, he engulfed the head. He poked his tongue into the little slit and the moan it elicited, reverberated down his own cock.

He was loving the sensations and the mutuality of it. The problem was, he’d been thinking about this moment on and off all afternoon and he knew he couldn’t last. Holding Spock’s shaft in his fist, he began to thrust. His balls were gently clasped and rolled as his lover’s mouth was working his cockhead. He looked down his body to where Spock’s cheeks were sucked in, his firm flesh spearing that sweet mouth and he exploded with a gasp. "Fuck, Spock," was all that he could say between his labored breaths.

When he’d gotten his breathing under control, he shifted to a different position where he could lavish himself on his lover’s cock. Kneeling between Spock’s splayed legs, he licked around the head, lapping up the clear, tangy liquid gathered there and loving the gasps and hisses his actions elicited.

“You love that, don’t you? You love my talented tongue.”

“Yes,” Spock hissed through clenched teeth.

Kirk smiled and pushed his tongue between the double ridges just beneath the head, causing more gasps and moans, the sounds, the sexiest thing he’d ever heard. Then, holding the shaft firmly in his left hand, he began to suck as his other hand started a downward journey, pausing over the perineum to massage it gently. Spock opened his legs wider, pulling his knees up in invitation. 

Kirk paused to make two fingers wet and, then putting the cock back in his mouth, slid them into the crack until he felt the small pucker of muscle. The wet fingers glided and rimmed as Kirk sucked harder. When he pushed inside, he located the round bulb of tissue, causing Spock to gasp, and began to move his finger in a ‘come here’ motion, as if he were asking someone to move closer so he could whisper a secret.

As he knew it would, Spock’s reaction was to buck erratically and the clenching of his anal walls warned Kirk of his impending orgasm. He began to suck earnestly, taking as much of the thick cock into his mouth as he could, relaxing his throat in preparation, his finger working busily deep inside. One of Spock’s hands grasped at his head, fingers entwined in his hair, while the other began to bang, flat palm down on the bed as, with one last rock, he shuddered and cried out “Jim!” and spilled himself into his captain’s eager mouth.

As Kirk made his way up the luscious body, Spock fought to get his breathing under control. 

“Ready for dinner?” he asked with a grin.

Spock’s answer was to grab the back of his head and pull him into a deep and satisfying kiss as they shared the tastes of each other.

Fifteen minutes later, no-one would have suspected what they had just done, as they entered the mess. With almost everyone electing to stay planet-side to eat dinner, the place was almost empty. While he was standing, deciding what to eat, he didn’t notice that someone had approached until a familiar Georgian voice drawled, “Mind if I join you?”

“Bones!” Kirk said in surprise. The doctor really was the last person he expected to want to join them after their talk that morning.

“Don’t look at me like that,” McCoy scowled. “I’m here as your friend, not your CMO.”

Kirk was vaguely aware of Spock leaving his side, probably to go sit down and allow them the space to talk. “Yeah well, I wasn’t getting the greatest friendship vibes from you this morning. I’m still fucking angry with you.”

“I know I said stuff I shouldn’t have,” McCoy responded and unable to hold his gaze, looked at the floor.

Kirk knew that was about as close to an apology as he’d ever get. But still, he’d said some pretty shitty things. “Yeah, you were well out of line. I’m still pissed.”

McCoy glanced back up. “I was shocked seeing the two of you like that. I had no idea, not even a hint.”

Kirk could hear the accusation in the words. “Well, it kind of snuck up on us. A lot of what was going on between us we weren’t even aware of and couldn’t have put a name to, so I didn’t realize my feelings were changing. It’s not like I’ve been holding back all this time – I’ve barely had time to experience it myself, let alone tell you about it.” He kept his face carefully straight as he casually added, “I imagine it was a bit like that with you and Uhura.”

“What…?”

Kirk watched with interest as McCoy’s eyes went wide and a bright red flush spread over his face.

“I was just thinking how similar the situations are. You know, wanting to be there for your colleague, offering support and sympathy.”

“How did you—?”

“So don’t be throwing that ‘I’m your friend and you never said anything’ shit at me, you fucking hypocrite.” Kirk said the words without heat, feeling quite amused, despite everything, by the doctor’s obvious embarrassment.

McCoy’s mouth, which had been hanging open, shut, as a look of chagrin crossed his face. “Would you believe part of my anger this morning was my own guilt, because after I’d started on at you, I realized my own duplicity, but I’d gone too far to stop. Jim, I don’t want to lose our friendship.”

“You won’t as long as you don’t pull stunts like that again. Asshole.” Jim smiled.

The look of relief was obvious. “Can I join you two for dinner?” he asked again, uncertainly.

“As long as you promise to be nice to Spock…” The look on McCoy’s face was priceless, Kirk thought. “Or at the very least, just don’t wind him up,” he modified.

Kirk knew he and Bones had work to do if they wanted to get back to where their friendship was. Some hurtful things had been said, but at least they were moving on. McCoy was going to have to curb his normally acerbic jibes at Spock and, if necessary, he’d speak to his lover about not needling the doctor. But for now, he accepted the olive branch for the apology it was.

Kirk sat down next to Spock and, suppressing a smile, pressed their thighs together under the table. The Vulcan, who was in the midst of spooning soup, didn’t miss a beat.

They’d been eating for several minutes when the doctor looked up. “Why do I feel like I’m sitting with two people who’ve lost their winning lotto ticket?”

Kirk looked at Spock and got a signal of assent. “Sarek has refused to agree to our bonding. He thinks Spock should be busy replenishing the species.”

“What’s wrong with him bonding with you and leaving his contribution to the repopulation down to artificial insemination?”

“Sarek’s not just thinking biologically, but sociologically, and they need proper families for that.”

“I can kinda see his point,” McCoy said around a mouthful of food.

The trouble was, so could Kirk, but he didn’t want to lose Spock.

“’S funny,” McCoy said, shaking his head as if in disbelief as he took another forkful of food.

“What is?” Kirk asked eventually.

“Well now, Spock here probably doesn’t believe in coincidences. But you see, I had two women approach me today. You remember Heike and her bondmate T’Faylan? They told me they want to do their bit for the colony too, baby-wise. Asked me if I thought you two might be interested…”

Kirk leapt up out of his chair and grabbed McCoy’s face between his hands. “I could kiss you, Bones!” he shouted.

McCoy pulled out of the grasp. “I’d rather you didn’t, if you don’t mind.” And managed to look particularly put out.

Kirk sat down, ignoring the looks from the few other diners, still unable to keep the grin off his face. “Spock, what do you think?”

“I wish to discuss the matter first.”

Kirk grinned at McCoy. “Spock doesn’t believe in coincidences, but he does believe in relativistic determinism.”

The doctor scowled, Kirk guessed he recognized an inside joke. “And that is…?”

“Destiny, Bones. It’ll be hard for Sarek to stop us if Spock produces children and have them raised in a family unit – maybe not a traditional one, but at least it’ll be a stable one.”

“Unbelievable. The thought of little Spocklets running around…”

Kirk glanced at Spock and seeing him giving the doctor his ‘evil eye’, decided to hold off on his comment about how cute he thought they’d be. He’d share that thought later in private.

“Right,” Kirk said jumping up again. Grabbing Spock by the arm, he began to drag him from his seat. “Let’s go. Thanks again Bones,” he threw over his shoulder.

“Wait up, Jim!” McCoy called.

Kirk stopped and turned. “Yeah?”

“After your chat, I need you to stop by sickbay. I want to see how your recovery’s progressing.”

“Sure, willdo Bones.”

Out in the corridor, Spock said, “I wish to discuss this with you now.”

“Okay,” Kirk replied and palmed the door of a nearby briefing room.

Spock stood, very straight, hands clasped behind his back as Kirk casually leaned against the table, their stances a study in contrasts.

“You appear to be willing to go through with this suggestion,” said Spock.

“It’s a win-win for us, don’t you see? It’ll be hard for your father to prevent us bonding if you’ve done your duty to the Vulcan people by providing offspring. Tell me what your concerns are.”

“The plan would still require Sarek’s approval and despite your optimism, does not guarantee he will agree to our bonding.”

“And how do you feel about having a couple of kids with Heike and T’Faylan?”

There was a pause, as if Spock were gathering his thoughts. “I find the notion…disturbing.”

“But not completely distasteful? I assume it’s done with artificial insemination. We wouldn’t have to—”

“It is not that. We have chosen careers that will allow us to visit the colony infrequently. How would I carry out my parental duties—”

“Spock,” Kirk interrupted. “I think you’re missing the point. Heike at least knows about our relationship because I told her I love you. And as for T’Faylan, assuming Heike didn’t say anything, the ambassador said that most Vulcans would be able to tell…something about our auras.”

“In all probability she knows,” Spock agreed.

“Right.” Kirk walked over and slid his arms around Spock’s waist, the Vulcan reciprocating with his arms about Kirk’s shoulders. “So here are two women who chose each other, rather than sought husbands. In all likelihood, if this catastrophe hadn’t happened, they may well not have had children. How could they do their duty to Vulcan with the fewest complications and the least disruption to their already happy lives together?”

“By choosing fathers who will be largely absent and who will not disrupt their existing bond.”

Kirk pressed a chaste but exuberant kiss against Spock’s lips. “Precisely, my dear Watson.”

Spock lifted an eyebrow but chose to remain silent in the face of Kirk’s grin.

“So, let’s go find them.”

“Jim, may I remind you that while it is 20:49 on the ship, it is 00:11 at the colony. I suggest we wait until morning.”

“What are we going to do until then?” Kirk asked with a sly smile, as he pressed his lower half against Spock. He really could never get enough of his wonderful lover.

“I am confident, Jim, that your fertile imagination will provide us with some means to pass the time.”

Chuckling, Kirk left to go to sickbay. As McCoy carried out diagnostics, he made a personal inventory of his symptoms that had plagued him since he’d come out of the coma. The burning in his lungs had stopped and his cough was infrequent. The sore throat had gone, too.

“Not quite fit as a fiddle, but there’s been a significant improvement,” McCoy pronounced. “So are you going to go through with it?”

“Don’t know yet. Spock’s half way there, but a lot will depend on the discussion we have with Heike and T’Faylan. Then there’s Sarek to get past, too.” He was trying really hard not to get his hopes up, but knew he wasn’t succeeding very well.

“I hate to mention it, Jim, but even if you go through with your bonding, there’s still StarFleet’s decision to be made. They may not be willing to have a bonded command team.”

The thought had been at the back of Kirk’s mind but with everything else, he’d left it there. “Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Good luck.”

Kirk knew he meant it. “Yeah, thanks Bones.”

When he got back to his quarters, Spock was waiting. The door had barely closed when he was engulfed in strong Vulcan arms and kissed breathless.

=_=_=_=

Kirk had had to practically beg McCoy to sign him fit and allow him to beam down to the planet with the proviso he promise not to undertake any manual work. Of any kind. Whatsoever. He had promised faithfully.

When they beamed down, Kirk and Spock joined the larger project team at the ambassador’s daily project meeting. Before it started, Kirk saw Heike enter with a walking stick and met her near the door.

“Hey, how’s it going?” he smiled.

“Ensign Johnson – the Physical Therapist McCoy assigned to me – is a devil incarnate, but very effective. Other than that, I’m well.”

“Putting you through the hoops?”

“Through them, under them, around them and then creating a whole load of new hoops with which to torture me.”

“I remember a PT once telling me that when she was a student being interviewed for a place on the course, they wanted to know if she was the kind of person who as a kid, pulled the wings off insects. Apparently, if you did, you were in!”

Heike screwed her face up. “Figures! I dread to think what Johnson did, but I’d guess insects would have been pretty tame for him.”

Kirk laughed. “McCoy said you and T’Faylan approached him yesterday. Spock and I were wondering if we could meet you for a chat.”

“Sure, how about getting lunch together, say at 13:00?”

“I’ll check with Spock, but—”

Heike stopped him. “I think we’d better join the others.”

Kirk turned around just as the ambassador was standing ready to begin the meeting.

Having spent the whole afternoon the day before catching up, Kirk had no trouble following where the various projects were and was able to competently chair his own senior staff meeting after everyone welcomed him back.

For the first time, it struck Kirk that he was beginning to feel his senior team were like family to him. Their warm greetings on seeing him returned to health were genuine and heartfelt. He, in turn, had a lot of respect for them and liked them all, in all their quirky glory. As the meeting went on, he kept half an eye on McCoy and Uhura to see if he could catch anything going on, but they disappointed him by being entirely professional throughout.

A discussion after the briefing confirmed they were all free and Heike suggested they leave the colony, telling them to bring swimwear with them but refusing to give any further information.

Kirk and Spock got to the commissary fifteen minutes early with the intention of getting some food to take with them. Spock went to speak to some of his team while Kirk worked his way towards the buffet to see what would be easy to take with them.

“Cap’n!” Scott greeted Kirk enthusiastically as he piled his plate with sandwiches. “Can I introduce you to Susie…I mean Ensign Stewart.”

“Sure.”

The engineer disappeared through a door to the kitchen and returned with a young, woman in chef’s whites. As they approached they were talking rapidly in some indistinguishable language, although his translator had no trouble converting it to English. Susan Stewart was petite, and slightly plump, with a shock of red hair tied up in a bun and held together with a hair net.

“Nice tae meet you, Cap’n,” she said with a wide smile. “Glad tae hear ye’re recovered, right enough.”

“Good to meet you too, ensign. I’ve heard great things about you. I almost got to sample some of your baking while I was in sickbay, but Scotty got there first.”

“Monty, ya didna scoff all ma wee cakes for the cap’n did ya?”

Monty. Kirk made a note of that. The two of them clearly spoke with the same brogue.

Scott blushed. “He’s exaggerating, I left him one!”

“I’m right sorry ye didn’t get ma wee prezzie, Cap’n. I’ll be sure tae make some more. Just tell me what ye’re favorite cake is and I’ll bake it for ye.”

“Thanks – I’ll have a think on that one,” he replied affably. “So, I take it you two are from the same part of the world. What language were you speaking just now?”

“Aye we are, but we were just speaking English,” Scott assured. “Maybe our accents get stronger when we talk to each other.”

Kirk grinned, thinking he never would have guessed it was the same language he routinely spoke. “Well we’re just picking up some food to go. Nice to meet you, ensign.” He turned to Scott with a grin. “Catch you later, _Monty_.”

The engineer scowled, guessing, no doubt, he’d be in for some ribbing for that.

At 13:00, T’Faylan met them and led them to the edge of the residential area to a small flitter where Heike was already waiting. With T’Faylan at the controls, they struck out in the opposite direction to the way Kirk had gone before, the day of the disastrous survey. For a few minutes they crossed the seemingly endless expanse of arid wasteland. As they flew, in the distance Kirk saw through the shimmering heat-haze a long, narrow body of water unexpectedly slashing the empty sepia expanse of desert, the bright sun glinting off its surface like a million sparkling jewels. The large oasis was edged by small trees and shrubs along most of the shore, with an outcrop of rocks marking its furthest limits.

"Fascinating," Spock said quietly as he looked intently out the window. "What is the cause of this oasis?"

"The elevation at this point is low enough that the water table is just below the surface and is fed by an artesian aquifer," T'Faylan explained. "The rock formation you see at the farthest end is impermeable and runs as a substrata beneath the oasis, thereby trapping the water. This was initially one of the potential sites for the temporary colony until the city is built. However such a move was discounted when a study concluded that the delicate eco-system that exists here would be destroyed by the presence of large numbers.”

“Logical,” Spock agreed.

Kirk imagined as water engineers, T’Faylan and Heike would have been involved in both the study and the decision. 

The flitter came to rest near the water’s edge, just beyond the boundary of plantlife. They spread out several blankets that had been stowed in the flitter, and then went for a swim in the surprisingly warm water. Kirk was surprised by a feeling of trepidation as he waded in, and no sooner had he felt it, than Spock was at his side and a sense of calm descended. Taking a few deep breaths, he began to swim, his lover never more than a few feet from him.

Afterwards, they sat cross-legged on the ground in the shade of several small trees and ate sandwiches and salads.

“I understand,” Kirk began, “that we may hold the solutions to one another’s problems.”

T’Faylan raised an eyebrow.

“Sarek is in the process of locating a suitable wife so that I may begin a family,” Spock said succinctly. “I am given to understand from McCoy that you have found yourself in a situation that is not dissimilar.”

“We have been placed under pressure by our clan elders,” explained Heike. “Despite our bond, we are expected to do our duty.”

“Sarek will not permit a bond between Jim and me for the same reason.”

“Is it possible,” T’Faylan asked, “that he would be agreeable were you to provide heirs for your clan?”

“Heirs?” Kirk asked, puzzled, thinking it sounded very grand.

“You have not told Jim,” T’Faylan stated.

Kirk took Spock’s arm and twisted him slightly to face him. “Told me what?”

Heike grinned. “Didn’t Spock tell you he’s the heir to the House of Surak. That’s the Vulcan equivalent of royalty. You’re marrying a prince!”

“Heike!” T’Faylan admonished, but Kirk could see she didn’t really mean it.

“Spock?” he said, waiting for confirmation or a denial. Spock had said his family were ‘high profile’ but hadn’t said more than that. He had assumed he meant that was because of Sarek’s status as Vulcan’s ambassador. He would have put Heike’s comments down to a joke, but these were Vulcans talking, and they didn’t joke like this.

“I would suggest the term ‘royalty’ is somewhat inflated. However Heike is correct that my father’s clan is…was…among the most influential on Vulcan.”

Spock had already told him how much these few survivors of one wealthiest planets in the Federation had inherited between them. It wasn’t the thought of such affluence that bothered him, but that there might be pressure on Spock at some point to return home to administer the clan’s interests.

“It’s not a wonder he said no,” said Kirk, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Well, let’s worry about that later. I guess the most pressing question is, is everyone agreed about taking this step?”

When there was a general assent, Kirk said, “I'm assuming Spock will father children with both of you.” He could feel his lover’s unease with the subject and was happy to lead it.

“Actually,” Heike said a little hesitantly. “We thought it would be fitting if we had a child with each of you – T’Faylan with Spock and me with you.”

“Right,” he said, feeling himself flush. Despite what he’d once said about having no desire to have a family, it was looking as though he might become a father. The responsibility more than a little scared him. He began to empathize with Spock’s discomfort at the discussion.

“Well, I guess we need to agree on how we go with this. I’m guessing you want to do it by artificial insemination.”

Heike grinned and her eyes twinkled. “Well I—”

“Heike!” T’Faylan glared at her bondmate, which caused Heike to broaden her smile. “Yes, artificial insemination.”

Kirk heard Spock exhale and looked at him. Clearly he wasn’t interested in alternatives. Too bad as Heike was pretty cute.

“On a more practical level, how is this going to work once the kids are born?” Kirk asked. “Spock and I intend to stay in StarFleet.”

“We will be T’le’ha to you – as sisters,” T’Faylan explained.

At Kirk’s quizzical expression Heike said, “It is a concept that applies to female same sex bondings. There is one for males, T’hy’la, but it has a different connotation and is considered somewhat mythical as a concept. It not only encompasses everything from friend to lover, but implies a predestined nature to the connection.”

Despite the heat, Kirk felt a shudder pass through him, as he recognized the description. Besides him, Spock sat very still.

Unaware of the significance to the two Enterprise men of their words, T’Faylan added, “We will be custodians to all offspring we have and we will provide for their needs. You will both have complete access to them whenever you wish and we will be sure to give you regular updates on their progress. Any important issues which require a decision, we will discuss with you first. Does this meet with your requirements?” T’Faylan asked.

Kirk turned to his lover for guidance. “Your arrangements are satisfactory,” Spock responded. “We may make adjustments as the need arises.”

“Then an agreement will need to be struck,” T’Faylan said, addressing Kirk, “between the three houses involved. Given Spock’s family, I foresee no issues from the clans that I and my bondmate represent – indeed they will be most honored. The final decision will rest with Sarek.”

=_=_=_=

Kirk sat in Spock’s quarters opposite his lover while they waited for Sarek’s call to come through. He was so on edge that when the comm. chimed, he almost jumped. Across from him, he could tell Spock was less than completely calm. Beneath the desk, their legs touched in a gesture of comfort.

Spock gave the Vulcan salute. “Greetings Father.”


	16. Chapter 16

“Greetings Spock.”

There was a pregnant pause. Clearly Sarek, ambassador extraordinaire, was going to let Spock do the talking and negotiate from there.

“Captain Kirk and I have been approached by a bonded couple, T’Faylan and Heike Mallon – do you know of them?” Spock asked.

Kirk thought it likely since he didn’t think there were too many Vulcan/Human hybrid children.

“Indeed. Heike’s mother, T’Hena, served with the George Kirk and perished with him.”

“They have approached Captain Kirk and me, requesting to be t’le’ha to us both, purely for the purpose of procreation. They are prepared for all offspring to be recognized as belonging to, and heirs of, the House of Surak. Their clans are in agreement.”

“For the captain’s children to be recognized as heirs to our house, Spock, would require that he be bonded to you.”

“That is correct,” said Spock, a Kirk noticed a look of steely determination on his face.

There was a temporary halt to the dialogue and Kirk wished he could see Sarek’s face.

“So you have not given up your original proposal,” Sarek said finally.

“Indeed not, Father. I am aware that such a union may not be logical. But, I wish to bond with James Kirk because…I love him.”

Kirk felt a tightening of his chest and his eyes prickled at the intensity with which Spock had said the words, and the cost to him of such an admission to his own father.

There was a long pause and the way Spock was staring at the vidscreen, he could tell father and son were looking at each other and exchanging some kind of unspoken communication.

“Then I will not stand in your way, Spock. I accept the proposition made by T’Faylan and Heike.”

Kirk sat beaming at Spock, who kept his face carefully schooled and his eyes steadfastly on the monitor.

“Will the bonding ceremony take place while the Enterprise remains in orbit?” Sarek asked.

“That is our wish. The ship’s schedule has been extended by four days. We therefore have five days remaining.”

“Then I will conclude my business here early and return to the colony to preside over it,” Sarek confirmed. “May I speak with the captain?”

Kirk look startled for a moment. The wily fox knew all the time he was there. He got up and walked to stand behind Spock.

“Captain. It would seem you have captured my son’s heart in your brief acquaintance with him. While it may appear precipitous, it bears a remarkable resemblance to my own experience with Spock’s mother, Amanda, to whom I proposed two weeks after we met. I did not live a day to regret it. From what I understand from Elder Sepak, I believe neither will you.”

Kirk was trying really hard to hold back a beaming smile. Sarek may have been married to a Human, but he didn’t need to have an overly effusive show of affection from his future son-in-law.

“James, I am given to understand from a previous conversation with Spock that you wish to remain as captain and first officer – the first bonded command team in StarFleet to serve on a starship. While you may have considered me a daunting challenge to overcome in order to obtain your desire, you have yet to convince Admiral Nogura. I have had a number of dealings with him over the years. He makes a formidable adversary. To use Earth parlance, I wish you luck.” He held up his hand in salute. “Live long and prosper, Spock, James.”

Kirk swallowed hard, his smile gone. He put his hand up and managed the salute without help.

When the screen went blank, he leaned forward and, putting his arms about Spock’s shoulders, waited for the Spock to turn his head so he could kiss him. Then, in answer to Spock’s declaration to his father, he leaned towards a delicately pointed ear and whispered, “I love you too.”

He broke away from the hug. “Can we go back to my quarters to talk?” While he was happy and excited that they’d overcome that huge hurdle, he felt the need to understand why Spock hadn’t appeared to have fought harder with his father over the matter of the bonding. It was bothering him.

Once settled at his desk, he gazed at Spock. “I’m glad we’ve managed to convince your father to change his mind, but I have to admit to wondering why you didn’t fight him harder on this before. You’ve shown me that you love me, and I know you want the bond as much as I do. So I don’t understand why you seemed to just accept it when he said you had to take a wife. Can you tell me what was going on with you?”

“I have explained the need to recreate a social structure with intact family units and the matter that I, as the son of an Elder and ambassador, would be expected to set an example and to do my duty. I am uncertain what is beyond your comprehension.”

“You’ve said yourself you’ve rebelled and gone counter to what was expected of you, so why not this time? Why didn’t you think our bonding was worth fighting for?”

“I will address your first point initially. You must understand that the Vulcan concept of duty and obedience is rooted in honor and integrity, and is deeply embedded in our culture.”

“But you’ve rebelled before,” Kirk pointed out.

“The Vulcan Science Academy is a venerable institution which has been in existence for over a thousand Earth years. I was the _first and only_ student ever to decline a place that had been offered. Such rebellion was unheard of and merely served to reinforce a widely held belief that I, as a half-Human, was less than Vulcan.”

“Surely you can’t regret that, though. If you hadn’t joined StarFleet, you wouldn’t have been in the right place to save all those Elders.”

“Regret is a retrospective emotion that is illogical, since one cannot go back in time to change a course of action. I continue to believe I made the correct decision. Nevertheless that does not detract from the fact that doing so brought shame on my family.”

Kirk considered that in light of Heike’s revelation earlier that day. With Spock coming from one of the leading families on a planet of six billion, he could understand that everything he did came under the glare of the spotlight. He remembered from command training the concept of the Shadow of the Leader and wondered if Spock’s action, which would have been well publicized, had influenced other young Vulcans. He put that question to Spock.

“I am in no doubt that what I do influences others, despite my mixed heritage and the prejudice it shown me. It was the Enterprise that finally triumphed over the Narada. I, as First Officer, played a large part in Nero’s defeat and as such, I am considered to have avenged the deaths of so many of my people. Are you aware that since that time, over two hundred young Vulcans have applied to the StarFleet Academy? The timing is no coincidence.”

Kirk wasn’t aware and was taken aback. “Wow, so there are a whole bunch of Vulcans who won’t be getting married and starting families any time soon.”

“Indeed. Sarek informed me in our last communication that as head of our clan, he intended to take a wife and sire children, because it his duty to do so. Although he loved my mother, his own need to have a period of mourning is secondary to what he believes is his duty both to his clan and to those who have survived. When he is making such a great, personal sacrifice and, in addition, my own actions will likely dictate the actions of my peers, how could I defy him? Jim, it is not a matter of our bonding not being worth fighting for, but more that the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few.”

“Or the one,” Kirk added, with sudden insight. It was as though he’d been looking at Spock’s world through a gauzy veil and it had just lifted, giving him clarity of vision for the first time. “You felt that your duty to your father and your people should take precedence over your own happiness.”

Until then, he had believed Spock was blindly adhering to duty in a way that made no sense to him. He leaned forward across the desk and took Spock’s hand and smiled. “I have to say I’m beginning to worry what I’m letting myself in for, marrying into your family.”

“I am remiss for not explaining it earlier.”

“That’s okay,” Kirk said with a smirk, “you can make it up to me.” With that he brought the hand he held to his mouth and, sucking two fingers into his mouth, watched Spock melt.

=_=_=_=

Kirk left messages for his mother and brother to inform them of the bonding. Last he’d heard, his mother was on a deep space mission and his brother and wife had been working on a post doctorate research program on an Alpha Centauran colony.

As for StarFleet, after what Sarek had said, both he and Spock agreed that the best way to inform them of their up-coming change of status was by going through Admiral Pike. Kirk sent a memo, formally informing StarFleet of their impending bonding and their request to remain serving on the Enterprise, and waited for a return one to inform him when Pike would speak with him. He sent a second, unofficial, one inviting Pike to the bonding ceremony.

The following morning, when Kirk saw there was a memo direct from the chief of staff, Admiral Nogura, his heart sank.

“Spock, we’ve got a message from the Old Man himself. I want you to read this with me.”

When the Vulcan stood behind him, he leaned forward to touch the ‘read’ tab on the screen and kept still for the retinal scan.

_To: Captain James T. Kirk, USS Enterprise; Commander Spock, USS Enterprise  
From: Admiral Nogura, StarFleet Admiralty_

_Your change of status has been noted, and your request has been received and is pending a decision. You will be contacted in due course.  
_  
“Shit. What do you make of it, Spock?”

“It is impossible to speculate given we have no data on which to base a conclusion.”

That wasn’t the answer he wanted. “Then guess.”

“Guess, Jim?”

The way Spock’s head tilted to one side and regarded him as if he had just grown two heads, made him smile. “Never mind. I can’t help thinking the worst.”

“Illogical, given the lack of data. You could just as easily feel ‘the best’.”

Kirk grinned at that. “You know, I’ve been rushing through this and I’ve realized we’ve missed out having some important discussions.”

“Such as?”

“What do we do if they won’t let us keep the Enterprise? And what if they do and one day, you or I have to send or watch the other go into a dangerous situation? We should talk about these things.”

“I agree, but were we to discuss this now, we will have insufficient time for breakfast if we are not to be late for the ambassador’s project meeting.”

As if on cue, Kirk’s stomach rumbled audibly. “I’m refusing to let myself get worried about Nogura’s decision. Meanwhile, we need to tell the senior crew about the bonding. I want to talk to Bones before that. Are you going to speak to Uhura?”

“I believe I should,” said Spock though Kirk could see it wasn’t something he was relishing.

Kirk wondered if a bit of news he’d withheld on privacy grounds might make it easier for him. “It might help you to know that Uhura and McCoy are something of an item.”

He saw Spock’s eyes widen slightly. “By ‘an item’, I take it to mean romantically involved?”

“Yes. It’s not even been going as long as we have and I don’t know whether it’s a quick shipboard fling or something more serious.” He considered that for a moment, and then added, “I have to say, knowing Bones, he doesn’t really do flings.”

“Indeed. This knowledge will be of great assistance.”

Kirk grinned. “I bet you anything she already knows about us, and not from Bones, either.”

“Why do you say that? I believe we have been most discreet.”

“Yeah, but you can’t get past female intuition. They’ve got a radar – or in our case, a ‘gaydar’ – which is pretty accurate for picking up unconscious signals.”

“Indeed? ‘Gaydar’ is a new term for me.”

Kirk grinned.

They arrived at the mess hall to find McCoy sitting on his own eating breakfast and Uhura in line to get hers. Kirk sat down opposite the doctor with a cheerful “Good morning!”

“There’s nothing good about it,” said McCoy irritably. Kirk watched him push the food around on his plate but not actually put any into his mouth. After three years at close quarters with his irascible friend, the reason for his irritability was obvious.

“Let me guess, Scotty introduced you to his latest batch of hooch last night.”

“How did you—”

“Not that I would believe for a moment he was doing anything like that on the Enterprise,” he cut in with a wink.

“Why are you looking like the cat that got the canary?” asked McCoy resentfully. “You’re too damn perky for this hour of the morning.”

After his reactions the day before, Kirk had no idea how McCoy was going to take this latest news, especially if he wasn’t in the greatest of moods.

“Sarek has given us the green light on the bonding. It’s happening in three days.”

McCoy’s eyes were like saucers. “Sarek’s given you his blessing? What about Nogura?”

Kirk’s grin faded. “Don’t know. Just got a memo from him saying we’ll hear in due course.”

“Any idea which way it’ll fall?” McCoy used his fork to half-heartedly push at some bacon on his plate, but only succeeding in moving it around without attempting to pick it up.

“You tell me. The man’s a strategist. I guess he’ll do whatever’s good for StarFleet. Sarek said something about him being a formidable adversary, whatever that’s supposed to mean. I guess he’s warning us not to get into his bad books.”

“I’m still not convinced if push came to shove, that either of you would be able to put your duty before each other. I guess the delay is because Nogura may be considering that. You can bet your bottom dollar he’ll have gone over the report of the accident on the survey with a fine tooth comb and seen what Spock did to bring you back.”

Kirk knew it was pointless arguing with Bones. They’d not had any dangerous missions to use as evidence and the one time one of them _had_ been in danger, Spock as acting captain, had really not acquitted himself too well from a strictly StarFleet point of view. Yes, he’d brought his captain back, but he’d done it by behaving quite illogically and risked his own life when undertaking the meld with the ambassador. Maybe Bones wouldn’t be convinced until another situation presented itself where one or other of them put the ship above their bondmate. Then again, maybe Nogura would take them off the ship and the whole thing would be a moot point. He really didn’t want to think of that right now as he knew it could go either way. Focusing on the negative would just make him feel bad.

“You’ve not said anything about Spock and me getting hitched,” he said, changing the subject.

“I’ll be honest, Jim. I honestly don’t get what you see in the…in him. You’re a man of passion, and he’s…”

“Bones,” Kirk cut in, “on the F16 Temperament scale you come out as an introvert, which means you’re naturally reserved and private. You let me see a side to you that most don’t see. You like to come across as all gruff and sarky, but underneath that are a bunch of much softer emotions. And I’ll bet there are things you’ve let Uhura see about you that I’ve never seen. It’s the same with Spock. He’s another introvert, only he’s off the scale when it comes to privacy and not showing what’s really going on inside. So you don’t get to see what I’ve seen. And what I’ve seen I like very much.”

“I’ll accept what you say, but I still don’t see it myself.”

“You seemed willing enough yesterday to help us out. I don’t get you, Bones. You blow hot then cold.”

“Maybe because my own feelings about it are so mixed up,” he said at length. “And this fucking hangover isn’t helping me much. You’re really not catching me at a good time.”

It was Bones’ way of saying ‘drop it’. Kirk sighed. This really wasn’t going well.

The doctor regarded him earnestly. “I just hope you make a better go of it than I did.” There was a note of truth underlying the gruff humor.

Given how disparaging McCoy had been when he’d first discovered them together, the comment was more than Kirk could have asked for and leaning forward, slapped McCoy on his upper arm. The doctor didn’t pay any attention, his eyes riveted on something. Kirk turned to look and saw Spock and Uhura sitting at another table, their heads close together as they talked.

“She knows, you know.” McCoy said.

Kirk smiled. “I figured she might. Not a lot gets past her.”

“Interestingly, she realized before we arrived here.”

Kirk was surprised. “Really? So she figured it out before either of us did.” When he considered it, though, there had been a lot of tension between them that was probably sexual, and quite a bit more touching than guys normally do with each other. Actually, Kirk amended his thought, more touching than a Vulcan would do at all.

Kirk was curious. McCoy and Uhura had obviously talked about him and Spock. “So, how are things going with you two?” he asked casually. McCoy’s famous natural reserve meant there was a good chance he wouldn’t get an answer to his question.

McCoy glared at him, his face saying that subject was off-limits. 

“Hey come on. You get to walk in to my quarters unannounced and find me and Spock in bed together, and you won’t say _anything_ about what’s going on with you two?”

“That was an accident. How did you work it out?”

Kirk wasn’t going to get side-tracked that easily. “Let’s just saying making out in a turbolift wasn’t the smartest thing you’ve done. You know they’re all equipped with cameras, don’t you?”

McCoy flushed. “Fuck. Shit.”

Kirk held his hand up. “It’s okay. There’s only one tape which Giotto put into my safe-keeping.”

McCoy looked flabbergasted. “You mean you haven’t erased it?”

Kirk grinned. “Tell you what, I’ll give it to you as a memento of when the CMO and CO first got to neck.” Kirk couldn’t resist a little teasing and added, “You had some good lip technique going there. I thought you were going to suck her face off.”

“Jim!” McCoy harshly whispered, looking appalled.

Kirk grinned evilly. “I need to get something to eat. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Get me a black coffee while you’re there,” McCoy called.

After Spock and Uhura had finished their talk, the four of them ended up sitting together for breakfast, although Jim noticed McCoy never did finish his food and wasn’t certain he’d even got started on it. With some time to spare, they made to stand up when Uhura turned to Kirk.

“Jim, before you go, can I have a quick word?”

Noticing the use of his given name, he knew whatever she was going to say wasn’t official business.

“I’ll drop by your quarters when I’m done,” he said to Spock. As his First and the doctor headed for the exit, Kirk turned to Uhura. “If you get to call me Jim, does that mean I get to call you Nyota?”

“I just wanted to congratulate you on your upcoming bonding,” she began.

So, that’s a ‘no’ to the name thing, Jim thought with an inward smile.

“I think you know I had a hard time accepting what Spock and I shared had come to an end. I was just coming to terms with it when I began to realize that you two were flirting around each other and—.”

“What? Flirting? When?” He was genuinely surprised by that pronouncement.

She cocked her head to one side. “You honestly didn’t realize, did you? The two of you touched each other a lot, you were always standing much closer together than is normal, you held eye contact longer than is usual. Ironically, all that’s stopped once you properly got together.”

“You’re right, I was kind of aware, but not. It wasn’t intentional on my part – I mean I wasn’t thinking, yeah, I’ll go after Spock.”

“Well, seeing Spock like that with you brought back a lot of feelings I thought I’d gotten over. But working on the colony and seeing the plight of these people has put a lot of stuff into perspective for me, and taking the emotion out of it, Spock and I _did_ make the right decision.”

“I’m glad you feel that way,” Kirk said sincerely.

“There’s a part of me – the cautious, rational part – that thinks you’re rushing into this bonding thing too quickly. You had quite a reputation at the Academy, so taking such a final step seems a bit crazy. But the other, intuitive, part of me can see that the two of you…I know this sounds fanciful, but it’s like you were made for each other. I see the way you work seamlessly when you’re in tune with each other and the bond will only enhance that. I’m going to go with my female intuition and believe it’s going to work out for you. So, congratulations. I just hope for your sakes, that Nogura goes along with it.”

That was about the longest exchange he’d had with Uhura outside a work context. “Thanks. I’m going with my intuition too. Did Spock tell you the prerequisite to Sarek accepting the bond?”

“You mean that fact he has to have children?” Uhura asked.

“Yeah. Well, being a father – having kids – is way more scary to me, than the thought I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with Spock.”

Uhura laughed. “I don’t know why you’re scared. You get the best of both worlds – to have kids and see them grow up, but not have all the day to day angst of bringing them up.”

Yeah, there was that.

They took the turbolift together to Deck 5 and just as they were about to part outside Spock’s quarters, Uhura said, “Spock seems…happy. But I’m telling you, Jim, if you do anything to shatter that, I’ll have your balls for breakfast.” With that, she smiled sweetly and sashayed down the corridor humming, leaving Jim grinning at her.

“Bones, I _think_ , is kind of okay with us getting hitched,” said Kirk when he got inside. “Although it’s hard to tell because he’s hungover this morning. I think it’s best summed up that the jury’s out for him on whether either of us will be able to make the right command decisions if one or the other were in danger. How did your chat go?”

“Uhura congratulates us and has offered to assist with the arrangements. She believes these occasions benefit from, and I quote, ‘a feminine touch’ and intends to work with Ensign Stewart. I am rather inclined to agree.”

“So no hard feelings?” Kirk asked to make certain. This had happened so quickly, it wasn’t just him and Spock who were going to need to adjust.

“Apparently not. She is puzzled by the speed and is surprised that you are willing to make such a commitment at this point in your life.”

Kirk grinned. “Yeah, she said as much to me, and with my reputation, too.” His face took on a more serious look. “I don’t think I would have committed if I hadn’t had access to the knowledge we have. It’s not that I would love you less, but more that I’d have been too scared to risk it. Or at least it would have taken me a lot longer. The ambassador and his captain wasted years. We don’t need to – we can learn from them.”

“It is indeed a unique opportunity – a gift.”

Kirk looked at Spock thoughtfully. “Speaking of gifts, I need to speak to you about something I’ve been thinking about.”

They ended up being the last to arrive at the meeting and Spock whispered that actually they were late and Sepak must have delayed the start for them. Kirk kicked himself. Once word was out about their bonding, they were going to be under a lot more scrutiny and needed to show an impeccably professional demeanor at all times.

At the end of the meeting, Kirk and Spock took the ambassador to a corner for a brief conference.

“We’ve had the green light from Sarek but we’ve yet to hear from StarFleet,” said Kirk in a whisper. “The bonding’s going ahead in three days.”

The ambassador nodded and Kirk thought he had a look of satisfaction on his face, though he wasn’t sure how he could tell because his expression had barely changed. “I offer you my congratulations, Spock, Jim. I will leave you to your staff meeting.”

“Before you go,” said Kirk, “if you’re interested, would you have time for a tour of the Enterprise? I’m free any time as McCoy won’t let me pick up anything heavier than a knife and fork.”

The ambassador’s eyes twinkled. “I would most certainly be interested. Perhaps after your staff meeting is concluded?”

Kirk grinned. “Sounds good – where shall I meet you?”

“I shall be in my quarters, if you come and find me there.”

The ambassador then left and Kirk chaired the project update meeting as usual. The four-day extension had been welcomed and Uhura presented the updated project plan. After reports from all staff Kirk sat back and felt his heart begin to pound. He caught his First’s eye and gave him a signal before getting up. Spock rose and came to stand calmly at parade rest beside him.

“Spock and I have a rather…unusual announcement to make. The day before the Enterprise is scheduled to leave the colony, Spock and I will go through a Vulcan bonding ceremony—”

“Bonding, sir?” Sulu asked uncertainly, looking like he thought he knew but wanted to make sure.

Kirk grinned. “We’re getting married, Sulu.”

There was a moment of silence around the table.

“Hell, the two of you argue like an old married couple anyway,” drawled McCoy. “Congratulations Jim, Spock.”

With that, Sulu and Scott jumped to their feet and shook Kirk’s hand and not knowing what to do with Spock, slapped him on his upper arm the way they’d seen the captain do, which he seemed to take in good grace. Kirk grinned broadly at the ensuing expression on Spock’s face. 

“Would ye like me tae play ma bagpipes Cap’n?” Scott asked, smiling broadly.

Kirk had never been fond of pipes, thinking they sounded more like the death-throws of the Arcturian singing eel than a musical instrument. “Ah, it’s kind of you to offer…”

“Vulcan bondings follow a strict protocol and music is not included,” said Spock jumping in, much to Kirk’s relief. “There will, however, be bells.”

“So no ‘Here Comes the Bride’, then?” McCoy asked with what looked to Kirk as suspiciously like a smirk.

“Hardly, Doctor, since we are technically both grooms,” Spock said haughtily, which made Kirk grin.

“I guess that means no posy to throw, either,” Uhura added.

Kirk glared at her.

“Chekov would make a nice page-boy,” Sulu mused.

Uhura grinned. “You just want an excuse to get him all dressed up.”

Sulu blushed and Kirk noted it with interest. Had he been missing something there? he wondered. Dear god, the Enterprise was turning into a fucking loveboat. Though with so many very young crew, he shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Will Jim be wearing a penguin suit and top hat?” Scott asked. “Because I could loan ye one of ma kilts.”

Spock’s eyebrow flew up. “The captain will be wearing traditional Vulcan dress for the occasion.”

Uhura snorted. “That should be interesting if the pictures I’ve seen are anything to go by.”

Kirk felt alarmed. “Should I be worried, Spock?”

“I believe Ms. Uhura is, to use the vernacular, winding you up, Jim. The garb is functional and monotone in color.”

“It’s a pity,” Uhura retorted. “I think Jim would look cute in Scotty’s kilt.”

-=-=-

Kirk, Sulu and the ambassador beamed aboard a short time later, Sulu heading to the bridge where he was duty senior officer of the watch.

“Is there any place you’d like to start?” Kirk asked. “I suggest we end with the bridge.”

“Very well. Perhaps engineering to begin with?”

They also took in the science labs, shuttle hangar deck, botanical garden, weaponry and auxiliary control. The tour had been going for two hours when they reached their penultimate point, the forward observation deck. At each department, the ambassador described to Kirk the differences between his version of the original Enterprise and the one he was now on. It sounded like they used pretty out-dated technology on it, where Kirk’s ship was state-of-the-art.

“I wonder if there’s anything on your old ship that _we_ don’t have,” Kirk mused, leaning on a rail, looking through the transparent aluminum viewport. He stared out at the stars which looked like specks of diamond dust sprinkled on a black velvet canvas.

“Unlikely,” the ambassador responded, standing beside him, “if I understand you to mean an item more advanced technologically. I did have the opportunity to visit Enterprise D, which was commissioned in 2363 – over a hundred years from now.”

The words captured Kirk’s imagination. “What was…will she be like?” Since the whole time-travel thing, he constantly struggled with tenses when referring to aspects of it.

“Powerful, sleek, beautiful.”

“They’re quite emotional terms,” Kirk said turning to his companion and smiling.

“Does the Enterprise not bring out the emotion in you?” the ambassador challenged.

“Yes. Yes she does,” Kirk responded. He patted the rail he was leaning on. “I’m very proud of her. Proud to be her captain.”

He turned to fully face the ambassador. “I never got a chance to thank you for helping save my life.” Kirk shook his head. “I seem to be saying that to a lot of people.” Spock, Giotto, Charalam, Bones, the ambassador. Quite a list, he thought, feeling unaccountably embarrassed.

“I am gratified you were able to make a full recovery.”

“Apart from the talking thing. I can’t speak as fast as I could before. Bones says that may improve, but he’s not certain. How’s Saival doing, do you know?”

“He went into a healing trance for two days and is now fully recovered. Interestingly, Soveran had been one of those opposed to the sharing of information about Vulcans that was previously withheld. He has come to reassess that in the light of the Enterprise’s medical team saving the life of his grandson, using that very information to achieve it. He recognizes that McCoy was correct – had he adopted a more orthodox approach, Saival’s life would have been lost. He speaks very highly of doctors McCoy and M’Benga.”

Kirk grinned. “It’s good to know we made at least one convert.”

Spock smiled. “With the work being carried out by the Enterprise crew, I assure you, you have made many.”

They fell into a comfortable silence for a while. Kirk watched the line of shadow on the planet below separating day from night, slowly creep westward. It was one of those majestic sights which was impossible to do justice to when trying to describe it to anyone who had never been off planet.

“Did you know Sarek’s going to get married again?” Kirk asked out of the blue.

“I was aware, yes. I did attempt to dissuade him from insisting Spock do likewise, but I was unsuccessful. He can be most single-minded at times.”

“Stubborn.”

“As I said.”

“Spock was ready to do it, you know. Get married. I was angry he didn’t fight our corner – didn’t even try to.”

“Sarek is attempting to do what he considers the correct course of action. It is unfortunate he has lost Amanda. She was the one person who tempered some of what she considered to be his more extreme decisions. Spock feels the burden of duty now, more than ever. Growing up in the limelight was never a comfortable experience for me. I believe it was the same for him. There is also a sense of guilt, I believe, that he did not join the colony when he meant to. I believe, in his position, I would also have felt compelled to return.”

“Felt compelled? You seem to display your emotions a lot more than Spock,” he commented.

“I indulge on occasion,” he agreed. “My Jim accepted me unequivocally as Vulcan. Yet he was delighted by any show of emotion I was willing to make when we were alone together. Not only did he enjoy witnessing a temporary loss of control, but he felt special that he alone was, as he once put it, gifted with the experience.”

“Yeah,” Kirk grinned. “I get that.” A thought struck him. “Spock says I can choose two friends to join me for the bonding. I was wondering if you’d be willing to be one of them?”

The ambassador’s lips quirked. “I would be honored, Jim.”

“Good. Thanks,” Kirk grinned. “Now, to the pièce de résistance: the bridge!”

As they entered, Sulu grinned from the captain’s chair and began to stand up.

“It’s okay Lieutenant, we’re not stopping.”

Kirk became aware of the bridge crew looking at him and frowned before remembering that Sulu had probably told them about his upcoming bonding. Well, it was a bolt from the blue for them so he wasn’t surprised they were looking at him like he’d turned into a strange alien.

The tour finally ended, they walked back to the transporter room. Kirk intended to remain on board as the daily backlog of paperwork was building up again. He’d enjoyed spending time with the ambassador and was sorry his visit to the colony was to end soon.

In the corridor, the older Vulcan paused. “I confess I am curious, Jim, from whom in StarFleet are you awaiting endorsement?”

“Admiral Nogura. Do you know him?”

“Yes. Nogura is a formidable man, Jim. Be wary of him.”

“Thanks for the advice. Sarek said something similar, so I guess there’s no smoke without fire. I just hope he makes up his mind soon as this waiting’s killing me.”

“I believe you will find,” the ambassador replied dryly, “that is the whole point.”


	17. Chapter 17

It was only two days before The Big Day, as Kirk had come to call it – or in his more private, nervous moments when he was feeling a teeny bit overwhelmed by it all, Doomsday. He found himself surprised at the scale of it all, having given over the organization of the whole post-bonding shebang to Uhura at her request. Given how tightly she had organized the rotations for all the projects, he knew she’d do a great job.

He was silently suffering the fitting of his ceremonial wear – a sleeveless silver tunic over a black sleeveless undershirt and pants – and had a creeping suspicion that maybe Uhura hadn’t been entirely joking about traditional Vulcan attire. It wasn’t a kilt, but he didn’t feel much less uncomfortable in this outfit. Whatever, he was going to make damn sure the wedding pictures got buried.

He didn’t want to know what was happening on the Vulcan side of things, but he knew it was Big. Spock, he had discovered. after taking the trouble to actually find out, was heir not to _‘one of the most influential clans’_ as he’d modestly put it, but something closer to Heike’s description, The Most Revered Clan In All Vulcan. Spock’s grandmother, who had unfortunately not survived, had been powerful enough to have turned down a seat on the Federation Council.

 _No-one_ had ever done that before. Maybe that’s who Spock inherited his rebelliousness from, he thought with an inward smile.

He found the prospect of joining the family daunting, although with the severely diminished numbers, perhaps less so than he would have done before. As far as he could make out, because Vulcan was an alien culture and he still hadn’t gotten a handle on it yet, as bondmate to Spock he was considered a fully-fledged member of the clan, and to Sarek, he was less than a son, but more than a son-in-law. There was no Terran equivalent that he knew of.

The clan itself was like an extended family, but how anyone got to be in it was still a mystery to him. There were Vulcans who were barely related to Spock in it, and yet one first cousin of Spock’s who’d survived, belonged to another clan. He wasn’t sure how Heike and T’Faylan would fit in either because they belonged to T’Faylan’s clan but their offspring would be part of Spock’s. In fact, the first one would formally be Spock’s heir and was the reason, Spock had explained when Kirk began asking him a ton of questions, why the conception was to be with T’Faylan – to maximize on the Vulcan genes they shared between them. It was all very complicated and gave him a headache just thinking about it.

Then there were the _official duties_. He wasn’t just Spock’s bondmate, but also his _consort_. At any official functions within the clan such as weddings, funerals, kas-wans – Spock had explained that particular rite of passage and he’d found it pretty barbaric given the risks a child so young would have to take to pass – and other traditional Vulcan celebrations that they might attend should they be available, he would be expected to sit at the head table with Sarek – and his new wife, once he’d selected her. That thought still chilled him, because it felt so mercenary, but he recognized that that was the Vulcan Way. He would have to stop comparing Vulcan cultural practices with those with which he was familiar because it really didn’t work that way.

He wondered how Sarek was going to go about finding a suitable bondmate. _Logically_ , he thought, obviously. But he’d spoken about how he’d fallen in love with Amanda and he thought it unlikely Sarek would find another such match. As for how Spock felt about it, he hadn’t even gotten close to broaching that subject and neither had Spock brought it up, which itself spoke volumes.

As he began to feel a little overwhelmed with it all, he found himself questioning his haste and wondering whether they really should have waited and gotten used to the whole idea. Maybe they should have talked more instead of leaping into bed, just so he’d have known what to expect. But in the initial euphoria after coming out of his coma, he hadn’t been more certain of anything in life, than that Spock be his. And to do it properly meant bonding.

Spock had also let him know that the Night Before The Big Day, they would have to sleep separately. It was apparently considered bad form for the couple to be getting any nooky – sharing intimacy, as Spock had phrased it. They were supposed to spend that time in deep meditation and reflection. Right. Like that was going to happen when he was already fighting a bout of last-minute nerves, although no matter how nervous he got, he wouldn’t be asking McCoy for any hypospray treatments. The man was a menace with them. 

This bonding _was_ a big deal, even though he knew it was what he wanted – what _they_ wanted. But the quiet little affair he’d have preferred was never going to happen, he acknowledged ruefully. Not when Spock’s clan was this important.

Half-way through the fitting, Charalam showed up. Of _course_ she would and right at a point when he had both his arms raised, as if in supplication, while a Vulcan tailor was doing strange things in the region of his armpits. He tried very hard to look captainly and authoritative, but it was hard when he was trying really hard not to wriggle because, damn it, he was very ticklish right there.

If she thought his garb as unflattering as he did, she didn’t show it. He tried not to glare at her, because she’d saved his life and because apparently Spock had sent her, having been unable to raise him on his communicator.

“Sorry to disturb you, Captain,” she began. “Commander Spock has been trying to reach you. He asked me to let you know he’ll be unavoidably delayed by a few minutes for his appointment with Dr. McCoy.”

He hoped to god Spock didn’t tell her the reason for the appointment. Just the thought made him blush.

“Right, thanks, ensign. I left my communicator in the other room. While you’re here,” and not catching me at my best, he thought, as the tailor moved his left arm back and forth like he was a full-sized doll, “I’ve not had a chance to say this to you, but thanks for saving my life, and the lives of the others.”

Charalam blushed. Kirk watched in interest as she stared at the floor and shuffled around slightly uneasily. “You’re welcome, Sir.”

“And thanks too for the coffee selection. I’ve said it in my head each time I’ve pulled up an espresso or a cappuccino. I’m sorry I called you out after you’d spent the night doing that for me.”

If it was possible, Charalam went an even darker shade of red.

“I was happy to do that, Sir,” she addressed the floor.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Kirk formally dismissed her and she left like her tail was on fire.

Not in the greatest of moods after the fitting, Kirk went to meet McCoy at the Vulcan Medical Center. The appointment was set for half an hour later, but he wanted to talk to his friend alone, beforehand.

He found McCoy sitting at a small table in a treatment room with several datapadds spread out in front of him. The walls were painted with an irregular swirling design in earthy colors that seemed to flow around the room and behind the doctor was a bio-bed with a set of stirrups.

“Welcome to one of the delivery rooms -- this is where T’Lena was born.”

Kirk had forgotten about the doctor’s little accomplishment. “How’s she doing?”

“Fit and healthy and both parents alive. She’s in a small minority here having an intact family. What do you think of the artwork?”

Kirk followed the swirls around two walls and then looked back to McCoy. “Nice, calming, why?”

“When I got here the walls were all white. Not the greatest of atmospheres when you’re in labor. So Christine came up with the idea of getting artists in and painting murals. So, you found it calming, eh? Last minute nerves?” he asked, cheerily.

Kirk threw him a black look. The doctor had always had an uncanny ability to read him well.

“I hope you haven’t come looking for sympathy, Jim. The only place around here you’ll find it, is in the dictionary, somewhere between shit and syphilis.”

“It’s good to know your friends are there for you,” Kirk ground out morosely. He knew Bones was only half joking It was going to take him time to adjust from being number one in his life. It would be a lot easier if he and Spock got on better.

“Look Jim. It’s not the relationship I have trouble with – you could go screw a Cignarian slug for all I care. What I don’t get is the rush – I mean Spock’s not rutting in Pon Farr or anything.”

Kirk gazed for a moment at the worried face and considered his answer. “The rush is because StarFleet won’t accept the relationship without the bond, and Spock’s too important to me for me to go sneaking into his quarters in the middle of the night like we’re having some tawdry affair, or worry that my yeoman will do what you did if I forget to lock my door one time.”

McCoy grinned at that last. “Yeah, that _was_ a bit of a shock,” he acknowledged. “Surely they’d accept an engagement, wouldn’t they?” he added. “I bet Sarek could do some negotiating on your behalf. You’ve not had time to carefully explore the relationship and get to know each other properly. I’ll bet there’s still lots of stuff you’re learning about him two days before you trot up the aisle with him. And the fact that in all the time I’ve known you, you’ve been a commitment-phobe, means this makes even less sense to me.”

“Yeah well, I’ve never understood long engagements. Once you’ve decided someone is the right person, why wait?”

“Because it’s the prudent thing to do? You haven’t had time to find out if you’re even compatible.”

“You’re forgetting he’s a telepath, Bones. Just through our melds we probably know more about each other than people who’ve been married years.”

McCoy winced and Kirk guessed, being such a private person, that he’d have difficulty understanding how he could be okay with that.

“The idea of someone poking around inside my head fills me with horror.” He paused a moment and then added, “I guess because I don’t know Spock the way you do, one of the problems is I’m having a hard time imagining the two of you together.”

“I’d rather you didn’t!” Kirk said in a mock scandalized voice.

“I don’t mean like that! I mean generally. You’re passionate and demonstrative and—”

“Like I’ve said before, so is Spock.” He obviously hadn’t believed it because he saw an incredulous look on McCoy’s face and emphasized, “He _is_. Just because he doesn’t drool over me in public—”

“He drools in private?” McCoy interrupted with a devilish look on his face.

“No he doesn’t drool. Will you quit putting words in my mouth. I’m trying to tell you that he’s different when we’re alone. He’s been brought up in a culture where the public display of emotions is considered to be a sign of weakness, something to be disdained.”

“Yeah, but Spock turned his back on Vulcan. He works with Humans who _do_ show their emotions, and who need some kind of feedback,” McCoy argued.

“Why can’t people accept him for what he is, Bones?” And both of them knew Kirk was talking about him. “Why try to make him more Human? The kind of conditioning he went through is so deep-seated he couldn’t change now, even if he wanted – which he doesn’t, by the way, and I don’t want him to either. I get all the feedback I need from him.”

“I’m not saying he should start laughing or crying all over the place, but if he could be just a little bit less…uptight, sometimes, it would help.”

“Help? Help who? I _need_ him to be like he is. He’s the foil for my impulsiveness, for those times when I’m _too emotional_ to make the best command decisions I can, like when one or other of us – or any crew member for that matter – has to be sent into a dangerous situation. I’m banking on that ability of his – I want and need that cool, calm rationality to balance me.”

Kirk could see McCoy’s mind working on that one and gave him a minute to reflect on his words.

“Okay, granted Spock has the right to be any way he wants to be,” the doctor agreed, “as long as it’s not negatively impacting others, but if he can’t learn to connect with his shipmates or staff, he’s headed for trouble.”

“I think you’re making a huge assumption, Bones, based on the way you experience him. Just because you and he don’t see eye to eye doesn’t mean he’s not connecting with people, it’s just not the way that you might consider best, by being obvious and open about it. Spock’s a very subtle being. Go down to the science labs and ask any of his staff what they think about him. They practically hero-worship him.”

“Yeah well the rational type seems to be the de facto standard in his department, so it’s no wonder.”

“Bones, you’re now privy to Vulcan’s biggest, deepest, most shameful secret that they’ve kept from the Federation all these years. They _can_ experience emotions. But they learned to control them from such an early age that they honestly don’t feel them most of the time. And then the males have Pon Farr – absolute and total loss of control.”

 _It brings a madness which cleaves from us our veneer of civilization…to have our logic ripped from us as this time does to us.  
_  
“As if that’s not hard enough to deal with,” Kirk continued, “can you imagine, when they saw their planet destroyed? When they psychically experienced the deaths of six billion of their people, having their telepathic bonds torn away from them by that catastrophe, what it must have done to their control? You saw what it did to Spock.”

“If Spock didn’t spend all his time holding back on his emotions,” McCoy countered, “he wouldn’t have let rip like that. All that repression isn’t healthy.”

That stopped Kirk in his tracks. The doctor _did_ have a point. He wondered how he could express it in a way that made sense.

“You’re right in a way, but not the way you mean. When emotions do surface in Vulcans, they’re far stronger than we can begin to imagine. What we saw when Spock erupted on the bridge was a typical Vulcan, before Surak’s time, expressing anger. They were _violent_ people with violent emotions. They nearly destroyed themselves with them. So it’s not that holding them back increases the strength of their emotions to that extent, it’s more that’s their normal state when they don’t control them.”

He watched as a dawning understanding broke out on McCoy’s face. Kirk grinned. “I don’t know about you, but I’d just as soon not have Spock express himself in that way, myself. And that’s where Sepak stepped in.”

“Why, what’s he been doing?”

“He helped Spock understand the difference, when it comes to emotions, between repression and control.”

“Which is…?”

“Repression is just keeping a lid on it, but certain things may trigger it and it can blow at any time. Control is about noticing the emotion may exist as a reaction to any given situation, but letting it go before it has time to manifest itself in any way. They have special techniques for doing that, so that lots of them don’t feel emotions at all – they’ve kind of reached a place of imperturbability. And that’s what Sepak’s helped Spock with.”

“Imperturbability?” McCoy asked, and he had a particular look on his face that Kirk recognized.

“Don’t you dare see that as a challenge!” Kirk laughed, but there was a note of seriousness underneath the banter which he knew the doctor would hear. He was in no doubt that Bones and Spock would continue to needle each other, but at least now, underneath the grumpy exterior he liked to portray, the doctor would better understand Spock.

“So, how would you like to be best man?”

McCoy’s face broke out into a grin. “I’d be honored, Jim.”

“There’s not much for you to do at the ceremony, except walk by my side to the grounds, but you get to do the speech at the party afterwards. Just—” Kirk grinned, “don’t embarrass me too much, okay?”

McCoy’s gleeful expression told him he should be afraid. “You can count on me Jim,” he said with what Kirk could only describe as an evil smile.

“There are going to be Vulcan dignitaries there. So just don’t tell them about the time you dared me on a bottle of Romulan ale to run through the campus in a pink tutu, or that party on the beach where I was so blind drunk I didn’t know someone had shoved a firework rocket in my ass until someone lit the touch paper… or—”

McCoy held up his hand. “Jim, it’s okay. I get the picture.”

Kirk did not feel reassured. The conversation was cut short by Spock’s arrival.

“A firework in your—?”

“Don’t ask,” Kirk cut him off, not in the least bit fooled by the innocent expression.

“First degree burns. Lucky there was a doctor on hand,” McCoy grinned. “And he howled like a baby!”

Kirk glared at McCoy. He hadn’t been able to comfortably sit for days. “It was fucking painful.”

“Really?” Spock said and eyed Kirk speculatively. “It was most fortunate you were on hand, doctor, to prevent permanent damage to that portion of his anatomy.”

McCoy laughed as Kirk scowled. “Bastard.”

“Who, me or him?” the doctor asked.

“Both of you.” He pretended to look annoyed, though he knew both of them would see through it. A little loss of dignity was worth it if it helped bring McCoy around to seeing a different side of Spock, and Spock, bless him, was clearly prepared to go along with him. “And both of you can spare me the details of your parents’ marital status at the time of your birth.”

McCoy grinned, and Spock’s eyebrows went up as if to look affronted.

“Well now,” McCoy rubbed his hands together. Kirk knew what was coming and began to feel real embarrassment. “To the reason you’re both here. Did you read the stuff I sent you on artificial insemination?”

“We did, doctor,” Spock answered smoothly.

McCoy walked over to a cabinet and produced two cups. “You’ll need to come back tomorrow to donate more. Oh, and no sex between times. I take it last night you didn’t—”

“No, we didn’t. We really _did_ read the material, Bones.” No sex for _three_ days. Well, he and Spock would need to make the most of the donation experience then. It was, he reminded himself, all in a good cause, helping the Vulcan people back on their feet. You couldn’t more worthy than that, he reflected.

“You’ll need to go into separate cubicles to avoid cross contamination,” McCoy said with almost too much glee.

Kirk’s spirits slumped. McCoy seemed determined to take away any possibility of enjoyment from this experience. He was, after all, in the process of creating another living being. He was finding the thought of having a child was a weird concept to get his head around. He had decided not to tell his mother about the special arrangement – that was a bridge he could cross as and when he heard Heike was pregnant.

“That will be unnecessary, doctor,” Spock objected. “As a trained scientist I can assure you I will see to it that a strict sterile environment will be maintained.”

Thank you, Kirk thought appreciatively, and decided he loved Spock even more for being willing to forego his natural need for privacy in front of McCoy. They _would_ have fun.

“All right, but no—”

“I _understand_ , Doctor,” Spock interrupted with emphasis effectively closing the discussion. Kirk grinned at Spock, then at McCoy, who scowled back.

When they were safely behind a closed, locked door, Kirk asked, “No what?”

Spock’s lips quirked. “Fellatio. Saliva contamination would render the sample unusable.”

Kirk smiled brightly. “A hand job it is, Mr. Spock.” With that, he leaned forward and kissed Spock deeply with lips, teeth and tongue, an action that was enthusiastically reciprocated, their arousal swift, not surprising given their enforced abstinence. Kirk persuaded Spock that they undress fully and stand opposite each other. Since they enjoyed pleasuring each other so much during their love-making, this was an opportunity to play the voyeur.

“You told me,” Kirk began, his voice a husky with desire, “that before we became lovers, you’d jerked yourself off, thinking of me. I want you to show me what you did.”

Keeping his eyes on Kirk, Spock began by running his hands sensually over himself, lightly skimming his stomach, his chest, pinching the nipples taut and rolling them between forefinger and thumb. His lithe, sinewy body was in the peak of condition and seemed to glow.

Kirk took hold of his already hard cock and began to pump himself slowly as Spock watched. The Vulcan took hold of his own shaft and began to work it with long strokes interspersed with small, quick jerks. His other hand, which had been tugging at a nipple, moved slowly down his torso and gently cradled his balls, rolling them lightly.

The naked sensuality, the utter lack of inhibition, the sense of banked power, made Kirk’s groin throb. He was utterly entranced by the wanton vision before him. Never in his wildest imaginings, could he have believed when Spock faced him across the room at the hearing after the Kobayashi Maru, that he could be capable of this level of carnality.

Kirk moved closer, but not so close their cocks might accidentally touch. “Put two fingers in my mouth,” he commanded.

Spock put the cup down to comply and when Kirk began to suck, a quiet moan escaped him. Kirk watched Spock closely and sucked to his rhythm. The Vulcan’s breathing became more erratic; breathless, urgent gasps caught in his throat. It was an exquisite feeling being able to drive his lover to this state.

“Jim,” he whispered, his voice strained and Kirk knew and released his fingers. Spock’s hand was almost a blur on his rigid flesh as he picked up the cup and with voluptuous abandon, came in a deep, shuddering release. A moment later Kirk followed, spilling five blissful pulses into his own small receptacle.

Kirk grinned as he fought to get his breathing under control and leaning forward, enthusiastically swiped the residue from his lover’s cock with his tongue. “Waste not, want not.”

After dressing, they handed their cups to McCoy who, seeing the contents, raised an eyebrow. While Spock stood stoically at his lover’s side, Kirk tried not to look smug at the amount of semen Spock had produced. He failed, utterly. 

“Took your time. Most people only take a few minutes,” he said.

“Yeah, well if you’re going to ban us from sex, we may as well enjoy it when we can.”

-=-=-

They had arranged to meet T’Faylan and Heike again to go to the oasis. It was a daily trip for the two women as swimming was part of Heike’s therapy and the water was a far more comfortable temperature than the stream that ran alongside the colony.

This time, Kirk had the forethought to pre-arrange a vegetarian picnic lunch with Ensign Stewart, which they picked up on the way to meeting up.

While T’Faylan and Heike went off to swim, Kirk lay on one of the blankets spread in the shade of a tree, its large oval-shaped orange leaves hanging from the branches like laundry on a clothes line. Beside him Spock sat cross-legged in the sun, apparently enjoying the heat.

The silence around them was broken by a shriek and laughter from Heike as T’Faylan pushed her under the water in a playful game of tag. The two were some way off from the shore where the water was presumably deeper and it took a moment for Heike to surface. When she did, she grabbed her bondmate and kissed her thoroughly.

Kirk felt himself react, physically, and at the same time became aware that Spock was looking at him. He pulled his gaze away to look up at the seated figure beside him.

“You are aroused by such a display.” There was no note of accusation that Kirk could hear.

“Well, yes – lots of Human males find the idea of two women together erotic. Just because I do doesn’t mean I want to do anything about it. I don’t have the kind of control over my body that you Vulcans do. I’m guessing it doesn’t affect you that way, then.” Kirk said, half question, half statement.

“You are the sole focus of such interest.”

Kirk sat up and went to take Spock’s hand, but it was quickly withdrawn, which alarmed him. “Spock, you’re the focus of mine too! You’re not jealous, are you?”

“I can sense what you say is true. After we bond, I will be able to read you even more accurately. I am not jealous, merely disturbed, as I do not comprehend it.” He looked at his hand, spreading out the fingers as if to stretch them. “I am uncomfortable with public displays of affection.”

“We’re hardly in public, Spock. Heike and T’Faylan will be having our children – we’re going to be sharing our lives with them for as long as we live. I doubt very much whether they behave that way in front of others.” He reached out and took Spock’s hand, and this time he was allowed to hold it.

“Relax,” Kirk suggested, noticing how rigidly Spock was sitting. He gently massaged the hand he held and watched as the tension left his lover.

As the two women continued their water play in the distance, a companionable silence fell between them. After a while, Kirk looked at Spock. “Penny for your thoughts.” He used the idiom deliberately, smiling in challenge for Spock to question it.

“I was reflecting on the fact that it is most pleasant being here with you.”

A smile lit Kirk’s face and, leaning forward, he gave Spock a chaste kiss. “Me too. Want to go for a swim?”

He still felt trepidation at the thought of going into the water, and wouldn’t have attempted it without Spock at his side, but it didn’t feel as bad as the first time. He found he was all right as long as he kept his head above water. Just the thought of swimming beneath the surface brought on a near panic attack. It was something he was going to have get over, and knew it would take time.

They swam to the far end and back, and Kirk found himself completely out of breath at the end of it. “Wow, I’m really out of shape,” he commented as they walked back to the blankets where T’Faylan was unpacking their lunch.

“It is unlikely your lungs have fully recovered,” Spock pointed out. “I believe that is why the doctor has kept you on light duties only.”

“Did you actually just agree to something McCoy’s done?” Kirk said with glee.

“I do not question the doctor’s professional capability. Merely the manner in which he conducts himself.”

“Is he always so grumpy?” Heike asked as she divided a salad up onto four plates.

“A lot of the time, but it’s mostly an act to keep people out. I’m beginning to suspect it’s a bit like someone else not a million miles away.”

Heike grinned and looked at Spock, whose eyebrow had just disappeared into this hairline.

“The manner in which I behave is not an act,” Spock said with great dignity. “It is how I am.”

“Nevertheless,” T’Faylan commented, “our controlled Vulcan demeanor _does_ act as a deterrent, even though it is unintended. When I first arrived on Earth, I was judged cold and aloof by those who did not take the time to become acquainted with me. I was largely left to my own devices, unable to make friends, until I met Heike.”

Kirk was interested. “Did that change you?”

“Yeah,” Heike jumped in. “She stopped walking around like she had a rod shoved up her ass!”

“Heike!” T’Faylan admonished, though through his stifled laughter, Kirk could tell she didn’t mean it.

“Is that how I am viewed?” Spock asked quietly, his serious voice cutting through the humorous moment.

Kirk turned to him and resolutely took his hand. He felt Spock begin to try to withdraw it and then felt him relax and allow it. He knew it was simply a question, not one that came from insecurity, but rather from curiosity. “I think pretty much everyone on the ship has the greatest respect for you, just how you are.” He smiled and added devilishly, “And I’m working on Bones!”

-=-=-

“I can’t believe how often I’ve shared this bed with you and only _slept_ in it,” Kirk whined.

The two men were in Kirk’s quarters, Spock curled around his right side, with his head cushioned on his chest, while Kirk’s right hand skimmed lightly up and down the hot, soft skin of his back. The lights were out which Kirk thought made their voices sound louder, so he spoke in a hushed tone.

“It is only two further nights, Jim. How many nights before our first time did we not share a bed?”

Spock was being unreasonably logical when Kirk just wanted to pout. “That’s not the point. I bet Bones is making us abstain for the hell of it.” 

“Jim, the literature he gave us explained the reasoning behind it. It’s the most efficacious method for ensuring the highest concentration of sperm.”

“Whatever. It’s still not fair.” As if to make the point, he twisted slightly and pushed his erection against Spock’s hip.

“How often are you used to utilizing a manual method of relief?” Spock asked, unexpectedly.

Kirk kissed the top of Spock’s head and grinned. “Are you saying I’m oversexed?”

“How did you come to that erroneous conclusion from my question?”

It was dark, but Kirk didn’t need to see to know an eyebrow had winged up. “Because I think you think I did it often, and that’s why I’m suffering right now.” Kirk suddenly jammed his hand between them where he could feel Spock’s definite interest pressing against him. His hand was grabbed in a vice-like grip before he made contact. He grinned.

“Do you have an answer?” Spock reminded him.

He wriggled his fingers around until Spock loosened his grip. This hand-playing might get Vulcans off, but to Kirk’s mind didn’t do anywhere near as much for him as cocksex.

“Once a day, sometimes twice. Depending on how horny I was feeling. When things were coming to a head between us just before we got here,” Kirk added, his smile evident in his voice, “it was like three, sometimes four a day. How about you.?

“It isn’t an activity Vulcans generally indulge in.”

“You’re hedging, Spock. Come on. It’s not like you can start asking questions like that and not expect to have to reciprocate. So, how often?” Kirk heard a sigh and grinned.

“After leaving Earth, no more than once every two weeks. However the frequency began to increase until it was daily.”

“God this is torture. Do you have any idea how hot that image is? I saw today how you do it and you saw how quickly I came, watching you. I think at some point I may need to do more research, maybe share a meld or two to find out some of your fantasies.”

“I may have an answer to help assuage your current condition,” Spock said, clearly ignoring Kirk’s suggestion. He’d bring it up again at some point. Vulcans weren’t the only ones with an excellent memory.

“Oh?” He tried not to sound too hopeful.

“Perhaps you might benefit from a lecture from me on the unusual ingestion habits of the Denebian slime devil.”

Kirk grinned. Yeah, that would wilt his dick pretty quickly, he acknowledged to himself.

“Talking of slime devils, I can’t believe we’ve not heard from Admiral Nogura yet.” Kirk felt frustrated that they’d yet to hear anything further about whether he would be able to retain his command.

“I doubt the Admiral would appreciate such a comparison.”

“Yeah well, he’s not in my good books right now. Bastard.” Kirk let out a huge yawn.

“Jim, it is 00:32. You should sleep.”

“Yeah. Night Spock.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”


	18. Chapter 18

The day before the bonding, Kirk woke early. Spock went through to his own quarters while he went straight to his console, as always, to get an update on ship’s status while he’d been asleep. That’s when he saw there was a message from Admiral Nogura in his in-box.

“Spock,” he called, hoping his voice would reach through the bathroom. It did. “There’s a message from Nogura.”

Spock came back and stood by him, no doubt able to tell he was operating on full adrenaline. With his heart thumping, he took one of Spock’s hands in his and touched the screen to begin the recognition procedure which would allow him to open the missive.

_To: Captain James T. Kirk, USS Enterprise  
Commander Spock, USS Enterprise  
From: Admiral Nogura, StarFleet Command_

_Starfleet Admiralty would like to convey its congratulations to you on your forth-coming bonding and wish you long life and prosperity._

_This change in personal status does not affect your commission or current assignment with the Enterprise._

_I regret that my duties at HQ will require me to decline Ambassador Sarek’s kind invitation to attend his son’s bonding. However, Admiral Pike will attend on my behalf as StarFleet’s representative. He is joined by two staff from StarFleet PR.  
_  
Kirk jumped into the air with a ‘whoop!’ and then grabbing Spock happily, crushed him into a hug. “That’s it. We’ve got everything we wanted.”

It was hard to believe they’d done it – it had been one obstacle after another. His air of excitement helped him overcome his nerves which meant he suddenly had an appetite for breakfast and he felt ravenous.

“Indeed,” Spock responded. “While it is not overtly stated, it would appear that my father has been lobbying Starfleet on our behalf.”

“I’ve been wondering what I’ve been letting myself in for, coming into your clan like this, but it does have its uses,” he grinned, but then it faded a little as he contemplated the last sentence of the message. “What’s with the PR people?”

“Unknown, as no further information was provided.”

“Okay, so speculate then,” Kirk challenged.

“Superficially, this is likely an opportunity for StarFleet to publicize the work being carried out here at the colony. However, my conjecture is that Nogura is using that as a cloak to hide a more political motivation. There has been some deserved criticism in recent years that the Fleet is too Human-centric given the number of Federation member planets it represents. I understand from my father that there has been debate about this issue at the Federation Council within the past year. Given that Nogura will no doubt be aware of the number of Vulcans who have recently applied to the Academy, and mindful of the fact that it is the Council who approves StarFleet’s continued funding, he will very likely see the Vulcan influx, as you might say, as a feather in his cap.”

“And given both Sarek’s and the ambassador’s warnings,” Kirk continued, following Spock’s reasoning, “Nogura’s going to leverage as much publicity as he can from our bonding to show how StarFleet’s embracing diversity. In other words, we’re pawns in his tactical political game. The manipulative bastard.”

“Indeed. I am uncomfortable that our private lives are likely being used in this manner.”

“Yeah, we didn’t know when we signed up we were selling our souls to the devil,” Kirk added ruefully

“A small consolation is that the only people permitted to attend the ceremony itself are ones closest to those bonding. Sarek will not permit such a sacred moment to be turned into a public relations affair.”

“Well, that’s something,” Kirk said, feeling more than a little relieved at this news. He wasn’t naïve enough to not realize that while the PR people may be thwarted as far as the ceremony was concerned, they would likely leap at any other opportunity they could. “I’m sorry, Spock. I’m not feeling great about Nogura’s plan but knowing how you prefer to keep your private life private, it must be worse for you.”

“Jim, if it means we can be bonded and continue as before on the Enterprise, then I am willing to endure it.”

A wave of love flowed over Kirk at the admission. “Oh Spock, I could kiss you.”

“Please do,” he responded dryly and held open his arms.

Kirk tilted his head and leaned forward so that their lips lightly clung together, moving against each other until he gently sucked on Spock’s lower lip, worrying it between his own. As he did so, he felt a hot tongue slowly slide from one corner of his mouth to the other leaving a tingling feeling in its wake. Reluctantly he pulled back, knowing they not only had no time to take this further, but they had a second and final appointment with McCoy’s specimen cups later that morning, and they needed to save themselves for that.

-=-=-

Spock went back to his quarters to review his own inbox while Kirk went through his. Apparently Pike and Nogura’s flunkies were due to arrive on the Potemkin that afternoon. He was provided details of when exactly the ship was scheduled to assume orbit and the co-ordinates of the beam-down point, which he forwarded to the relevant staff who’d be involved.

There was one from Sarek informing him the Potemkin was also transporting some dignitaries he’d invited and he ruthlessly stifled the feeling that this whole bonding thing was getting way, way bigger than he was remotely comfortable with, before his fluttery nerves turned into a full-scale panic.

One good piece of news was a confirmation that all his recommendations for awards of valor for his crew had been approved by the admiralty, which he was really pleased about, especially as he’d put one in for Spock without telling him. He was looking forward to handing them out, figuring they’d have time to organize a nice ceremony once they shipped out.

While in the shower, he reflected back over Nogura’s decision. If he was honest with himself, he hadn’t been as worried as he might have been, because the ambassador’s belief in destiny and everything around Kirk that seemed to reinforce it, left him wanting to believe that really, the decision couldn’t go any other way. He was aware that was a dangerous road to go down, because who knows what the universe could suddenly throw at them? But this, at least, had gone in their favor.

They had breakfast together in the mess and then before beaming down to their respective commitments, they returned to Kirk’s quarters where Spock, with meticulous care, went over the bonding ceremony with him so he’d know what to expect, as well as writing it all down and sending it to his terminal.

If the pace of work at the colony had been busy before, it became frantic after Kirk’s project meeting with his seniors at which he announced that Admiral Pike and a PR team were on their way and there was to be an inspection of the site the following morning.

After their second visit to McCoy at the medical facilities, which left Kirk feeling a lot more chilled, they separated, Spock to spend time with his father, who’d just returned to the colony, and Kirk to check that everything was progressing well for the inspection tour.

At the appointed time, he made his way to the beam-down point to meet Pike. But Uhura, it turned out, had a few surprises up her sleeve.

“Captain Kirk, I presume!”

Kirk, who was addressing some of the first group to beam down, turned to look into the twinkling eyes of his brother. “Sam! I didn’t know you were coming.” With a huge smile, he gripped his brother by his shoulders and holding him at arm’s length, inspected his face. “The moustache suits you,” he pronounced. “Aurelan!” He tried to hug her. “My god, what have you got in there – are you planning on giving birth to a whale?” Kirk found himself enfolded by his mother. “Aw mom! You didn’t tell me you were coming – I didn’t know any of you were home.”

Kirk was bowled over by seeing his family. It had been a long time since they’d all been in one place, with his mom’s duties taking her into space a lot, and Sam moving around wherever he could get the research work. He didn’t feel close to his family the way he knew a lot of people did to theirs. Sam, who was four years older than him, had taken off when Kirk was twelve to escape their mother’s second husband, Frank, who he’d fought a lot with. Being boys, they hadn’t kept in touch much and if he was honest, for a long time he’d resented his big brother deserting him, leaving him alone with their step father. His mother, too, had never been around much and it had taken him years, with unobtrusive help from McCoy, to reach a place of neutrality over what he felt was her abandonment of her sons. But for all that, they were the only family he had and he was genuinely pleased that they’d come.

“Blame me,” Aurelan said with a smile. “Baby Peter’s due in the next couple of weeks. Sam and I wanted to be home for his birth—”

“And I wasn’t about to miss my first grandchild being born,” Winona finished.

“If I’d known you were coming, I’d have made sure Spock was here. You’ll see him later.”

Winona smiled. “I’m looking forward to meeting the man who swept you off your feet, Jim.”

“He’s quite a catch, Winona,” said Pike, stepping forward with a look of amusement on his face.

Kirk turned Pike. “Admiral, it’s good to see you back on your feet.”

Pike smiled and waved the walking stick he held. “I’ll be using this for a good while. But it’s great to be able to get about under my own steam.”

“Congratulations on your command, kiddo,” Sam said, reaching out and fingering the strips on Kirk’s sleeve. “It was weird seeing all those newscasts about my little bro, the hero.”

Kirk ran his fingers through his hair, feeling slightly uncomfortable, and not sure why. Normally at this point his default mode was to smirk and make some obnoxious comment about being pretty fucking ace, but that didn’t feel like the right thing to do with his family. Of course he wanted them to be proud of him, but he also wanted them to know he was proud of his crew. “Yeah well it was a team effort, Sam. I just happened to be the dumbass in the center seat.”

“Dumbass – my ass!” Admiral Pike countered with a smile. “Jim got some of the highest scores in tactics and strategy the Academy’s ever seen. It wasn’t a fluke. He didn’t get the Enterprise as some kind of reward, he _earned_ his right to the center seat.”

Seeing the challenging look on Pike’s face, Kirk backed down. “Yeah well, I couldn’t have done it without my crew, is all.”

“So, how’s command suiting you?” Pike asked

He screwed his face up. “No one told me about the paperwork!”

Pike laughed. “There’s a lot of space between those star systems you’ll be visiting. StarFleet generates the paperwork to make captains feel useful! Oh, and did you miss the part in your command training about not drowning in your first month out?”

“Drowning?” Winona said, her eyes wide. “What happened?”

Unaware she would be coming to the colony, he hadn’t told his mom about the accident, knowing it would have caused her to worry.

“Oh, it was just something that happened on a survey here when we were exploring some caves,” he said casually. “You know the mishaps that can happen on assignments. Two of us fell into an underground reservoir, but we’re both fine.”

She looked at him closely as if she was looking for any signs that it had been more serious, and apparently saw none. “You could get into trouble locked in a room with nothing but four walls!” she smiled.

An ensign stepped forward and addressed Kirk. “Sir, may I show the guests to their quarters? All their luggage is loaded onto the anti-gravs.”

After agreeing to meet at the commissary at 7pm for dinner, Kirk left them to settle in. He then received a cryptic message from Uhura informing him dinner was at 7:30pm and to come in dress uniform. Spock apparently received a similar message and was as in the dark as he was.

Kirk realized he should have known with Uhura in charge, it wasn’t going to be an informal affair. On arrival at the commissary, he found the whole area had been decorated with a color theme of blue and gold, with garlands of flowers and vines around the walls and on the tables.

Uhura approached Kirk before he took his seat. “Sir, just to let you know, Admiral Pike’s brought the valor awards with him and he’ll be with you to hand them out at the end of the meal. I’m sorry you didn’t know earlier, but we all wanted this dinner to be a surprise.”

Kirk smiled warmly. “You’ve done an awesome job, thank you. And thanks for the heads-up.”

“Sure. I need to go see Susan to check where we’re at with the catering – have fun!” With that she walked briskly towards the kitchen area. 

An amazing woman, Kirk decided. How hard must it be to see the man you love marrying someone else? Maybe her relationship with McCoy – whatever that looked like – was taking the edge off it. He hoped so. It bothered him slightly that she still had reservations about his ability to be an all-round good commander, but he couldn’t question her loyalty and the rest they would work on together.

His family arrived and Kirk went over to greet them. “I’ll introduce you to Spock,” he said and drew them over to where his lover was talking to some of his science team. Spock, he thought, looked gorgeous in his blue dress tunic – the first time he’d seen him in it.

“So Spock,” started Winona with a twinkle, “how did you manage to tame Jim?”

“There is a Vulcan concept, a type of relationship between males, once revered and exalted among warriors in pre-reform times, that is precious in its rarity. I believe Jim and I embody all that the concept encapsulates, and that he saw it as well as I. Having Jim in my life is a gift beyond price, Mrs. Kirk.”

Kirk had been expecting a teasing comment back along the lines of breaking in stallions, and found himself caught between feeling overwhelmed at Spock’s beautiful words and being alarmed to see tears in his mother’s eyes. It was clear she was unable to speak.

“Please,” she said finally, “call me Winona. I like you Spock and I welcome you into the Kirk family.”

The group were ushered to sit at a long table that had been set out for the guests of honor. He was placed in the middle, with his mom next to him, Pike next to her, and Sam and Aurelan beyond, and on his other side was Spock, with Sarek, T’Faylan, Heike and Sepak. Kirk was glad to see the ambassador had been included and guessed McCoy was behind it.

The place was filled with other guests made up of the Vulcans who his crew had been working alongside, as well as Healer Soveran and Saival, aid workers, some of whom he recognized from the project team meetings, various StarFleet personnel already at the colony, as well the PR people who’d arrived with Pike that day and, pretty much, Kirk estimated, his entire crew. So great were the numbers that they spilled outside where more tables had been set. 

The food was delicious and he made a mental note to thank Ensign Stewart for her efforts. Scotty hadn’t exaggerated her talents.

As they ate and talked, Kirk noticed his mom and Pike getting on particularly well and guessed they’d gotten to know each other on the journey to the colony. At the end of the meeting the admiral stood and walked around the table, as a hushed silence fell.

Pike started by describing the accident and how well the rescue team had performed, how Kirk owed his life to them. He didn’t dare look at his mother after he’d played down the severity of it earlier that day.

Kirk got to hand out citations for valor to all the StarFleet personnel involved in the rescue and each member of the team, including Spock, McCoy, Giotto and Charalam, came up to take their certificate and medal and shake his and Pike’s hand. Then proceedings kicked into another gear.

“I’m proud to be able to hand out Special Citations for Conspicuous Gallantry to a number of my crew. First goes to Commander Spock, who led the rescue team and risked his life…” _to save mine_ Kirk thought. “…to ensure a successful outcome.”

Spock came up and stood in front of him, showing his surprise with a raised eyebrow. Kirk grinned and raised his hand in the Vulcan salute before handing him his medal to great applause.

“The next is the Tolley Citation, which goes to Dr. McCoy for his approach to maintaining two survivors of different species in a condition from which they were successfully revived despite only a 7% chance of success.”

McCoy came up looking half pleased, half embarrassed which overall came out as a scowl but with warmth in his eyes. Kirk couldn’t help but glance over to where he’d been sitting with Uhura, to see the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her face.

“Well done, Bones,” Kirk beamed, and got a look back which said ‘I’ll get you for this’, making him smile all the more.

“Next are special citations to Ensigns Charalam and Giotto, whose quick-thinking and bravery saved the lives of four people -- in addition to the life Ensign Charalam saved two days earlier in a separate accident.”

The two came up together and Kirk’s heart went out to Charalam, who’d looked mortified the first time she came up for the award for valor, and now looked as though she wanted a hole to open up and swallow her. Seeing her nervousness, Giotto took her hand and smiled encouragingly at her, but they eventually had to break it to shake his and Pike’s hands to the sounds of applause and whistles.

Before they could return, Kirk held Giotto back.

“I’ve been very impressed at the way you have conducted yourself in the months since leaving Earth, this latest incident notwithstanding. In recognition of your efforts and leadership skills, effective today, you are promoted to the rank of Lieutenant and will assume the duties of Chief of Security.”

‘Cupcake’, as Kirk would always privately think of him, looked like he couldn’t have been happier or more proud, and the doting look Charalam gave him spoke volumes.

As Kirk shook Giotto’s hand, he looked into his eyes and thought how far they had come. More to the point, how far _he’d_ come – from a punk hanging out in bars, picking up girls or picking fights, whichever came first, to Starship Captain and bondmate to be to Spock of Vulcan. With an inward smile, he wondered if he should pinch himself.

Admiral Pike then spoke up. “When the Enterprise left Earth under the command of Captain Kirk, I think you all know there were those who believed that giving the flagship to someone with no field experience, and crewing her with recently graduated cadets would lead to disaster. You have proved those doubters wrong.

“In that time, your efficiency levels in drills is now almost unmatched across the fleet. When you were given this assignment, you embraced it with such motivation and enthusiasm, all of you gave up some of your own leave time to do so much more than was originally asked of you by StarFleet. I’ve had nothing but report after report across my desk of your incredible achievements here in such a short time, and the great teamwork you have demonstrated with others already working here at the colony. In recognition of all your hard work, all leave that was taken in pursuit of this project is returned, together with an extra three days as a reward for outstanding effort.”

Well, that brought the house down. Kirk stood next to Pike, smiling and clapping, watching his ecstatic crew celebrate with applause and cheers. He felt so incredibly proud of them that his chest tightened in response and his eyes prickled a little. He glanced across to where Spock was sitting and met a warm gaze that did nothing to help how he was feeling.

The whole proceeding was captured by Nogura’s PR people and truly, Kirk had no problem with that.

Just when he thought the formal part was over, T’Lahr, one of the Vulcan Elders, stepped forward. Kirk glanced at Spock but could see he had no prior knowledge of this action either, but it looked, from the slight smile on the ambassador’s face, that he at least knew what was coming. Kirk saw Sarek whisper something to Spock who then stood up and came to join him at his side. At the same time, Admiral Pike stepped back, looking like everyone knew what this was about except them.

“Captain Kirk, Commander Spock,” T’Lahr began. “We, the people of Vulcan have long erroneously held the belief that we were both racially and culturally superior to other species and we guarded our Traditions well. After the Romulan incursion of 2233, we were obliged to defend ourselves to our Federation allies, many of whom believed that a secret pact existed between the two Vulcanoid races, due to our common ancestry. Even when we proved this not to be the case, great suspicion remained and in reaction, the Vulcan Council encouraged greater insularity and actively promoted racial purity.

“The one voice who spoke out against this was Sarek. However he was ignored since, with a Human wife, he was deemed to have a bias in this. It has taken a tragedy of unimaginable proportions and the combined voices of Elders Sarek and Elder Sepak to show us the errors in our logic.

“I believe Spock, a son of two worlds, has been grievously maligned and it is a source of regret that this has been so.

“We are gratified that StarFleet sent your ship to our colony to assist with the survivors of our planet’s destruction in building our new home.

“In addition, you have each pledged to assist in the replenishing of our dwindled population. But more than this, we acknowledge our debt in your attempt to save our planet, placing your own lives in peril in order to do so. While ultimately you were not victorious in that battle, nevertheless you, Spock, again risked your life in order to save a number of Elders – mine included – and thus preserve at least a proportion of Vulcan’s antiquities. For this we are in your debt.

“Tradition in the past has served its purpose, but now is the dawning of a new age for we Vulcans, and it is time for us to create new traditions, beginning with a greater openness towards our friends and our allies.

“The bonding you will undertake tomorrow is a symbol of our new future and is a true representation of the symbolism of IDIC.” She held up her hand to salute them. “James, Spock, live long, and prosper.”

Kirk was stunned at this 180 degree turn and was unsure whether a reply was expected, but after he and Spock returned the salute, she moved away.

Heading back to their table, he was thankful his mom didn’t mention the fact that the ‘mishap’ he’d made light of earlier that day was actually something far more serious as he really didn’t want to have to go over the whole story. He was also uncertain if she’d picked up T’Lahr’s comment about them contributing to the ‘dwindled population’ as she put it, but if she had, she didn’t say anything.

The awards and speeches marked the end of the evening. Since the main party would be the following day after the ceremony, everyone started to drift off in different directions.

Kirk leaned in and whispered to Spock, “I’m not sure what’s worse, lying next to you but not being able to make love—”

Spock’s lips twitched. “I would remind you, Jim, that we gained some pleasure from the two sperm donations, even if were unable to carry it out in bed.”

“True, but tonight McCoy isn’t forcing abstinence on us, but I have to sleep alone. The universe is cruel,” he pouted.

“Then I will endeavor to make it up to you after the ceremony,” Spock responded with mock seriousness.

“I’ll hold you to that!”

“Hold you to what?” McCoy asked as he approached them.

“Don’t ask,” Kirk grinned. 

McCoy ran a finger inside the collar of this jacket. “Damn dress uniforms are a size too small around the neck and damn uncomfortable. I feel as if I’m being choked.”

“We can but live in hope,” Spock said quietly.

“Congratulations on your citations, Bones,” Kirk cut in, before the two of them started. “That’s three already – one from Narada battle and two today – that’s not bad. Seems space agrees with you!”

McCoy scowled. “I don’t need citations,” he said gruffly. “I was doing the job I get paid to do.”

Kirk frowned at him.

“You know me, Jim,” the doctor added with a slight smile. “I’m just a country doctor hanging onto your shirt-tails!”

Kirk clapped him on the arm. “Got your speech prepared?”

“I do.” He smiled wickedly. “I added a few bits after talking to your mom earlier.”

“Oh shit!” The comment was heartfelt – god only knew what stuff his mom had shared. He turned to where she was sitting at the table. Pike was chatting with her, their heads bent close. Hmm.

Sam and Aurelan came over. “We’re going to rest,” the young woman said. “Carrying this large lump around in this heat is absolutely exhausting.”

Kirk smiled in sympathy.

“I had an interesting discussion with Elder Sepak, Jim,” said Sam. “He’s got an amazing knowledge of biological research.”

Kirk wondered what the ambassador was up to. He knew enough of him to know he didn’t do anything without a reason. He’d have to remember to ask him. “He’s got an amazing knowledge of everything,” said Kirk. In ways you couldn’t possibly imagine, he thought wryly.

“Yeah, and he’s pretty much persuaded me not to take the research post on Deneva. We were looking at that and a placement at Earth Colony II. According to Elder Sepak, there are much richer pickings, research-wise at ECII and he’s going to pass on some work he began years ago that he’d like me to take over. Mom’ll be happy – she said Deneva was too far away anyway.”

“I didn’t like the look of the place from the holovids I’d seen,” agreed Aurelan. “The family accommodations on ECII are much nicer, homier. Come on Sam, let’s go before I fall down. See you tomorrow Jim, Spock. Night night!”

McCoy had wandered off, leaving Kirk alone with Spock. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” he asked the Vulcan.

Spock’s lips quirked. “My ability to achieve this will be markedly improved following our bonding, Jim.”

“Smartass!” Kirk grinned. He loved it when Spock showed his dry sense of humor. “I mean, I’m wondering why the ambassador went to the trouble of talking Sam out of going to Deneva.”

“Some things are better left unasked.”

=_=_=_=

The morning of the ceremony was spent taking Pike around the site where the Enterprise personnel had been working. Nine vast hydroponics gardens were already operational and three more almost complete, with sustainable irrigation systems fed by the nearby stream. The entire colony was now fully powered and self-sustaining after Soctty’s team had done some work on the facilities infrastructure. McCoy showed the party around the medical utlities and described the work he and his team had been doing while the healers continued to work on repairing severed bonds. The section where Healer Soveran was working with Vulcan males in Pon Farr was off limits – that information remaining largely classified.

The StarFleet PR people were told that construction on a new city had begun, the cost of which would be met by the Vulcans’ off-world financial and economic interests. The phoenix was rising.

For the first time, Kirk looked at what they had achieved through someone else’s eyes and it was impressive. With the PR people there, he was pleased the Enterprise was going to get such great publicity out of it. As Pike had said the previous evening, it should shut up the naysayers who believed that most of the ex-cadets (including himself) should be removed from the ship and replaced with ‘experienced’ crew. He’d never seen such enthusiasm as he’d seen in his crew, not in all the years at the Academy. And they were loyal to a fault. Experience would come soon enough.

After the visit, a special lunch was arranged. Kirk had no appetite, although he’d die rather than admit he had a bout of nerves. He beamed up to the ship, showered and packed an overnight kit. Sitting on his bed, he concentrated inwardly on the betrothal link Spock had formed the night before. They had gone to their rock where they had kissed, but out of deference to Vulcan tradition, had gone no further than that.

Spock had then entered his mind, sliding in with easy familiarity as if they had been doing it for years. Their absolute compatibility was not in question. Perhaps the ambassador was right – they were destined to be together no matter what the universe, no matter what the circumstances. Whatever cosmic force that was trying to correct the damage to their timeline made by Nero would somehow ensure that events would conspire to bring them together.

Spock strengthened the link they already shared and explained it was just a shadow of what a full bond would be like. Now, alone in his quarters, he closed his eyes and emptied his mind and could sense Spock’s presence as an awareness of him, though no more than that. He found it comforting.

A glance at the chronometer told him he needed to beam down, going directly to the ambassador’s room where he was due to prepare himself for the ceremony. The members of his procession were to congregate in the nearby meeting room.

The ambassador was wearing a black thigh-length tunic, black pants and boots. The only thing breaking up the monotony of color was a line of silver embroidered symbols down the left side of the tunic from the shoulder.

“You are nervous,” his companion said.

So much for trying to hide it. He knew there was no fooling the ambassador so didn’t deny it. “How did you feel on your bonding day?” he asked.

“Ambivalent,” the ambassador said after a pause. “My previous experience when T’Pring challenged me had colored my impression somewhat. I knew Jim would not challenge, however the memories were surprisingly persistent. There were many guests and I am not given to being the center of attention. I was, as you would say, ‘out of my comfort zone’.”

Kirk got the ambivalent thing, for his own reasons. A lifetime commitment was a huge step for him, even though he was certain it was the right one. The bond thing he was mostly okay with, but occasionally he worried he might never be able to have another private thought without Spock being able to pick it up. Given the way his mind worked, _that_ could be embarrassing.

“Talking about being out of your comfort zone, I’m still not sure how the bond is going to work. Spock’s told me he shields himself from my thoughts when we’re in physical contact, unless it’s overtly asked for, but will this bond just leave my mind completely open to him? I asked him about it, but he couldn’t give me a definitive answer. How did it work for you and your captain?”

“My own Jim had similar concerns. I had no difficulty creating a boundary between my mind and his, over which I only stepped when invited to do so. On a day-to-day basis, we had an awareness of the other, which became very useful in certain situations. Although Jim was psi-null, over time his mind adapted to the bond so that he could lower the boundary and occasionally speak to me without words – usually in dangerous situations where the chemicals manufactured by his body in such circumstances, seemed to enhance the strength of the bond. In melds, Jim became adept at guiding me to what he wished me to see, thus preserving his privacy. He stated many times that our lives were enhanced by the bond and he never gave me any indication he regretted it being a part of our life.”

Kirk felt a real relief to hear the words, more than he realized. “We’re so lucky you’re around to give us all this guidance. It must have been hard for you and your Jim, figuring things out in the dark.”

The ambassador nodded. “There were times when it wasn’t easy, but then no relationship is without its challenges. Those were always far exceeded by the benefits of having each other in our lives.”

Once again, Kirk was reminded of all the ambassador had lost and felt a great sadness for him.

As if he guessed the morose direction his thoughts had taken, the ambassador directed him to begin preparations.

“I will assist you with the dressing.” His lips quirked. “This is not because you are incapable, but because Tradition dictates it should be so for one of your status, and—”

“My status?” Kirk interrupted.

“The position within the clan you are marrying into, and the clan itself, confers upon you a status within Vulcan society. I am aware that such social strata is outdated, and Vulcan has held onto its traditions, perhaps too long. I believe T’Lahr’s words yesterday indicate a step change for the future. As I was saying, while your status would demand an assistant help you, I have taken the role upon myself, in part for nostalgic reasons.”

The ceremonial garb was lying on the ambassador’s bed. He donned the soft black turtle-neck undershirt, pants and boots and then the ambassador helped him with the silver tunic, pulling the slightly stiff metallic fabric over his head. He hadn’t worn anything this crazy since Halloween when he was seven.

“How do I look?” Kirk asked with a smile.

Taking the question to be rhetorical, the ambassador silently handed a small wooden box to Kirk. Opening it, he found a purple sash carefully folded inside.

“It is the color of the House of Surak, Jim. Some clans – the oldest – have plain colors, while other clans are represented by intricate patterns in much the same way that tartan signifies the individual clans of Mr. Scott’s culture. You must wear the sash about your waist, tied at the side. Only those of our clan are entitled to wear it.”

There was a knock at the door. “Anyone home?” came McCoy’s voice from outside.

“It’s open Bones, come in.”

The doctor was in his dress uniform again.

“Well lookee here! What are you, the groom or the bride?”

“Very funny,” Kirk scowled.

The ambassador knelt at his feet holding what looked like long silver ribbons and began to tie them.

“Nervous?” McCoy asked.

“No, why would I be?” Kirk responded with his best bluff. He knew the doctor could see through him most of the time, but it was worth a try.

The ambassador stood up. “We must gather your procession together, Jim.”

When Kirk walked into the meeting room, everyone fell silent, all eyes falling on him. Ordinarily, he loved to be the center of attention but, for some reason, this time he felt slightly uncomfortable, possibly in part due to the strange costume he was wearing, and in all likelihood mostly because of his nerves. This was a big thing. This was for life. Although he was absolutely certain of the step he was taking, the habits of a lifetime of being highly independent and in more recent years, highly promiscuous were trying to assert themselves, allowing doubt to float to the surface of his mind. McCoy knew him better than anyone and felt those same doubts.

His mom broke away from where she was standing with Admiral Pike and came up to him. Taking both his hands in hers, she smiled and whispered, “Good luck, Jim.” He knew wishing ‘good luck’ was the usual thing to say to someone getting married, but he wondered if she, too, had her doubts. He tried to read her face, her eyes. God, was he getting paranoid?

Outside, the sun beat down a like hammer pounding on Kirk’s head and any exposed skin, causing him to break out into an immediate sweat, and the thick silver tunic and undershirt weren’t helping matters. At the front of the procession were two Vulcans in similar robes to him, carrying traditional Vulcan chimes – hexagonal frames holding rows of small bells. He and McCoy followed, with his family immediately behind and his senior crew behind them. As they began to walk towards the place of kun-ut-kal-if-fee, the bells tinkled in the sultry stillness of the day, their light tinkling similar to the sound of the wind-chimes his grandmother used to have hanging on her porch.

They slowly made their way to a part of the colony he hadn’t been to before, a place set aside a short distance from the cluster of dwellings. Boulders of local stone, most at least two meters in height and set at three meter intervals, had been placed in a circle, forty meters in diameter. It reminded Kirk of an ancient stone circle he’d once visited as a child while on vacation to the United States of Europe. It had been located on a small island off the western edge of the continent in the small village of Avebury. The use of stone megaliths to designate ceremonial and sacred sites seemed to be a common occurrence amongst the ancient people of many planets, Kirk mused.

Outside the circle, the two leading Vulcans paused. Sweat trickled down his face and neck, to be soaked up by the jersey he wore. Diametrically across the circle, he saw Spock’s procession approach, led like his own, by two Vulcans. Immediately behind was Sarek, carried in a sedan. It was only as they fanned out around circle that Kirk caught sight of Spock looking more alien than he’d ever seen him. His heart began to pound and he felt slightly lightheaded. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw McCoy look at him, his concern palpable. 

He continued to look straight ahead as Spock walked to the center of the circle where a rough-hewn stone column stood and before it, a fire pit. Atop the column was a flat slab of rock from which hung a hexagonal-shaped gong and as he watched, Spock approached and picking up a hammer, struck it. The sound reverberated in the stillness, fading to a hum that seemed mesh with the buzzing in his head. He recognized the surge of adrenaline as it hit him, the urge to flee attempting to take over his rational mind, and successfully quelled it.

Suddenly, they were moving forward and before he knew it, he was standing alone in front of Spock and he felt his nervousness dissipate. He knew what to do as Spock had gone over it with him the previous day.

“We meet at the appointed place,” they said in unison and then turned and walked towards Sarek, both going down on one knee before him.

The touch of his mind was nothing like what he’d experienced with either Spocks. It felt like an invasion and the moment that thought struck him, the quality changed, softened and he sensed contriteness from Sarek. It occurred to Kirk then, that the last Human mind he’d likely touched, perhaps the only one until now, had been Amanda’s. As happens with melds, with the intimate sharing of another’s thoughts and feelings, he knew that Sarek, still grieving, had been dreading this moment. To touch the vibrant, chaotic mind of a Human that was not his wife’s was almost unbearable. But as he must, he had put his own thoughts to one side, in order to carry out his duty. Just as it was his duty to take another wife who could bear him children to fill the House of Surak. Kirk wondered if he could ever be so noble.

The purpose of the touch, Spock had explained, was to test the strength and quality of the link Spock had created the night before. In this way the suitability of the mental connection could be ascertained, since it was of paramount importance for a stable bond. In this, Kirk had no qualms. Even if their minds had not already been so compatible that they had drawn together to create their own spontaneous link, he also had the knowledge that in another universe, he and his counterpart had forged a bond successfully.

After Sarek had joined with Spock, Kirk gave his assent and he watched as his lover stood and walked back to the gong, indicating that the ceremony was to go ahead.

Sarek passed a small wooden box to Kirk, who rose and joined Spock. Opening the box, they each took a small vial of liquid, opening it and pouring it into the firepit in such a way that the streams of liquid joined together. As it touched the heat of the fire, it fizzled and sent out a strong, almost cloying smell of incense. The pungent odor was both sweet and spicy and unlike anything Kirk had smelled before.

Placing the empty vials in the box on the ground, Kirk and Spock stood facing each other, two fingers extended in the gesture of bondmates. As they touched, Spock began to speak. “Before these witnesses, I claim thee, James, son of George Kirk, as my bondmate. To thee I, Spock son of Sarek, make this pledge: I offer my life to thee; I give to thee my protection, my allegiance, my body and my mind. Thy life and thy welfare will be placed above my own. In my Time, thee will offer me succor to quench my fires that I may live to honor my vows to thee. Thee are my bondmate and, with thy katra, thee will be bound to me for all eternity, never and always touching and touched.”

The chime-carriers shook the bells and when they stilled, Kirk quelled his nervousness, preparing to speak. With Spock’s agreement, he had changed the wording of his own vows, and practiced them until he was word perfect. Focusing on projecting his voice, he said, “In the presence of our families, friends and colleagues, I, James Kirk, claim thee, Spock son of Sarek, as my bondmate. To thee I make this pledge: I offer thee my love, and my life; I give to thee my protection, my loyalty, my heart and my mind. When duty allows, I will place thy life and thy welfare above my own; in your Time, I will honor you with my body to cool thy flame. Thee are my bondmate and, with thy katra, thee will be bound to me for all eternity, never and always touching and touched.”

Kirk was enormously relieved to have gotten through his part without messing up and was inordinately glad that the Vulcan marriage ritual was blissfully short, since normally one and sometimes both participants were in Pon Farr.

As the chimes once again rang out, he and Spock picked up the hammer and, holding it together, struck the gong in a symbolic act of unity.

Sarek approached them. “I, Sarek, son of Skonn, do take James Kirk into the House of Surak, and as bondmate to my son, honor him as my own, now and always.” Holding his hand in the ta’al, he added, “Live long and prosper, my sons,” and then took the hammer from them. As the sound of the gong rang out for the last time, the bells chimed and wedding drums began to beat a complex rhythm.

Kirk was unable to hold back a smile as he faced his bondmate, the gesture, eliciting a subtle softening of Spock’s features in response.

Kirk’s relief that it was over, that he’d gotten through his vows word perfect, was almost palpable. Now they could relax and enjoy the party.

After that, came the bonding that would tie him irrevocably to Spock.


	19. Chapter 19

Kirk and Spock briefly beamed back up to the ship after the ceremony where they had a quick shower and changed into more contemporary outfits. His was a simple emerald green silk tunic and black pants, while Spock went for all black. He’d managed to get one good kiss out of his lover before being reminded (logically) they needed to return if they were to participate in the continued celebrations.

Compared to the dinner the previous day, the party was less formal, with food laid out in a sumptuous buffet. Scotty’s team had rigged up a speaker system linked remotely into the ship’s computer, so that a wide variety of music could be played. Giotto approached Kirk with an usual request that he was happy to oblige with, and looked forward to everyone’s reactions to it later.

After everyone had had a chance to eat, it was the point in the proceedings that Kirk had been dreading – the speeches. As a hush descended, he stood up.

“I’m going to keep this very short because I think you’d all much rather be drinking and dancing than listening to me drone on! On behalf of…” he glanced at Spock and smirked, “…my husband and I, I’d like to thank everyone who was involved in organizing this whole day, including Ambassador Sarek…dad!...” he grinned at his father-in-law and noticed a faint twitch of the lips, “Elder Sepak, Uhura for the organizing, Susie for the wonderful food, Scotty for the music, Bones for being my best man, and everyone else who has helped make this an awesome event. I’d like to raise our glasses in toast to them all for making this day a special one.”

Once the toast had been made, Kirk turned to McCoy who was sitting beside Uhura at a nearby table. “Over to you, buddy. Just…don’t embarrass me too much!” he grinned.

McCoy stood up and came around to stand behind Kirk, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder. “Good Evening Gentlebeings. Before I begin, for those of you here who aren’t used to a Terran western-style wedding, it’s generally the role of the best man – who’s usually the groom’s best friend and therefore knows lots about him – to tell embarrassing and humorous stories about them.

“So, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Dr. Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise, and for those of you who do know me... well I apologize!

“When I was doing the research for this speech, I spoke to Jim’s mom, Winona, as I knew there’d be rich pickings there. Winona remembers little Jimmy was very much into his super heroes, so much so that he had pajamas that looked like super hero costumes, and often wore them the whole day.” Kirk knew the story and had already begun to squirm, which just made McCoy grin. “Anyhow, one day, Jimmy was being taken care of by his grandpa, who was outside working in the yard digging a ditch. Now this day Jimmy was dressed as Superman, but he didn't have the complete ensemble. When he decided to ‘fly’ over the ditch, he didn’t quite make it and fell in. When Grandpa lifted him out, he solemnly explained that he would have made it all the way over if he’d had his cape.” The doctor paused as laughter rang out round the room and Spock turned to him.

“Superman?” the Vulcan asked.

Jim shrugged with a smile.

“Well,” continued McCoy, “It’s good for him that StarFleet gave him the Enterprise, ‘cos now he doesn’t have to rely any more on the cape to fly.” That caused more laughter.

“I asked Winona how Jim was at school and apparently he was a star pupil. Now this didn’t sound like the Jim I know and love.”

Kirk wondered what horror stories McCoy was going to share – there were, he realized belatedly, almost too many to choose from.

“When Jim and I met on the shuttle to the Academy I was pretty nervous at the time about flying, and Jim being the person he is, took me under his wing. Unfortunately over the next three years, he also took my booze, my lecture notes and most of my girlfriends.”

Kirk looked up at him and mock-scowled as more laughter rang out.

“In all seriousness, in the time I’ve known Jim, he’s been a good friend to me. He’s generous, loyal, trustworthy and has a mischievous sense of humor, though I won’t tell you any of the pranks Jim pulled at the Academy because there’s a statistic certainty that some of those affected are sitting here this evening, and I want Jim to still be physically intact the first night of his marriage.”

Spock looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Don’t ask,” Kirk whispered with a grin. “It’s all in my dark past.”

“When I asked Jim what I should talk about, he specifically asked me not to mention the occasion when I made a bet with him that he wouldn’t cross the Academy campus wearing a pink tu-tu. Needless to say, he won the bet and if any of you managed to get pictures, feel free to drop by sickbay and share them.”

“Damn it, Bones!” Jim muttered. “I didn’t want you to mention that one.”

McCoy leant down and whispered in his ear, “Don’t worry, I decided the Vulcan dignitaries may not be ready for the firework story.”

“So, how did Jim and Spock first meet? Well, not in the must illustrious of circumstances, and things kinda went downhill from there. I think the start of their romance came during a certain incident on the bridge, in which Spock provided Jim with a clear demonstration of just how strong he actually is. It was right about then, that Jim also got to meet his father- in-law – Ambassador Sarek – who was instrumental in reminding Spock that Humans are somewhat more fragile than Vulcans, and saving me a bunch of work.”

Kirk caught Uhura’s eye at that point and was that an evil grin she was wearing?

“All I can say, is that Jim must have provided Spock with a stunningly logical argument as to why they should bond, because his proposal was accepted.” McCoy paused to look at Spock who merely raised his eyebrow, although that was enough to draw a laugh.

“When you see them working together, whether it’s on the battlefield or on a particularly difficult problem, they complement each other’s styles and strengths and bring out the best in one another. As a team they work seamlessly and I’m guessing that’s how their bonding will be.

“I don’t know how much of it is Spock’s influence as he’s mentored Jim through these first few months, but I’ve watched Jim mature, and I’ve seen his leadership and command abilities grow. I’m betting Spock’s played quite a big role in helping Jim reach his potential.”

Kirk looked at Spock and met his gaze, hoping he’d see his gratitude, and under the table, to help the message get through, he dared to stroke Spock’s hand.

“I’ve only known our illustrious first officer a few months and the thing he and I have got in common above all else, is how important Jim is to us.”

Jim looked up at McCoy with an appreciative smile. Bones and Spock had a long way to go before either would be comfortable with the other. But he was glad his friend could think of at least one very important point of commonality.

“With my track record, I don’t think I’m the best person to be advising you two on marriage,” McCoy said ruefully, “and given you’re bonding with a telepath who’s three times as strong as you, you’re not going to get away with a whole lot. But I found this quote which seems to sum what you will both be sharing: ‘When two people become one flesh by way of marriage, it is not only their hearts that are united, but their minds and souls as well.’

“I ask you all to raise your glasses to Jim and Spock – may they have a long life together, and prosper.”

At that point, the whole place seemed to Kirk to erupt as applause and whistles rang out.

It was then that Giotto got up and walked to stand in front of the table Kirk was sitting at, and he gave his new Security Chief an encouraging grin.

“A lot of you saw Ensign Charalam accept two awards with me yesterday evening,” Giotto began. “Charalam is from Galadania, and on her home-planet, they have this special tradition at weddings. So following that tradition, I’d like Charalam to come up here.”

At this point, Kirk was sure he would have heard a pin drop, as a crimson-faced Charalam approached Giotto, the small smile on her face testament to the fact she wasn’t about to kill him.

When she reached him, Giotto dropped on one knee and taking one of her hands, said, “I’d like to propose to you Charalam – will you consent to be my wife?”

Apparently unable to speak, she just continued to smile happily, and nodded. As Giotto laughed and picked her up, swinging her around in a joyful hug, the whole room erupted into more cheering and applause.

Even Kirk was grinning and when he sneaked a look at Spock, his bondmate looked like he’d enjoyed that moment too. All too quickly, a feeling of dread set in for what was next. As tradition dictated, he and Spock were to have the first dance. Since he’d never learned how to dance formally, he’d spoken to Scotty and chosen a quiet ballad. The two men made their way to the middle of the makeshift dance-floor and as the music began, Kirk shut everything else out and focused on his bondmate. Wrapping their arms around each other, they avoided any hand-holding that might embarrass those of the Vulcans present. This was likely the only time his crew would see the two of them be in any way demonstrative with each other and he inwardly thanked Spock for being willing to overcome his own discomfort, for the sake of a Human tradition.

When the second piece of music began, another slow one, others joined them. McCoy and Uhura were the first, then Scotty and Susan followed by Sulu and Chekov – no longer a surprise to him since he’d been tipped off, then the newly engaged couple, Charalam and Giotto, until the whole floor was filled with couples.

Out of curiosity, he’d kept an eye on a few people most of the evening. He’d surreptitiously watched McCoy and Uhura and knowing what to look for, it was clear they were closer than just colleagues, the way they looked at each other, the way they smiled together, the way they touched. He was happy for the both of them.

As for Sulu and Chekov, he noticed they rarely left each other’s sides, which he thought was kind of cute. He figured that whatever was going on between them must be fairly recent, because at Chekov’s eighteenth birthday party – which had been about a week after they’d gotten back to Earth after defeating the Narada – Sulu had been there but hadn’t been anywhere near as attentive as he was now.

As at all good wedding parties, having fulfilled their duties, the newly-weds left early. It was with a true sense of relief that they quietly slipped out. Kirk had let McCoy know they were leaving and thanked him sincerely for the speech and had covertly handed the ambassador a hand-written note.

Outside, the air was warm and the moon was full, its golden glow complementing the pathway illumination and lighting up the landscape about them. Uncaring of Vulcan propriety, because they’d just bonded, damn it, Kirk took Spock’s hand – and he allowed it – as they made their way to the small quarters that had been set aside for their use.

-=-=-

The ambassador made his way from the party to the accommodation that was Jim and Spock’s sanctuary for their bonding night. His invitation to meet them there ten minutes after they left the celebratory gathering was most perplexing. Once they closed the door, they should have remained undisturbed until 10:00 the following morning, when a healer was due to visit to verify that their bonding had been successful.

Pressing the buzzer at the entrance to their modest honeymoon suite, the door immediately opened. A brief glance showed it to be more spacious than his own, complete with the ubiquitous desk and console, a double bed next to which was a nightstand on which stood a small selection of bottles, and a seating area comprising a small table framed by two large couches, on one of which sat Jim and Spock, their hands lightly touching.

“Ambassador,” Spock said as he entered.

He paused just inside the door. “I confess I am at loss to know why you wish to see me at this time.”

“Spock explained to me,” Kirk responded, gesturing for him to sit down on the other couch, “that our minds have layers that as telepaths you can differentiate. And that at the deepest levels, undisturbed by the things that have happened to us in our lives which have shaped us into who we are, there is a core, and it’s at that level that the bond is forged. At that level of your mind, there’s no discernable difference between you and Spock, just as with your fingerprints, or your DNA. And crucially, it’s the same between me and your bondmate. So, with that in mind, we want to make a proposal.”

Sitting opposite them, his mind was already running through all the different possible proposals Jim might have. “Indeed?” was all he could think to say, wanting to hear more before he commented further.

“We want you to join us in our bonding.” His surprise was so great he simply stared. That was certainly not what he had been expecting. His body had an uncontrolled physiological reaction to the words, his heart-rate increasing and his stomach roiling. Before he had time to think more about it, Spock had started to speak.

“Jim is aware of your severed bondlink to your captain,” his younger counterpart explained. “Since the mind of your bondmate and Jim’s are identical at the level of the bond, and our minds are also identical, were you to join us, in no way would your presence affect our bond, indeed a link already pre-exists between us. As the fires of Pon Farr are now behind you, the issue that you will be drawn to Jim in your Time is moot. We believe you will derive great benefit and inner peace this solution will bring you. It is logical.”

Logical, but… But how could he? He had worked so hard to bring them together, to play a hand in their destiny. They were waiting for an answer, but he required more time to think. “Your generosity is most gracious. This is quite unexpected, and I find myself in the position of not knowing what to say.”

“Say yes,” Kirk urged.

“This is a most precious night for you – the bond you create will last you your lifetime. I cannot risk entering into it and jeopardizing what you may have together.”

“How can you jeopardize it?” Spock countered. “We know from the melds we have shared that your mind and mine are in complete harmony, and the place where your bond resides cannot tell my Jim from yours.”

“How can you be certain that a three-way meld will not create an instability? Essentially the psyionic energy flowing through the bond to Jim will come from us both. The strength of it may overwhelm his mind.”

“I would be concerned were the bond not itself organic. We may choose the strength and depth of the bond in the initial creation and how much we use it will depend thereafter on its strength. I anticipate that due to my proximity to Jim and the fact the bond will be in daily use, that the link between him and me will naturally become stronger than the link between you and him. It will achieve its own balance.”

He knew already he was fighting a losing battle. His younger counterpart had clearly had time to consider a logical argument and he himself desired this so greatly that he was finding it challenging providing a convincing argument.

“Jim, to share your bond, I would be open to your thoughts.”

Kirk smiled. “Yesterday you explained to me how the creating of boundaries and shielding works within a bond. I’m comfortable with that.”

His last inner argument was a purely personal one. Having lost his own Jim, trapped within the nexus, and mostly reconciled himself to that fact, to have a manifestation of him in his mind again, yet not to have him – was it better, or worse? It was true what Spock had said, his body was now beyond the cycles of Pon Farr, but he was still capable of a sexual union. Would completing the bond once more leave his body impossibly yearning for a physical completion of the bond?

Even as he had this thought, he already knew his answer. While he had always enjoyed sexual relations with his bondmate, the mental and telepathic union had always been of paramount importance to him. To have suffered for so many decades with an unhealable mental wound that was a constant drain had been a terrible hardship to bear. Now, to be offered the opportunity to not only shore it up but, in effect, to recreate a facsimile of it was, he knew, beyond his ability to reject.

“I accept,” he said, finally, his voice barely above a whisper as he tried to contain the many emotions which threatened him. At first he thought his vision had become impaired until he realized that his body was threatening a physical manifestation of what he was feeling. He would require a period of time to control.

Kirk looked happy and smiled at him and then at Spock, who nodded to him to continue. As Jim turned back, he met the blue gaze. The difference in eye color had been the one jarring difference between the two Jims. Curiosity had eventually pushed to ask if he was aware why there might be a difference. Jim had explained how it is common for Human caucasian children to be born with blue eyes, even though the color may change later. In memory of George Kirk, whose eyes had been blue, his mother had requested that the doctors perform a minor surgical intervention shortly after his birth to ensure his eyes remained that color, since her own were hazel, a shade that is dominant over blue. He had found the explanation slightly disturbing, though the effect was most pleasing.

“We’ve figured out the best way to do this if you’re okay with it,” Jim said, interrupting his musing. “Spock will make love with me and initiate a meld, while you sit at the end of the bed and also meld with me. Then between the two of you, you’ll create our bond.”

“I am concerned that my presence may be somewhat…off-putting.” He wanted them to enjoy this special night and felt a certain unease that they would not feel entirely comfortable being so intimate with him there.

“In wanting us to understand our connection and what it could be, you chose to share your most cherished personal memories with us. It’s no different.” Kirk paused a moment and glanced at Spock in a slightly nervous manner. “I’m really not too worried about having sex in front of you. It won’t be the first time in my life that I’ve done it with an audience,” he added, cryptically.

Spock looked surprised. “Indeed?” He knew from that expression, his younger counterpart would likely file away the information to be brought up at another, more appropriate time.

“Then your plan has merit,” he found himself agreeing.

“Right,” Jim said, jumping up. “Let’s get prepared – I think a shower would be good.”

The ambassador was gratified he would be getting a little time to himself. “While you are doing so, I will enter a light meditation in order to prepare myself,” he said.

-=-=-

Behind the closed bathroom door, Kirk latched his mouth onto Spock’s. After a breathless kiss, he pulled back. “You ate a samosa,” he grinned. “I can taste it on you!”

“And you have eaten two helpings of key lime pie.”

He was taken aback. “How can you tell I had two?”

Spock’s lips quirked. “Because, I _saw_ you go back for a second helping. As did McCoy.”

Kirk grinned and swatted his bondmate affectionately. “Yeah well, I’ll give up desserts the day he gives up booze!”

He was feeling so happy. Everything was falling into place as he wanted it. Spock accepting his marriage proposal, Nogura allowing them to remain on the Enterprise and now, the ambassador agreeing to join their bond.

When Kirk had first suggested the idea of bringing the ambassador into it, he had thought Spock might be reluctant or even refuse, but his lover had been in complete agreement. The ambassador had given much of himself, had allowed them to see the potential of what they could be to one another and, in all that time, had selflessly stood by, though they both knew how hard it must have been. To the man who had lost so much , this would be their bonding gift.

He rubbed himself against Spock sensually. “Do you have any idea how horny I am?”

“I believe I do, Jim,” Spock replied, his eyes full of amusement. “I am curious…”

“Uh-oh,” Kirk said, guessing what was coming next. “Don’t ask me about the threesome. I’ll share it with you in a meld at some point, but not now.”

“I had not intended to ask that. You appeared embarrassed providing the doctor with sperm samples, yet are unconcerned about having sexual intercourse in front of another. I do not follow your reasoning.”

“It’s different – I guess it’s about boundaries. Bones is my friend and even though I know he’s a doctor, it’s kind of weird handing over a cup of my cum. I think of the ambassador as another you, and I’ve mentally shared a lot with him. The boundary’s in a different place, I guess. Does that make sense?”

“I believe I understand,” Spock responded.

Avoiding a joint shower as too much of a temptation, they finally emerged from the bathroom naked, and both half hard just from each other’s proximity.

When they re-entered the bedroom, Kirk noticed the way the older Vulcan’s eyes swept over his body, and being a bit of an exhibitionist, he grinned. “I guess this is going to be kinda voyeuristic while we get started.” It was odd having the ambassador there, but by no means uncomfortable, he decided.

“I shall endeavor to avoid being a distraction,” the ambassador replied. Jim could hear a rough edge to his voice and knowing he was not unaffected, felt an unaccountable frisson of excitement run through him.

A thought struck him that this actually might be quite difficult for the ambassador, watching something that was going to be like seeing an erotic holovid of his own past. “Are you going to be okay sitting at the end of the bed while we…”

“I assure you, Jim. I will be…fine.” His lips quirked as he said the final word.

Accepting the assertion, Kirk glanced at Spock whose eyebrow was predictably raised at the choice of an emotional descriptor, and moved in to kiss him slowly and thoroughly, feeling a distinct shiver run through his body. The raw sensuality, the energy between them, was undeniable. As Spock’s arms encircled his waist, he moved one of his hands to hold the back of his lover’s head, the other slowly slid down the long, taut back, to cup his ass and squeeze. Eventually, a need for air caused him to draw back a little and Kirk found himself caught in an intense gaze, Spock’s eyes glittering with an open desire that spoke to his very core without a word uttered. He fell into their mystical depths, forgetting to breathe as blood pooled in his groin.

A part of Kirk felt as though he ought to be running screaming at the thought of tying himself to one being – two, in a way – for the rest of his days, so early in his life. The big ‘C’ word had always scared him and kept him from ever having established relationships of any duration. Yet the greater part of him was utterly composed and calm, understanding and accepting the rightness of his next step.

Taking Spock’s hand, he guided him to the large bed and smiled at the ambassador who was sitting quietly in a chair at one end. Lying side by side, Kirk cupped Spock’s face, breathing in the fresh scent of soap and took a moment to take in the sight of him, fully, totally, as if trying to merge into his being through his senses, the way Spock would soon be doing with their minds. He looked into the deep brown eyes, then moved his attention to the small mouth relaxed and glistening from their last kiss, up to the points of his ears against mussed hair. He gazed the length of the lithe body, his skin pale in contrast to the maroon-colored silk satin sheets and fluffy pillows, his eyes resting on the Vulcan’s cock, rock hard and reaching out towards him.

Leaning forward for a kiss, their lips brushed tenderly, before it quickly deepened in enthusiastic intensity. Feeling fully intoxicated by passion, he ran his hand from Spock’s chest to his hip, feeling the dry heated softness of the skin under his palm, making his whole body awaken.

Kirk pulled back to look into his lover’s fiery eyes. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he said breathlessly. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

“Indeed. Since intimacy began between us, I have been able to sense you through touch, although it is stronger with the link we share,” Spock paused with a smile, running slender fingers down Kirk’s chest and abdomen, brushing knuckles lightly past his rigid shaft which caused him to gasp, but then moving on to rest on his thigh, “providing me with adequate feedback.”

“Cock tease!” Kirk accused and rolled onto Spock, trapping their aroused flesh between them, undulating against the hard body as he kissed him voraciously. The feel of their cocks rubbing together sent exquisite shocks through his body.

“So impatient,” Spock admonished and a moment later, he felt hotter than Human hands seductively caressing down the length of his back, using merely a whisper of a touch designed to inflame. He stilled for a moment, allowing the pure eroticism of the moment to flow over and through him.

Kirk paused a moment to glance up at the ambassador and smile, before he began to trail kisses over Spock’s face, along his jawline and down his neck, where he paused to bite and suck. This produced low moans of pleasure. Moving down, he pinched a nipple and played with the dark green crest until it became stiff, swollen and tender, causing Spock to gasp and shudder beneath him. Smiling at the reaction, he rubbed his face against the other one once, twice, letting him feel his cheeks, chin and nose against it and then growling with gratification, he ducked his head and whisked each of them with his tongue, again and again.

“Like that, do you?” he whispered.

“Yes.” The reply came out almost as a hiss and Kirk’s smile broadened. He loved that he was able to cause Spock to lose some of his control.

As Spock’s fingers carded through his hair and ran lightly over his neck and shoulders, Kirk worked his way down his lover’s body. He paused to circle his navel with his tongue, feeling the taut stomach shiver involuntarily. Just below lay the fully erect cock leaking crystal fluid that was forming a small pool on his abdomen. Kirk trailed his tongue down to lick it up, moving to swipe at its source where a single drop had formed on the tip of the cock head. Taking Spock’s shaft in his hand he gently stroked it and then brought his mouth down to engulf the head. As it slowly entered his mouth, his tongue gently probed the slit, and then swirled around the double ridges, causing Spock to arch his back, a loud moan escaping his mouth unbidden.

“Jim.”

The timbre of the voice sliced right through Kirk. Slowly, he slid his mouth down and back up to the tip, swirling his tongue around it and scooping some more liquid from the slit. When he went back down, he relaxed his throat muscles until his nose was buried in soft, black pubic hair, taking in the heady aroma of musk.

He had raised his head momentarily for a breather when Spock suddenly lifted him and flipped him onto his back. It was a rare demonstration of his lover’s super strength, normally kept so tightly leashed.

Spock knelt between Kirk’s spread legs. “I want you,” he said, his voice raspy from need and in one movement, he took Kirk’s shaft deep into his throat. The constricting throat muscles around his cock radiated intense feelings to the whole of his groin. Whimpering at the pleasure he was feeling, his hands clutched and released the sheets. Spock continued his trek lower, taking first one then the other of his testicles into his hot mouth, causing them to slowly tighten at the onslaught. Spock’s tongue continued lower and with a gentle push on his legs, Kirk took the hint and pulled them to his chest, giving his lover greater access.

Spock began a gentle lapping at his asshole, rimming, sucking and probing.

“Oh god, yes fuck, there,” Kirk said, huskily.

As Spock’s tongue worked it, Kirk could feel the hole clench and unclench, finally allowing passage of the tongue inside. The sensation was indescribable and he moaned in ecstasy at the pleasurable feelings being created.

Spock paused and sitting up, reached for one of the bottles on the bedside table, pouring oil onto his fingers. Kirk spared a moment to grin up at the ambassador, whose lips quirked in response.

From the position he was in, Spock’s fingers moved to where his tongue had just been and began to massage, before slipping one then two, then finally three fingers into him, sliding lightly over his prostate, that made his body buck and jump.

“Fuck, Spock, you’re killing me,” Kirk hissed as his cock twitched from the electric contact.

“Momentarily,” Spock replied sardonically, earning a grin from his Human lover.

Spock took Kirk’s hand and poured some oil onto it. Rubbing his palms together to warm the liquid up, Kirk took Spock’s shaft into both hands and ran them the length of it, top to bottom and back up in a slow rhythm until it glistened.

Spock leaned down and positioned himself at the entrance to Kirk’s body and began to push. He felt himself stretch impossibly as Spock, taking great care and with admirable self-control, eased his way until the head was in. It had been a long time since Kirk had done this and he found himself panting, but after a pause, the burning sensation lessened and he felt Spock gradually push his way in. Once fully sheathed, he again ceased all movement until Kirk indicated he had accustomed himself to his presence by bucking up with his hips. The feeling of fullness was indescribable. To know his lover was buried in him, to know how that felt when their positions were reversed, to feel the heat radiating from his cock, set him on fire.

The Vulcan leaned down and captured his mouth in a searing kiss, tongues dueling and stabbing as they panted into each other’s mouths. Gently. Sensuously. Thoroughly. The air around them crackled as their storm of passion intensified. The ardent coupling between them became more forceful, as Spock’s thrusts deepened and increased in strength. This was no gentle lovemaking anymore.

Spock’s long, pounding strokes were tweaking Kirk’s prostate and every nerve felt as if it were on fire. The Vulcan continued in this sensual rhythm as his breathing became deeper and unsteady and then balancing on one hand, he reached out with the other to the special points on his face. From behind him, Kirk felt the ambassador’s hand alight on the other side of his face, his hot fingers feathering and then pressing more firmly. As he looked up at Spock, the ambassador’s other hand touched his young counterpart’s, so that they were all connected.

At first it was confusing, images and colors and sounds, some he recognized from his own life, his own memories but others, mostly fragments were not his own. He was no longer aware of his body yet a part of him knew that he was on the verge of release and through this greater awareness, knew Spock was too. He felt a build-up of pressure and suddenly, his mind was blown open in an incandescent fire. It was a thing of beauty that Kirk wanted to embrace with every fiber of his being. They were all merging until he had no idea where he ended and either of the Spocks began. In this place, their own universe, there was light and love; there was no beginning nor ending; their consciousness was one.

Kirk came to and realized he must have passed out. “How long?” he could barely speak, as if he’d been screaming until he was hoarse. Perhaps he had.

“Three point five minutes,” Spock said, tenderly stroking the damp hair from his brow. His bondmate was lying beside him, propped up on one arm.

“The ambassador?” He needed to know if their plan had worked and turned to look up at him. The older Vulcan’s eyes were closed, tears flowing down his face. Kirk reached up and took one of his hands and his eyes fluttered open. What he saw took his breath away. Such joy radiated from him.

“Words cannot adequately express what your gift means to me, Jim,” the ambassador said quietly. “Look inside you and you will know.”

Kirk wasn’t sure what to do, how the bond worked. He closed his eyes and focused inward and there they were, both Spocks – separate, yet not. Like identical twins, he could somehow tell them apart. What he sensed from them both was utter elation and unconditional love.

Spock leaned down and kissed him softly, cherishingly and then held up two fingers which Kirk duplicated and as they made contact in the unique touch of bondmates, the awareness he’d had of Spock sprang into something close to the melds they’d shared.

“The bond is strong and deep,” Spock explained. “In time, you will learn how to use it and control it.”

“It is the bond of t’hy’la,” the ambassador confirmed, “as I anticipated. They are rare among our people. Rarer still, now,” he added, his voice tinged with sadness.

Kirk reached up with two fingers of his other hand towards the ambassador, and felt the touch reciprocated, connecting the three of them together more strongly.

“Will we be able to talk to each other without words?” Kirk asked. He could think of all kinds of situations in which that would prove useful.

“Perhaps,” Spock replied cautiously. “Time will tell as you learn to master the bond.”

Kirk let out a huge yawn, suddenly realizing how shattered he was. The ambassador released himself from the touch and stood.

“I will now take my leave of you. You have done me the greatest honor and I am in your debt.”

Kirk was about to speak but at some level, knew that Spock wished to say something, so held his tongue.

“The debt was ours, ambassador,” Spock said. “You assisted me to save Jim’s life, and your persistence has brought us together in our bond. We could ask no more.”

“You persuaded Spock to return to the Enterprise, to serve with me,” Kirk added. “Without your intervention, we may never have gotten together, or maybe we would have, but it might have taken us years.”

The ambassador inclined his head and Kirk could sense he would argue no further. “Jim, Spock, I accept your reasoning. I will bid you goodnight and,” his face broke into a genuine full-blown smile, “I will leave you to enjoy your honeymoon.”

After he left, Kirk looked lovingly at Spock. “I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’m covered in cum. I’m going to dive in the shower.”

“I will join you,” Spock said, his eyes twinkling.

Kirk picked up some definitely lascivious emanations from his bondmate and could tell it was going to be a long night. Not that he had any issue with that.

=_=_=_=

“Good afternoon. Would you care for some tea?” the ambassador said as he ushered his two guests into his room.

“Thanks,” Kirk said as Spock nodded.

Everything that needed to go back to the ship had gone, including most of the crew and their passengers. Kirk and Spock had wanted to pay the ambassador a brief last visit before they departed.

The two Enterprise men sat down as Spock busied himself with beverages. If they took their seats more carefully than usual, the ambassador did not comment on it. Kirk waited until tea was dispensed before asking, “How are you?”

The ambassador’s eyes sparkled. He looked so alive, Kirk thought, in a way he couldn’t have described. He realized it wasn’t just how he looked, but what he could sense from the older Vulcan at a subliminal level. It felt as though some inner fire had been rekindled within him and energized him.

“I am feeling…content,” he responded after a moment’s reflection. “I have not felt such peace since the last time I held my captain.”

“The bond?” asked Spock.

“Is functioning well,” the older man assured. “I am complete.”

Kirk felt truly happy that their plan had worked. He felt a deep sense of satisfaction that they had been able to help this man, to give back to him something precious that ironically he would not have gotten had he not found himself in their universe.

“What of Healer Soval’s visit?”

“He acknowledged our bond as true,” Spock responded, “and was unable to detect the link between Jim and you. All he saw was a bond between James Kirk and Spock, which is, of course, what it is.”

They sat in companionable silence and, with their proximity, the new bond thrummed between the three of them like the background static of an open comm. line.

“I believe I inadvertently gained some information through the meld I believe you were not meant to share,” Spock said at length. “Admiral Nogura contacted you in order to learn whether you and your captain had shared a similar bond. He wished to ascertain whether we could viably operate as a command team in situations where one or other of us was in danger.”

The ambassador’s lips twitched. “Of course, I am not at liberty to discuss such confidential information.”

“Of course,” Spock concurred. Beside him, Kirk grinned. They had discussed it together that morning and he had concluded the admiral was certainly one to never underestimate.

“What is your next mission?” the ambassador asked, delicately changing the subject.

Kirk shrugged. “We haven’t been given orders beyond taking our passengers back to Earth and Pike’s being very tight-lipped about it.”

“Indeed?” the ambassador responded with a note of curiosity.

“Jim has invited me to speculate on possibilities.”

Spock’s confession elicited a small smile from the ambassador. “While we might consider it illogical, Spock, Humans appear to derive great satisfaction from…guessing. It heightens their anticipation and keeps them interested. It is a lesson,” and his lips began to quirk again, “that you might well remember outside of duty.”

Spock inclined his head, a mock-serious expression on his face. “Your insight on this matter is noted, Ambassador.”

Kirk grinned. The idea of the ambassador giving Spock tips on how to handle his Human bondmate was both amusing and touching. “I’ve already found he’s pretty good at conjecturing if I ask him specifically to do so,” Kirk cut in. “Of course, he begins with a bunch of provisos, but always comes up with useful information.”

“As regards the speculation, there have been rumors that StarFleet is proposing to send starships on deep space explorations.”

“The threat from the Federation’s two greatest enemies,” Kirk cut in, “has diminished to the extent that StarFleet is now in a position to cave in to the political push to fulfill its original purpose of being part military, part scientific.”

The ambassador nodded in agreement. “In my timeline, even though those enemies remained a menace, StarFleet was faced with a similar threat from the Federation politicians who were key to funding. Perhaps because of the constant conflicts along the neutral zone, there was a strong belief that the fleet was too militaristic and was not fulfilling its exploratory mission. I believe it will be many years before the Klingons will recoup the losses from the Narada, and I believe, in the meantime, they will be open to brokering a peace deal.”

There was something in Spock’s eyes as he said that, or maybe it was something Kirk was sensing from him. “You want to be part of that process,” he said with certainty. “You want to be on the negotiating team.”

“Again,” the ambassador agreed with a small smile.

Again. Then the penny dropped. “You’ve done it before! So you know what you’re up against.”

“I do not wish to give away all my…secrets, Jim. However I do believe the probability of success to be high. I have also begun talks with StarFleet about approaching the Romulans. They are now aware their homeworld system will be destroyed in one hundred and twenty five years and I have the means to prevent it. If I am permitted, then I believe I shall be busy for the foreseeable future.”

Kirk felt inordinately pleased that Spock had found a place in their universe. One in which he could make a profound impact and potentially save the lives of many. It was with regret that he stood to take their leave of this special man.

“Thank you, Jim and Spock, for your generosity that is without bounds. You have given me renewal and peace, for which I offer my sincerest gratitude.”

“You once wished me ‘good luck’,” said Spock. “Self-serving as it may seem, it is nevertheless true that I wish you to live long and prosper.”

“The words in the past have oft been spoken as a platitude,” the ambassador responded. “However in this instance, I believe I now truly shall.”

Without a moment’s thought, Kirk moved forward and took the ambassador into his arms and hugged him, and felt tentative arms go about him and a head rest on his shoulder. They held each other for a while, before the Vulcan gently pulled away. Kirk felt himself fighting a huge lump in his throat and his chest ached.

“Take care, and stay in touch,” he said hoarsely.

The ambassador tapped at his temple. “Indeed I will, Jim.”

Kirk flicked open his communicator. “Kirk to Enterprise.” He was glad he’d got his voice back under control.

“Enterprise, Uhura here Captain.”

“Standby to beam up two.”

“Scott here, ready when you are, sir.”

On impulse, Kirk moved forward and dropped a small, chaste kiss on the ambassador’s lips and stepped back.

“Energize.”

The last thing Kirk saw was the ambassador’s smile.


	20. Epilogue

“Oh my god, I’m a father! Heike’s had a baby boy!” Kirk almost shouted when Spock answered his summons to their quarters.

Spock stood quietly just inside the door. “You are behaving as if you are surprised, Jim. You were aware of the baby’s sex eight months ago.”

Kirk was excited and wasn’t about to let Spock bring his mood down with mere facts. “It didn’t feel real until he was born. I’m just waiting for Heike’s vid message to arrive now.”

Kirk had gotten the first brief message while taking the morning away from the bridge, writing a full report on their last mission, which had been…difficult.

They were in deep space, too far away from Earth and the Vulcan colony to have a real-time conversation over subspace. Spock joined him at his desk, standing beside the console. While they waited – Uhura said it would only be a few minutes – Kirk took advantage of the fact they were alone and pressed himself against Spock, leaning in for a kiss. It was slow and gentle, meant for affection, not to arouse.

When Spock pulled away and tugged his shirt down where Kirk’s hands had pushed it up for a little skin access, he smiled, knowing how innocent kisses so often turned into something more. “Might I remind you, Captain, that we are still on duty.”

The effect was lost on Kirk, as the corners of Spock’s lips quirked in obvious amusement. “Thank you Commander, I seem to have forgotten,” he grinned. “I had a meeting with Ensign Charalam and Lieutenant Giotto this morning to go over the vows they’re going to use for their wedding. My first wedding as Captain,” he beamed.

“I understand from Nyota that Charalam requested her assistance with the wedding reception.”

Kirk grinned. “That’s her second one. If she ever gets fed up with StarFleet, she could maybe start her own business.”

“She also did an excellent job of organizing our first year party last month,” Spock added. Kirk agreed – that had been some bash she’d put on.

It was hard to believe he’d now been Captain for little over a year. So much had happened. They’d met some pretty weird aliens along the way, including one with pretensions of god-hood. He hadn’t been able to take the rather camp Trelane seriously and had gotten into trouble for it. There had been some difficult diplomatic missions and they’d discovered five Class M planets that looked fit for colonization, which earned them extra brownie points back at base. They’d also lost seven crew in accidents and attacks and he’d felt each one keenly.

To celebrate his first year in command, following a comment Bones made in his Best Man speech at their bonding, Spock had bought him a special gift: a pair of pajamas in the style of a Superman outfit, complete with cape, and had refused to tell him how he'd come by it. He thought they were awesome, and had so far had managed to keep them hidden from Bones who'd never let him hear the end of it.

As for his friends on the crew, Bones and Uhura, as an item, were still going strong – it was one of the Enterprise’s worst kept secrets. The four of them shared a weekly meal in his quarters and an unspoken rule was that as much as they were able, they avoided discussing work.

He, Spock and Bones had settled into a comfortable team and all sniping was good-natured. McCoy was still grumpy, and Spock sometimes did his super-Vulcan aloof thing at perceived insults, but deep down, they all had a shared understanding.

Kirk always made sure to spend quality time alone with Bones. They’d had a couple of real benders on shoreleave that neither Spock nor Uhura had been too happy about, and he accepted that singing karaoke in a tranny bar while dressed appropriately might not have been one of his high points since becoming captain.

It had been a few days after they’d left the Vulcan colony that Bones had told him the ambassador had approached him on the morning of their departure. He had then given him the details for an antidote to xenopolycythemia, a fatal disease which up to that point had been considered incurable. The ambassador suggested he test himself and the results had come back positive, showing the disease to be lying currently dormant in his system. The antidote had thankfully worked and no sign of it remained. The doctor had contacted the ambassador direct and had personally thanked him.

Since Susan Stewart had joined the crew and Scotty had started ‘walking out with her’ again – the old-fashioned term always made him laugh – the engineer had never been happier. And she seemed quite content to take second place in his heart to the Enterprise. She was truly an amazing chef and for the first time in his life, thanks to her delicious fare, he was having to watch his weight.

Chekov and Sulu were still together too, although it seemed to be something of an open relationship. Sulu had once drunkenly explained it while on shoreleave (and he, for once, had been relatively sober, mostly because Spock had started withholding the conjugals if he got more than tipsy), that Chekov was too young to be in a monogamous relationship and needed to experience a bit of life. As long as he always went back to Sulu. It seemed to be working.

He’d kept in regular touch with the ambassador, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with him being away from the colony more and more, on various hush-hush missions which Kirk was fairly certain involved the Klingons and/or Romulans.

The ambassador’s first mission had been to contact the mute species of Minaran empaths who he’d believed could help the Vulcan survivors with many of their issues with broken bonds. A small group of them had returned with him and had done some remarkable work. Since the Minaran star was on the verge of going nova, a suitable place had been found on the Vulcan’s new home planet in a more temperate zone and a gradual immigration of Minarans was under way.

Kirk’s musing was interrupted by a signal to indicate the message had arrived and a moment later, the faces of two women appeared on the screen, both holding babies. Heike spoke first, holding up a small bundle, the child asleep. “Well Jim, here he is. Zachary George Kirk-Mallon.” She smiled and pulled off the little cap the baby wore to reveal tufts of dark hair covering his head and two small, pointed ears. 

Kirk whooped out loud at the sight. He _never_ would have thought he’d feel like this about fatherhood. He felt…exalted.

“Fascinating,” Spock responded.

Kirk smiled happily. “He looks like me, doesn’t he Spock?” He sensed his bondmate’s incredulity and smiled even more brightly.

“My grandfather was really happy we chose his name,” Heike continued. “We’ll call him Zach in the family.”

Kirk had been adamant that there were entirely too many George Kirks in his family. Despite his brother’s given name, he’d always called him by his second name, Sam. He was quite happy for his father to be remembered by his son’s middle name.

The child chose that moment to wake up and with piercing blue eyes, gazed unfocused towards the camera. Kirk’s heart was going double speed. “Look Spock, he’s got my eyes too! He’s gonna be so handsome.” The words, _‘just like his dad’_ , hung in the air and Kirk could feel Spock’s amusement ripple through their bond. He turned and lightly kissed Spock’s lips.

“Your mom and Chris said they’ll come here for a week when the baby arrives,” Heike continued. “I’ll be letting them know of his birth after I’ve finished this call to you. I think they're going to drop everything when they get the news!”

“I’ll just bet,” Kirk thought aloud. He could imagine what his mom would be like. She had been much happier since she and Chris Pike got married a few months earlier and she’d switched to a ground posting at StarFleet HQ. He knew she had few happy memories of Iowa and seemed very settled at their beautiful home in the Sonoma valley. He was looking forward to visiting with Spock and going on one of the fabled wine tours in the area.

Unbeknown to him, Heike and T’Faylan had had a long chat with his mom at the wedding, so she had left fully understanding the commitment he and Spock had made as part of their bonding. He was glad he didn’t have to explain it all to her, when he’d first gotten news of Heike’s pregnancy.

“Sam and Aurelan have said they’d like to visit soon so that Peter can meet his cousin.”

Kirk had received a message from them only a few weeks earlier, saying they’d settled in well on Earth Colony II and that he and Aurelan were trying for another baby. Though Kirk never said anything, he was aware that the ambassador had offered his brother some pointers for his research and that one of his papers was being considered for a major scientific prize. 

On the screen, Heike moved back and T’Faylan held up a larger bundle. Spock and T’Faylan’s baby, Amanda, had arrived two months earlier. There had been some debate between the four of them as to whether to have the babies at the same time, given the extra pressure it would put them under. But living as they were in a wing of Sarek’s residence in the now almost-completed city of New Shi’Kahr, they had access to his assistants, one of whom was permanently assigned to them. With the extra help, they’d decided to have the babies together. 

He and Spock had managed a three-day visit to his father’s home two months before baby Amanda’s arrival and Kirk’s jaw had dropped at the size of the place which was, according to Spock, a faithful recreation of the house he’d grown up in. It was huge. Spock had been relieved Sarek and his new wife, T’Rivena, had been away at the time of the visit. It was going to take his bondmate time to adjust to his father’s new marital circumstances. Kirk knew it was only a matter of time before they received news that T’Rivena was expecting. Half the colony’s females were currently in various stages of pregnancy.

“Spock, our daughter continues to progress adequately since my last update. My maternal bond with Amanda is strong and she has been sleeping through the night since her first week. She has a bond with Sarek and T’Rivena, who visit as your father’s duties allow. It is our wish that you visit your t’le’ha in order that you establish a parental bond with your children.” She held her hand up. “Live long and prosper, Spock, Jim.”

“Take care, Jim and Spock,” Heike added. “Hope to see you soon!”

The screen went blank. Kirk could barely contain his exhilaration. He felt inordinately proud, too, especially because his son was part Vulcan. It was just the coolest thing, he decided.

Kirk kissed Spock thoroughly in celebration and through their link, he sensed Spock’s initial resolve not to succumb to arousal – he knew he’d called him away from an experiment in one of the labs – but it lasted seconds before he surrendered. It thrilled him to be able to have that effect on this so very special being. He pulled back and ran his finger up to the point of Spock’s left ear.

“Zach has pointy ears! Bones’ll have something to say about that.” He could just imagine the teasing he’d get from his friend – that the father must be some Vulcan pizza delivery man.

“It would appear that Vulcan ears are dominant over Human ones,” Spock pointed out. “It is logical, since they _are_ superior both esthetically and in their sensitivity.”

Kirk caressed the point he was stroking and felt a shudder pass through his lover. “Indeed they are.” With that, he pulled Spock’s head gently down so he could take the tip into his mouth just to prove it.

“I meant aurally, Jim.”

“Orally, yes, mmm….”

Spock pulled back and Kirk pouted. “I have to return to the labs.”

“Okay. I’m going to put in a request for paternity leave. Chris’ll make sure it’s approved.” It was handy having an admiral for a father-in-law, although Kirk could see how it could become a doubled-edged sword.

“When we know the dates we can have, we could contact the ambassador to determine whether his duties would allow him an opportunity to return to the colony to coincide with our visit.”

“Good idea,” Kirk concurred. “Do you still think of it as ‘the colony’ then, rather than ‘home?’”

“When I compare the planet upon which the colony is located to Vulcan, I find it wanting. The match is comparable yet not that close. The color of the rocks is different, the sun is not red, the plants are ‘wrong’, it does not smell the same. This planet is now supposedly my home, but it does not feel like it.”

Kirk cupped his bondmates face. “Spock,” he whispered, “didn’t anyone tell you? Home is where the heart is.”

Spock looked deeply into his bondmate’s eyes. “Then my home is with you.”

[finis]


End file.
